One thing I've noticed
After a good meal a man will normally feel warm, fuzzy and content. After the same meal, a woman will be cold and shivering and turning up the heating. I've never understood why the physiological response to eating is so different.
(Mr T, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 14:20, 2 replies)

Mods
Has somebody left a woman in charge of changing the QOTW?

She's probably too busy doing her hair to put on a new question.
(Lizard King, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 14:18, 1 reply)

Last...
...I believe all you laydeez should come first.

Dr Love
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 14:15, Reply)

Two Weeks
Nothing to post, not much to read. When will this long nightmare end?!
(danalan Pretty good, for an amateur., Thu 7 Jan 2010, 14:13, Reply)

Or me last?
Not a very interesting post though, is it?
(sabre-tooth monkey, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 14:08, 2 replies)

last

(Jeeves, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 14:07, Reply)

Tales from the Camel
As regulars may know my occasional contributions are limited to ‘Africa Bore’ contributions which is a tradition I intend to continue.

The drive into Ghana from Burkino Faso takes you down a thousand meters from the central plateau along a winding road with sheer drops at every hairpin turn. Things were tense as I’d failed to convince Richard and Roxana that there was such a thing as brake-fade – they thought I was crawling along in first gear purely to piss them off, which is what happens after a couple of months on Larium. When Richard took his turn it was almost worth the near death experience to see his face as he discovered that the brakes did not, in fact, work when red hot. At this point I should also explain that our relationship(s) was(were) platonic throughout our journey, although ironically in her book (I jest not) Roxana admitted to falling in love with both of us.

We rolled into some Hamile, a dusty border town with vultures roaming along the main street (http://www.camelworld.com/photos_02.htm#Ghana) and stopped while the border guards decided where we should park. A small boy of no more than eight stood silently by the passenger door looking into the vehicle. I can see his eyes moving from me to Roxana, then to Richard and back to me

“You’re probably wondering who the woman belongs to” I asked. He nodded. “On Monday, Wednesday and Friday she belongs to me, and on Tuesday Thursday and Saturday she is with Richard. On Sunday she rests”.. He looked solemnly at Roxana and with a perfectly straight face said “she will be very busy then.”

Length? 18 months and 70,000km
(strongp, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 13:44, 1 reply)

Single men
Lucky bastards.

It's only when you're in a relationship you discover what true monotonous tedium really is.

Waiting...

...outside yet another public toilet as she goes for her twentieth piss of the afternoon.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 13:02, 16 replies)

Sterilisation
Men who put their wife/girlfriend through the ordeal of having their tubes tied should have the soles of their feet walloped with a broom handle. If you're looking at this course of action, then man the fuck up and go get the snip. Providing you wear the support stocking thing, you're up and about after an hour or so.

Also, when you lob ropes over your partner's face/tits/back/arse etc, your harry monk looks exactly the same as it did pre-op.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 11:36, 37 replies)

Women should realise
That while they have labor pain, men have being kicked in the balls, which hurts multiple organs. I've had pain that bad that not only could I not walk, my kidneys felt like they'd been stomped on, and I almost puked. I've also actually fainted with a perfectly placed bollock strike.

Add to that, blue balls. You can't walk. You can't piss. Even wanking is painful.

So there.
(David CopAFeel Used to be The_Elcat - Spouting crap since 1970., Thu 7 Jan 2010, 11:28, Reply)

Return from Holiday
Mrs Galahad and I returned from holiday at about 4am yesterday.

What was it that needed doing urgently when we got in before we crashed out in bed? Unpack our bags maybe? Make a cup of tea? Turn up the heating?

No - I HAD to put my golf clubs away as they were standing in the hallway (out of the way mind you...)

At 4AM - really?

No man would have ever been bothered by such a thing, Shirley?
(Galahad is out of his gourd on yellow bentines, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 11:21, 1 reply)

Sleeping in the damp patch
women - it came out of you, you sleep in it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 11:18, 19 replies)

I call last,
unless you want a quick knee trembler.


[May not apply to all men]
[Or women for that matter]
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 11:15, Reply)

My word
is last.
(hashorangutan is watching iCarly on, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Change
Please
(Maccy Divided by 0 on, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 11:13, Reply)

Fucksocks!
I just clicked on the reply to Lizard King's post.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 11:10, Reply)

Why do women have legs?
Have you seen the mess a slug makes?
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 11:09, 5 replies)

Japanese scientists
Have recently held a conference to discuss designing and building a fully-functioning replacement for women. A device which will do everything a man needs a woman to do but without the hassel and constant nagging.

