random dating site
While working in Oz my mate (honestly, it wasn't me!)signed up to a few dating sites so he could get a bit of action while his missus was working nights. He got some cracking tit shots and bit of gash emailed to him, chatted and got some lovely shots over MSN but stopped short of actually arranging any meetings as guilt kicked in. The best one he got was a lovely 21year pill popping dirty lady who sent one of the finest amateur tits shots I've ever had the pleasure of viewing. She only lived about an hour from us and was very keen on meeting said mate.

As I mentioned, he felt a bit guilty at this time so he gave me her email address so I can get in touch with over MSN and take over where he left off. Fast forward a few days and she drove to my house where me and my housemates were busy getting stoned. She came in, rolled a few, had a beer then suggested that we go back to hers. The only conversations we'd had prior to this were about drugs and sex. Off we went back to hers with myself hopeful of some dirty, dirty sex. By God I was not dissapointed.

She lived in the garage at the back of her parents garden. The first thing she did was break a pill so we could neck half each, crack a couple of beers open, rack a couple of lines and put on some porn. Please bear in mind that we had met in the flesh less than 3hours before hand. I got to take her from behind while drinking a beer and smoking a spliff, snorted lines from the back of her neck while pumping hard and slipping a finger up her star. She then BEGGED for bumlove - a request I happily fulfilled.

I spent about 6weeks having regular fuck and drug sessions with the little minx and woke one morning to find she had nipped out to the local sex shop and spent $500AU on goodies - cock rings, vibrators, assorted DVDs, spanish fly, delay spray (which I didn't need but used anyway - it tingled!) and other items of joy. That day involved some of the dirtiest sex I've ever had (inspirational porn DVDs about squirting girls, pounding her while inserting beads up her bum followed by a quite large vibe) and gave me some very pleasent memories for the wank bank.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 16:05, Reply)

Bulgarians, violas and Scrabble
Back in the days before the electronic umbilical, I placed a newspaper ad - mate's girlfriend worked in the classified section, so it was free. Three totally varied replies:

First, the gorgeous Bulgarian who wanted a marriage of financially-supported convenience. As I was mortgaged up to the eyeballs, and had a scary overdraft, that wasn't going to work, tempting as the offer of a night in a hotel with her and her best mate seemed at the time.

Next, the music student with impressive frontage. All was going well, met her parents, went to a family wedding, watched her playing her viola while naked in the pool - the usual "we might have a future" stuff. Got home from work one day to find a note explaining that it wasn't going to work - her parents thought I was a bit common. Not too upset about that - after all, she was German.

Final one - over a year later, the phone rings at midnight on a Saturday. She's in a psychiatric hospital (as a voluntary patient), and wants to see me the next day. Not a problem - this might be fun. When I get there (with the obligatory bunch of petrol station flowers), she's in a flowing white dress (not quite wedding, but...) - we sit in the car for a while, chatting, holding hands - then she says those magic words "I want you - now". It is possible in the front seat of a Mk 2 Astra, but I've had more comfortable experiences. Not sure if it was guilt or the sudden "what the fuck are we doing making the beast with two backs in a mental hospital car park?" thing, but she thanked me, and ran back to her room. Saw her a few times after, but we sat in the visitors' lounge playing Scrabble - intellectually more challenging, but somehow less exciting...
(CaptainParalytic, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 16:02, Reply)

I met my woman at a b3ta bash
And I couldn't be happier*


*And I'm not only saying that because she might read this
( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 15:47, Reply)

Don't use WoW for dating
Here's 2 examples why.

The famous "I will sleep with you if you pay for my epic mount" woman ripanepicmount.ytmnd.com/

and the woman arrested for meeting her (underaged) WoW bf. www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,21997186-2,00.html
( Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 15:42, Reply)

Repost
...this is about the only relevant story I have.
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 15:38, Reply)

Boyfriends
When I was fourteen I started talking to a nice boy on a profile site (Facewhore R.I.P). We spoke on the phone for a bit, but after five months we split up (we were only fourteen and the whole issue of sex was a bit awkward).

A few months later, when I was fifteen, I started talking a guy from Birmingham on that same site, we spoke on the phone and eventually met up. It was amazing, we actually got on well, unlike the boy above. The second time he came to see me in North Wales, we split up =o( the distance was too difficult.

