And another thing...
People who think they know all about something 'cos their mate from the pub met someone who lived next door to someone whos cousin " Told them the real truth".
Where as some one who has worked in the Industry for years ""dont know what their talking about"
(welgar, Sun 4 May 2008, 9:53, Reply)

I have many, mainly pointless shitty stuff that other folks do.
Why do people vandalise what they use? If you need a bus or train to get around, why are you fucking it up? You're a moron.

Folks that do stuff just because they can, thinking it makes them cleverer than all the rest of us idiots who follow societies rules and have respect for others. Yes, you can indeed 'Fuck the system' by doing stuff like going through red lights, stealing from your neighbours, and beating weaker people up and taking their stuff, but after a while when you find everyone around you behaving like that in order to stop being fucked over by such anti social behaviour, then we all live in a shite hole where it ain't safe to step out the door.
THIS is the reason why people mainly follow the rules, because it means you can live a decent life with your fellow man, by breaking them you're just fucking everything up for everyone, including, eventually, yourself, when you find yourself living in your own self made hell with bars on your fucking windows.

People that can't tell the difference between getting noticed and being annoying.
Yes, playing your tinny shitty mobile music loudly at the back of the bus gets you lots of attention, as does making your shitty little moped sound like a mosquito in a bull horn or sticking your shitty bass heavy stereo in the windows at 2 am, but everyone hates you and thinks you're a sad worthless prick with no life who's only means of getting any attention is pissing everyone off and is so stupid they think this is big and clever of them.
You are an idiot and an arsehole, and everyone around you looking your way is thinking exactly this, well done you, your mother must be very proud.

On a similar vein, arseholes with no manners or decorum, like folks who jump queues, make a public area their own or are rude to those around them. Good manners and a little courtesy cost nothing, take no effort, and make the day pass by much smoother for everyone, not partaking in them does not make you big and clever, it just makes you a cunt.

People who lie for no reason and present a perfectly plausible scenario, like 'Oh, my Father was a vicar, he used to give us sermons every Sunday at his church' or somesuch, then when you say 'Oh really?' then laugh at you for believing them. Why? Eventually everyone just stops listening to anything you say. Whoopee.

Hateful gossip. Again, why? And why do people give them any power by believing what they say instead of just asking the person they've chosen to destroy the reputation of? Are they all such sad pathetic idiots they have nothing better to do? Real lives are not your soap opera, stop it.

Rage against unchangeable facts. Aaargh, that man is indian, Grrr, people of other cultures exist, OMFG, some people are gay. Yes. And the sky is sometimes blue and one day you will die, how about you learn to accept these things you can't change and just get on with your own life?

I could go on, but to end on a more positive note, I endeavour to be a law abiding, courteous, kind and open, trustworthy and loving human being (not that I can't be a twat sometimes too, I'm not Jesus), and I find that eventually anyone who gets to know me one on one gets to like these qualities and will become good friends who will go out of their way for me, as will I for them, and you know what, thus far, life may not always have been easy or monetarily rich, but within my chosen group it has generally been a happy and comfortable one where I've never been short of support or love and I don't have to keep looking over my shoulder, so all you out there who do the same, get the same, but occasionally get ridiculed or fucked over by some cunt, pity them and the sad and lonely life they must lead.

Oh, and if your life is shite and nobody cares or ever gives you anything nice, have you ever thought it might be because you're a cunt?
( ..wil, Sun 4 May 2008, 9:52, 4 replies)

This may be a long one
People in authority who lie, or make information uip when they don't know answers to your questions. Fuck you, yuo're not teaching my kids.

Anorexic, bleached-blonde bimbo bitches who think they come from Laguna Beach when they actually come from Be'er Sheva (deserty, hellhole-ish kind of place). Paris lookalikes, in other words.

AIDS.

People who creep up behind you, stare at your screen, talk in your ear while blowing their foul breath up your nose and then try to borrow your money/cellphone/MP3/girlfriend. These people deserve to be talked to death by UN negotiators.

