Animal Torture
When I was a kid I poured boiling water on my pet terrapin, thinking no further than the fact it was cold.
What's the stupidest/ worst thing you did to an animal - without meaning any harm!!!
(foolish_child, Thu 6 Oct 2005, 15:46, Reply)

errr...
smack addicts we know and love?
(Fonkadelix is fucking bored, pass the crack pipe Mavis., Thu 6 Oct 2005, 15:22, Reply)

things that piss you off to the point of murder
like those fucking, whining, shithead cunts that work in governmaent departments.
For example: the Australian Tax Office
(peewee13, Thu 6 Oct 2005, 14:05, Reply)

missed opportunities on QOTW
I reckon everyone on here does the same thing as me. Just after a QOTW closes, you think of a brilliant answer for it, or you happen to be away from b3ta for a week when the ideal Q for you comes up...

For example:
claims to fame: Saddam Hussien took my granny out to dinner, and Gerry Anderson is my cousins godfather.
Onosecond: answering to phone to my very catholic mother-in-law "hello, the Vatican, how may we condemn you?"
Me in the local paper: article in the (national) Telegraph about me entitled "waiter waiter, there's a space missile in my soup"

So I reckon we should do a catchup QOTW, asking people for the wonderful answers they missed putting on.
(teasus likes tea, Thu 6 Oct 2005, 13:45, Reply)

Getting Conned!
Everybody's been conned out of cash! What did you buy from a dodgy salesman that you could have got from Argos at a tenth of the price? How badly did you get conned and what was the moment you realised that you had parted with more money than necessary?
(wonderbrawl was pronounced dead on, Thu 6 Oct 2005, 0:35, Reply)

Famous Customers
A certain 'author' who shall remain nameless (she wrote a book about wizards for children and illiterate adults) came into my cafe today. She was rude and mean and didn't tip and i considered stealing her baby and selling it on ebay.

Served any celebrities? Were they charming?
(betterpants, Wed 5 Oct 2005, 19:06, Reply)

I've never wanted to be somewhere else more than...
When I was younger my mate convinced me to 'borrow' my Dad's tent to go camping, I thought we'd be going to his house. He then took me to a complete pikeys house, set the thing up in his garden and I was dragged around the village breaking into cars and siphoning petrol, nicking stereos, etc, with said pikey and his troop of chavs. I spent the evening hiding in shadows and preying for someone to magic me somewhere, anywhere else. My fear of getting caught was only surpassed by the fear my dad's tent wouldn't make it through.
( SauronWibble I'll hold it, you lick it..., Wed 5 Oct 2005, 17:11, Reply)

Tramps
I completely agree with this one...

My flat mate has THE WORST luck with trams ever. We live in Central London and come across many daily.

She is ALWAYS being randomly touched (stroking her arm etc), she even had one come up to her in Soho Square and start tickling her feet (I SWEAR this is all true) and the latest one (and best one in my opinion) was a rather subdued tramp who suddenly turned to her and, what I can only describe as blowing a rather sloppy wet rasberry in her face.



It was the most disgusting thing I have EVER seen.

I convinced that she now has aids...

Oh she also once got kicked in the shins for no apparent reason...
( Argh. There be scallys in the ranks., Wed 5 Oct 2005, 16:36, Reply)

freaked out at posting 1st ever question thingy
I have an actual, REAL to hell phobia of orange spots.....feak me right out! They're bloody everywhere too. I have a few other phobias, but the orange spot one is by far thw worst.

Does ANYONE out there please have some equally stupid but strange cack affect their lives? You should hear about my socks & the "catch 22" moments (they're seperate phobias)
(Happy Welsh, Wed 5 Oct 2005, 0:07, Reply)

Have you ever had a close encounter with a bunny boiler?
Have you ever had a close encounter with a bunny boiler?

Some women are mad! Infact some seemingly normal women are lunatics.

Women : Are you a bunny boiler?
Men : Ever been harassed by one?
(rough, Tue 4 Oct 2005, 13:56, Reply)

Weirdest/scaries/sickestt thing you've ever witnessed
As a kid it was a calf (aka baby cow) being born and the 2 sheepdogs eating the afterbirth.
Then there was that chav kid getting runover, over the bonnet style (fucking brilliant, the kid was fine, he deserved worse).
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Tue 4 Oct 2005, 12:36, Reply)

Have you ever nailed your cock to a plank?
Well, have you ever nailed your cock to a plank? How did this situation come about? What were the long term effects (if any)?
( Liquid Crystal, Mon 3 Oct 2005, 15:00, Reply)

Which Celebrity do you most want to kill...and why
Those annoying, talentless moronic wastes of sperm. Who why and how.
( Tepid_Halibut felt like a cold, empty shell of a human...until, Mon 3 Oct 2005, 12:08, Reply)

Internet dating horror stories . . .
I got the idea from Legless' blog (so credit goes to him!!) - his story is actually rather funny . . .
( Mrs Legless . . . belongs to, well, you know . . . :), Sat 1 Oct 2005, 19:25, Reply)

Other drivers
It seems that evry time i get in my car evryone else seems to want to piss me off. Ive been cut up, tailgated and nearly rammed off the road on one trip to the shops yesterday. On sunday a fiat and a camper van conspired to kill me*.