After two strenuous weeks deliberating the best way forward, one of the scientist came up with a shocking revelation.

The device already exists! There is already a product readily available on the open market that completely negates the need for a woman and provides a man with everything he could ever want or desire from a female companion.

Its called a fleshlight.
(Big Grant, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 11:06, 12 replies)

Why did the woman cross the road?
To get back to her kitchen.
(Lizard King, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 11:03, 2 replies)

Won't

(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Yes it will.

( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 10:57, Reply)

women seemingly always like to have the last word
Will the last post on this QOTW be by a woman?
(Le Misanthrope last procrastinated on, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 10:41, Reply)

As we're near the end.....
I'll throw my two cents in.

You know how women, when they break up with someone or can't find a "decent" man, they complain and whine about how all men are the same and are shits and stuff?

And then when a man breaks up with a woman he says all women are illogical cheating slappers and they're all the same?

I took a good long look at this situation and I came to a conclusion.

A lot of people are twats. Regardless of their sex, many, if not most, people are utter twats to the people they go out with.

Being a twat isn't dependant on your sex. If you're a twat, you're a twat, regardless whether you have a todger or a spampurse. It's not like reverse parking. I have many male friends who are twats to the ladies they frequently dump, and also have an ex-wife who is a major league twat that lives in a world of her own.

If you look at the world less in the sense of men/women, and more in the sense of twat/nice person, it starts to look a lot less confusing. Or is it more? I dunno, I forget.

I wish I was a twat, mind. They have all the fun.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 4:39, 12 replies)

Nothing wrong with Sexism if its used to your advantage
As those who are aware of my previous post I have a healthy sized 30F bust and God Damn Proud of it!

I hate waiting in line at the bar to get drink when is stupidly busy and taking most people 20 minutes to get served. Me in my genius wisdom since I am a women unbuttons my shirt, exposes an much of my snugglesacks as possible aims for the part of the bar with the most men and walks stright to the front of the bar. Batting my eye lids and letting all the unsuspecting men have an eye full took me less than 3 minutes to get served! Jackpot!

It works so well that my brother and dad dont bother going to the bar anymore when its busy they just send me!
Shamefull but it works.

As i work in a job that requires me to wear a nice uniform (not actually that attractive) but the idea seems to have most men hot under the collar.
Driving home from work late one night, I get stopped by this nice traffic cop.
Me being me, unzipped my uniform slightly, rolls the window down and smiled sweetly at the nice officer.
I appologised and said i had a really bad day at work and just wanted to get home. I was really really sorry.
I got a little telling off and a very nice smile for the nice man but no ticket!
Again Jackpot!

There are many many more incidences where my snugglesacks have worked in my favour.
There the best asset I have and I Will continue to use them to my advantage until they go south.
(snugglesacks, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 2:09, 60 replies)

The true ending
So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys that means they have run of of ice cream
( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 1:44, 2 replies)

Period abuse...
One of my friends told me that she lost it a bit at work and told her boss she was on the rag when she wasn't to get out of a bollocking. It worked.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Wed 6 Jan 2010, 22:31, 2 replies)

Why is it
If a guy who is interested in you texts with lots of xxxx's at the end, or texts lots of times without a reply then he's just regarded as being really keen and it's encouraged? (as has been known to happen) But if the girl responds and does anywhere near half the same she is seen as whiningly desperate and he runs away like the wind? Its sickening.
(hashorangutan is watching iCarly on, Wed 6 Jan 2010, 20:08, 16 replies)

an inspired quotation from the man, Frank Zappa...
a young lady has said felt that my treatment of women in my lyrics and in social comments has not been particularly positive; and there's no reason why it should be; you should take your lumps along with everybody else; because women do stupid fuckin' things just like the guys do.

and if i say guys are stupid and a woman does something stupid don't be a wimp about it, just because you've got that thing between your legs; it's no problem.

* * *

which is why i think that there's no such thing as sexism. but women seem to think that there is such a thing. jesus, they're so stupid.. haha.
(cocobongo lay 'em down and smack 'em yak 'em, Wed 6 Jan 2010, 19:16, Reply)

It's always occurred to me...
"Women can multitask" - This simply means that women can complain and cry about more things at once.

"Women are more in touch with their emotions" - No, they just cry at everything, like children.
( Kung_Fu_Russ ran out of amusing signatures on, Wed 6 Jan 2010, 18:48, 2 replies)

Courtesy of xkcd.com


For the record, I'm positive that it does exist.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 6 Jan 2010, 18:41, 5 replies)