Apologies for rant, I just spoke on Ram FM (wasn't given any warning of this) and feel like a complete arsehole.
(Tiktock Beating off flamers with a shitty stick, Sun 4 May 2008, 9:23, Reply)

It's Sunday and my internet is back on. I've been without internet access at home for 4 days.
I am now going to stop ringing the ISP provider customer services who are shiter than an incredibly shite thing and start ringing the billing line to get my bloody money back for all the calls I had to make to them.

Mind you, as I am a quiet, non-shouty and unassuming person I must admit I have enjoyed my time yelling and arguing with my little Indian friends. I shall miss them a little.

It's been quite theraputic.
( girlinthehole, Sun 4 May 2008, 8:52, 1 reply)

BBC news again
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7376123.stm

Isn't this just an advert?
(Outtheresomewhere, Sun 4 May 2008, 8:48, 2 replies)

Apathy
I have an awesome rant about apathetic people but I just cant be fucked telling you.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sun 4 May 2008, 6:59, 1 reply)

GRRR!
Are you on 24 hour call? Are you a brain surgeon and lives are in the balance if you're not available? Are you that important? No?

THEN TURN YOUR FUCKING PHONE OFF ON THE BUS YOU IGNORANT CUNT!
(Bonedwarf is the size of a lemon, Sun 4 May 2008, 6:55, 2 replies)

10 little things
I work in a used car dealership this is a list of things that really wind us up.

1. We are not a theme park , so dads dont bring your kids down at 430 on a saturday afternoon when we are trying to close because your other half has told you to take the kids out for a bit.

2. Be realistic about trade in values. Your car is not worth the same that you paid for it 4 years ago.

3. Do not be offended when we tell you this

4. The car is 7 years old of course there are going to be a couple of stone chips.

5. When you take a car for a test drive , get back and say "Yeah it drives well but i dont like the colour or the milage" Heres a hint it was exactley the same before you left so why take it out waste our time and our petrol?

6. We are not a rental car service . If you want to drive a nice car for the weekend go to hertz not us.

7. The window card price is the price . Do you make offers on tins of beans in the supermarket?

8. If 2 years after you buy the car you loose the keys it is not our responsibility to get you a new set at our expense.

9. When you test drive a car it means you are looking to purchase now not in a years time.

10. Just because you have bought a used BMW it does not make you "somebody" and expect us to kiss your arse.

There are so many more things i could say here. Yes i have to deal with a lot of idiots and prima donnas at work . Sigh
(welgar, Sun 4 May 2008, 6:54, 13 replies)

The Macintosh paradox
I hate people who hate Macs, its usually because they can't use them (as if its that fucking hard or different to using a PC), and I also hate people who bum the shit out of Macs, as if they are some elite race of higher beings just because they can't right click and their computer isn't the colour of a broad bean.

I own a PC because I can't be arsed to reformat every time I add some kind of hardware, pay three times as much for a computer just because its white and has nicer buttons (blah blah graphics blah shut up), or buy any software at all (get over it, I'm not paying £400 for Photoshop). However I can and will use a Mac if the mood takes me, or for some reason I have to.
(Ryuken-Kai, Sun 4 May 2008, 6:44, 7 replies)

funny shaped heads, etc
not really sure what people are supposed to do about that one. wear one of those head training braces or something. just stop getting in my line of vision with your funny head. urgh.

Women who look kinda like men. Well no, more specifically, women who look completely sexless, not even big demonstradykes. I have no idea why this bothers me. I like men and women, but I like to be able to tell the difference.

People who hate starbucks. Its actually not the antichrist, they do fairtrade coffee and stuff and it doesnt taste like horrible burnt shit, so get over it.

People who go on diets. Well, people who go on diets, and tell you all about it. I could not be less interested, unless you were also thinking of telling me about your children or bowel movements.

TV shows entitled stuff like 'my body hell', which is never about some horrific disease like Ebola or something legitimately hellish, its about how some woman is slightly fat and its ruining her life, all because she can't eat something green every now and then and do some fucking exercise.

white people who are darker in tone than black people by virtue of tanning beds. If your skin is darker than your hair, you just look plain weird.

people who go into sex shops (usually this type of person can only brave Ann Summers) and giggle loudly at everything as soon as they enter, possibly to cover up their obvious sexual hang-ups.

