Usernames.
We all have wonderful usernames.How did you decide upon yours?
( Mstandot I suppose I should post more often., Mon 26 May 2008, 21:16, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Porno!
Considering how much of the internet is made up of filth (not researched this but it must be a lot right?) Some people must know someone who is on the interweb on filth flicks. Maybe it was the shy guy/girl from school, or perhaps more apporiately the more 'game' guy/girl. Of course, there would be lots of responses about fwd mobile phone clips.
(muzzvsworld, Mon 26 May 2008, 5:09, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Completely make up and untrue story about yourself
(some would argue this is done most weeks, but meh!)
( lordsaccharine b3taing is well retro mate, Sat 24 May 2008, 12:20, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Arkward...
Like many people I've had (at least) my share of arkward moments with people, so I want you to share your pain with me.
What is the most arkward or embarrasing scenario you have ever witnessed, endured or heard of?

I'm talking proper wanting to die, horrible, horrible moments here ok. Nobody write about bumping into their ex in tesco or telling a joke at work where nobody laughs, you get the picture.

Don't dissappiont me peeps!
(chrisdood Why yes, I am the shizzle, Sat 24 May 2008, 0:58, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Peados!

Looking back on your childhood do you ever remember a certain person such as a P.E teacher or cub scout leader and think "Fuck me, he was a giant peado!"

Anecdotes pleease
(chrisdood Why yes, I am the shizzle, Sat 24 May 2008, 0:50, Reply)

Tacky Holidays
Last year in Magaluf, whilst sunbathing in a 'family hotel' pool area I was shocked to see a couple at it like Rabbits.

Which doesn’t seem so bad, but it was midday, and they were right above the shops on terraced walkway. With kids playing just metres away in full view.

They did stop when someone tried to walk passed them. Once the shoppers had passed they continued to a noisy climax.

Actually - to say I was shocked was wrong, I actually accepted this was the norm as did – so it seems – everyone else.

Have you ever ventured to the Costa’s and been ‘rewarded’ for your ‘bargain holiday’ choice?
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Thu 22 May 2008, 10:24, Reply)

Memorable gigs...
I've got loads of funny and interesting memories from gigs over the years. I'm sure you B3tards do too...
(Errorist, Wed 21 May 2008, 16:05, Reply)

Pranks that went wrong
Have you ever planned a practical joke, only for the whole thing to blow up in your face (sometimes literally) due to some small error?
(General_Manchego, Tue 20 May 2008, 15:03, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

They're standing right behind me aren't they
Ever been off on a rant about someone, got it all off your chest only to have the horrific realisation that they heard everything you just said?

Perhaps you have been on the end of said rant?

Or have you been the one comedically dropping hints that they are standing there, such as coughing or looking over their shoulder?
(ChunderThunder, Tue 20 May 2008, 13:11, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

a sexual fantasy that you made real
did it live up to the fantasy? are you unable to ever look yourself in the mirror again? in hindsight, was it a bad idea to involve her mother? do those tiny scatch marks on your headboard bring back embarrassing flashbacks of that cross dressing midget?


_{ah, the memories...sigh}
(The Goat www.cuttingthroughthematrix.com, Tue 20 May 2008, 12:08, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Useless talents
like an 'Anti-Ray Mears' QOTW - talents you have that have no use or point to them

I can teach young children how to memorize a pack of cards (e.g my nephew is into Harry Potter, so I just assign an easily remembered character or symbol to each card to create a story divided into a few chapters - bingo!)

I also taught the dog to play poker - he'd be pretty good at it too if he didn't wag his tail every time he had a good hand
(The Goat www.cuttingthroughthematrix.com, Tue 20 May 2008, 12:05, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

What is the most pointless investment you've ever made?
Everyone has a useless kitchen gadget, or a jacket they never wear. My brother went one better; he bought his family a lifetime membership to the National Trust; now, on every holiday, they have to try and justify it by finding a National Trust property to plod around in the rain while the kids whine that they'd rather be on the beach, and his wife pointedly remarks on all the other things they could have spent one and a half grand on. What is the most pointless thing you have been conned into buying?
( Peregr1n @peregr1n, Mon 19 May 2008, 21:03, Reply)

unwanted attention
there is a banging noise on window and a wolf whistle. i turn around at my desk to see the accommodation window cleaner.

i can't even be flattered. he can't see me properly. If he could, there would be no wolf whistling. i am disheveled. my make up is smeared. i am wearing comfortable trousers of the baggy, stripy variety. my hair is at right angles.

i look around and scowl. it is my best scowl. this does not perturb him.

i go wandering out of my room. oh dear, they are at every window on my side of the building. i see them. i bang on flat mate's door. as it so happens, flat mate has left without my knowing it. it is blatant to the men at every window that i am trying to escape them.

i have nowhere to go. leaving the building means going right past them.

i go back to my desk with their laughter ringing in my ears and sulk.

there havent been enough stories of humiliation of late. bring 'em back!
(ladyintheradiator, Mon 19 May 2008, 15:45, Reply)

Small but annoying mysteries
My dad was on a train and overheard one half of a telephone conversation, including the immortal line:

"Yeah, there was only one in Norwich but it was covered in ants."

Neither my dad nor anyone he has ever shared the "Great Norwich Mystery" with have been able to offer a sensible suggestion as to what he was talking about.

