Doing other things instead.
That's the true meaning of procrastination - finding other things to do, when you know you should be working on a particular project.

Last year I entered a writing contest, along a predetermined theme. The entries had to be based around the idea of a machine that would tell you, from a blood sample, exactly how you were going to die. I saw the post, thought "Ooh! I'll enter that," got a rough outline for three different stories assembled, and then did absolutely fuck all with them for three months.

The night of the deadline. I'm staring at a blank Writer document. Every now and then I tap out a couple of lines, cringe, and have a smoke.

Believe me, I wanted to enter. Hell, I wanted to win. But little things, so many little things, got in the way - jobs for actual paying clients, cups of tea, cigarettes, beer, Resident Evil 4 - I was a busy man! I had procrastinating to do!

And so it came to pass that two days before the deadline, I focussed my procrastination energy into a single, horrendously silly act of intellectual violence against the monster we call "motivation." If I must procrastinate, I thought, I shall procrastinate like a King. I shall procrastinate like the Gods. I shall create a Remarkable Procrastination Device, set it loose upon the world, and show them, show them all, what true procrastination is really all about!

And then I went back to letting my own machine tell me that I needed to Repeatedly Taste my Flappy Crotch, wasting another hour. Damn, it worked too well.

As I went to bed that night, having uploaded this infernal machine to the web, I had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind. Like I'd forgotten something.

Three hours later, two stories were ready. They were of such shockingly poor quality that they might have been written by an inbred orang-utan with a typewriter, a bag over his head, serious brain damage and no hands. But I'd written them. Achievement!

My latest big writing project is a novel about genetically-engineered forklifts. Obviously, I can't put this off by writing a silly little Flash widget to waste people's time, oh no. This is a novel we're talking about. This is big. This is important. It'd take some serious procrastination to do this justice!

...so I wrote an even bigger waste of time instead.

One day I'll take on a project so large, so ambitious, that I'll have to invent a robot that can procrastinate for me. It'll gaze at its mechanical navel all day, and perhaps discover the meaning of life. Or, it'll see how many pennies it can fit in there.

My record is ten.
(CavemanJoe lives on improbableisland.com, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 5:00, 6 replies)

Procrastination to the point of idiocy
I'll find a reason to procrastinate in the stupidest of circumstances...

I've spent far too long in education, and pissed off far too many tutors, simply because of a talent for finding something else to do, no matter how close the deadline may be, or how important the work to be done is. I can be sat, painfully bored, with multiple assignments due in, and will still go watch awful television to avoid doing things.

I am poor, because of a reluctance to both finding a job, or claiming back bank charges, or using my talents online to bring in even a little money.

I'm fat, because it's easier to sling a pizza in the oven than spend some time cooking good healthy food. I've been meaning to come up with a 14 day menu, detailing prices and nutritional content, but I haven't got round to it yet...

Hmmm...maybe I should take a long hard look at myself...
( Mr.Ons knows you can hear him, Earthmen., Thu 20 Nov 2008, 4:46, 3 replies)

A Story of Procrastination
Perot gazed a new son.

'Pro' graced a nation.

Perot raised a showman.

Progressed, the new son.

Pro raced, a nice one.

Perot gave a notion.

Pro guessed, a new shin?

Perot jests, "Ah, no, son."

Pro gazed a new S.H.O.M.*

Pro-greased and new shine.

Pro caressed 'igniton.'

Pro gassed in a *SSSHHOONNNNNNN*

Pro raced and soon won.

Pro crazed, a notion:

Pro'd race 'The Grey Swan'

Prodded Grey, "Still no shame?"

Pride grazed, a needed shake.

Pro raced, the night sank.

Progress, and now sun.

Pro, Grey, a near shunt!

Pro cursed the name 'Swan.'

Pro crashed in Ocean.

Perot gasped, "No! Son..."

Pro, crushed, and ended soon.

Pro's ghost, is now home.