People who pronounce 'auction' as 'oction', and 'theft' as 'fetht', 'specific' as 'pacific', etc.

Fussy eaters. You're not 6 any more, vegetables are not the devil, just eat your stupid carrots and stop bitching.

People on trains.
Should have made an entire new post for this one. Mainly when they are:

Opening all the fucking windows when its cold.

Closing all the fucking windows when its hot.

Sitting next to me when their is an entire carriage free. I am not your friend. These big headphones mean you should not engage me in conversation.

Playing music on their mobile phone. Just fucking die off, no-one wants to hear your shitty chav RnB shit, especially out of shitty. shrill mobile phone speakers. I hope your mobile phone gives you cancer.

Eating loudly. Stop sucking on that werthers original so hard, it sounds like you're about to turn inside out.

Talking loudly, constantly, arguing, singing football/BNP chants, making repetitive noises, chatting shit. Everyone hates you.

Sitting on the table instead of the seat, on purpose. Oh yes, you are quite the rebel. Don't let the man boss you around, with his little hat and card machine and ticket stamp...oh wait, thats not 'The Man', thats just the fucking ticket collecting guy, who wants you to sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up so that he can do his job. Dick.

Eating smelly food. Tuna and egg sandwiches should be banned from public places.

Drinking cans of beer/anything alcoholic. Its lunchtime, why do you need to drink on a train? This suggests you are becoming an alcoholic, or are some disgusting tracksuit wearing gobby inbred retarded chav, either way you have some problems.

Anyone who gets on/off at Newark Castle or Newark Northgate. God fucking damn you, you are inevitably some perpetrator of the above offences. And you're gonna come into Lincoln for some shitty night out at Walkabout or Ritzy's, drink 1200 bacardi breezers and vomit on the doorstep of my house.

Apologies for most things, its 6am and i'm too angry to sleep.
(Ryuken-Kai, Sun 4 May 2008, 6:09, 2 replies)

More pet peeves......
Here I am again with another load of things that piss me off, this time about a certain DIY store I had the misfortune to work for for about 2 years that goes by the name of homebase, so here goes:

They pay slave wages, I was on £3.63 an hour when I started, fair enough I was under 18 but it's still bloody poor when I compared it to the other places people I know have worked at.

Running out of change on the tills - generally whenever I got on a till at the start of my shift or whatever, I'd generally find the till to be crictically low on change, and you can't get up and get more yourself (god, they had kittens when I last tried that), no, you have to press this pretty lil buzzer thing on the till to tell em u need help with something, and it's not unusual to be kept waiting for fuck knows how long.

Mother f**king cheque sales - Why do people insist on paying by cheque at shops anymore? Depending on the type, it can be a total nightmare for the poor sucker on the till (that'd be me) to put it through, and if a mistake is made, u had to have a supervisor do it, and often this would involve ringing the customer's bank. A friend of mine came to work at the same store as me after a while, he left after the first day, the reason? Cheque sale went wrong and took ages to fix. I should've done the same as the same thing happened to me on my first day.

Busted fucking barcode scanners - Most of the barcode scanners (and the chip and pin card readers while i'm at it) on the tills of the store I worked at (FYI, it's the store in maidstone where a big-ass wickes store opened right across the road from us) were either broken completely or only worked intermittently, one of my pastimes on the till was when the scanner started beeping (as it would if u scaned a barcode) repeatedly when no barcode was around, hitting the bloody thing against the till to shit the damn thing up.

Damn fucking titty bumwank spend and save cards - Believe me when I say we don't offer these to every single customer that comes through our tills by choice, hell no, the manager(s) force us to, if we don't we get a grilling, enough said.

