FAO Hankster - texting when drunk
Sorry to go a bit off-topic.

Not sure if this is available in places other than here in Aussie Land.

Virgin Mobile allows you to nominate numbers that you are likely to text while under the influence, and these are then blocked until 9am the next day.

Genius!
( Strangey is present at, Fri 27 May 2005, 13:07, Reply)

Saved by the techies...
An ohno second, that turned into an ohno twenty minutes occurred at a place of work (where I might not still be working) about nine months ago.

It was quite commonplace for four or five of us to mess about with each other’s emails. So I’d reply to an email from one of my colleagues saying something like “You What!?!?” and then change the text of his original email into something like “I love to blow teh cock!” or something similar… you get the gist of it.

Anyway, the organisation I worked for had a very arty-farty PR department that regularly sent out mails to all.staff telling us all about their wonderful new press release or stunt or whatever…! It was all shite as far as we were concerned and much piss taking occurred every time we got this rubbish.

One time I used the email-altering technique to “forward” on said PR release with a few choice sentences changed (adding something involving babies… and arms… being broken…. It was fucking sick I have to admit but I was just sending it to one or two select colleagues who would see the humour). Imagine my horror, while watching that little blue bar telling me my email was on its way, when I realised I had replied (not forwarded) and my mail was on its way to the head of PR. Oh fuck!

I double-checked, triple-checked, it had gone. I panicked and sent another mail to head of PR, trying to explain my actions and apologise… I waited for five minutes or so… Nothing. I did a fly-by of the PR department, she had gone home already.

I realised I had but one chance and ran to the server king dudes and begged them to help. After much pleading (from me) and shaking of heads (from them) they finally agreed to log into her account and delete the two messages sent.

Lucky fucker.
(Danster, Fri 27 May 2005, 12:59, Reply)

Morning panic
I wrote an email to my boss one night (when extremely pissed, of course) having a right old go at him, ending the email with "you are a cunt". I pressed send, and it sat there for a while, then came back with an unable to send message. Not realising my good fortune at this point, I stubbornly pressed send again, but the fates saved me once again.

I had my onosecond when I came too the next morning, and ran downstairs to check the PC. What a relief when I realised that it hadn't been sent. I tried sending a test email and it worked fine. I am now a religious man.
( Chupacabra owes me ten quid, Fri 27 May 2005, 12:54, Reply)

I'm really not one for multi-tasking...

and as such should never be permitted to use a live chatroom and a messenger service at the same time...

One particular girl in the chatroom was a total waste of pixels, and I took great relish in telling my then-boyfriend exactly what I thought of her (shows how long ago this was), unfortunately I hadn't noticed my venomous (but completely justified) comments were appearing in the little green box as opposed to the little white one, and being so convinced of the accuracy of my typing, I hit "send" without once looking at the screen...

One onosecond later and I'm laughing my tits off, it was ruddy hilarious!

No apologies for length. Or anything else. Ever.
(spacecowgirl, Fri 27 May 2005, 12:52, Reply)

Just remembered another one...
Got an E-mail from a mate who was announcing his new phone number. Being the jolly japester, I decided to text him thus:

"Yo momma's so fat she's got her own postcode"

How was I to know he'd typed his OWN number wrong on the E-mail? Very big OHNOSECOND when Irate bloke rings me up demanding to know why I was slagging off his mum.
( B00gle-H00ps Looks like a horse, in a man costume..., Fri 27 May 2005, 12:50, Reply)

Miracle - an on topic reply! - - - Got an email FROM my boss
to his beloved GF (Surname same as mine)

Oh the pleasure in telling him

In front of the office

and his face at the point of onosecond... bliss

When he realised that not only did i know what him and the missus would be doing for each other that night

But now I know her pet name for him! wwoooaaahahhaha

Guess what his nickname in the office is now?

"Ogwen, need to see you for your performance agreement"
"Ok lovebuns"
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Fri 27 May 2005, 12:49, Reply)

Well bugger
I was writing a report about the military dangers of a certain country, which I had to email off to 'the boss'. No sooner than I had pressed send than I realised that I had written 45 minutes instead of 45 days! Well, it was too late to sort it out so I had to sit and wait.

Needless to say a big cock up ensued and a lot of money was spent on something which was ultimatley pointless.
( Lightguy hail satan, Fri 27 May 2005, 12:41, Reply)

I thought it would be a good idea
to register the website address that was printed on our new stationary following our company's change of name.