Its not just that when im on my bike, other road users piss me off too as do pedestrians who walk along the cycle tracks then look at you like your shit on thier shoe when you have to swerve out of the way.

Tell The B3ta world about your experinces with nobheads you encounter on the road.

* if you want to know teh story make this the next qotw.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 30 Sep 2005, 13:20, Reply)

The moment I realised I was a geek.
Since everyone on here is, by definition, a geek in some form (or nerd, but I've never heard anyone use the word), there must be some good stories surely? Mine isn't very good, I just realised I had really enjoyed the page of equations I'd done for homework. But I remain confident people have amusing stories to tell. Would have to be better than the 'crying' QOTW anyway...
(Skittlemcfluff ......................, Thu 29 Sep 2005, 20:45, Reply)

Stories you invented for people based on their purchases (Supermarket Pervs)
In costcos the other week, I spied a man buying cooking oil and toothpaste in bulk, and a glass champaigne cooler.

He was obviously planning an oil wrestling tournament, with the participants getting a little drunk in advance. He is also providing conveniences for those who want to spend the night. fucking perv.

Do you have any similar tales of supermarket pervs?
(Slyph, Thu 29 Sep 2005, 16:40, Reply)

What dumb thing have you seen anybody doing that they did to get attention and then got mad when you noticed them?
I saw some guys at a gas station in a day-glo orange car they'd obviously spray painted said color with cheap canned paint. My friend parked next to them and we glanced over, as you do.
They jumped out of their eyesore and threatened our lives for looking at their car. The driver even offered to my friend that he would pull "that earring out of your eyebrow and make you suck my dick with your girlfriend (me) watching." My friend was really really gay. The guys in the orange car set off our fight or flight responses. Being two gay guys and two teenage girls, we fled.


I also once saw some hippies at a Dead show with a purple (live) Dalmatian. They told me and the same friend that would two years later be threatened with eyebrow violence to quit looking at their fucking dog, man.
Does this happen a lot or only to us, cause we find damn fools like that inordinately funny?
Please don't post 10 stories about chicks who get breast implants and then get mad at you for talking to their tits.
(Hannah_Fruit, Thu 29 Sep 2005, 7:32, Reply)

Biggest fright
My folks live in the countryside, and were told by the police that a soldier had went AWOL and was living in the woods across the road so we should be careful.
Once when walking down this mile road on a moon lit night I saw the silhouette of a man, and you never see anyone on this road.
It was him!
He ran towards me and disappeared down a side path.
I have never had such a fright in my life as I expected to be killed, shagged and eaten. My folks said they have never seen me so shook up.
When was your biggest fright?
( gadjie, Thu 29 Sep 2005, 6:13, Reply)

Muggings and pickpockets
Last time I was in Paris, I was pick-pocketed twice - once they stole a used tissue, the other time they got away with an expired phone card.
What weird things have you had stolen from you, or perhaps you stole them yourself...?
(emma_fisi, Wed 28 Sep 2005, 11:06, Reply)

Most
illegal thing you've ever done.

I know you're all a bunch of fucking chavs really.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Wed 28 Sep 2005, 2:56, Reply)

Bad jokes
Time for more bad jokes, methinks. Heres one to start you off:

Q. Why does Peter Andre smell so bad?

A. So Harvey can hate him too.
(Wrecked Tums, Tue 27 Sep 2005, 21:57, Reply)

Work
Weirdest fuck you work with?
(makavel1, Tue 27 Sep 2005, 14:20, Reply)

STRANGE SHOPS
weirdest shop or market stall you've ever been in (e.g. league of genttemen local shops, weird stalls on holiday selling monkey heads.......etc)
(Pope Benedict XVI, Mon 26 Sep 2005, 16:47, Reply)

QOTW Suggestion
How about 'Secrets You've Never Told'? You know.....we've all got some skeletons in the closets.....bear your soul to b3ta!
(brighton_lanes, Mon 26 Sep 2005, 16:23, Reply)

The Person You Most Regret Ever Sleeping With
Gorgeous guy, cheesy dick.
(MizStinky, Fri 23 Sep 2005, 20:51, Reply)

Most insulting thing said to you by a tramp.
They're tramps. Why don't they keep their dirty mouths shut?
(aretha, Fri 23 Sep 2005, 19:14, Reply)

Most cringeworthy /embarrassing
thing you have done while pissed, oh that lovley feeling waking up in the morning/afternoon and thinking fcuk! have plenty of these!
(djgalaxe, Fri 23 Sep 2005, 15:05, Reply)

Embarrassing Relatives
We've all got them. They wear track-suits to funerals, have criminal records, eat packing foam, stink..etc. But blood is thicker than water right?.. until you have a guest list to organise....
(AveUseenIT, Fri 23 Sep 2005, 12:54, Reply)

I don't think these two have been done...
-things you believed when you were young

-what you wanted to be when you grew up (I wanted to be a fire truck)
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Fri 23 Sep 2005, 5:31, Reply)