Lack of staff on tills - This was a big problem for me as usually worked the saturday morning/afternoon shift. To put u in the picture, in the store I worked at, there's 5 tills plus the information desk. Almost all the time, 2 tills at most would be manned at any one time, the result being huge ass queues, needless to say this was very annoying when the supervisors could quite call in additional staff to man the other tills, and it got infinitely worse if there was a problem in any of the transactions.

MOTHER FUCKING BARCODES!!!! - Again, this was a really big problem, as a fair proportion of the items that would come through my till either had damaged, incorrect or unreadable barcodes or none at all, the result being that another member of staff has to be called and search all over the store for the right one. I recall 2 inciddents in particular when this happened, I was running (I think) 2 packs of tiles through the scanner, I look at my screen and it thinks that a pack of tiles is a £30,000 hot tub, although we all had a good laugh about that one. The second occasion I actually got grilled big time over, a customer came to my till with 2 big packs of copper piping, I scan the stuff and it comes up suspiciously cheaply, I later find out once the customer had left that I'd lost the store about £250, needless to say the higher-ups weren't very happy with me.

Bastard managers/supervisors - There was this one guy who was supposed to be a supervisor who just appeared not long after I started working there, and he was a complete bastard and seemed to have it in for me, if I did something slightly wrong (which was commonplace as you had to break one rule to follow another there) he'd lecture me about it, to the point where I'd actually complained to the store manager about him very close to tears, he mysteriously disappeared not long after.....

End of shift - When it would come to the end of my shift, sods law would kick and the queue of customers at my till would suddenly grow, and of course with not many people manning the tills this soon started to piss me off immensley, one time I actually signed off my till 5 mins early, the supervisor in charge at time promptly hinted me down and grilled me over that. Another particular time was when the queue at my till was stupidly long, the result being that I was still stuck on my till 20mins after my shift was supposed to end, I was extremely pissed off by that time, and another customer happened to be approaching at the time just as I was about to sign off, I then remember giving the customer a look that probably made them think that if they came to my till I'd rip their head off, the customer promptly changed course to another till.

Mismanagement and other general malpratice - A few little stories to tell here, the first being that at the end of one year at the store, the store manager took all the staff through the breakdown of the various financial goings on for that year, the result being that the store made a loss of about £250,000. How could that happen I hear you ask? It was mainly down to 2 things, the first being that we'd somehow managed to overspend our electricity budget by about £30,000 the rest was really down to store shrinkage (that is products being marked down, reduced or 'disappearing' for whatever reason). Onto a story of malpratice now, I was working a late shift, i.e. up to when the store shut (which I didn't mind as there were alot less customers and more to do around the store which was a damn sight more interesting than sitting at a till for hours on end), anyways, I was tasked with getting some of those solar powered garden lights down from a big storage shelf and putting them on the relevant shelf in another part of the store, I would like to point out that said storage shelf mustve been around 20 feet high, and I hadn't been shown how to do this, the result of which was me trying to clamber onto the shelf to get the lights, where I could fall down from that height at any given moment and probably kill myself as a result, thankfully that didnt happed, but I did drop a fair few of the lights from that height. Onto another malpractice story, you know how these days people in shops and such have a thing against heavy lifting? Well one day I was tasked with moving this item a customer had returned and put it back on its shelf, the item in question happened to be a trampoline and they failed to tell me that the bastard weighed about 50kg, and me not being particularly strong back then this was a problem, I couldnt even shift the thing onto a trolley to make things easier, the result being me dragging/pushing the thing around the store until I found the place where it went.

Customer service - As I previously mentioned, at the store I worked at, a big ass wickes store opened right across the road from us, this of course meant trouble for us, and managers soon resigned themselves to thinking "if we can't win on the quality of our products and prices, we'll win on quality of customer service instead" theoretically, this wasn't a bad idea, but how they went about it had the opposite effect and failed to impress. Some suggestions included trying to engage every single customer in conversation (again, a good idea theorectically but not practically) and suggesting other items for the customer to buy that they might want to go with what they already had, to me this was just a pathetic form of advertising and if the customer needed anything else they would already have it.

Apologies for the enormous rant, but I had to get it all out of my system.

