Mr Maladicta mocks me
for my pathological hatred of clingfilm. I refuse to use it to wrap anything, meaning having to cover any kind of microwaveable bowl (when one of his scummy housemates has lost the lid again) is not fun for me and I usually end up making him touch the evil spawn of Lucifer.

I don't really understand why I hate clingfilm so much, other than the sight of it all scrunched into a ball after you've eaten makes me feel queasy, and the texture of it on my fingertips is even worse.

More conventionally I hate spiders, possibly as a direct result of being encouraged to watch Arachnophobia as a small child by my dad (or perhaps it's because my cousin had a tarantula when I was really little and that freaked me out, it was bigger than my head). Unfortunately this is something the other half can't help me with because he's just as bad.

Then there's the fear of being alone forever, which again I think is quite normal (see Karma QOTW) but has as much to do with not wanting to be alone as it does with the urge to punch the next person to ever refer to me as a 'singleton' - hell, I'm in a relationship and this is making me cranky.

Send me a screamer and I will hurt you. I always turn the sound off to watch a video for the first time. Goatse me, rickroll me, duckroll me, I Love Horses me, whatever, but I fucking loathe screamers.

Accidental pregnancy (fortunately, one Mr Maladicta shares).

As a small child, this scared the everloving crap out of me:

tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:8Qehd4DeR06W4M:http://c.myspace.com/Groups/00015/69/16/15626196_m.jpg

Finally, the slow and creeping fear that I just may have acquired another stalker recently; it's not beyond the realms of possibility, but we shall see...
( Maladicta, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:53, 4 replies)

Most of you regulars already know this about me
and it's not exactly a phobia because I don't go all girly and squeal but it is an intense dislike sometimes to the point of nausea.

Music

All and any. Hate it. I even turn down the volume on the telly when a show starts to avoid the title music.
I don't own any music and have never bought any (other than as gifts for other people.)
Music gives me the rage, the more repetitive the worse it is. Expose me to loud music in a situation where I need to think and I'll get apoplectic with rage. Arrgh.
I hate the way the entire world seems to assume that you want music 24/7 and you cannot go anywhere or do anything without some racket being played at you.
Do peole really prefer listening to three bars of jazz over and over again when on hold to having silence?
Are supermarkets/lifts/waiting rooms really improved by some third rate session singer doing a bad cover of some 80s ballad being piped into the place?
( NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:52, 5 replies)

Numberwang
My friend Emma is afraid of certain numbers. She can't sit in a room knowing that the TV volume is set to a "wrong" number.

"Right" numbers are even numbers and multiples of 5 and if she knows that it's not set properly she'll have to change it or leave the room. This can apply to volume controllers, air conditioning with digital displays, anything with a scale that shows up in numbers.

She also only gets up in the morning when the time ends in 5 or 0. Are we right to tease her about this or is it "normal"?
( e.m.m.y. foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india tango, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:52, 8 replies)

Right, here we go...
In order of pant-browning, stomach churning, utter fear and disgust (in ascending order):

Monkeys. All types of the little cnuts. Sometimes it's the huge fangs, other times the beady, intelligent eyes, working out how best to completely destroy my life. Most of the time it's their fingers: the right shape and length for poking out my eyeballs and reaching into my eye sockets pull out chunks of my brain and eat it.

Clowns. Lifeless eyes, a permanent grin (as with ballerinas, smiling all the time is just plain unnatural), and a sense of all-consuming despair. Even with the dolls of clowns. This stems from watching films like "It" and "Poltergeist". Show me a picture of one and I'll scream a little.

Spiders. Do I really need a reason to hate these? Ok, they have more legs than anything has a right to. I also dislike earwigs, centipedes, scorpions, daddy-long-legs, and octopi.

Injections. I will feel horribly sick if I see needles, pictures of needles, pictures of people injecting, films of injecting etc.

Cliff Richard. We used to have a Cliff Richard calendar up in my last office (where I worked with GrandMasterFluffles). I could cope with it then, I just didn't like it that much. Now, however, for some reason the very thought of him makes me want to vomit, and sends shivers down my spine. The smug git.