=(


*Super High Output Manifold
( Digeridude Lord Wellington's Beef Trapeze, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 0:03, 6 replies)

Procrastination is not an option in my job.
The nearest I get to it is volunteering to scan documents all day, which is done in a separate room and so, bar scanning things through and making sure they've worked, my time is more or less my own. If teh boss comes by, I've been having issues with the scanner, or else there were fiddly things that needed attending to before they could be scanned.

The one thing I can't procrastinate about is cleaning and tidying the flat before the parents arrive next weekend for the first inspection, as well as the letting agent coming by on Monday *hides candles*.
( Maladicta, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 23:23, Reply)

First one I've been able to answer for a while
Not purely out of laziness you understand...just a lack of motivation and erm...

So two years of studying for GCSE's proved fruitless for mathematical pursuits - three times gaining an F grade really gets to you after a while. So 15 years later, I find Maths of that standard is actually required for a course I need to go on, with three weeks notice.

Much googling, studying and asking questions of mathematically minded friends later, took the test today and scraped a pass.

Time to slack off a bit before the course starts now I reckon!
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 23:17, Reply)

Postcard from the edge.
I went to New York in April and bought a bunch of postcards to send back...

But I had to go back to the shop to get another when I saw that one of them still had a picture of the twin towers on it.

What was the shopkeeper thinking?
(El Fandango carved a big EF onto his nemesis' doublet on .., Wed 19 Nov 2008, 22:18, 4 replies)

I haven't answered a QOTW for ages.
However, this has been mostly because none of them have warranted a decent answer for a long time.

/tinyrant
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 21:40, 5 replies)

I
have just spent 10 minutes unloading the dishwasher so that I can put the grill in it rather than spend 30 seconds washing it up.

Which makes no sense when I washed up the frying pan and chopping board, then wiped down the kitchen surfaces.

Breaking both of the yolks on my fried eggs sums up the day today I think.
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 21:36, 5 replies)

membership issues
i bet those procrastinating about joining the BNP are breathing a sigh of relief..
(imallamallama looking forward to llamageddon on, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 21:20, 14 replies)

Car insurance
My procrastination sin is an absoulte failure to be bothered reading anything official looking. Like car insurance documents.

I thought that becuase i had paid the car insurance i was therefore insured! Right?

Wrong.

Luckily my dad very kindly taxed my car whilst i was on holiday and discovered that the big fat letter from the insurance people which i had opened was not, as i had deduced from reading the company logo, an insurance policy. It was in fact a policy request form which required my signature and all that other official document type stuff. He duly broke the law and signed the thing on my behalf and hey presto i was taxed and insured.

Next morning on the drive to work my rear view mirror is filled with flashing blue lights and the boys in blue with a grin on their faces. "It seems that this car is not insured son"

I laughed. A lot

If it hadnt been for my dad i would have been well and truly shafted thanks to my laziness. Its always a pleasure getting one over the fuzz though!

Thanks dad.
(babyjak, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 21:09, 3 replies)

My Boyfriend is so lazy...
That it's taken him 3 years to sort out his CV and it's still not finished!
(Soaps Roller derbying your way since, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 20:42, Reply)

Shopping
Just come home from my mates - his procrastination sin is shopping -

So much so that he ran out of marge the day before yesterday and is currently spreading Olive Oil on his toast and sandwiches in its place.

I suppose if he left it open long enough it would congeal into a marge type paste but still, the lazy git.
(sproutout Aardvarks you gotta love 'em, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 20:32, 2 replies)

well...
I think of questions to ask 118118 (but never send them), such as:
where is bin laden hiding?
why?
were the moon landings faked?
how much are you paid?
what is the meaning of life?
if I were to set off now from london, would I get to barcelona quicker by train, bike, car, helicopter, fleet of turtles or plane?
why don't chickens that eat smarties lay rubik's eggs?
what number am I thinking of?
when is hammer time?
what is the square root of -9?
can a snake eat itself?
how can I train a poodle to fly?
how many planes have flown across papua new guinea since 1900?
yeah, I'm kinda mad.
(venort apparently exists, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 20:01, 3 replies)

Today
What I was supposed to do:

Iron a shirt for tomorrow's interview.
Polish shoes.