Length? About 2 years and no money afterwards (it was all eaten up by driving lessons).
(Howling_Mad Gave God the finger on:, Sun 4 May 2008, 5:50, 1 reply)

Mates...
who were at first great fun, start dating someone and then turn into big, blubbering vaginas who carry their bollocks around in a purse. Last week we were on the roof doing coke and letting off fireworks (or something) at 4am, now you have to call it a night at 8pm (on my birthday) because your pathetic girlfriend is too insecure to have you go out drinking (oh the horror) with someone who is just a mate, in case after a mere few pints of wine we suddenly ignore all the past years of platonic friendship we have had and tear each others clothes off in a frenzy of forbidden lust. Bah. Have fun at Ikea, you deserter.

(Edit): Also, it is also wildly annoying when its your birthday, and me and your other mates come to your house for a shindig and you spend 2 hours on msn in your bedroom to the 'girlfriend' you found on myspace and have never met, while we wait for you in the dark in the lounge, drinking your beer and talking about how you used to be fun.
(Ryuken-Kai, Sun 4 May 2008, 5:32, 4 replies)

"I'm not helping you do any cleaning up, I clean up after myself"
Yeah right, I suppose you float across the floor instead of walking on it, and don't shed dead skin and hair, and empty the ashtrays every time you have a fag, and you clean the bathroom every time you have a piss, right? You fucking should you dirty whiny southern twat. By the way the bath is not an ashtray, you can tell which is which by the size.
(Ryuken-Kai, Sun 4 May 2008, 5:21, Reply)

gaaaaaaaaaah
smartass t-shirts, saying stuff like 'duck my sick' seen often at rock festivals and in adverts in bizarre. I already know you're a lazy, pathetic drunk/drug addict/retard/slut/racist/general tool with a borderline personality disorder, you don't need to point it out by having it emblazoned on your chest.
(Ryuken-Kai, Sun 4 May 2008, 5:17, 1 reply)

ARRRRRG
White Trash (chavs/pikeys to you guys) on welfare (dole). I cannot stand to see some lazy twunt use their food stamp card to buy slushies and gummy worms for themselves, and their other GROWN friends, when a) that money is MINE and b) it's supposed to be used for staple food for their kids that they need but supposedly can't afford. THEN the real kick in the face is when they pull out a wad of cash and buy beer, lotto tickets, cigs, and blunt wraps. Not that I have anything against those things in general, but if they are supposedly so poor they have to seek assistance from the hard working taxpayers, then how in the world do they have money for things they don't need?

I say in order to get government assistance they should have to pass drug tests and work government jobs, like city maintenance, simple data entry, etc. If I have to pass a drug test and work a job I hate for my checks, they should too. Otherwise, I fully support sending them to gas chambers.

Also, I absolutely cannot stand it when someone calls me on the phone, then talks to the people who they are physically around... So I'm stuck on the other end listening to them talk to someone else. It annoys to no end.
(StupidAmericanTourist, Sun 4 May 2008, 5:05, 3 replies)

people
...who wear sunglasses at night, in a club. Fuck I want to punch you in the twat.
(Ryuken-Kai, Sun 4 May 2008, 5:05, 1 reply)

Cutlery and plates and that...
...That has crap like 'FORK' or 'DINNER' written on it. No shit, asshole, I can't tell what this kitchen implement is without it being inscribed on it hundreds of times.
(Ryuken-Kai, Sun 4 May 2008, 4:45, Reply)

Rights and responsibilities

Everyone appears to know and demand the former but it seems a decreasing number acknowledge and address the latter.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sun 4 May 2008, 4:31, 5 replies)

A heck of alot.......
A great many things in the world today piss me off, many to the point where I want to murder the person/people responsible (but a little thing called the law gets in the way of that, alas), here are but a few of them:

Chavscum - this has already been done to death so i'll make this short, they're a disgrace to humanity and should be shot

People talking on their mobiles whilst driving - this was annoying enough before i started on my driving lessons, now i'd spend half my time on the road dodging idiotic bastards such as this as they're oblivious to everything around them

Wiggers - again has been done many times, oxygen thieves the lot of em, execute

Liars - in particular bad ones, some are to the degree that it's so pitiful it's almost funny

Women with prams blocking shop aisles - just plain irritating, don't bother bringing the evil little puke machine out shopping with you

Boy racers - how is it that they can seemingly pass their driving tests easily whereas I actually respect and stick to the laws of the road and fail? No friggin justice people......