A few months later I started talking to another guy a few miles away on the same site. We met up, and have been dating for two years, I am happy =o)

P.S - Don't judge me for my internet related life.
( Lollylegs lite, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 15:18, Reply)

Screaming Mad Sadie
A different girl i met online and probably should really avoid, everything progressed well online with the usual pictures number swapping and phone s. When we met for the first date she turned up and was a good 20 stone bigger than her photo dressed in bright reds and greens and silver similar to an obese christmas tree, she also had a pentagram tattooed on her neck and a haircut that would'nt go amiss in a miss lesbian contest, but the crowning glory was when i bought her a drink and her telling me about her fantasy of being strangled and sliced with knives for sexual gratification, erm no dearie i said i was looking for someone more saner and perhaps with more dress sense than a blind epileptic at which point she screemed at me like a banshee and tried to stab me in the eye with a fork , luckily i have a good ducking instinct..
Think maybe that date didnt go to well..

But like horny dogs we still shag the leg of life..
( Trollman, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 15:14, Reply)

Venues
Actually, I'd be delighted if a date asked me if I fancied an art gallery... I know fuck all about art but it's far more my ideal than a night out in the local rock cafe struggling to hear myself think.

I've been dragged out to meet my date's friends before to somewhere really noisy, smoky (pre-ban) and booze sodden. Making any kind of conversation is a no-no, as I can't seem to filter out speech from background club noise particularly well. Being in a noisy bar on a date is about as enjoyable for me as being prodded with a fork.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 14 Sep 2007, 15:12, Reply)

Chest a minute
"One legged man, 51, seeks one-legged woman for two-legged race, perhaps more-legged race if she brings a friend or is a one-legged woman with two legs".

From www.framleyexaminer.com/index.html

More specifically www.framleyexaminer.com/pages/pers003.html
(Stop Bloody Antivirus Pro 2009, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 15:10, Reply)

Well, actually I'm bi..
but so far my opinion is that Straight Women Are Odd. Then again, Bi women are a bit odd too, and don't start me about other odd Bi men. Straight women still take the weirdness biscuit though.

The quiet drink model works for everyone. It's public, relaxed and offers the chance of a easy get out for both parties. The last thing you want is to be stuck next to someone you hate for 2 hours, having a meal you're not enjoying.

The date with 'my ex was a spy' lady went from drinks, to lunch, to live jazz to art gallery. That's how a date should go, it's just a pity she thought being present one weekend in three, probably, was a stable basis for a developing relationship. Expecting me to drop my plans at a moments notice to accommodate her didn't help either.


edit: on the subject of sex sites, whilst it's not my sort of thing I do know someone who used adultfriendfinder when it was still new. She managed to find a decent relationship and so did other people she knew. Now the site is swamped and it's no good, but it's worth bearing in mind that even when sex is your intention it's possible to get something much better.
(EssY, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 15:08, Reply)

Exactly!
I couldn't agree more. Preferably no fixed agenda, a relaxed coffee and intelligent conversation and I'm content. If they make me laugh and I have fun then I'm happy and will want to see them again.

It's a funny thing, the older you get the less you measure your success by the ease with which you gain access to your date's undergarments. Nothing worse than splurging a lot of money on a night out to find that your date has shit for brains.

Jeebus I'm getting old...
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 14 Sep 2007, 15:03, Reply)

Where do i start
Many stories to be had, since breaking up from the last psycho rehab using, cheating ex G/f
i have used various free dating sites for sex meets, one thing i have found no matter how young and sexy they are all of them are milfs or miwltf s , except for the really minging ones who havnt had the chance to spawn, i am supposed to be going up to see a lady who is on the larger side tonight who has harassed me by text and email for ages to date her (i know beware of the deperate ones) but her two saving graces are that she likes to drink and has a all red dwarf episodes on tape and is an addict of it (yes) i mainly use the sights for sex meets because i have given up on ever meeting the one. I,m also
meeting a 43 year old fairly fit lady who has been sending me pictures of her in various states of undress and a penchant for nob licking..

Click i like this if you think i should go ...
( Trollman, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 15:00, Reply)

Essy
yay for men fighting back against the evil female dating tyranny.

i'd much prefer for an easy drink on a week night or a friday night somewhere reasonably public. I think most men would, really. The best dates I've ever been on are where I have met up with a girl for coffee mid afternoon, got chatting, wandered around for a bit and then ended up staying on for supper and drinks. All out in town, so there's no pressure.