Teeth. I like having them, but live in absolute fear of them cracking, breaking, or falling out. Consequently, I find myself grinding my teeth with stress, and then feeling nauseous when I realise that any minute, they could all crumble and fall out of my mouth. So I get more stressed, and grind them even more. It's a vicious circle. I'm also terrified of anything happening to my fingers, tongue or lips, but I think this is because I sing and play the flute, and damaging any of them could ruin my career!

I think I have more, but those are the really major ones.

EDIT: Just remembered another one: small heights. Like k626, I can stand on a tall building with no fear whatsover. However, try to get me to stand on a chair or a ladder, and I'll get and shaky and dizzy at once.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:49, 2 replies)

Meh
Snakes - entirely rational. They are evil.

Penguins - possibly more irrational. I violently hate the little ice-nazis. Pingu the friendly Penguin? Is he feck... he'd rip out your eyes and shit down your throat given half the chance. I feel wrong just thinking about them.
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:49, Reply)

WET WOOL AND BEING TICKLED
I am actually sat here sucking on my teeth and sweating because I can't stand it, sometimes I have to wait for mr sp@m to unload the washer if I think there might be a rogue wooly sock or glove in there.


My actual most massive phobia is being tickled, people don't understand what this does to me, It all stems back to being about 5 years old and at a christening. A member of the hosts family thought I looked all cute in my pink dress and decided to tickle me, as any little old dear does. But she didn't stop armpits, under the chin, ribs, knees... :( she mistook my cries for help and tears and eventual screams of sheer terror as an appeal for more tickling. All I can remember is being more terrified than I have ever been before and then passing out. Ever since that day if anyone comes near me who looks like they are going to tickle me gets a shouty earful. If anyone has the misfortune to actually tickle me then I feel very sorry for them as usually my instinct takes over and one of my limbs usually takes an involuntary swing at them.

NEVER TICKLE MRS. SP@M!
( Mrs.Sp@m, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:48, 4 replies)

Heights
Yes, I know it's a common one, but mine is 'special'.

I have no problem with height when I'm in an aeroplane. In fact, I love flying. I've been in everything from a two-seater Cessna to a 747-400 without problem. I also like being up tall buildings and have stood on the glass floor of the CN Tower in Toronto and also the Calgary Tower (guess where?) without feeling like I'm going to die.

But on Sunday I was fitting a light to the outside of my house, and only eight rungs up a ladder I was shaking like a shitting dog. I could have jumped off and (apart perhaps from sore feet) been perfectly intact. But I was gripping that ladder for Britain.

I was very pleased when it was all done and worked perfectly.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:48, 6 replies)

Pigeons
I'm ashamed to admit that I'm scared - nay, terrified of pigeons.

The reasoning behind this is stupid as I didn't used to be - an ex of mine (crazy psycho whack job lesbian freakshow croca-dilly-pig) was afraid of them which, unfortunately transferred to me.

It's not specifically the bird itself I'm afraid of, it's the fact that they will probably fly into your face - I mean they'll fly at you in that menacing way and try to eat your face.

Ok, I'm not **that** frightened of them, but they're freakishly freaky with a shade of freakiness to them....

I'll add a caveat in to this and say that it's those town pigeons I'm afraid of - Wood pigeon is different as it's yummy :D
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:45, 4 replies)

Now don't laugh...
But when I was younger I used to have a very serious phobia of grated cheddar. Not the kind that you'd grate yourself off a block, but the bright yellowy/orange neon kind which came grated in bags. It turned my stomach-and still does to this day. All cheap cheese does in fact. Don't ask me why, I've only just started embracing the fromage at the grand old age of 25.

Perhaps it's because of the way it feels all waxy and dusty and bleerrggh. I was once sent out of Food Technology when I was fifteen(Or Home Economics as it should really be called) and made to stand in the corridor and think about what I had done when I refused to put my hand in the grated cheddar bag when making Cheese Scones.

I can just about cope with cheese nowadays. I am partial to strong cheddar on crumpets with a splash of Worcester Sauce, Buffalo Mozarella(because I'm posh like), and the odd bit of brie here and there. Still, make me touch cheap cheese and not only will I break out in a cold sweat, I shall also break your ears with my girlish screams.

