Here we go
I get annoyed when the well known three wheeler the Reliant Robin is called a Robin Reliant. I drive a Renault Megane. Under no circumstances do I call it a Megane Renault. In common parlance the Manufacturer is said before the Model. Let's keep it that way please.
( milkybarnick is calming down Boris on, Mon 5 May 2008, 19:23, 3 replies)

righto Swift
let see how swiftly you get banned from here


i've read some of your other posts, my fear is you aint joking
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 5 May 2008, 19:22, 6 replies)

sorry guys
that was just harsh, ill get my coat
($wift, Mon 5 May 2008, 19:13, 18 replies)

"Best friend's a Computer Boffin"
Every time someone says that to me I want to smack them repeatedly in the face. No, your best friend isn't a computer boffin; they can just about get Solitaire running, they've never heard of a dll for fuck's sake.

Spoke to one granny who called work once, claiming her router was working fine and we (as in me company) weren't providing a service to her. I ask how she's so sure and she said "Me neighbour works for Microsoft, he's on good terms with Bill Gates."
I check her address and she lived in Swansea (and rather curiously about 5 mins from me old address). I forgot to realize that someone living just outside of Swansea City Centre is working on a daily basis with Mr Gates, then taking time out to fix elderly people's wireless routers. Daft old cunt.

Yes, if you're a "Best Friend Computer Boffin", I'll fecking twat you if I meet you. The amount of grief, arguments and money spent due to bad advice given by these people is enough to bankcrupt Argentina all over again.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 5 May 2008, 19:04, 4 replies)

Wikipedia linked in wikipedia articles
cunts who when writing an article in wikipedia that has a reference to it linking the cunt.

I'M READING FUCKING WIKIPEDIA, I KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IT IS YOU FUCKING ARSELICKING MONG!!!
(Mr.Dog was in love again on, Mon 5 May 2008, 19:00, Reply)

Needless technology
Im not any kind of mormon technophobe, but I really do think things are getting a bit silly with the level of electronic crap in our lives.
Who thought it would be a good idea for the car to decide when to switch on the wipers or headlights? Surely this is going to make drivers even more lazy and complacent? Never mind the extra expense of sensors and computers and stuff....and i dread to think what it will cost WHEN it breaks. Had a look under the bonnet of a modern car? you can hardly see the engine anymore due to the amount of little black boxes full of electronic voodoo in there.
Fly-by-wire throttle - how can variable resistors, a computer system and a stepper motor possibly be better than a bit of wire cable? ever had a snapped throttle cable? you could bodge it to get you home with your shoelace or something else to hand, then a few quid for a new cable and 30 minutes to fit it and you were back in business, but once your electronic throttle packs up nowadays its a tow-truck to the dealership for a technician to plug it into a computer, then replace some modules that cost a few hundred quid. Progress?
Electric handbrakes? I hired a Passat a while back with this. When it works, its useable, but in 2 days it failed to release on hill-starts several times, leaving me looking a right nob. Why is this better than a handbrake lever?
People moan about poor mpg from their cars, when engine efficiency is generally much better than it was a few years go, but if they werent weighed down with all this useless nonsense, fuel consumption would be significantly better.

Its not just cars though....my deep fat fryer packed up last week. How hard can it be to fix?a thermostat and a thermal cutout....but no, its controled by a circuit board and microchips. why? how is this better? I cant fix it now, it has to go in the bin.
I need to buy a new mobile for my job (i dont have a personal one anymore, havent needed one for a few years now) but can I find a reasonably priced phone with just decent signal and audio quality, and possibly a simple camera?, no they are all laden with GPS, mp3, wap, wifi, whatever else...all rubbish I have no use for.
My washing machine doesnt have an off button! this very morning it very nearly melted. I washed a duvet and when spinning, it has a sensor that detects if the load is unbalanced in the drum, so it slows the spin right down to allow the contents to redistribute and hopefully be better balanced. The duvet was well within its capacity, but it got stuck into a loop of spinning up and being out of balance so slowing down, then spinning up and being out of balance again. It must have been doing this for over an hour before I noticed. Normally, you would switch it off and take the duvet out, but it doesnt have a chuffing off switch! pulling the plug was the only option.

Technology is great, but its not the be-all and end-all of everything and we DONT need electronics in every aspect of our lives.
(dave likes cheese, Mon 5 May 2008, 18:58, 3 replies)

Impatient DJing
I hate it when you go to parties and are exposed to only 30 seconds of each song. Obviously, when you're pissed up and trying to 'DJ', this is very fun as your attention span is usually tiny, but when you're trying to get your groove on to the Super Furry Animals and just before the good bit someone changes it to Gogol bloody Bordello... unforgiveable!
(paisleypiglet, Mon 5 May 2008, 18:57, Reply)

TheWeeWitch kinda beat me too it..
But I absolutely loathe complaining..