This American business of formalised dates with rules and god knows what else is such a mood killer. Go for a drink. If you like each other you'll want to extend it, if you don't then you don't feel like you've wasted an evening and fifty quid plus.
( Kroney, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 14:55, Reply)

Good, and bad experiences.
First, let's start with the good. Responded to a random post by friend of a friend on an internet site. A Lady replied. This let to more replies on other posts, and then some flirting, MSN, phone and six months later the idea that we should meet.

The result is that she visited and was a) lovely b) intelligent c) pretty and d) sexy. Only downside is that she lives 1,000+ miles away.. may well work well as a friend to have fun with though

This is continuing a pattern though - the ones I get on with move away by coincidence very shortly afterwards. The others are all mad.

Of course you all want to hear about the bad experiences, to which I can only say : insisting on a full length photo and a phone call prior to meeting is essential. Oh, and meeting at a pub/coffee shop for a quick drink is always the way dates should go - they can be extended if necessary.

Starting with the most recent offer from Hormonal Lady, who throws all the warning signs before we've even met. Far too needy, gets jealous of anyone else I've met and is way too prescriptive of how to meet - it *has* to be a Saturday night to take her out, she 'doesn't go out in the week' and doesn't like the compromise of Sunday lunch.

That's really the thing that annoys me most about straight dating - the expectation that it's always the bloke who should move heaven and earth to arrange the date. Not going to happen - we meet at a time convenient for each other, have a nice drink and either it develops, or it doesn't.

There was the woman who's ex was a chinese spy (nice date, but she subsequently tried to arrange me to be a convenient booty call), the one who lied about smoking and drinking, the one who obviously wasn't attracted and bailed as soon as possible (I look better than my picture, just what was she expecting?).

Oh, and a final note to the date before last, which was mostly fun although my date did push things a little fast. The time to say that you prefer men/women with bigger/smaller/more/less body part/attribute is *after* you've been to bed with them, not during. If you get to the clothes off stage and find things aren't what you want, learn to adapt and have fun.. I don't complain that I've seen nicer *whatever*, so neither should you.
(EssY, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 14:43, Reply)

London Review of Books
has the best personals ever
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 14:41, Reply)

I used to like role-playing during sex

but afterwards I was always rolling over onto the dice.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 14:40, Reply)

I've degenerated alarmingly
I have two pictures on hotornot.com - one taken a few years ago, and one taken this year. The one from a couple of years ago has a rating of 'hotter than 83% of men on this site', the one from this year is 45%.

Judge for yourself - www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=BMOMOZB&key=JER
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 14:39, Reply)

The Wurzels Personals!
"Young farmer with 20 acres would be pleased to hear from young lady with tractor. Please send photograph of tractor."
( aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 14:25, Reply)

there are quite a few I could write but...
Last night at the dinner table my son says "I found you on B3TA ... I recognised your vasectomy story"
"Oh" say my wife to me "what else did you put on there?"
"Well there was the vasectomy story and the one about my mum asking my ex for porn"
My son went pale and quietly said "You mean that was you? I'd already read that and didn't look at who posted it by the time I worked out your name. You mean that was nanny?"

So, to save my son having even more information, I had best not post anything about any experience with internet dating I may or may not have had. Which is a pity because the one about the mad welsh woman and the candles is mildly amusing.
(bald old git was bemused and befuddled on, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 14:22, Reply)

weirdos!
i was bored one evening when i had no money to go to the pub, so decided to try a chatroom!

i got speaking to one guy, who lived not far from me, and seemed to be quite normal.... until, that is, we got talking about 'sex'...

he asked what i was into, and then asked if i liked role play?

sometimes, says i...

he says cool.... how would you feel about a 'rape scene' - i have my own latex gloves and knife!

weirdo was promptly blocked from my msn...

a few days later, he emails me appologuising and stated that all girls keep blocking him, but he was only 'playing'

"shudders"

never went on a chatroom again!
(chixor, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 14:16, Reply)

Well, since others are posting their success stories...
Okay, I've done more than my share of internet dating. I met a couple of women through Usenet, and then Hot or Not appeared and I met a LOT of women through that site, then match.com arrived and I met even more through there. (I would guess that the number I met in person was around 60 or so through those two sites, with about 20 of them leading to more than just a cup of coffee.) Through match.com I met the Travel Agent, who was almost The Right One- if I hadn't had kids, I suspect it would have worked out quite nicely, but such was not to be the case.