What I did instead:
Browsed my daily webcomic lsit.
Browsed B3ta
Browsed a couple of Metal forums.
Browsed Failblog
Browsed My Confined space
Browsed forums again to see if anybody had replied to previous posts.
Browsed Youtube looking for that clip of the monks fighting.
Listened to some Accept.
Went and bought a paper and a doughnut.
Had a nap.
Watched some Justice League.
Had a look on Amazon to see if they had a Hawkgirl figure.(They do)
Had my tea.
Browsed wrestlinggonewrong
Looked to see if the new Zero Punctuation was up yet.(It is)
Browsed B3ta yet again.
Came up with a list of all the things I did today that weren't ironing a shirt.
Posted said list.

You know what, I think I'll do it after Big Bang Theory has finished.
(Big D, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 18:48, 6 replies)

hobby laziness...
I've got a hobby (apart from the retro computer nerdiness and associated code-monkey stuff) - I started Warhammer and WH40k when I was about 9 and I have been painting and modelling ever since. In fact, I was making model aircraft before then, but I digress. I have hundreds of models, most of which are finished, which is unusual in itself.

I always made plans to display them on some huge scenery pieces, as I don't get to game much and they make for a better alternative to flying ducks on the wall or those bloody china villages you see everywhere - in short, I wanted to knock up some buildings, etc, bung the lot on a shelf and look at them. Easy? Well, you'd think so...

Attempt number 1 failed when I moved from Leeds (relationship broke up after Uni, so I left the rented flat I was going to buy, hence the hobby was canned for a while and the custom-sized shelves were binned).

Attempt number 2 (subtitled "Let's make a big SciFi scene with the 40k stuff) stalled due to work commitments - and a new girlfriend who didn't like the aliens and marines, but did like the Fantasy stuff with elves and knights. One three-foot crashed spaceship with surrounding countryside consigned to cardboard box. I'll finish it off one day. Possibly.

Attempt number 3 - the current one - has been through a few iterations (initially it was to be a simple grass field with a bit of scenery, with the miniatures arrayed as a two opposing armies. I'd put it under glass and use it as a coffee table - cool, huh? No. The now-fiancee didn't like that idea, but she also felt they deserved to be on show, hence version two. This basically was the same thing, with more buildings, on a shelving unit (two shelves, so could get creative with cliffs, etc). This died on its ass when we moved.

The final, current, attempt is what I like to call "mental". It's a full city, some 6 foot by 3 feet, standing 3 feet hight, in a wood and glass case, with lighting. Well, we needed something to fill a corner in the studio...thankfully, I pulled my finger out. I'd like to have it finished before I become a dad!
(Chad, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 16:59, 3 replies)

College Essay
I have procrastinated that much over the past week, i haven't started a 3000 word essay that was meant to be handed in today. Im busy playing Runescape like a geek!
I guess I will just start it later and hand it in tomorrow...

Apologies for lack of funny, I wasn't born with any funnyness in me.

EDIT: Apologies for shortness aswell, im crap with stories.
(Jim Fixed It For Me, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 16:27, Reply)

b3ta procrastination
I've lurked and read b3ta for about 7 years, but for some reason I have just completely procrastinated and never signed up.

I have read every the QOTW multiple times over the years, usually resulting in me laughing till snot runs out of my nose. I have even recommended b3ta to many other friends who have all signed up themselves over the years and posted while I remained silent.

I can't believe it took a question ABOUT procrastinating to actually get me to sign up and post (even then, the rules about not being able to post until the following Tuesday nearly made me relapse...)

So I'm here now, and I'm afraid your stuck with me. Either that or I'll just procrastinate and never post again, or sods law, as now I am actually here now, QOTW will cease to be....


Sorry about the length, it has been 7 years after all!

P.S. Hello all!
(.dpx, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 16:21, 5 replies)

b3ta - stop procrastinating...
...and give us a new QOTW.
This one sucks!
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 15:45, 12 replies)

First
.
( Sonic the Hedgetrimmer doesn't care what you think, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 14:34, 5 replies)

Speciation
After reading this QOTW, I was so determined *not* to put off writing a critique for my speciation module, I've handed the thing in a week and a half early!

