
Last week, I thought we'd run over and killed something. After steeling myself to get out and find the body of somebody's beloved pet, I found we'd squished a bin bag. When has something turned out not as grim as you first thought?
( , Thu 20 Dec 2012, 12:38)
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By none other than the indomitable Dr Shambolic, following his repeated (failed) attempts to rewrite history. I think he finally realised that the 'edit' and 'delete' buttons are not a viable, long term alternative to things like 'spontaneity' and 'wit'.
Yes, being denied the opportunity to mock his depressing attempts at trolling will dent my enjoyment of this site, but at least I don't have to put up with his endlessly repetitive shit anymore.
So, you go, shambles! Keep furiously mashing away at your keyboard, keep editing your posts to make yourself look more intelligent than you are, and keep deleting entire threads when the aforementioned is simply not enough. And when that fails, as it inevitably will - hey, there's always 2.0. You're a winner! Don't ever let anyone take that away from you. It's all you have.
That said, and all things considered - not having to endure his misguided, flailing attempts at humour any longer is definitely a relief.
*awaits rage*
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 0:14, 165 replies)

You spackhanded thread deleting blubbertits.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 0:16, closed)

I don't delete things, that'd be the LOVELY DOCTOR S (that's how you roll on /talk, right?) - but, that all said, merry Christmas. It's genuinely encouraging to hear from you. I can only imagine how hard typing must be, with your hands attached directly to your shoulders. And yet you persevere. You are an example to us all.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 0:20, closed)

jelly.b3ta.com/questions/qotwrelief/post1816526
jelly.b3ta.com/questions/qotwrelief/post1816525?highlight=answers-post-1816526
Of COURSE you don't delete, I mean it's not like it can ever be proved can it?
Are you going to go sit in the mud and cry and eat worms some more now?
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 0:30, closed)

But nevermind that. Merry Christmas, Stuj, and all the best for the new year. Now get back to your day job. Those windows are not going to lick themselves.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 0:41, closed)

I'm not even going to bother asking what your excuse for being such a flailing spastic shitcunt autism crybaby mong is. It IS Grrrmas, after all.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 0:45, closed)

Shit, sorry to disturb you, best get back to flipping those burgers. The drive-through will be fucked without your constant attention.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 0:48, closed)

Never mind, maybe Father Grrrmas will bring you a life this year.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 0:51, closed)

I think you may have mistaken "reading words" for "making shit up". Would you like me to sound out the more difficult parts for you? I can do it through the intercom, if you like.
By the way - mine's a quarterpounder with cheese. I don't want it supersized though, thanks.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 0:54, closed)

Yeah, I BET you don't supersize it. You probably complain that supersized is still too small.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 1:00, closed)

you're a bouncer?
What do you do to keep the sweat from pooling in those folds at the back of your neck?
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 0:55, closed)

( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 1:02, closed)

:(
sadtimes 2 Can.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 1:04, closed)

If you can transition from flipping burgers to flipping pawns, you can still live the dream.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 1:42, closed)

I find your crass generalisation regarding our antipodean brothers more than a little bit racist.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 2:00, closed)

( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 2:07, closed)

at least you guys get to sit back in your Burberry, sinking cans of Stella and whinging about how the pakis that run the off-license down the road took your jobs.
And the weather.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 2:16, closed)

It certainly wasn't intended as a reference to your OKcupid profile
www.okcupid.com/profile/ringofyre/personality
As a matter of fact I think it's great that you're so sex-driven. Good for you.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 2:21, closed)

"sex pest".
Says a lot about you guys actually.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 2:33, closed)

( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 2:37, closed)

Shows that it must happen in Australia often enough that it needs a name.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 11:29, closed)

he ignored me for a couple of months and then he must've got bored.
Trust me you don't miss much - it can be quite funny when you see a thread with say 90 replies but only a handful when you open it. You'll chuckle and wonder what poor sap is either arguing with him or "lol"ing with him.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 0:34, closed)

I dunno, Ringo - I rather enjoy the bickering, and I'm a bit sad that one of the major protagonists has chosen to exempt himself from the right to reply. But I think I'll get over it, given time.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 0:44, closed)

You don't seem to grasp that you're all basically indistinguishable. It's nothing personal. You're all just dreary noise and sometimes it needs the volume turned down.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 9:57, closed)

You will have to try to be less of a prick though. Think of it as an early New Year's resolution.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 0:59, closed)