(My best friend almost beats my phobias by being pathologically afraid of both Eggs and "Wires" by Athlete. She has a pavlovian reaction to it and starts screaming, swearing and foaming at the mouth like something out of The Exorcist whenever it's played in her general direction).
(jimbowensspeedboat is your secret Austrian cellar baby, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:44, Reply)

Heh.
This isn't exactly a phobia, just a button to press.

There's a certain recent member than can be made to go spastic if you use one certain word.

PAEDOPHILE!!

I've had a couple of drunken Sunday afternoons drinking with her when this subject has come up.

Check replies for explanation.

If she bites that is...

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:44, 19 replies)

Snake? Snake? Snaaaaaaaaaaake?
Propellers.

Those big, heavy dealies that you find on boats and submarines. I've had nightmares about them before, and I came close to passing out from just seeing one propped up against the wall in a museum. It's more an irrational fear I guess, but they still freak me the hell out. I even got the shivers from just seeing one in Medal of Honor; Frontline. I don't like dirty dock/river water either, so if there's a propeller half submerged in a dock, that just gives me the case of the heebie jeebies.

And why? I have NO idea. I fail to remember any childhood incident that would have me scared of these things.

Also, snakes. Not Snake, because I'd tap that any day of the week, but the slithery creatures. I don't think they're slimy or anything, heck, as a young Miss Wheeler, I held a boa constructor around my neck. It's more that some of the feckers can chose to poison you, blind you, squeeze you to death or even freakin' EAT you. That's not right. We saw a pit of adders on a school walk once, and I had nightmares for weeks about falling in there. I can trace back this phobia though, when I was young, I remember a huge ass snake (musta been a slow worm) stretched out in the grass when I was playing, and my mum freaked and yanked me away from it, even though it was harmless.

Cheers, mum. Now snakes on teh internets give me the creeps. Except that happy snake macro, I'm fine with that.
(Wheeler back off Amazon, she's mine!, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:42, 2 replies)

Vomit....
....nothing makes me gag more (excuse the pun) than vomit.

This is a bad thing as i have a 15 month old daughter, and 15 month old children generally have a tendancy to vomit without warning.

Tuesday night. Baby has the sniffles so we decide to give her some medicine. Problem is, she's just had 8oz of milk as it's bed time. Milk is already in baby's belly, medicine enters, baby sits quietly and looks at me uncomfortably...she coughs. Cmpod and Mrs.Cmpod jerk with fear....

HURGHBLUUUUURRRRRGGGHHHHHHH goes the baby.

Hmmm....that's a giant pool of milky, carroty (she had them for tea), slimy, Quavery, gross, warm VOMIT....

HHRRRGHHHBBLURGHHHHHHHHHHHH goes Cmpod....

My vomit was slightly less pleasing.

The truly awful part? My wife had to clean it up becasue i couldn't face the mountianous pile of gut-juice. She's still not talking to me properly. Still, my little girl thought it was hilarious, when she's older I'll explain that she was very nearly collatteral damage.
( The Pollitt chooses to listen to Enya on, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:42, Reply)

Touching cotton wool
It makes the tips of my fingers feel funny even thinking about it. That slight snagging senstation.

I have to stop thinking about it now.
(OP, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:40, 2 replies)

Money
Okay, here's the thing. I'm a clever guy. No, really. I've got a degree in Maths from Cambridge and I've written a book about real-time physics in computing. Numbers hold no terrors for me. But put a pound sign in front of them and it's a different matter. I collapse in terror - especially anything involving personal responsibility and potential costs. And my solution? Curl into a ball and hide.

Anyone else that has this problem knows how serious it is. I've carried unopened letters from the Inland Revenue in my bag for months on end, and right now I'm facing a hundred-pound fine for failing to send in a zero tax return for the company I was foolish enough to set up. I've spent literally thousands of pounds on unnecessary fines for late filing of tax returns, company accounts, annual returns etc. And the worst of it is that the actual tax I've ever needed to pay is completely negligible. I'm Gordon Brown's wet dream.
( flatfrog Staring vacantly into space, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:40, 1 reply)

I'm shit scared
of puppets. No idea why.