Everything from people wittering on about petty annoyences to those who are quick to jump in and decry humanity for the actions of a few..

I have little to no interest in what annoys you, or what terrible (minor) misfortune that has sullied your day..

Everyone knows or has known someone who does nothing but complain.

It's just boring, and takes up space that could be used for interesting conversation!
(comrade^, Mon 5 May 2008, 18:56, 2 replies)

laundrettes
every single time I wash my clothes at Uni they never dry properly in the tumble drier which then means I have to have clothes drying all over my microscopic room, and also the flooe always has water or washing powder on it so my lovely clean/dry clothes are then ruined when inevitably a few items fall on the floor! Aargh
(deadly_sinners, Mon 5 May 2008, 18:37, 1 reply)

Here we are in the land of the never bloody happy
.
It's been a fab day, weather-wise, at least here in Edinburgh. For once, the schools are closed and it ain't raining. The sun has been shining since I got up (stupidly early 'cos I had to work) and is still shining now.

Finally, it feels like spring is well and truly here, about six or so weeks late.

So what did I hear on the bus coming home? Moaning gits bumping their gums about the sun shining in the bus windows. This is the first really nice day we've had this year, I've got the cool-dude shades on, and I'm looking forward to relaxing in the garden for a bit. These boring farts just wanted to get back indoors and hide!

The sun's been shining all day, why did they not stay at home if they hate it that much? And why are they wearing thick coats? Have they been playing at "Let's go and faint in M&S?" Of all the days to discover that the MP3 player wants charging up ... normally I'd never even have heard them.

I've just checked the weather forecast (or BBC guesswork as we usually know it) and they're saying it's to be sunny all week. Must charge up the MP3 so I don't hear the moaning every bloody day. I'll go back to walking when these new shoes stop rubbing my toes.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 5 May 2008, 18:35, 10 replies)

Bank Holiday Television
OK, it's a bank holiday today. Most people aren't at work. But stuff still happens in the world, especially those bits (i.e. most of it) which aren't on holiday. So I'd like to be able to switch on the telly at 6pm and watch the BBC news, thank you, not some bloody film.

The fact that I was at work today has nothing to do with it. Seriously.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 5 May 2008, 18:27, 2 replies)

drivers
who dont turn on thier indicators then u think its safe to cross and they suddenly turn up th road and start beeping and swearing i was in shock i was so annoyed at that.
(PaulGadd -, Mon 5 May 2008, 18:15, 1 reply)

Muppets in cars
OK, so everyone must have at least one pet peeve about scrotes on the road. You know, tailgaters who get so close they may as well check your prostate while they're there. The pratts who drive at just over half the speed limit and tut and wonder why everyone else on the road is so aggressive as they cause a massive tailback. Signs in the back of car windows such as "small child on board"-"small child driving" more like. And BMW drivers.

Three that really get my goat are:

- People who switch the fog lights on when it gets dark. Why oh why? You have normal lights. They light the road and I can see you. Does it help you to see better? Do you believe that the car lights are controlled by different switches? It just means that it's more difficult to see when your brake light come on.

- People who are unable to use indicators properly. You know, driving around a roundabout with the left indicator on constantly. Or happily driving along with your indicator still going. I'll give you a clue...that incessant 'ticktick ticktick ticktick' sound and constantly flashing light on your dashboard right under your fucking nose means everyone on the road thinks you're going to turn. And that you're a dick who's cut their driving license off the back of a cereal box.

Taxi drivers. Normally I love them...whisking me back home after a night out when I'm too pissed to face the 40min walk home. However, driving behind them when you're sober is a nightmare. WATCH as they slowly drift halfway into your lane! MARVEL as they fail to stick to any constant speed! GASP as they suddenly U-Turn faster than a politician with an election looming!
(Chuffdog, Mon 5 May 2008, 18:11, 1 reply)

what really gets on my nips...
three words: scouting for girls
(this_is_an_outrage saboo! you slag!, Mon 5 May 2008, 18:09, 2 replies)

Snotters
deposited on the toilet roll holder in public toilets.
Seriously, what the FUCK? There's nothing wrong with digging for green gold while you've got a moment to yourself, but that toilet roll holder is full, surely you can deposit it in a bit of tissue and flush it? Why must you make everyone else who comes to use the ladies' see what you've found? Put it in a tissue, chew it, I don't care what you do, but don't wipe it on the nearest surface for everyone to see.

