Words of Wisdom
I have a motto I've found very useful over the years: 'Criticism is always right, advice is always wrong'. Anyone got any other words of wisdom they've invented or taken to heart?
( flatfrog Staring vacantly into space, Wed 12 Mar 2008, 13:07, Reply)

Scariest film you ever saw...who, where, when, how and why?
One of mine was, aged 15, sitting in a friends bedsitter, about 8 of us watching Pet Semetary (at the time I was going through the Nightmare on Elm Street phase, so well up for watching scary films)

About halfway through, one of our mates stuck his head through the open window and screamed his head off...stupid [email protected] nearly weed my stone washed jeans!!

Since then I cannot watch scary films - I watched 28 weeks later a couple of weeks ago and since been obsessing about red eyed zombies smearing their bloody maws against the windows when I'm Home Alone...
( curvylittlegoth heard the voices in your head on, Wed 12 Mar 2008, 0:51, Reply)

Pet Hates
I didn't see this in the list, but its possible I overlooked/missed it. But I thought I would suggest, what's that thing that you know is silly to get worked up about, but still drives you up the wall every time?
(Teran Thinks Pogonophobia is funny, Tue 11 Mar 2008, 16:40, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

Hitching Stories
Cant believe this hasnt been done yet! Hitching stories, from the person giving or taking the lift are always good. Got a fair few I could give and would love to hear some new ones.
(vibrating tuna, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 17:56, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

Musuko posted this in the QOTW
"Most Pointless Thing Ever Done On Work Time

Has GOT to be a QOTW some time!"
( Cawl, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 16:23, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

Bumper Stickers
Just saw a ferrari with a sticker saying "You think this is nice you should see my Boss's car!"

So any good bumper stickers you have seen.
(uni_boy, Mon 10 Mar 2008, 12:50, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

Where are they now?
Reading some of the really old QOTW's I noticed that some persons who used to be regulars haven't posted in years.

Does anyone know where they are now? or for that matter have you ever run into someone from your past in an unexpected place?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 8 Mar 2008, 21:16, Reply)

Everday I wake up and I take my medication
As discussed in the recent London mini bash, it's quite probable that many QOTWers are on some form of prescription drugs. I once had to take some hardcore tablets that listed very colourful side effects including "hair loss may occur; regrowth may be curly".

From Vicks Vaporub to barium enemas, tell us your best medication stories.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Sat 8 Mar 2008, 16:43, 2 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Rough clubs
I used to go to a club where, one night, someone let off a teargas canister every hour, on the hour, three times. Note that the management decided not to close up the first two times.

What's the roughest pub/ club you've ever been to?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 7 Mar 2008, 12:56, Reply)

Using Industrial machinary
When revising for my A-levels, my brother asked me to help him out working for Bristol water for a couple of weeks, as his usual partner was on holiday.

It was pretty rubbish, and I realised my future lied behind a desk at a computer, rather than unblocking drainsin the rain.

BUT... I got to use a pnematic drill to dig a hole in the road!!!!

I was rubbish, and big bro took over after a few minutes, but I can say with pride that I have used a drill to dig up the road.

What large bits of machinery have you used (preferably in public)?
( Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 7 Mar 2008, 9:53, Reply)

What is the hardest question...
..you've had to ask / answer.


"This one" is for cunts.
( The Lurker Plenty One, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 10:28, Reply)

Advice...
We have seen over the last couple of weeks that B3tans are (mostly) good people with a wealth of skills and experience, some good, some bad... so why not make use of the new reply facility for good!?

People post their dilemmas or quandries... and through the use of the reply function we can all give our tuppence worth... most popular page can be decided by clicks, and most or best replies... if you like the replies click the message.
(fatharry, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 10:14, Reply)

Nightclubs
While out in a club in Newcastle a group of lads were all drinking on the second level. One of the lads, called Joe, is the type of guy who would rather fall on his sword than turn down a bet.
Like so many clubs do – the second level was more like a balcony allowing groups of blokes to perv over the “talent” below. As the club was celebrating its birthday they had decided to theme the night into a 2nd birthday party type thing with bowls of sweets, party bags and a bouncy castle in the middle of the dancefloor.

The group of blokes quickly got onto discussing if it would be possible to jump of the balcony and onto the bouncy castle. One of the lads bet Joe £50 he couldn’t do it. Joe, not seeing sense that this was a stupid idea, took the bet smugly.
The problem was that the club had quickly realized that some twat would try this, so they had arranged a line of bouncers around the edge of the balcony to stop/hit any would be supermen. This would not stop Joe.

He walked to the edge of the balcony and got his eye in. He would need to jump at least 6 ft if he was going to make it – it was about 14 ft down – easy he thought. He went back to his group and picked up his chair. He walked to the more gullible looking bouncer and said “can you look after my chair while I go to the toilet” and set it down by the balcony edge. He paced 10 steps towards the toilets – turned on the spot – and ran as fast as he could towards the chair.

The bouncer had no time to react, by the time he realized what was happening Joe had launched himself off the chair and had thrown himself over the balcony. As soon as he was flying through the air Joe realized that he had mis-aimed and started hopelessly flapping his arms to try and change direction.

It didn’t work, he hit the side wall of the bouncy castle. As this was indoors, it was not tied down to any tent pegs. As he hit it the force caused the castle to violently flip onto the side. This caused the people on it to be thrown out. Most were just scattered on the floor, but, one girl, who must have been jumping at exactly the wrong time, went almost supersonic through the air. Perhaps most of Joes energy was transferred to her as she landed her bounce onto the castle. Joe claims this poor lass traveled about 18 feet before she hit some fellow dancers scattering drinks, handbags and shoes all over the club.