After she moved out I went through match.com again, where I met the ex stripper who dumped me because I was too nice (she kept waiting for me to reveal something terrible, and when I instead demonstrated a talent for cooking, the ability to give a good massage and the ability to get along well with her kids she freaked), the Postal Worker who wanted to organize my house and my life and move right in, and the Mad Stripper who got drunk on our first date and told me all about how turned on she got when another girl gave her a lap dance and had me feel her fake boobs within an hour of meeting for the first time.

Needless to say, I ran screaming and belming from this experience. I shut off my profile and huddled in my house, shivering. I had concluded that being single forever was no bad thing, and vowed not to date again.

A couple of months later my kids were spending most of their free hours on Myspace, so I thought I had better get on there myself to monitor them. I really knew nothing of Myspace, so I just set up a simple profile, posted a few pictures of myself and started looking for my kids' profiles to see what they were doing. For my default pic I used the one that's in my profile here, with the cat on my shoulders- nothing too unusual or exciting, really.

Well, within the first day I started to get messages from people who wanted to chat, so I replied to the messages with polite interest- it's always nice to have someone new to chat with, after all. One woman in particular seemed quite nice- she lived about an hour north of me, sang in a band in her spare time, painted when she wasn't singing, and worked in an electric utility in the engineering department. We chatted about quite a bit, so I ultimately gave her my cell phone number and we chatted by phone one night. She had a pleasant voice and was fun to talk to, so I suggested meeting up for a beer downtown, as that was about halfway for both of us. She agreed, and we met the next night.

Bear in mind that I really didn't have any expectations regarding her at all- she didn't have pictures of herself posted at that point, and frankly I didn't care what she looked like as I was approaching this as a platonic get-together-and-laugh meeting. So when a tall, slender woman with very short grey hair and glasses appeared, I was very happy to meet her and we had a great evening together. I left that night glad to have made a new friend.

The next day she invited me to a party at a friend's house. Unfortunately it conflicted with my kids' schedule (they were supposed to visit me that night), so I had to regretfully decline. But then my ex called and wanted to change the schedule to another night, so I was suddenly free- so I called my new friend and told her I'd love to go with her.

It was a house party full of people from about 40 to 60 years old, mostly old hippies and rather odd types- in other words, just the right crowd for me. I met a lot of very nice folk that night, played pool very badly (just like everyone else), and got mildly drunk. My new friend and I ended up sitting together on a couch in the living room in front of a fire, trying to sober up a bit before we drove home- and then she kissed me.

I woke up next to her the following morning in an unfamiliar bed, with a vague memory of having driven to her house through the night.

We had coffee and I drove home with my skull echoing with a constant repetition of "ohmygodwhatthefuckdidIjustdoohmygodIsworeIwouldntdothisanymoreohmygodwhatthefuckdidIjustdo". I was completely freaked out, but at the same time... well, we liked each other's company, she was nice and sane, she had told me that she was on her second divorce and not looking to remarry, ever, and we did very well together in bed. So by the time I got home I had resolved to just go with the flow and see where it led, and just enjoy it while I could.

That was over a year and a half ago. She's been living with me for a year now, and it doesn't seem that that's going to end anytime soon. We still enjoy hanging out together as friends, we still have a lot of fun together, and we're better than ever in bed. We both love to cook, we both give a great massage, and we like each others' kids. Overall I'd say we're very goddam lucky.

How far down the rabbit hole did we go? All the way to the other side. And neither of us wants to go back.

EDIT: Thank you all for your wonderful messages. Although many here would probably never admit it, you're really a very lovely and supportive bunch. I just wish I could meet up with you for a pint...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 14 Sep 2007, 14:03, Reply)

Night of the long knives
Long time lurker first time poster.

I'll skip the details as to why I put my profile up but I did eventually meet a great girl through it and dated for 3 years, but anyway on with the story.

A girl replied to my profile and after swapping a few messages which got progressively dirtier and late night drunken phone sex I thought I was on to a winner and decided it was time to meet up.

Drink went ok though she wasn't exactly a beauty contest contestant. Still I thought sometimes chubby girls try harder to make up for it and I had been through quite a dry spell and needed to make it over 'the hump' so to speak. She invited me back to her place which turned out to be some distance away in another town so she drove us there.

All the way back she seemed very quiet and fairly distracted until we arrived back at her house and she broke down in tears and told me how she self-harmed and showed me all the scars on her wrists. Needless to say I was quite freaked out but covered it well. She said she really liked me but that thought her secret would put me off...