Also, why does tea drunk through a straw taste horrible?
(Axeman Jim, Sun 18 May 2008, 15:38, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Piss stories
So far we've had two QOTWs about our number twos, so it's about time we had one QOTW about our number ones.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sat 17 May 2008, 17:11, Reply)

Religion
What are your views and experiences on religion and spirituality? Do you believe in the resurrection and the holy ghost or do you believe in the erection and the ghostly holes? Does a 'holy' book justify flying planes into things? Is rubbing Buddha’s belly more your thing? Is New-Age stuff better than Old-Age stuff? Do you think that something's out there but you’re not quite sure? Or do you just think its all a load of old bollocks? Are your beliefs based on science or magic? Do you have respect for other people's beliefs or do you think yours are the one and only? Please let it all out.

_{Helpful hint: Instead of flaming people, try asking them thought-provoking questions instead. Also, restrict your preaching to your own posts and only use the reply button to discuss other people's posts.}
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sat 17 May 2008, 17:09, 3 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Okay, Don't Stress...
I got yelled at last night for using a pronoun. Seriously.

Was talking with a mate concerning a particular girl. I replied 'I do like the guy she's with...', to which she interjected with "WHO'S SHE? The cat's MOTHER?!"

What's the oddest thing somebody has stropped at you for?
(__, Fri 16 May 2008, 14:10, Reply)

Best Tabloid Headline Ever
'Hop off you Frogs' is a personal favourite - alongside the Al Quaeda expose headed 'The Bin Men' which still makes me smile years later.

What's yours?

(thanks, I'll have a pint etc etc)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:37, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Lies to children
My mother's pet goat disappeared mysteriously one day. It wasn't until she was an adult that she discovered the creature had been eaten for dinner.
What lies were you told as a child? Or what lies do you tell your own children?
( flatfrog Staring vacantly into space, Wed 14 May 2008, 21:25, Reply)

Wankered again so....................
The beginnings of the 10 commandments according to Captain Placid.
1/ What goes on tour, stays on tour
2/ Thou shalt not talk about weed club
3/ Thou shalt not go to tesco with money in your pocket and the munchies
4/ Thou shalt not poke the payroll
5/ If thou shalt covet thy neighbour's ass, let's hope it's a woman
6/
etc, etc.
So guy's and gals, what would yours be?

No apologies if this is a pearoast, I'm too stoned to check.
Have fun!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 13 May 2008, 23:33, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

Real hard men
We've all seen the "hard" chavs who run at the first sight of danger, but what about the real hard men in the world?

On a polar expedition (1914), Ernest Shackleton's ship was trapped by ice. He took a few men and sailed a small, open lifeboat 800 miles over the most dangerous seas in the world, landed on an island and climbed mountains thousands of metres high (through entirely uncharted territory) to reach the nearest human habitation on the other side of the island. He then returned to rescue every last man stuck on the ship.

Then there's Ranulph Fiennes (another polar explorer for those who don't know) - he got frostbite in his fingers. Eventually he got so fed up with them aching once he was home that he cut them off with a hacksaw in his garden shed, then went back to watching the football on TV.

Or a guy I know from up North (former open water windsurfing instructor) who broke his foot wakeboarding, to the extent that the bone stuck out of his foot. He put electrical tape over it and carried on for another hour before driving himself to A&E.
( MatJ LOOK, Tue 13 May 2008, 22:17, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Cringe-worthy erotica
Have you ever been sent some erotica that was so bad you felt embarrassed for the author? Have you written something and years later; think, "Did I really write this?" Or have you read something that involves such a 'unique' fetish that you just shrivelled up inside? Please share these 'masterpieces'.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 12 May 2008, 23:23, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

zombie survival plans
i recently updated my zombie survival escape/defence plan after moving house. tell us all your plans for survival on that inevitable day when the zombies finally attack!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 12 May 2008, 22:37, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

When I'm falling asleep
my brain often wanders off on very strange tangents- last night I got onto thinking about the detective investigation that surrounded Peter Sutcliffe.

What strange thoughts do you have when falling asleep?
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Mon 12 May 2008, 20:47, Reply)

books that have
changed your life in some way or had a large impact on your outlook that you'd recommend to others

I only found out about Robert Kiyosaki's "Rich Dad, poor Dad" series from a recommendation, so why not have a QOTW on inspirational books and recommendations?
(The Goat www.cuttingthroughthematrix.com, Mon 12 May 2008, 16:34, 4 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

You bet
Do you remeber MAtthew Kelly on 'YOU BET? There would be all these mad acrobats and small boys who could recognise birds by their tail fethers. What is your 'YOU BET'skill? Memorising telephone books? juggling jelly? doing triple somersaults?

Mine is the ability to find things in the house ("It's on the second shelf down in the cupboard beside the sink, three jars in from the left hand side")
( seeballs Doo da da doo da da doo da da doo, da da doo da do, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:51, Reply)

Watching Strangers
Alright folks, what about when you're in public and you see strange little stories unfold in front of you with complete strangers? It could be domestic abuse, drug dealings, internet meets, escort meets, ebay meets, easy pulls, drunken antics, lost wedding ring. Ok you get the picture, any old trash you can't take your busybody eyes away from! Personally I always wonder if any1 seen me when a bloke from sierra leone approached me in Bangkok with regards to smuggling items. Surely it's possible people presumed I was getting propositioned to partake in illegal activities?
(muzzvsworld, Sat 10 May 2008, 15:09, Reply)

What about...
"I'm not even supposed to be here today!!!"

Get dragged into work on your day off, mayhem ensues... you get the picture.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Fri 9 May 2008, 21:10, Reply)