What's worse than finding half a maggot in your apple?
Gangrape.
(Nearly, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 19:17, Reply)

Hear about the back street abortionist whose business folded?
his ferret died
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 19:17, Reply)

What do Micheal Jackson and Gary Glitter have after dinner?
Under Eights
( holygiblets, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 19:16, Reply)

Whats the first thing a beaten wife
should do after coming back from hospital after the last "incident"?

The dishes if she know's whats good for her.
( Gaz, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 19:15, Reply)

What's Bin Laden's favourite receipe?
Big Apple Crumble
( holygiblets, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 19:14, Reply)

For sale.Fred and rose west's house
3 up 15 down.
( Gaz, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 19:13, Reply)

Bit of a long winded one, and try to get a visual image....
Businessman is on Holiday in japan and aftera couple of nights gets a bit 'restless' so goes cruising in the red light area, and comes across a stunning young girl who entices his curiosity by waving and shouting to him "I whistle while I suck you". Thinking this to be a bit of a neat trick, he decides to take her up on the offer and hands his cash over, and she leads him into a room, unzips him, pulls down his trousers and then switches the light off. "Hey", he says "Why the light off"? and she replies "I only whislte in the dark while I suck a guy" so he goes along with it. Well, the next 5 mintues are the best of his life, warm, wet and squirmy, then all of a sudden he hears whistling from 'down below' and thinks "Fuck, this girl CAN whistle". Anyway, before long he finishes, and with the light still off she takes herself away, and as the light gradually comes up in the room, all he sees is a glass full of water with a false eye in.......... (think about it)
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 19:13, Reply)

Why did the little girl fall over?
Because i threw a brick at her head.
( rabid peanut - s'fucking right, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 19:11, Reply)

Why did the dog fall over?
Because it had no legs.
( rabid peanut - s'fucking right, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 19:11, Reply)

What do you call a four-sided building?
the Pentagon
(ClockworkDespot, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 19:09, Reply)

What's red and silver and slowly gets smaller?
Baby playing with a cheese grater
( valley, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 19:08, Reply)

World Trade Centre...
There's still a Hotdog seller running around Ground Zero trying to find out who ordered the "Jumbo"
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 19:07, Reply)

Man gets out of prison...
First thing he does is go straight to the nearest brothel. Once inside finds the cost of a shag has gone up since he was there last, and so asks for the cheapest lady of the night who's working. He's directed to the room of "Good Time Lil" an 85 year old pro. Thinking "every holes a goal" he decides to go for it. After sucking on her tit for a moment he say "wow, you've still got milk?"... "No" she replies "I've got breast cancer".
( Misterk1973 been a hanging around these here parts since, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 19:07, Reply)

What's brown, soft and found in babies nappies?


Michael Jacksons hand
(Smitherz, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 19:07, Reply)

Whats the difference...
between a brand new BMW and a dead kid?

I ain't got a brand new BMW in my garage.
( Misterk1973 been a hanging around these here parts since, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 19:03, Reply)

Michael Jackson and Gary Glitter were standing outside a playground
a gang of twelver year olds walk past
Gary turns to Michael and says "I remember them when they were lookers"
( MrSanity has maybe kicked the WoW habit forever, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 19:03, Reply)

How do you know it's bedtime in Neverland?


When the big hand touches the little hand.
( newg rum n coke, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 19:03, Reply)

Did you hear the Kurt Cobain blues song?
"Didn't wake up this mornin'..."
( Bad Horsey Bring back Dr. Ubes Rub!, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 19:02, Reply)

A man walks into a brothel
He goes to the madam "I want to see your finest girls".

"Take a seat sir while I arrange this" the madam says.

So the man sits down and besides him he sees a container.

"Think I'll help myself to a red apple while I wait" he says.

The girls walk in, scream and run out.

The man, annoyed at this goes and sees the madam.

"What's the problem here? All I was doing was eating a red apple" he says.

"You fool, that's not an apple, that's from the abortion bucket!" was her stern reply.
(Chuckman, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 19:02, Reply)

An old lady is walking down the street on a fine summer's day.
Birds are singing, there's flowers galore so she couldn't be happier. As the lady turns a corner, she spots a very little girl aged about six and says 'My, you're a pretty little thing! What's your name then?'
'Butterfly' replies the girl.
'Oh that's so sweet.' the old lady cries 'Why are you called that?'
'When I was in my mummy's tummy, a butterfly landed on it, and so I'm called Butterfly.'
The old lady walks on, happy and soon meets an even prettier little girl.
'Gosh! You are a pretty little lady! What's your name then?'
The little girl looks up and, with the slightest of lisps, angelicaly replies 'Oh, my name is Nightingale!'
The old lady is almost overcome and says 'Oh my! That's simply lovely! How did you come to be called that?'
'Well, when I was in my mummy's tummy, a nightingale landed on her and started to sing. So I'm called Nightingale.'
Our old friend nearly flies to the moon, she's so happy with this. Anyway, she walks on and, rounding a corner meets an ugly, deformed little girl and stops dead. Looking the child up and down she decides to try and be nice and says 'Hello little girl, what's your name then?'
The little girl looks up and replies 'Breezeblock......
( The Togaboy The world will end on, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 19:01, Reply)

A small girl and a Paedophile are walking through the woods at night.
The little girl starts crying and says 'I don't like it here, these woods are scary at night.'

The Paedophile says, 'Well, it's alright for you. I've got to walk home on my own!'
( Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 19:01, Reply)

What the difference between Jesus and an
oil painting?


You only need one nail to hang a Painting.
( homonk, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 19:01, Reply)

who runs b3ta.com?
a fuckwit... muhahahaha
( Cashy, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 19:01, Reply)

What's got four legs and flies?
Holly and Jessica.
( Bad Horsey Bring back Dr. Ubes Rub!, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 19:00, Reply)

When Gary Glitters dies, what will be his new job?
Baby-minder for Anne Diamond's baby.
(Chuckman, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:57, Reply)

whats the difference between meat and fish?
if you beat your fish it will die
( Cashy, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:56, Reply)

What's green and turns red at the flick of a switch?
A frog eating razor blades.
( rabid peanut - s'fucking right, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:56, Reply)

How do you get a clown off a swing?
Hit him in the face with an axe......


I hate clowns.
(TheintolerableGS, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:56, Reply)

What do you call a lesbian with long fingernails?
Single.
(Chuckman, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:55, Reply)

Tomorrow was Katie's birthday and she was excited
"Guess how old I'm going to be tomorrow!" she yelled to her dad.

"Don't know" he replied, playing along.

"I'll be six!" she replied.

She went into the kitchen and asked her grandad, "guess how old I'll be tomorrow!"

"To answer this I need you to pull down your knickers." he says.

So Katie does this. Her grandad inserts two fingers into her cunt, moves them around, pulls them out, sniffs, then licks them.

"You'll be six tomorrow" Grandad says.

"How did you know that?" replies Katie.

"Because I heard you saying it to your dad" was the reply.
(Chuckman, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:54, Reply)