...so I did what any man in my situation would do, stuck about 20 miles from his home and no chance of getting back that evening. I gave it to her anyway though she just lay there like a dead whale. Anyway, one night of awkward low quality sex was following by an awkward breakfast where she basically told me that I was the best thing to happen to her in ages. Now starting to feel like a complete c*nt I made up some excuse about needing to get back to do some uni work so she offered to drop me home.

I got her to drop me at the end of my road and waited for her to drive off before I went to my front door so she couldn't know which house I lived at. I spent the next month avoiding phone calls and looking out the window before I left the house to check she wasn't waiting for me (forgot to mention she worked very nearby), while my housemates mecilessly ripped the piss out of me. Their favourite prank was to have one of them ring the doorbell while another one answered then came up to tell me there was a rather large girl with cuts on her arms at the front door.

Anyway, I hope I've learnt from the experience and won't do anything so shitty to someone again and just get out of there early on.

No apologies for length as this is a bit like therapy for me!
(bigjonnydynamite, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 13:59, Reply)

With perfect timing
I just got an advert pushed through my front door pushing the services of a male escort for the laydeeez.

It is handwritten. That is a bit scary. I mean - how many of these things must he have written? Has he never heard of writer's cramp? Or desktop publishing?

Or maybe it's targeted marketing, and there's only a few houses that have received the ad. But in that case, the would-be gigolo ought to have done more homework. I am male and live alone (excepting the cat - who is also male). The person from whom I bought the house was also single and male.

Oh, well. I kinda pity the no-doubt pimply youth so desperate for a shag that he'll put handwritten notes through people's doors.

Still - the ad had his phone number.

SOOOOOO: Message me if (a) you're a desperate single gal in the Manchester area in need of an escort or (b) you're just malicious and fancy giving him a ring just for the hell of it. (What? B3tans? Surely not!) After all, if he isn't concerned about putting his number through strangers' letterboxes, I'm prepared to help him make a tit of himself. Anyone want to join in the fun?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 13:46, Reply)

Whip crackin...
Well, where do I start? I have been flapping about a couple of sites for a couple of years now - and quite frankly it's been fucking excellent!

My first foray? Well, I thought I would be timid and dip my toe into the world of *booming voice*... DOMINAAATIONNNNNNN! Signed up to a site and had a good giggle at the utter freakazoids on there, then suddenly found myself being drawn into it!

Cock shots in emails? Fuck me, I've seen more cock than Annabel Chong. I've probably met around 20 people in the past couple of years - some fab, and others who wanted to take me to a car-park so they could curl one off on the floor in front of me whilst I slap them with a bit of mackerel. Hey, whatever floats your boat, dear chap!

I remember once browsing some of the newbies and coming across one guy’s photo that I vaguely recognized. It was surprisingly a face shot, but he had specs on. Could it be? Noooo, it couldn’t. The guy from work?! A couple of days later I got a message from this guy saying how much he loved my profile, and wondered if we could have a chat. Luckily I don’t have a face pic on my own profile, so I sent a message asking him his name and where he was from. Sure enough he came back saying his first name, and that he was an original Aussie. I half crapped myself, knowing for sure it was the guy who worked on the floor above me. I stopped replying.

Over the next few days I got a succession of emails from ‘Tease2Orgasm’… mostly including various pictures of his cock, arsehole, and various things inserted up it. He still works here. I cannot look at him.

My bedroom is slowly turning into a BDSM lost property section – one half broken chastity device, a pair of rubber shorts, and various anal implements that don’t belong to my own personal collection. Ahhhh, it’ll be something to tell the grandkids at least…
(LadyTramp79 Left a bit, right a bit..., Fri 14 Sep 2007, 13:33, Reply)

Coffee and.....
Back in the day when I was still married (well, technically I am still married as I am waiting for my divorce to come through, but that's neither here-nor-there, really) my ex and I moved to a new city. She wasn't working, so struggled to meet new friends.

After putting an ad on a website somewhere she met a guy who was keen to catch up for coffee. Seemed OK, so she did. Things went along fine for a month or so, until he asked if he could come around to our house. My ex, who was comfortable meeting him in public places, demurred at this extension of their friendship.

The coup-de-grace, really in their relationship (fleeting as it was ) was when he confessed not long after that that his wife "really didn't understand him" and all he really wanted my ex to do was watch as he pleasured himself in our living room....

Needless to say , like a hot potato he was dropped.

Continuing on though, we had mixed success (after she convinced me to try swinging...). The lows were low - the couple we met where the lady proceeded to proved that she could, in fact, crush beer cans between her ass cheeks.....