Right after i clicked ok and confirmed the transaction in one onosecond it dawned on me that the IT manager would not find it in the slightest bit funny as it would make him look like a pleb in front of the multinational company that had just brought us and made him cheif computer god.

The threatening letter arrived a couple of days later, and they didn't even give me the six quid back it cost me to register the address.

Should of linked it to Goatse, job centre ahoy.

No appologies for the length of my cock
( nnnndave, Fri 27 May 2005, 12:40, Reply)

setting off an explosion to put out a fire
on a few occasions i'd have a blazing row with the missus and as I walked away from them i'd be on the text to my mate to tell him how she was doing me wrong and how badly she treated me etc etc. as i'd usually text the missus most often in peace time, it was almost second nature to select her number and hit send even in such emotionally charged moments.

we're no longer together and i haven't seen her in two years. good bloody riddance!
(Fellmeister, Fri 27 May 2005, 12:36, Reply)

Always check your mates' work email addresses
"It's been really interesting reading your group emails all day, but I think now is the time to let you know that Richard does not work here any more - his new email is XXXXXXXX"

His poor ex boss had endured a day of what can only be described as poor taste humour, hoping that someone on the email would realise.

onosecond? Not likely it was piss funny.

apologies for going off topic, but then everyone else seems to have done.
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Fri 27 May 2005, 12:35, Reply)

An ex
My first boyfriend sent a text message saying mean things about me to his best friend. Only he accidently sent it to me.
I dumped him... by text of course.
( dub-girl, Fri 27 May 2005, 12:28, Reply)

Onosecond big time!
Sending messages to b3ta that have the same username as all my other addresses, hotmail etc, being caught and having to change name FOOKING QUICK after threatening phone call!

You knew who you were and you deserved it!
( The Beast can't help looking at womens breasts on the tube, Fri 27 May 2005, 11:55, Reply)

Reply to All
At one point I worked with people from all over the world, and had a couple of friends who were 'of asian and african origin' as HR described it. They used to call me whitey, honky and any other name they could think of while I responded with the like of coon, paky etc. All in very good humour and even in public, much to the amusement of people nearby. On one occasion one of them sent me and everybody else in the company an email asking if they would be able to attend a meeting. To which I replied that if they could get their black ass there in time no problem, but that a bunch of french twats that nobody liked would be there. Apply 'Reply to All', compose email, hit 'Send' Wait 10 minuted for gross misconduct and dole.
( The Beast can't help looking at womens breasts on the tube, Fri 27 May 2005, 11:50, Reply)

Hey baby
Hope you're feeling frisky again tonight, last night was awesome. I should be able to get off work fairly early today, I'm not doing much, just making up some shit for all those cunting fucks at b3ta to read.

love Snugglywumpkin

PS Bring your "little friend" over again tonight, it feels so good when he's jammed into my twitching butthole ;)
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 27 May 2005, 11:48, Reply)

Chav party
Went to a chavtastic party held in honour of a mate's 21st, i turned up wearing a motorhead shirt and jeans, everyone else was a chav. Ah well. Cue me sitting in the corner, while all the single mums dance near the DJ, their kids running like aeroplanes, while i text message my friend telling him how bad the party was and how much i didnt want to be there.

You can probably guess the rest, the person i sent the message to was called Sam, guess who the party was in aid of?

Left the party, went to a nearby park/field, met up with friends from school and got uber stoned.
( Goon, Fri 27 May 2005, 11:37, Reply)

ono
One time I wrote a totally irrelevant reply to QOTW and pressed the send button
(PompeyVin, Fri 27 May 2005, 11:32, Reply)

Last friday...
Out clubbing. Very drunk.

A young lady walked up...

Her: Hi, how you doing?
Me: Do I know you?
Her: Ermmm, Yeah i'm X from work
Me:Ooooops

We only have 11 people in our office. :|
(HoBag (TM) <-- Fookin' legend, Fri 27 May 2005, 11:31, Reply)

My best mate trying to woo me..... (we're both male and don't swing that way!!)
A couple of weeks before my stag my best man was staying over in our place (spare room) we had been out on the batter that night and my better half was away for the weekend with her mum. As I was stumbling upstairs telling him where the blankets were he was sending a text to his own better half. Obviously blurred by what he was doing and who was talking to him he sent the following message to me instead....
"Nite nite my baby love you loads. I'll see you tomorrow"
To which I shouted at him to make bloody sure he stayed in his own room for the duration of the night!