I feel slightly sick now.
(and now for someone completely different, Mon 5 May 2008, 17:55, Reply)

Oh Lord, there's more
Emos: Most emo bands are terrible, especially when they are just pop groups who play guitars and whine about stuff. Stop trying to kid yourselves! Oh, and all of that 'we're so in touch with our emotions' shite, if you want real genuine emotion in music go listen to Jeff Buckley, Peter Green or John Frusciante. People who've grasped the fundamental elements of sensitivity: as Jeff Buckley said, being sensitive isn't about being wimpy, it's about being so painfully aware that a flea landing is like a sonic boom. i.e. you can't shop at Hot Topic and cry about your daddy.

Radio One: why must they play the same ten songs over and over again? Can they not branch out a little bit? There must be so many artists that are overlooked because they don't fit into the generic indie-shitepool of 'real' singer-songwriters or amelodic garage bands.

Speaking of that, the Brit School: when people say it's 'prestigious', what they really mean is, 'requires loaded parents to win at place at'. I hated the way they all sat in their little clique at the Brit Awards, and all last year's graduates won pointless awards. Here's how it is: they all look the same, all sound the same, and will all end up fading into mediocrity in five years time. The Beatles, Radiohead, Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin didn't need a Brit school to write good music.

Artists who pretend to be from the 'ghetto' to achieve popularity: You're not from East London, you're not from a council estate, you're from Surrey, you went to a top boarding school, your parents owned four ponies and set up a trust fund for you. So why are you writing songs about growing up penniless? And anyway, I hate the word 'ghetto'. Try using that around a Holocaust survivor and you'll realise how insensitive that word really is.

I could go on, I really could. I probably will.
(pacman_40 Pocket Kleenex: for the wanker on the go, Mon 5 May 2008, 17:35, 3 replies)

Oops.
I forgot to mention a "friend" of mine who is so mesmerised by the computer he even takes it to the toilet with him when he poos...."in case anything comes through".

And he has the nerve to call me an addict because I smoke.

If you´re reading this,and you DO know who you are--you´re a bit of a twat too.
(shirleytemplesarse, Mon 5 May 2008, 17:21, 1 reply)

Computer Nazis.
My job does not involve computers.My social life does not revolve around facebook or chat sites.I am perfectly capable of living for the next few years without a computer at home as I have an Internet cafe down the road.I tend not to go to rude sites and therefore do not need a darkened private room to read my e-mails.Most of the stuff I get sent is fucking chain letters anyway or stupid "offers".
SO STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE I¨M SOME KIND OF VICTORIAN FREAK WHEN I TELL YOU I DONT OWN A COMPUTER.
Jesus Christ-It´s not like my entire existence depends on some bleeping machine that invariably screws up anyway.

Not you lot,you´re all nice.But some people are really fucking huffy about it.Twats.
(shirleytemplesarse, Mon 5 May 2008, 17:17, 4 replies)

Complete strangers touching me,
I was in a local "trendy" late bar last night, and was rather drunk. When chucking out time came about the bouncers were trying to get people to move along. One of them, a really big fucker, put his hands on the small of my back to get my attention and to encourage me to leave. I was finishing my drink and spun around the instant he touched me and shot him the most vicious hate stare that I could muster given my state of inebriation.
I was going to shout at him "Don't you ever fucking touch me you knuckle-dragging 5 Euro an hour dickhead", but I was too amused by the fact that my expression alone made a man who was a full 18 inches taller than me take a few steps back, looking genuinely frightened.

This is great. I'm going to do it more often.
(drfeck pissshitfuck, Mon 5 May 2008, 17:13, Reply)

people
I hate people ruling my life for me, a select few examples are:

Job, REME Officer, dad chose it for me.

Not being able to join the army as a Craftsman (REME Private).

GCSEs again dad chose them for me.

A Levels, dad again. (I did get to choose my reserve A Level.

School 'mates', not letting me talk to my girlfriend, (fair enough we broke up for a while, but we've gotten back together).

Not being able to wear what I want at home because my sister will through a hissy fit.

Not ruling my life but I teach drill at my local ACF detachment and there are cadets who don't know their arse from their elbow and can't even cock a L98A2 Cadet GP
(oliver4858 packing to go back to school at, Mon 5 May 2008, 16:59, 3 replies)

Chick flicks.
Waste of celluloid, digital film, whatever. We watch them from a young age and are led to believe that love really is that straightforward and that fluffeh. No it is not, it's like getting to the age of twenty and still believing in fairy tales; they give us unrealistic expectations. Would you apply that to other genres - just because Bruce Willis can abseil down a building on a fire hose to escape an explosion does it mean anyone can or should? No.

The worst offenders in the world of Maladicta are the Brit ones, and in particular the Unholy Trinity - Love Actually, Bridget Jones and Four Weddings. The number of times I was made to sit through these as a teenager is somewhere in the low hundreds, I'm sure, because "everyone loves a good romcom" and they're such "frothy fun" and "it's escapism, you can always dream" - no, no and no.