The highs were minimal but very good - a sexy redhead who was fantastic in bed....

I guess it has all worked out in the end - I met the soon-to-be Mrs Alnhelz on line - not in a dating site but on an online community.. we've been going out just over 2 years, I'm in the process of moving halfway around the world to be with her..
(alnhelzz, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 13:22, Reply)

Some men just don't take the hint
Me and the missus are on a swingers site, haven't actually met anyone yet as looking always leads to a lot of dirty sex but one day no doubt we shall indulge our wildest fantasies.

Anyway our profile is a bit vague but clearly states that we are looking for couples/groups only.
The amount of single men who constantly message us all saying they are good at oral and hung like donkeys is stupid.
At first being the polite people we are we replied saying thanks but no thanks, we are not looking for singles.
Now we reply acting interested but ask if they take it as well as give? and we only play bareback.

So far none of these great lovers have come back to us.
(Barry Chuckle has gone out in the thong to feed the pigeons, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 12:50, Reply)

I have a memory like a fucktard.
As soon as this QOTW opened, my heart sank a bit. I mean, I've never really read personal ads, and have definitely never placed one myself (not that there's anything wrong with that i'm sure). I have absolutely nothing in common with this QOTW. Ah well, I thought...I'll sit the week out.

Then I remembered that my brother (Hi Steve btw) trawls and abuses dating sites like a ravenous hump-monkey with an itchy-crotch.

He certainly has had a modicum of success (his new catchphrase is 'I've got 5 on the go'), so I'm constantly surprised by the number of desperate, lonely, depraved and desperate (so desperate I said it twice) women out there prepared to venture out to some godforsaken crudd-hole of a pub (Hi Charterhouse staff btw) and put out, just as an excuse to get some...any...male company.

He tells me his secret is 'being a bit different' on the profile section of whatever ropey free sites he uses. I would therefore advertise myself as follows.

'Normal bloke seeks normal girl for normal bloke / girl stuff'

From what I've heard, that is more than a bit different to what seems to appear on these sites.

I dunno, what happened to the 'old fashioned way' of meeting suitable partners? Catching the eye, pleasant conversation, listening to what she has to say / how she really feels, bit of romance, holding hands, and treating her like a princess before you spike her 15th drink with rohypnol, take her to a cheap motel and rag her round the room like a filthy piece of bitch-meat before kicking her out, sore and bleeding into the street?

Bloody youth of today eh? They don't know they're born.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 14 Sep 2007, 12:47, Reply)

My favourite
A few years ago, circa 2001, scanning through a copy of the "Metro" newspaper I came across the personal ads. I used to (and still do) read them every now and again for a bit of a laugh, but I'll never forget this one. It still makes me chuckle on rainy days:

"Short, fat, hairy builder, 46, with no job, house, car, prospects seeks slim, blonde, rich woman for relationship. Must be 20's".


Golden.
( PMGT -Bacon., Fri 14 Sep 2007, 12:46, Reply)

Internet ads
I've used a couple of different sites in my time, and had a good few laughs out of it.

I'd almost be tempted to say that most blokes I've met in this way have turned out to be more sane than the ones met in real life.

The exception must be the weirdo who messaged me a couple of weeks ago and gave me his number. I sent him a couple of texts, being polite and told him of my plans for the weekend. On the Saturday, whilst I'm out shopping in Brum with a couple of mates, said weirdo has tracked me down in HMV and decides the time to come over and say hello is nigh. My friends have scarpered downstairs to browse through the DVDs, so over he comes. I think the only words I said to him were hello and goodbye. After paying for the 6 or 7 CDs I'd managed to find, I get a text from him telling me I'm even prettier than in my pics and I have a great figure. I don't text back. The final nail on the coffin was when he sent me a text a few hours later to ask me if there was something wrong as I hadn't messaged him. Needless to say I haven't logged onto the site since in case he's sent me a barrage of messages.
(Prawn, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 12:38, Reply)

my friend
naively asked me to write her profile for mysinglefriend.

i raved about her and then, in tongue in cheek fashion, finished with "oh - and she always puts out on the first date".

how many men in london trawl that sarah beenie website looking to get laid for minimal effort?

a Lot. that is how many.

another friend of mine liked the website; she is very fit and so she had a great success rate on it. it made me laugh as she said to me, "it was great - out of about 11 dates i met 3 really nice guys and had sex/nearly sex with 7."

shouldn't those numbers be the other way round?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 12:36, Reply)