Princess Di - the fact that this has come up endless numbers of times on the news since she died I now consider the whole matter pathetic

Maddy McCann - ditto xfuckknowshowmanytimes Think how many kids have gone missing since she had and nothing has been done about them?

Reality TV programs - What the hell? The fuckers are breeding like rabits, each one more pathetically annoying and seemingly everlasting than the last, and is it just me or are they running constantly? This is one of the main reasons I now no longer watch TV.

TV in general - What the hell has happened to TV since I was a kid? There's nothing but utter crap on the air these days (see above rant)

The Government - Bunch of utter fuckwads, everything they do seems to only result in mucking up this godforsaken country even further than it already is, bunch of grossly overpaid, incompetent bastards

Music today - one word: trash

Political correctness - Why is this allowed to continue?

Phew, sorry about the rant people, but it was necessary, and like I said, this is just a few of things that grind my gears.

Length? A damn sight longer than this list I can tell you if I ever find the time to post more of my pet peeves
(Howling_Mad Gave God the finger on:, Sun 4 May 2008, 3:19, Reply)

Do You Know Who I Am?
.
Working in IT is fun, most of the time, but I do have to deal with complete cock-heads some of the time.

In my exalted position in 3rd Line/Projects I rarely have to answer support calls directly but occasionally, especially during a major problem, calls will spill over from the Hell-Desk, to 2nd Line Support and eventually me to and my team.

This happened a few years back at a major Multi-National I was working at. We'd just lost our only Network link to Italy. That circuit didn't have any redundancy so Italy was down as far as we were concerned. Normally, this was bad news, but, in this instance, it was a fucking disaster as we were in the middle of preparing a bid for a huge contract and the deadline was only a few hours away. So, anyone involved in bid process phoned the helpdesk.

Helpdesk was rapidly flooded and calls spilled over into 2nd Line. Back in third-line, we were frantically tracing the fault, talking to external suppliers, and, in my case, trying to cobble together a VPN so Italy could link back over the Internet.

The calls mounted and soon 2nd Line was overwhelmed and our phones began to ring. And ring. And ring. Eventually I picked the phone up.

"Yes" I snapped.

"Do you know that there's a network link down in Italy" said Mr Anonymous

"Yes."

"So what are you doing to fix it" says Mr Anonymous

"Nothing" I said.

"Nothing! Nothing" he screamed "Why not?"

"Because I'm wasting my time talking to you"

*strangling noises down the line*

"Do you know who I am? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!!" screamed Mr Anonymous

"No. But I know *what* you are" I said.

"I'm Vice President Cockwobble and I'll have your job for this!!

"Charming" I said. "Do you know who *I* am" enquired.

"Er no" says VP

"Then fuck off!!" and put the phone down...

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Sun 4 May 2008, 2:24, 1 reply)

Where do I start?
May as well go with the ones rather low on the ladder first:

Whistlers - I'm sorry if you whistle, there is a small possibility I won't hate you for it but chances are you'll be as annoying to me as termites are to Heather Mills. There's just something about that particular note that figuratively bores into my brain and switches on the rage component.

Loudness - closely related to whistling, I hate loudness. Now don't get me wrong, a crowd enjoying itself, loud music at a concert, any noise with a cause doesn't bother me in the slightest but needless vibrations of air molecules invades my personal space almost as badly as 'that' drunk girl. It's unfortunate for me since my flatmate seems to enjoy silence in his room and the kitchen but loves exploding in a torrent of whistling and singing of the perfect pitch to drive me crazy in the hallway.