Still have the message and love showing it to people to embarass him....
( @stephenshortt Jaysus it's been a while!, Fri 27 May 2005, 11:26, Reply)

Drama Exam
I had my drama GCSE performance last week, in which an external examiner comes and watches you put one a 1-off piece. We pretty much aced it,and as we were backstage afterwards, the examiner came backstage to say thanks. I, in my infinte wisdom, decided that now was the perfect time to crack the timeless 'buttering him up' gag, and so shouted out behind him as he left:
"Nice Tie!"
It was only from the horrified look of my group's faces that I realised I may have just thoroughly insulted the examiner and metaphorically crapped on my entire group's Drama GCSE.
(od, Fri 27 May 2005, 11:17, Reply)

....
my previous post has nothing to do with texts or photos or anything has it?

Sorry...hangover
(Gomi No Sensei, Fri 27 May 2005, 11:01, Reply)

Well sometimes
I hit the Post Reply button befor
(therocker, Fri 27 May 2005, 10:59, Reply)

I think we've all been here...
"Did you just come inside me?"
"Yeah, you did take your pill didn't you?



....oh no!"
(Gomi No Sensei, Fri 27 May 2005, 10:59, Reply)

Damn Fingers....
Sitiing in the car with my aunt going some place, cant remember where... had just got back from a really dirty weekend with an ex and was proceding to text her about what i was going to do to her next time we meet... think anal lube ice cubes and a pink vibrator,

i hit send and the next thing i hear is my aunt saying "Hey why did you just text me..."

Damn :(
(Four String Demon, Fri 27 May 2005, 10:42, Reply)

There was one
I did at work... that I ended up sending to everyone that should only have gone to certain people... It was a lovely little anatomical diagram, designed to help those who seemed to be having problems with the simple concept... Clearly labelled, and in the correct order, Arse and Elbow.

Some people took it rather personally...

Needless to say I had an afternoon on the phone with the MD giving me a rollocking...
(Bumrah, Fri 27 May 2005, 10:40, Reply)

Kill that darn frog please.....
A friend of mine told me that a friend of hers died yesterday. After sending her the Crazy Frog hanging by a noose pic to her I felt a bit bad.
(firesnake, Fri 27 May 2005, 10:39, Reply)

A mate told me...
he loved me, despite wanting to send it to send it to his girlfriend who happened to have a mobile number with only one digit different. As he clearly didn't notice the fact that he'd got the wrong number it was amusing to keep the conversation going...

HIM: i love you baby
ME: well take me up the arse the moment you see me next
HIM: :o well i can't really refuse an offer like that!
ME: that's right big boy :)
(clothtoucher, Fri 27 May 2005, 10:33, Reply)

Always use your brain first
Not an email, more a right in the face insult.

Department manager, my group manager and me standing in front of a rather complex machine we built. Department manager wants a few explanations on how everything works. Since it is getting more and more technical, he asks "Can you explain it so I understand it?". To which I promptly reply, "Oh, that's gonna be difficult." My boss nearly ROFL, me standing there rather shocked (since the brain kicked in a split second later). Thanks to god the manager keeps asking questions without noticing what I really had just said to him.

After 10 years, my boss still tells this story to everyone at work parties.
( RedWine President of the S.C.U.M., Fri 27 May 2005, 10:18, Reply)

oh f*ck oh f*ck oh f*ck oh f*ck oh f*ck oh f*ck oh f*ck
oh f*ck oh f*ck oh f*ck oh f*ck oh f*ck oh f*ck oh f*ck oh f*ck oh f*ck oh f*ck oh f*ck oh f*ck oh f*ck oh f*ck oh f*ck oh f*ck
(well its not going to suck itself yadda yadda yadda, Fri 27 May 2005, 10:03, Reply)

b3ta
the guys at b3ta are such fucktards don't you think?
(well its not going to suck itself yadda yadda yadda, Fri 27 May 2005, 10:03, Reply)

Another Persons Onosecond
In my last job, one of the women I worked with had the same surname as me, and was being thoroughly porked by a senior management bloke (both were married) Imagine my surprise when I received an email asking if the bleeding had stopped, sorry for being so rough, and next time they should use a rubber and more lube for anal. I didn't suffer from an onosecond when forwarding to the people I knew and replying that he'd sent it to the wrong person. Office affairs, who'd have one?
( The Beast can't help looking at womens breasts on the tube, Fri 27 May 2005, 10:01, Reply)