We have to now submit it again through plagiarism-detecting software too, which I can't do yet because it's not even available.
( Peapod Has returned to the fold on, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 14:17, 4 replies)

i'm anal retentive
which means that i do enjoy putting off the moment when i will drop a log.
i know it's a bit weird, but getting the poo shivers can be quite pleasant.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 14:16, 19 replies)

My life as a terminal procrastinator...
1) I'm sat here typing this, when I should be re-writing the copy for a global product website. Bugger it, I'll do it on the train instead of Sudoku.

2) Through cunning use of email, voicemail and directing work to colleagues who are in different countries, I once spent a week at home watching Diagnosis Murder and still saw projects going out on time. I was praised for getting things done - I should feel guitly, but I view it delegation as part of my management skill-set....

3) My wife is pregnant - the baby is due in April/May. She wants to decorate the nursery this weekend, but between you and me, it'll end up being done sometime in March, maybe even early April - the excuse I give myself is that if I do it now, the place will probably need a freshen-up by then, so why do a job twice?

4) There's a fault on the dash of the new car. It's a dealer issue and they are willing to fix it. I've yet to arrange getting the car in to the garage, as it would mean I have to also argue for a courtesy car or my wife has to take time off of work, losing time she wanted to book off before the baby arrives so we can decorate. If I end up having to pay for the repair, it'll cost me £1000 or so, but that hasn't spurred me into action yet.

4) I gave up smoking - not through any great effort or going to meetings, etc, but simply by not being arsed with the faffing of making sure I had tobacco, papers *and* a lighter.

5) The coffee machine at work packed up. The canteen is 11 floors down. I nearly died of dehydration that week.

6) I took a week to reply to a message which would have taken me five minutes to do.

I have a theory, though, that it's not exactly laziness - I work hard and get a lot done - I think it's exhaustion. I have a two-hour commute each way, I rarely get to bed before midnight and I've been working on four or five hours sleep a night for two years now. Since my wife has been pregnant she's been in a lot of pain and has kept me awake with constant trips to the loo, to the kitchen for water, paracetamol, etc, as well as then tossing and turning as she tries to get comfortable. Consequently, I have undergone the kind of sleep depravation that is usually practiced at Guantanamo...
(Chad, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 13:35, 7 replies)

I have only just noticed this QOTW.
Is this for real? b3ta.com asking its users about procrastination? Is there not something pretty self-explanatory about all this?
( barryheadwound Mul-ti-pass? Multipass!, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 13:20, Reply)

Right so far today
I was supposed to have,
-Woken up at 6
-had a shit
-had a shower
-got dressed
-have a bowl of cornflakes (FTW!)
-gone to college
-left college, gone to town, (half day)
-picked up a load of job application forms (for i'm poor :[)
-fill them in and hand in said application forms with a cheesy grin which would oh so plainly clinch my employment
-do a bit of chrimbo shopping (doesn't help with me being poor, hooray for charity shops!)
-return home, take dog for a walk
-have a nap which'd last all day


So far I have
-woken up at 12
-had a wank
-watched loose women for half an hour

and i want to be a royal marine too :)
laziness is my downfall

coleen nolan is fit
(Freddles, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 12:55, 2 replies)

Lazy
Im so Lazy.
(tfi049113 Was found alive on, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 12:37, Reply)

procrastination is..
often just not wanting to do the thing you 'really want to do'.

For example, 'procrastinating' about starting a strict diet and exercise regime can be a way of making a decision that you don't want to do it, but not having to admit that you've made that decision.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 12:30, Reply)

Too much?
I was going to do a mock up of a Daily Mail special gift.

Collect 5 tokens and get a special Christmas nativity scene with Princess Diana cradling Baby P.

Show your friends just how outraged you are and at the same time how kind and caring you are!
(elvinio, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 12:28, Reply)

The unfinished Cliff Richard song.
"Procrastinaaaations, and celebraaations, when I tell everyone that you're in love with-"
(MunchMyBalloons, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 12:28, 2 replies)

What are the odds
that somone posts a procrastination anecdote tomorrow afternoon in the new QOTW?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 12:22, 11 replies)