Blubbertits there's not upset. It's the rest of us that are all upset, see?
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 1:01, closed)

Ah, the 'upset' gambit.
Shouldn't you say "cheers", or something? Because it's funny, right?
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 1:05, closed)

Yes, he is. But I don't want common ground, stuj. This thread is for MAXIMUM RAGE.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 1:09, closed)

This is what happens, stuj, when you try to think. Just flip those patties, and let the world roll by, You'll be happier, I promise.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 1:13, closed)

So, you want HOW MANY extra sides of fries with that triple XL with extra cheese, extra bacon and no salad?
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 1:23, closed)

If you had any 'winner sauce', you wouldn't be at work, at 2am, on the last friday before Christmas, flipping burgers.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 2:01, closed)

www.sabotagetimes.com/life/the-curious-case-of-michael-winners-sauce/
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 2:05, closed)

Isn't actually that clever.
JSYK.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 2:18, closed)

( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 2:32, closed)

Somebody who's spent the best part of Friday night crying on the internet telling somebody who works in a different time zone that he's a failure. Classic qftw here.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 10:15, closed)

( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 19:27, closed)

Leave the thinking to human beings.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 19:38, closed)

Since you seem the font of all knowledge about this.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 19:41, closed)

Most people know this, looks like it's you that lacks the knowledge here.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 20:01, closed)

as one of my online fweends I'm not sure how it could be common knowledge, but....
You sure told me Plummie!
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 20:08, closed)

But still I know this, as it's common knowledge.
You drongo?
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 20:14, closed)

Whatever the fuck that is.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 20:14, closed)

Actually, the pulse is his throbbing cock as he cruises OKcupid, looking for other fat drongoes to double team his wife as he watches.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 20:23, closed)

They could get as many burgers and fries and lardshakes as they wanted and they wouldn't even have to go outside!
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 1:36, closed)

Bigboy?
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 9:22, closed)

Although you could save having to do any of those things by simply eating less.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 11:23, closed)

Clearly I've got it wrong and he's PROUD that Shambles has ignored him.
I guess that being put on ignore by someone means that at least they have actually acknowledged your existence. Dr Shambolic is probably the closest thing he has to a friend right now.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 1:14, closed)

No, I'm not proud - I'm a little bit disappointed. But I'll get by.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 1:21, closed)

Sorry but he's ignoring you.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 1:26, closed)

( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 2:42, closed)

( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 18:33, closed)

That whole post there is rectum numbing tedium from start to finish. Maybe you should try to contribute more instead of moaning.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 9:04, closed)

I'll contribute this picture of some Jimmy Hill-chinned spastic enjoying a festive eat-off with his gorgeous harem. Merry Christmas.

( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 12:01, closed)

( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 14:03, closed)

( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 18:35, closed)

I didn't even know it existed. Top internet stalking there, you creepy mentalist.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 14:01, closed)

How do you do it, man? You must be WELL sexy.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 16:03, closed)

maybe a few steve mcdonalds for good measure too.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 9:07, closed)

( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 9:54, closed)

And I still have the current crop of crybabies on ignore.
You lot genuinely think that people actually distinguish between you, don't you? That's ... amazing.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 10:47, closed)

Bless.
Actually - might be time to stay off the turps Dr. if your memory is that bad.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 11:00, closed)

Ah, right, yes - because you didn't post a thread declaring that you'd sounded the ignore horn, then follow it up the next morning with another thread declaring how completely and massively unbothered you were. That must have been some other squeaky-voiced fat ugly mental.
EDIT: ah, you've deleted your original thread, to which this one was an answer - you remember the one? Where you were crowing about having put me on 2.0, having spectacularly failed to rewrite a completely different thread to make yourself seem marginally less gormless? Normally, I don't much like thread deletion - but I'll make an exception for yours. They're so monumentally shit that being deleted really is the kindest thing.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 12:26, closed)

But it's nice that you think that thread was aimed specifically at you rather than the other three people I put on ignore at the same time and who haven't made a single peep about it.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 12:28, closed)

And also I'm fat and ugly and have a squeaky voice.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 12:30, closed)

That would be priceless if you're fannying about with two browsers just to follow this conversation.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 12:29, closed)

( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 12:36, closed)

( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 12:52, closed)

( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 13:08, closed)

( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 13:26, closed)

You've also got to be cruel to be cruel.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 19:27, closed)

( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 14:02, closed)

( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 14:23, closed)