Perhaps I'm just prematurely cynical, but I seriously think these things should be culled before we raise another generation of people who use the words "singleton" "smug married" or "emotional fuckwit" in every day conversation and who think that it's perfectly acceptable to do so.

I hate horror films too, especially the ridiculously gory kind, but I'd even rather sit through Mr Maladicta's favourites: House of 1000 Corpses, Devil's Rejects, and Starship Troopers (which he has to watch when I'm not around, such is my gore-hatred) than watch Hugh Grant bluster his way to another happy ending.

*is scared at how opinionated she seems this week*
( Maladicta, Mon 5 May 2008, 16:58, 13 replies)

Incredulity
when I tell people that Mr LMS and I don't have a TV.

"What do you do in the evenings?"

"What do you do when friends come over?"

"Aren't you bored?"

"How can you cope without knowing what's going on in Eastenders?"

Araagh! You'd think I'd grown an extra head or something. I just always want to reply with: "To be honest, I would rather eat my own leg, without condiments, than pay almost £150 a year to watch the crap that programming companies dole out. I'm quite happy going to the cinema, reading, watching DVDs, and going to gigs."

**ahhhh, that's better**

I ESPECIALLY hate the people who think I cannot live happily without knowing who's pregnant/dead/having a cuppa in Eastenders.
(YayLady is cold, Mon 5 May 2008, 16:53, 9 replies)

Anomolousnessnessnessness
Not all four wheel drive vehicles are large sports utility vehicle/chelsea tractor style/pretending to be on a farm faux utilitarian school run trains driven by gigantor sunglass wearing wannabe stockbroker's wives for pity's sake so don't refer to that particular subset of the motoring industry as "4 x 4s" because it is, get ready for the big word kids, erroneous. You surely don't think that something such as a Fiat Panda four wheel drive carries the same planet threatening properties as, say, a Range Rover Sport do you?????

And whilst we're on the subject...the bloody environment...will, largely speaking, sort itself out you arrogant twats either by balancing its own systems as it has done for billions of years or cleansing itself of the problem (i.e humanity) and getting a new food chain class prefect. Now piss off and stop oppressing me, I am being sensible with my waste management and ethical buying etc. and don't need you to preach from every street corner. Environmentalism is just a new religion you all feel comfortable buying into.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Mon 5 May 2008, 16:48, 2 replies)

last week
Yeah, I was a wanker, posting shit, I know, and I DO feel a bit ashamed about it. It was childish, but there was a bit of a point in it- a recycled question AND that went on for FAR too long, which made it into troll-central.

If the QOTW was changed at a regular time, on time, it would stop a lot of the "last" posters and things decending into chaos. Everyone wants good, new QOTW's, thats all.


Despite what went on Humpty, I actually do think you are a top bloke.
(Mr.Dog was in love again on, Mon 5 May 2008, 16:41, 5 replies)

Indian call centres & Irrelevant advert statistics
"Hello, my name is Tracy. How can I help you?"

Sorry "Tracy", but that's clearly not your real name. It's Manjula or something similar.

If you're going to pretend to be English, then cultivate an English accent, otherwise stop blatantly lying to me.

You don't live in Staines, you're in Calcutta (or whatever it's called these days).




"48% of women agtreed that product X really did improve their life (sample of 34 people)."

Sorry, but since when has 34 people been a statistically significant sample size?
( JugglerJAF It's curtains for you.Lacy gently wafting curtains, Mon 5 May 2008, 16:24, 5 replies)

Chit chat
One of my pet peeves is people who use the QOTW board to air their petty grievances about each other. Isn't that what /talk is for? Or they could message each other. Or even reply to each other's posts.

Posting endlessly on QOTW to have an argument is just annoying.

Not as annoying as "under" toilet roll, but still...
(Rotten_Cointreau is a proper scientician, Mon 5 May 2008, 16:14, Reply)

The joy of a 'private' car park....
Ok, so I live on Lincoln High Street and round t'back we have a 'private' car park next to 2 public car parks.
This means that everyone parks in our car park for free. This hacks me off completely.
Also, being on the High St. means that people use it as a toilet, lovely, and a shagging place. Not sure me pouring a washing up bowl of water on them enhanced their love making.
People blocking me in, ok there's no markings where you should park but have common sense, if there's a wall in front of me and a car behind I cannot move.
People revving their Kev-mobile at 4am right underneath my window, or hearing the lads from the kebab house across the street offering some lady a lift home in exchange for sexual favours.

No, I didn't burn the kebab house down for all you locals but I did enjoy watching it burn.
(Wilesyo, Mon 5 May 2008, 16:14, Reply)