Jack Thompson - and all his ilk. The sort who crawl out of their hiding places just in time for the release of the latest violent game. So GTA4 has been released and we can expect the emergence of thousands of psychopathic, game fuelled killers? Nah! Of course those with sense understand this but these right wing nut jobs have their fingers firmly stuck in their ears when it comes to sense and their influence extends to those who submerge themselves in scaremongering news stations like Fox, CNN and the Daily Mail.

Abusers of grammar - these don't annoy me as much as Jack Thompson-alikes but I just thought of it and can't be bothered to change the order. It's, its, your, you're, there, they're, their, were, we're, then, than. All of these words seem to be interchangeable to many. Worse, there are those who are convinced that the total opposite is correct. Why does this annoy me? Because if they just learnt the meaning of an apostrophe they could eliminate half of the mistakes.

George Bush - we're meant to trust enough nuclear warheads to blast the Earth out of orbit to the guy who says 'misunderestimate'? I think not. Who the hell were the fools who let this monkey run the country for a second term?

But most importantly is non-sunny weather, I bought a pair of sunglasses and I want to wear them damn it!
(maca2kx, Sun 4 May 2008, 2:18, 1 reply)

I'll just throw in a few random ones...
Serial quoters and film buffs. You know who you are. Amateur impressionists who are far from dead ringers to say the very least, who will throw in random poorly-impersonated movie quotes that loosely fit the context of conversation. I know a few, and I hope some of you do too so you can identify with how terribly annoying it is >_< Being a film buff
isn't cool. Nobody else cares. And no you don't sound a fucking thing like anyone from Star Wars.

People who use unusual words to appear clever, but fail, and get the meanings totally mixed up. I'm sure you can think of plenty of examples. And pacific/specific makes me want to slice their throats with the jagged edge of a PlayStation polygon!

Speaking of which, that leads me nicely to console fanboys who take the debate off the internet and into real life. Nice you've all got time on your hands for gaming. Much as I'd like to, I'm too busy doing shit that actually matters. I do take some pleasure in ripping holes in their arguments based on complete misunderstanding of the hardware involved. Sometimes I get too pissed off to be the bigger man and not get caught up in it! ;-)

Kids who treat music stores like a jam-shop, and shred very badly-played metal riffs at maximum watts while the rest of us are trying to browse and actually buy something. Everyone likes to dream and play on instruments they can't afford, I do it enough even now, but for FUCK's sake, you are fifteen years old and have been playing for a week. How many people do your really think you're going to impress... and oh wait, all your jailbait ladyfriends are now watching me playing piano. 0wn3d.
(keyboardman, Sun 4 May 2008, 2:09, Reply)

Not globe-trotters, but....
...anyone who has been 'around the world' and recounts thier tales with the expectation that I'll somehow be suprised at their experiences

"Ohh I once spent 2 weeks with the Gouranga people of the Serengeti and they were offended when I ate with my left hand, becuase that's just rude over there, because they wipe thier arses with their left hand, don't you know"

I don't mind people who have used world travel to develop as a person, but I'm less than a days travel to multiple languages and cultures* - why should I be suprised that people that live 10 times farther away have even more diverse views on things?

Just f8ck off basically.

*actually less than a bus ticket down town, given that I live in 'Little Scotland'. Bonus nothing to anyone who writes in with the name of my town.
(TheThinMan, Sun 4 May 2008, 2:08, 1 reply)

wolfbagging
what if you dont like bacon in the first fucking place
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Sun 4 May 2008, 1:46, Reply)

This one will probably get very little sympathy...
...because religious people are a very common pet peeve. Funnily enough, religious people can annoy religious people too. It's just...complicated. Here therefore, is a not ranty rant about a non-specific pet peeve to do with being a stupid religious sod like I am.

