You win the lotto
what would spend it on?

On your enemies, and fuckers I mean.
( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 17:45, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

Your earliest experiences of the internet
Mine was downloading (cough) stuff from newsgroups over dial-up, and having to wait up to a minute for a tiny 300-pixel picture to appear which would invariably prove a disappointment.
And people getting upset by alt.princess.di.die.die
And a shitty geocities website I used to run. It had an animated gif urging people to email me. Simple times, for simple folk.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 15 Mar 2012, 15:18, Reply)

Your favourite lies to tell others.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 15 Mar 2012, 9:41, 2 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

How have you changed the world?
I once pressed 'like' on the STOP Kony video.

How will your name, or what you've done, big or small go down in history?
Have you:
Made up a 'fact' that is now common knowledge?
Created an impressive bit of graffiti/vandalism?
Encouraged a friend who's now famous?
Killed someone?
(Natrix, Thu 15 Mar 2012, 5:40, Reply)

Insults
What's the best insult you've ever used or had used on you, you pigfucking friendless retarded bellends?
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Wed 14 Mar 2012, 13:45, Reply)

Catching someone lying
Have you caught someone out when they were lying? You know, 'My dad's a policeman' when he's actually a politician?
(Smale is stuffed, Wed 14 Mar 2012, 11:44, Reply)

Foot in mouth syndrome
When I returned from a trip to south america, my mum, worried that i had been corrupted by Colombian drug-lords enquired, "were you ever offered 'the' hash when you were away?". My reply was an instant reassuring, "No, no, it's all cocaine down there".

Any stories of speaking recklessly before thinking?
(El_diablo_blanco, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 17:24, Reply)

Poor personal hygiene
We've all known or worked with or sat on the tube next to someone who stank of B.O. or had some of last night's dinner in their hair. Share the yukky anecdotes.
( Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 11:50, Reply)

Superstitions
On a recent flight I met a guy who insisted on sitting behind the wings, as if the engines were to explode, death would be less painful. Does anyone have weirder beliefs?
( Muns, Sat 10 Mar 2012, 20:52, Reply)

Have you ever fucked a munchy box, or a fat mess from the internet?
Internet dating stories'll do, if you're not AA
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 13:05, Reply)

Times when you wished for a trapdoor to open under your feet...
or when there was total silence in the pub apart from the jukebox winding down to nothing as tumbleweed passes......
Bit like this suggestion, maybe. ..
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 16:07, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

If you can't do… teach
I was once told by a teacher attempting to teach us about clouds that the amount of water on earth never changes, apparently she hadn't done very well in chemistry. What worrying ignorance do you remember from your school days?
( Ungersven would support SpankyHanky's patreon, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 10:06, 2 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Catch-22
I do Twitter. I'm not proud of it, but it provides an outlet for some venting of spleen that doesn't fit well with other media. Largely because most people aren't interested, but that's beside the point for now.

I relatively recently started using the hashtag #twitterwang, which is based on the Mitchell and Webb sketch Numberwang, and which I use when a tweet that I send - without any premeditation or buggering about - comes to precisely 140 characters.

The problem being that, by definition, #twitterwang cannot be part of the original message. Thereby meaning I have to send a fresh tweet, comprising solely of "#twitterwang".

Meaning that the #twitterwang hashtag is wholly pointless, since without having to go back and look through the individual tweets, nobody can really see what the original twitterwang was.

Has anybody else ever come up with something so completely self-defeating and futile?

Please...

somebody?
( barryheadwound Mul-ti-pass? Multipass!, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 21:23, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

I've got it!!
How about a week where people have an opportunity to tell a funny story, could be about anything....Only criteria funny and no pearoast!
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:15, 2 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Dices with Death.
ever been drawn towards a white light whilst laying prone on an operating table?, ever been run over by a Honda Accord and survived?
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 12:08, 2 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

1st World Problems
After listening to someone whine on about being stranded on a Cruise Liner with no air conditioning and no hot food, nothing but salad and gin and tonics.

What other stories of sheer single minded self pity get your goat.
(onemunki Down there for dancing, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 13:54, Reply)

When the friendship is over...
A couple of years ago I received a message via F*cebook from a 'friend' calmly explaining that she was sorry, but she HAD to 'de-friend' me because I was appearing at the top of her 'Bejewelled Blitz' leader board most weeks and she wanted to be at the top herself.

What crazy things have you guys done that you've lost friends over?
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 28 Feb 2012, 9:24, 2 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

In light of some of the corporate idiocy evident in this weeks question.
Worst. Job. Evar!
Think Tony Robinson "Worst Jobs in History" type of thing, except it was done by you or a friend of a friend.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 27 Feb 2012, 6:17, Reply)

Scan in your juvernalia
What weird shit did you make as a child?

Like Hedgehog from Hell has done here: www.b3ta.com/board/10701873
( monkeon schmonkeon, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 19:31, 2 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Pencil Shavings.
Ever sharpened a pencil over someone's head, during (ideally) year three? Can you remember what happened next?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 15:56, Reply)

Your most embarrassing secret

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 22:21, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

POIDH
Tell us your stories of cameras, video film, phone cameras, movies etc. you have made or starred in.

Extra points for the evidence.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 15:35, Reply)

Insincere apologies
Feel a grudging social pressure to apologise for something, even though you don't feel remotely sorry about it and are, if anything, kinda proud of it? (yes, Mr Tevez, we're looking at you...)
Here's your chance!
( Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 17:26, Reply)

Reincarnation?
If you could live your life again, who would you be?
Would you come back as yourself; your significant other; somebody famous; your cat/dog/hamster; historical figure or somebody fictional?
and why? Is it because they’re rich, successful,pampered, intelligent, funny, stupid, mad as a box of cats?
Because we all know we’re going to come back as a starving child in Ethiopia or somesuch.
(Monkee girl not a monkee, not a girl, Wed 22 Feb 2012, 3:23, Reply)

TPS reports etc.
Tell us of your experience with pointless paperwork, this might tie in with Scaryducks idea below.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Tue 21 Feb 2012, 22:15, Reply)

Corporate idiocy
From that Al Murray's Twitter: "Car insurance company rang, without having sent me a renewal letter, asking for money. Made *them* answer security questions." Tell us your stories about etc etc etc
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Mon 20 Feb 2012, 11:51, 1 reply, 13 years ago)

Attempting something new
I have just had a schmozzle day with attempting to weave a basket for the first time. First time blues or awesome success?
(boozehound is drinking your bar dry, Mon 20 Feb 2012, 0:56, Reply)

Brief moments in time
Fleeting glimpses of beauty, wonder and down right hideousness.

What moments in time stick in your memory?
(Deskbound You insignificant speck of dust, Fri 17 Feb 2012, 11:34, Reply)

Random acts of bastardry...

As a contrast to the present QotW, has anybody been victim to somebody being a total twuntcake to you with no apparent reason?
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Thu 16 Feb 2012, 13:08, Reply)