I can't watch Gerry Anderson stuff without getting really spooked.

I'm also really scared of German expressionist film, like The Cabinet of Doctor Caligari.

So, when I first saw the Metz Judderman advert, I almost wet myself.
( backrubslut - treguna mekoides trecorum satis dee, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:36, 6 replies)

Not a good opening sentence, but...
...I like putting things in my mouth, probably comes from childhood. If I get a bag of biros, I will chew my way through every lid, i will munch down on pencil ends till I am through to the graphite.

My phobia is when you scrape your teeth, or sometimes your fingernails on something like sponge, or the stuff on the bottoms of mousemats, and it makes you shiver....dont like it, freaks me out.

I am also scared of things that move slowly and smoothly.
I have a telly in my room and one downstairs, the one downstairs has about 30 dots on-screen that turn into long bars when you turn the volume up, but I have to look away when I change the volume on the one in my rom, coz it is one long bar, slowly, but smoothly getting longer, and it just freaks me out, but I dont know why. I for some reason blame it on an episode of Garfield from my youth, but I could say the same thing for clowns.



...I am a freak aren't I?
(bobman500 enjoys a grope as much as the next fella, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:36, 1 reply)

BIG THINGS!!!!!!
This phobia about big things mainly manifests itself with a fear of dinasaurs. I cannot go into the British Museum because of the life size replicas and even the skeletons of them make me scream like a girl. I went to see Jurrasic park at the cinema and felt very uneasy.

Also mountains, there's a mountain that appears out of nowhere as your travel up the motorway out of Cumbria to Scotland and it scares me silly. I feel like it's going to squish me. This is strange as I went to the Blue Ridge mountains in America and felt ok.

I don't like stuffed animals and I'm not keen of shops that sell tropical fish with all those aquariums along the walls. So basically anthing big and foreboding and likely to eat me is not good. Or anything that feels like it's closing in on me.

I suffered with panic attack for a good few years everytime I felt trapped and now I only have to worry when I'm on a plane or coach as I can't get off. In fact I won't travel on a coach unless there's a loo I can hide in if the need arises.

I think that's it!

Oh! I didn't go swimming for many years as I was scared of sharks. This included the local swimming pool.
( girlinthehole, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:35, 4 replies)

I have a few of these
I have two main irrational phobias.

Firstly, and most seriously, spider's webs.

I can't stand them. I can't stand to look at them, go near them or (god forbid) touch them. I don't know why, as I have no problem with spiders themselvs and can quite happily hold a tarantula as long as it doesn't try and spew a vile web on me.

I honestly don't know where this comes from. I think I walked into a massive one when I was very young, or perhaps it even goes back as far as some sort of entrapment thing (I was delivered by C-Section).

Secondly, popping balloons. The actual pop itself doesn't scare me, just the anticipation of it. It's so bad that if someone's got an inflated balloon, I have to leave the room.

I think I'm claustrophobic.

I have a fear of things getting stuck to my skin. Especially in a pattern. Eww. *shudders*

Also, I REALLY REALLY CANNOT STAND the feel of nylon clothes on dry skin.
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:35, 2 replies)

Zombies
I'm terrified of zombies. They eat your brains. My mum says they're more scared of me than I am of them, but I know she's just saying that to make me feel better.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:34, 11 replies)

Telephones
And making calls thereon. All comes back to the whole self-confidence thing.

I'm fine if someone calls me, but when I need to call someone (certainly for anything significant), I'll end up spending 10 minutes planning out the conversation before I can bring myself to lift the receiver.

Does the call ever go the way I expect? No - but it doesn't matter, because once I'm talking, I'm fine. But actually getting to the stage of making the call - not so good.
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:34, 6 replies)

Lots...
Not really phobias as i'm not really scared of them, they just make my teeth itch, my body shiver and my stomach twinge...

1: Polystyrene. Nothing unusual about it, but when you get two bits and rub them together, the sound emited could possibly be the sound a cat makes when being raped by a chainsaw.