HP appears to have turned into Albert Marshmallow. He's that indifferent to BD, he's going to post a picture of him with a fat lass.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 14:12, closed)

I think he might fancy me.
( , Sat 22 Dec 2012, 14:33, closed)

I think you might need a stronger prescription on those specs, BD. For one thing, it couldn't be more obviously 'shopped - and for another, you have somehow managed to assess your dribbly, gurning visage and conclude that it is in some bizarre respect fanciable. Honestly - were I to shift to the other side of the bed - I wouldn't go for a drooling cakefiend who looked like the outcome of Worzel Gummidge and Widow Twankey climbing in to that machine from "The Fly".
( , Sun 23 Dec 2012, 0:32, closed)

I wouldn't dare get upset with you, BD - not with your documented track record of abandoning reasonable discourse in favour of head-butting people who offend you. I would imagine, given the massive counterweight of your absurdly gargantuan chin, that your head-butts are a thing of legend.
( , Mon 24 Dec 2012, 1:54, closed)

Much as I'd love to, I couldn't be BD's life partner - I just can't sign off on getting fucked by some sleazy weirdo at a shit internet party whilst BD is in the next room, obliviously eating cake.
( , Mon 24 Dec 2012, 2:47, closed)

( , Mon 24 Dec 2012, 12:28, closed)

I just used my normal one mate - keyboards tend to last longer when you use your fingers to type, rather than a stick attached to your forehead. Your typing style is more deadly to keyboards, due partly to the lack of tactile finesse, and partly to the copious quantities of drool - which will inevitably dribble between the keys and short out the membranes. Try using a bib.
Happy Christmas!
( , Mon 24 Dec 2012, 2:08, closed)

I expect that when you're not on here you're paying fat men to dribble on your face while you wank yourself off.
( , Mon 24 Dec 2012, 2:33, closed)

I wouldn't fancy yours.
EDIT: also, I don't need to pay for the attention of dribbly fat blokes. Shambo gives it up for free.
( , Mon 24 Dec 2012, 2:38, closed)

Hey, it ain't me sounding the ignore horn, pretending it was all some sort of long-term plan, then continuing to post regardless. His LOLIGNORE not withstanding, I daresay he'll be back in this thread before long.
Bit stalky, if you ask me.
( , Mon 24 Dec 2012, 2:51, closed)

There's a post of his directly under this one.
( , Mon 24 Dec 2012, 12:13, closed)

Def.In.Itely.
( , Mon 24 Dec 2012, 12:21, closed)

the longer and more bitter his posts become.
( , Sun 23 Dec 2012, 8:09, closed)

( , Sun 23 Dec 2012, 9:51, closed)

Ha ha, I just logged out and this thread grew to five times the size. Logged back in now so should be safe.
( , Sun 23 Dec 2012, 19:13, closed)

Although all that seems to be missing is a load of posts by a certain fat sweaty crybaby Australian sex offender.
( , Sun 23 Dec 2012, 22:49, closed)

It warms my cockles to think that I'm being missed already.
2can might want to be a bit more careful about what libelous things he/she/it says tho.
( , Sun 23 Dec 2012, 23:31, closed)

My understanding was that I can say what I like about you now because you've decided to do the mature thing and ignore 2.0 me.
If you log out to read this that kind of negates the point of it doesn't it?
( , Sun 23 Dec 2012, 23:50, closed)

No comment on Shambles doing the same thing? Strange. It's almost as if your circle-jerk coterie of idiots are completely blind to one another's laundry list of personal failings. Which you'd pretty much have to be, I suppose, in order to reach your mutual, unfulfilling climax.
I don't think you're going to get much joy in the courts with this one, Ringo - his shocking level of retardation almost certainly means that he will not be deemed culpable.
( , Mon 24 Dec 2012, 1:50, closed)

I haven't commented on Shambles as I have not been following his online antics as closely as you have you creepy internet stalker.
( , Mon 24 Dec 2012, 2:25, closed)

I don't have you on ignore. You're not one of the drearies.
( , Mon 24 Dec 2012, 12:27, closed)

I was referring to the second part of the post.
Bizarre behaviour, he's a horrible troll to people and then when they respond he puts them on ignore.
( , Mon 24 Dec 2012, 15:31, closed)

If you'd trained as a vet instead of a doctor you'd probably have a better grasp of them.
( , Mon 24 Dec 2012, 17:05, closed)
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