Embarrasing things you've heard a parent say.
My mate's mum is the best for this, the funniest being when a couple of my mates were talking a bit too much about spit roasting someone, his mum didnt know what this meant.

After a while she had enough with the noise and was met with silence when she said, "IF YOU TWO DONT SHUT UP, I'LL SPIT ROAST THE PAIR OF YOU!"

Classic Anne!!
(rambosilk Liberty for wolves is death to the lambs., Thu 28 May 2009, 17:04, Reply)

What celebrities have you met?
When I was a baby, David Hasselhoff once passed by my mother when he was making a public appearance at a store. He said hi, then looked at me in my stroller and said "What a cute baby." So there you are. David Hasselhoff said I was cute. :-)
(mariam67, Wed 27 May 2009, 23:46, Reply)

How you've changed as you've gotten older.
For example, when I was younger, I didn't even know Ozzy Osbourne used to be in Black Sabbath. Now I'm less young, I have the strong opinion that "if it ain't Ozzy, it ain't Sabbath". How have you changed as the years moved on?
(almightyjoey is most likely listening to Electric Wizard on, Wed 27 May 2009, 17:00, Reply)

Sacked or Diciplined at work!
The best sacked or deciplined at works stories.

I have a few, I got sacked from a recruitment company for setting up a small football pitch with another lad i worked with using a stress ball. This was all done whilst the boss was away and I was put in charge. Stupidly we didnt think we would get caught despite the fact we work in an office with a big shop window for everyone to see us sweating away during a Penalty shoot out for the Cup Winners Stapler!

I resigned from another company before I was sacked for racing around the car park at 15 mph (limit was 10mph). When approached by some woman i'd never seen before giving me a lecture i told her to fuck off (i was a manager at the time). Little did I know she was the wife of the director.

They tried to have me put in front of a panel for breaching health and safety. I informed them that my training whilst as a Police officer allowed me to be more in control of a vehicle at 90mph than a normal person doing 10mph, it didnt work so i quit before I was sacked.

[God edit: Retracted company details]
(rambosilk Liberty for wolves is death to the lambs., Wed 27 May 2009, 16:23, Reply)

Accidents will happen...

I once suffered a blood-splattering 'cock-caught-in-zip' calamity that was very difficult to explain to my missus, because not only was I nowhere near a toilet at the time...but also it wasn't actually my own zip that I was stuck in...

We all like to laugh at other people's misfortune - tell us about your 'accidents' and make us all glad to think that no matter how rubbish our own lives are, it could be worse...we could be you.

Then again, maybe having an accident was the best thing that happened to you? Either way - we want to know.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 27 May 2009, 9:58, Reply)

Things to do before you move house?
Bury your dead cat under the floorboards?
Knock through a few stairs?
Take everything including the kitchen sink?

the possibilities are endless
(MissFlee tried again on, Wed 27 May 2009, 9:17, Reply)

Butterfly effect
What small decisions have you made that turned out to have big consequences later on? For good or for bad?
(calamarain just invented dehydrated water, Tue 26 May 2009, 22:56, Reply)

Epiphanies.
Positive or Negative. Have you ever suddenly just realized how it works? Realized what it's all about? Realized you've left the oven on when you're at work? Tell us about it.
(almightyjoey is most likely listening to Electric Wizard on, Tue 26 May 2009, 16:11, Reply)

Managers
Managers are a useless plague that has befallen every form of work place, and they seem to think that they are god and their word is law, you even get managers to manage the managers who are managing the normal staff, they also seem to have a strange outlook on what everyone else should do.

so tell us your storys of these strange useless creatures.
(radial head fracture, Tue 26 May 2009, 13:03, Reply)

Living dangerously
I've been hit by cars, and been smashed by a bus, all at the tender age of 17. Tell us about you're dangerous stories!
(ColinS needs to eat, Sun 24 May 2009, 20:08, Reply)

Bribery

Have you ever bribed anyone or has anyone ever bribed you? Why? What was the outcome?
( Turquoise Hexagon Sun has just dropped acid on, Sat 23 May 2009, 12:20, Reply)

something new
right . Some friends and I used to do this with often hillarious consequences.. instead of question of the week (or maybe just test it as one week special?) you do a . . . . .wait for it . . .

picture of the week

the idea is you trawl out some picture from the bowels of the routers and present it to the readers... we then compose stories based on and around said picture... points awarded for flair, creativity, catchy prose and suchlike..

ey ? ey ?
(The Cats Twat, Thu 21 May 2009, 20:44, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

First Dates
There was a 'my worst date' some time ago, but this could be any story, good or bad - was it love at first sight? Did you cop off? How was the movie?
( flatfrog Staring vacantly into space, Thu 21 May 2009, 13:27, Reply)

Wierd local sayings
In Vermont, the small northeast US state I live in, if something is broken it is said to have "shit the bed". When the old timers want to stress the importance of something they just said, they end the sentence with "by the jesus" or "by the jeezum" if they are religious.