Prosletytes - please don't go out and try to 'get' people so that you can increase your fold. Even if you're doing this with the best intentions (ie, to save someone from the eternal damnation you are sure they will experience if they do not join you NOW) it's annoying, offensive and really incredibly insensitive. I keep kosher, but this doesn't mean I stand infront of the seafood counter at Tescos telling people it's bad for their souls if they eat shellfish. For a start, that's bollocks as most religious practice that isn't "be nice to people" is fairly arbitrary and is to make your religion different to the other ones. In any case, anybody who is suddenly converted and finds God from your little speech is likely to turn into:

The Newly Religious Freak - people who have a 'road to Damascus' scales falling from eyes overnight revelation are generally not all there. They may well be very nice. Usually, they are very zealous - this is enhanced if they were completely secular and living a hedonistic drug-fuelled lifestyle. Essentially, they originally felt there was something missing in their lives - they tried to fill the hole with drugs, sex, rock and roll etc, and when that failed they figured the hole might be God-shaped. This also happens with people who had a passing religious identity who suddenly turn the dial up to full volume overnight. The main thing you have to ask is 'why? WHY??!!' And please stop ending every phrase with 'blessed be', it's sickening.

Non-Religious People Who - still identify fully with your faith group without keeping any of the practices. This usually applies far more to ethnic minorities than to mainstream atheists/non-practicing CofE people. What's the problem? Guilt. You're there living your life not bothering anyone, just being weird and irrational to yourself, and suddenly you get approached by an irate looking person who then berates you for thinking you're so much better than they are, for having such ridiculous antiquated ways of living, for being repressed/oppressive. I'm sorry, do I know you? Have we met or even ever spoken? Am I really that convenient a person to bludgeon over the head with your personal issues? Would you even have noticed me had I been having a beret wearing day instead of a headscarf wearing day?

Rationalisers - please stop distorting scientific fact to try to prove God exists. It is wrong, it is dishonest, and it's really embarrassing. You don't know anything about the science you're trying to talk about! In any case, true belief cannot, and should not be based on proof. Belief is about faith which is not a rational proof based thing. As we discover more about the world we live in, scientific fact changes. This is ok, because we don't 'believe' in science. It doesn't makes science 'stupid' or 'wrong' and scientists aren't lying to you to try to get you to join the church of science. Science is the search for truth, not for Truth. As Douglas Adams said:

"I refuse to prove that I exist" says God,"For proof denies faith and without faith I am nothing!"

*exit pursued by Babel Fish*
( Hampster Squared has stuff at www.tilla.co.uk, Sun 4 May 2008, 1:29, 1 reply)

The phrase "political correctness gone mad"
Which will invariably be backed up by stuff about Christmas being banned, which has never happened, or how you're not allowed to say "nigger" on TV even though according to them, every single black person in the world says "nigger". Or about how, if you employ someone who uses a ladder, you're supposed to make sure it won't break when they're halfway up it, which of course sounds like a massive inconvience.

The worst example of this type of thing is of course the Daily Mail. For years they banged on about peadophiles, causing an air of mass hysteria in the country. Then when a school blocked out pictures of children's faces probably because they'd overdosed on Daily Mails, the Mail finally realised how ridiculous they'd been all the time, but instead of admitting that, they blamed it all on the PC brigade.

And far from this imaginary brigade wanting everything banned, by far the most amount of calls for stuff being banned actually comes from right-wing papers like the Mail. And if anything actually does get banned by the government in a stupid attempt to appeal to Mail readers, it's blamed by the SAME FUCKING PEOPLE WHO WANTED IT BANNED IN THE FIRST PLACE on the "PC Brigade" or "Health and Safety Nazis".

Not that other people don't want stuff banned for other reasons, but it's just weird how one group try and ban things and then blame their banning, (or if the banning never happened, they'll make it up) on an imaginary brigade.
(Cuthbert Annihilator, Sun 4 May 2008, 0:19, Reply)

Richard and Judy Book Club
Who designated this pair of insipid bastards the bastions of literary taste in this country?
I have made a personal point of not reading a single novel recommended by these twats. The fact that this is obviously to my own detriment as I am missing out on some good reads on a point of principal annoys me even more.
If I want someone's opinion on a book I'll read the TLS or even Newsnight Review.
I would be utterly mortified to have anything I ever wrote held up to scrutiny by these two, and I apologise to any author who I've missed out on due to R&J's dubious endorsement.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Sun 4 May 2008, 0:11, 1 reply)