2: This is a weird one, and i've no idea where it came from, but bare feet on sandy surfaces. I'm not sure whether it's the raspy sound it makes or the actual motion, but doing it myself makes me leap 10 feet in the air, if someone else does it then i physically shake and have to move away. Paving slabs are the worst, or rocks... the beach used to terrify me.

3. Flipflops. It's not the actual flipflop, but the bit of string/plastic that sits between your big toe and the next one (someone cleverer than me can probably give you it's proper name). Just the thought if it rubbing away at the skin between my toes, and the squeaky sound it makes when wet is enough to ruin any holiday. Combine this with phobia No. 2 and you can imagine i had some fantastic holidays as a kid.

4. Eyes. I tried contact lenses once. In one eye. After being forcibly held down by my optician. NEVER again, i'd rather be blind than let anything touch my eyeball. People always tell me things like "you just need to get used to them" and "it just takes a bit of practice"... bollocks, eyes are for looking out of, not for shoving bits of plastic or glass into.

5. ice lolly sticks. chip shop forks, wooden cuttlery, chopsticks. I'm fine with everything here and can eat away quite happily using them. Until they touch my tongue. Then whatever i am eating at the time will be regurgitated immediately followed by my cringing and shivering.

It's probably appropriate to mention that all of the above are normally accompanied by guttural mewling from myself at the same time, reminiscent of the sounds a toothless man would make while trying to eat a toffee apple.

God i'm a freak.
(Nuclear Ninja like a radioactive Chuck Norris..., Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:32, 2 replies)

metal, on the teeth
or that horrible scraping noise that metal can make
( wjh31, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:31, Reply)

Ice and insects
Shivers down my spine? The sound of scraping ice.

Make me run out of a room screaming like a girl? Moths and daddy-long-legs (aka crane flies). I'm slowly overcoming my mothophobia (I can just about deal with small ones), but daddy-long-legs are the spawn of satan and should all die.

Do you know if you catch one (not that I'd get within 100 metres) in your hands, their legs fall off? *shudder*

Edit: Oh, also the thought of chewing tin foil.
(terrorbite, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:28, 5 replies)

Baked Beans
Cant stand them. Cant be near them.

They move funny, and they terrify me. My girlfriends sister found this out, threw a can at me, I had to catch them, as the thought of the tin breaking open in front of me made me feel sick!

Whoever invented baked beans is my nemesis.
(TheWatcher, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:28, Reply)

Spitting
EUUEUEUUEEEERRRGHHH!

Just. Fucking. Gross.
China was difficult for me.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:23, 12 replies)

Tumble drier fluff
sends my eldest daughter screaming from the room.

So of course her loving mum wouldn't dream of sneaking up behind her with a big handful ......
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:21, Reply)

Crisps
'Solanum tuberosum phobia'

My boss at my new job informed me on my first day that i would be sacked on the spot were I to bring in a packet of crisps to eat with my lunch, as he has an uncontrolable fear of the delicious crunchy snack. He went so far as to demonstrate how close he can get to an open pack before he starts to feel uncomfortable, 4 feet seems to be the maximum before teh fear kicks in.

So i asked 'what about other crisp-type snacks, like Doritos or Quavers?' to which he replyed 'Quavers are the worst, i can't even go in the same room as an open packet of Quavers'

He did however add that ready salted crisps are ok, and he loves to eat them.
(Dean, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:20, 1 reply)

Aural rather than Oral. Oh, and nasal.
But the scrapy sounds made when someone is using a wooden spoon or spatula.

*shiver*

And having a blocked nose. I will blow the old snotter until I'm spraying claret like a haemophiliac garden sprinkler but I can't bear a snotty snout. I've been in a queue behind an alleged female who was forced to sniff so rapidly it was like a surreal version of Ivor the Engine to stop the snot-wave washing over her top lip. Bleurrgh.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:19, 3 replies)

Janet Street Porter
There's just something about that voice and the massive overbite that sends shivers down my spine.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:19, 5 replies)

Belly button
I know someone that is afraid of belly buttons.

Including her own.

She washes in the shower with her eyes shut.

Just pretend that your intention is to touch her belly button and she faints.

It's like a girl with an off switch.
(Tim K, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 14:16, 4 replies)