Any strange sayings in the UK or elsewhere?
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 21 May 2009, 1:59, Reply)

Learning How To Drive
I tried to do this once - completely fucked it up. Thought better of it after nearly killing several pedestrians, a dog, and a couple of cats during my first lesson.

Learning how to drive - discuss.
( SpankyHanky, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:16, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Weird Patriotism
One time in a bar in Cassablanca I nearly got into a fist fight with a fella from Boston (America, not Lincolnshire). Why? Because I claimed Bournville was the best damn chocolate in the world while he was a Hersheys man. We were both a long, long, LONG way from home...

Tell us about your strange, weird, or just downright idiotic outbursts of wanton patriotism.
( SpankyHanky, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:14, 5 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Lost
When I was a kid I got lost in Tescos. Being a sensible five year old I immediately started crying, and asked any woman who looked a little bit like my mother if they'd: "Like to be my mummy..." And then pissed myself.

Tell us about your experiences of being lost.
( SpankyHanky, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:05, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Caught Red Handed
On a trip to the girlfriends parents house in Wales recently I was caught red handed by her mum as I fixed a late night snack. She didn't mind me knicking her food, but she did mind the fact I was standing in her kitchen in the dark stark bollock naked when she turned the light on. Nearly gave the old dear a fucking heart attack.

Tell us about the trials and tribulations of being caught red handed.
( SpankyHanky, Wed 20 May 2009, 22:56, Reply)

I know we did customers from hell...
but I liked it. Let's do it again!
(mariam67, Wed 20 May 2009, 22:16, Reply)

Theft
We've all stolen something..admit it!

Penny sweets, another persons partner, a baby penguin from the local zoo?

what have you stolen and what happened?
(Eggstrovert isnt patronising you...honest..., Wed 20 May 2009, 15:37, Reply)

The Pros and Cons of Hitchhiking
Lets have your stories about hitchhiking! Have you even been stranded for hours or days, soaking wet & hungry?

Maybe you have met a few pervy types?!

My best one was hitching with my ex up to Durham and a car with a couple in stopped. When they saw we both had fairly big rucksacks they reluctantly opened the boot and revealed several schoolmasters type canes and a book entitles "The Book of Punishments"!!
( Vambo, Wed 20 May 2009, 15:11, Reply)

Gulp! Oh No!
Ever had one of those moments when you've made a serious error? You have that fleeting moment of dread as realisation dawns that you have just done something REALLY bad and it's too late to stop it.

Something like switching off the wrong computer and waiting whilst literally thousands of users call to complain....

Or accidentally drinking poison intended for an enemy...

Then the panic...

You get the idea.
( TheFinch is getting to grips with the complex plane on, Wed 20 May 2009, 15:06, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Pure Anger
Ever just felt rage grip you so much that you punch a kitty cat for no apparent reason?
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Wed 20 May 2009, 10:56, Reply)

Accidental Gaybo
Have you every accidently fell on a cock or cunt?
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Wed 20 May 2009, 10:42, Reply)

80's
You know you tried to fit in during that terrible era. How low did you stoop?
(tuppyholeman, Wed 20 May 2009, 9:18, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Gigs and concerts
As suggested further down the page.

Just do it.

You know it'll be good.
( MatJ LOOK, Wed 20 May 2009, 2:14, Reply)

I once told my brother to take a short walk off a long pier
when and how have you failed spectacularly?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 19 May 2009, 18:54, Reply)

Plans versus reality
"Failing to plan is planning to fail" so some cock-munching business-speak goes.

However, in real life, most of the time our plans come to nothing. What's the biggest difference been between a plan you've made (for a career / party / holiday / whatever) and what ended up happening in real life ?
( I_Was_Mordred, Tue 19 May 2009, 17:45, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Just Rewards
or just deserts (and yes, that is the correct terminology).

Tell us your tales of comeuppance!

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Tue 19 May 2009, 15:00, Reply)

QOTW True or False Challenge
I'm forever wondering which QotW stories are true and not.

What unbelievable stories are actually true and how believable a story can you make up? Tell all, and put a T or F in the last line (or first reply maybe).
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:33, Reply)