He claimed he had just enough time to say sorry to the crushed ravers before being thrown out into the streets and given the required level of beating by the biggest bouncers.

Still though – credit to him

Many, Many, Many apologies for the length.
( KISS.ME.WHERE.I.POO Signed the sex offenders register on, Wed 5 Mar 2008, 14:18, Reply)

Last night I dremed about rats, stop signs and dead mexican ladies
I want to know what everybody else dreamed of
(Chubster Will kill your children and burn your wife on, Wed 5 Mar 2008, 11:43, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

War storys
how about some old school real war storys my grandad used to say "when you shoot some one with a flamethrower aim for the backpack they explode" i nodded my 9 year old head in awe
(yousatonmybiscuits liberty city has the worst cab drivers, Wed 5 Mar 2008, 11:15, Reply)

Some thing nice and simple
how about "Best concert ever"?
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Wed 5 Mar 2008, 7:54, Reply)

I agree with WiL
I agree wholeheartedly with WiL two posts below mine. This week's Death QOTW has not been very popular, I think we could all do with a pick-me-up, so let's put the nice things we're proud of or that have been done for us on display!!!!
(chrisdalby, Wed 5 Mar 2008, 6:21, Reply)

messed up computer
As we communicate here by means of the great invention of 0-1-machines, what did you/somebody you heard of/somebody who asked you to fix his pc afterwards, do to a computer? Installing dodgy cracked software, hitting it after crashing, clicking every possible banner and popup or did you just let your beloved have a quick look at "some internet"?

What where the results - lost pr0n stash, last 30 pages of your PhD thesis gone or bankruptcy of your business?
(threeverse ultima ratio regum, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 15:47, Reply)

Well, after DEATHLOLZ
How about 'What's the loveliest thing you have ever done for someone without being asked? Or that someone else has done for you? Go on, make us all go 'Aaaahh!' and get all fluffy!'
( ..wil, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 14:08, Reply)

so
yesterday whilst i am juggling urgent files and attending training on law firm management that made the hands on my watch go backwards, staying at work til nearly midnight and then wandering home to a dark, empty flat with nothing but bills on the doorstep.... my former flatmate was flown to las vegas as a surprise, taken in a helicopter over the grand canyon and surprised with a proposal over a champagne brunch.

with an elizabeth duke joke sovereign ring and an appointment in hatton garden to have the real one made.

i am finding it quite difficult to say congratulations on this one. what's made you really bitter recently?!

edit - cheers ladies. i suppose i should say that i am really very happy for her, and she'd better make me a bridesmaid, esp as the wedding will be at st pauls (his parents are MBEs or something). i am just bitter for ME!!!!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 13:13, 5 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Cancer Lol!
Have you ever had cancer? Or known anybody with cancer? TUMOURS ROFL
(__, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 12:51, Reply)

Animal oddities
As a child I recall my cat was strangely overprotective of the leftover end of a cucumber. She would retrieve them from the compost heap and growl if you tried to take it away. I even taught her to play fetch by chucking the cucumber tip down the garden. Not normal cat behaviour!

What's the weirdest thing you've seen an animal do?
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 12:07, Reply)

School-Friends Reunited
You must still know someone from school... no matter how long or short a time it's been since you left the educational system.

What's the best story you've heard about 'someone you went to school with'?

Bonus points if you can beat me... and I've got a few 'celeb' stories, murders, drug deals and a school closure... all from the same school!
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 1:17, Reply)

Awwwhhh...
Without reference to the current QOTW (which I believe to be in the spirit of B3TA - if you want to argue, check out the number of reply pages) what's the last thing that made you either say 'Awwwhhh...' or just made you think 'It's all worth it...'

My eldest Son has recently learnt to cuddle his little brother - it's soooo cute it's unbelievable... they both get excited when they see anything new (like the steam trains last weekend) and better than that - they both (even though they are under the age of 2) are absolutely fascinated by the contents of Daddy's office....

..yep, last night my 20 month old son installed his first PCI card.



But come on.... Awwwhhh...
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 1:14, Reply)

Now thats what I call a sticky situation!
With all this talk of death of late, my mind has been ending posts with "Now thats what I call a sticky situation!"

This got me thinking, what is a sticky situation?

Event from my recent past? Explaining how annoying my cousin was only to turn around and see her. How we laughed!
(Mong goose, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 21:10, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

Oh the irony....
.
Just yesterday, I pulled a muscle in my back. I can just about move without squealing now, but I've blown my 3 years without a sickie record at work. Never mind.

How did I hurt myself? Reaching on top of the wardrobe to fetch my ab-roller! Having not touched it since before Christmas, I decided to launch the annual "flatten the tummy before the summer holidays" crusade, and now I can hardly move, let alone tighten my bloody abs!

There must be others who've hurt themselves while aiming to improve the "body not-so-beautiful". Or am I the only b3tan not to already have a beautiful body? Tell me it ain't so!

By the way, offers of a back massage gratefully received!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 3 Mar 2008, 15:05, Reply)

Phone neighbours
Ever called your phone neighbour? Where are they and is it anyone famous?

What you do is call the number above and below your own, ie if you number ends 06 you call 07 and 05. Try it and let us know!

My neighbour is in Wales and wasn't happy to hear from me in my pissed up state, even after I wished his country luck in the six nations. Ungrateful git!
(Krizla6.9, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 13:03, Reply)

Have you ever seen....
a No 7 bus?
a dog doing a poo?
a mouldy lemon?
a beautiful lady naked?
a used lolipop stick?
a really really dull QOTW?
a fluffeh kittin?
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 12:15, Reply)

suggestion
How about a qotw where every subject is in the third party? ie nothing about yourself in any way
(swampi thought of this, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 19:41, 1 reply, 17 years ago)