World's Sickest JokeTell us your jokes.
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God - smiting mortals since 4004 BC, Thu 9 Sep 2004, 18:01)
This question is now closed.
Not so much a joke as something funny that happened the other weekA friend of mine has a hoodie that says "What about all the good things Hitler did?" across the middle on the front, with a picture of Mr. H holding a flower. He's a fuckin big bloke, so this hoodie isn't particularly baggy on him, which makes it all the easier to read, plus the logo is always bigger on larger stuff, again making it pretty easy to read. When you're wearing clothes, you don't generally think about them while you're out shopping do you? Nor did he.
He went to buy a poppy
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Styxx hates when people talk in the third person, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 19:00,
Reply)
What's worse than a baby nailed to a tree?A baby nailed to 10 trees
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Styxx hates when people talk in the third person, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 18:57,
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You have to say this one out loud...Anybody heard of the new fragrance for black men?
Eau de doo dah day.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 18:54, Reply)
Ooold... but then, so am IWhat's black, red and white and blurry?
Two nuns in a chainsaw fight.
What's black, red and white and can't move it's head around in an elevator?
A nun with a javolin through her skull.
What do you tell a girl with two black eyes?
Nothing she hasn't already heard twice before
Why do Mexicans drive low-riders?
So they can cruise and pick lettuce at the same time
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Scoopzilla http://www.slapwatch.com now get to fuck, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 18:43,
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Team names from uni pub quizesIt seems the nastiest team name wins a bottle of wine. Won it twice now.
Stephen Hawking's football boots: He can't cross but you should see him dribble
What happened to the midget when he walked between a woman's legs?
He got a clit round the ear and a twat in the face.
What is pink and sits in the corner getting smaller and smaller?
A baby using a cheese grater as a comb.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 18:35, Reply)
This Earned Me The Name "Evil Kenny"Me to other crew member on the sailing boat: Last night I was with a woman, she screamed out 'Ken, give me twelve inches and hurt me!'
Other crew member: Ripper, so what did you do?
Me: So I fucked her four times, and smacked her across the mouth.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 18:24, Reply)
a limbless lady sunbathes on the beachand the sun sets a man approaches her and begins to chat with her.
eventually they get around to the subject of her body... "so i s'pose youve never been kissed then" he says
"alas im thirty and have never kissed a man because i dont have arms or legs"
and so the man decides to put her out of her misery and promptly sticks his tongue down her throat.
he then asks "i s'pose youve never been eaten out"
"alas" she cried "im thirty and have never had anyone eat my pussy because i dont have arms or legs"
and so the man happily burrows his head and gives her an earthshaking orgasm.
finally the man enquires "i s'pose youve never been screwed then"
at which point she replies hopefully "alas im thirty and no-one has ever screwed me because i have no arms or legs"
to which the man replies...
"well youre FUCKED now, the tides coming in"
(, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 18:09, Reply)
Not quite a joke, but it might catch on...I spy with Tourettes...
I spy with my little eye, something beginning with "C".
C*nt!
I spy with my little eye, something beginning with "F".
Fucksocks!
You get the picture....now for the advanced version...
I spy with my little eye, something beginning with "B".
Big hairy minge!
(, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 18:01, Reply)
babieswhats funnier than 10 dead babies in a bin???
10 dead babies in one bin
whats funnier than one dead baby
a dead baby in a clown costume
(, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 18:01, Reply)
Wheeeeee!why does the girl have no friends?
She's in a Wheelchair
Why does the boy have no friends?
his sister is in a Wheelchair
Why does the girl in the Wheelchair have friends?
She has sweets
(, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 17:59, Reply)
What's blue and comes in brownies?Cub scouts.
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HairyTwatter certified eel and sodium salesman, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 17:58,
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Q: Why do women find it so hard to pee in the morning?A: Have you ever tried peeling apart a cheese toastie?
(, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 17:44, Reply)
Sickest joke anyone ever told me that didn't end with "The Aristocrats"Q: How does Jesus masturbate?
A: [Silently hold hand out flat over crotch, palm facing inward, and move hand in and out in a waving gesture.]
(, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 17:34, Reply)
Not so much sick, as funny!A man and his wife are woken at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud knocking on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a stranger is standing in the pouring rain.
"Excuse me mate", he asks, "I'm sorry to disturb you, but I don't suppose you could help me out - I need a push!
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it's 3 o'clock in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember, about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, puts a coat over his dressing gown, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes" comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?", calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing!" he replies.
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Weetobix, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 17:29,
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Whart's red, white, fluffy and sits in a tree?A Sanitary Owl
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Admiral Drew Peacock is back, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 17:26,
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Can't remember where I heard this..Think it might have been on b3ta...
What goes:
click "it is done yet?" click "is it done yet?" click "is it done yet?" click "is it done yet?" click "it is done yet?" click "is it done yet?" click "is it done yet?" click "is it done yet?"
David Blunkett doing a Rubiks Cube.
boomtish. Sorry to whoever actually wrote that.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 17:21, Reply)
Good News: Gary Glitter's got the death penaltyBad News: Peter Crouch is taking it...
(, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 17:20, Reply)
What's the difference...between a truck-load of marbles and a truck-load of dead babies?
A. You can't unload marbles with a pitchfork.
Q. What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a mercedes?
A. I don't have a mercedes in my garage.
Q. What's black and sits in the corner?
A. A baby in a binbag.
Q. What's green and sits in the corner?
A. Same baby, few months later.
Q. Why did the girl fall off the swing?
A. She had no arms.
Q. What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
A. A paraplegic after a house fire.
thankyouuuuuuuuu. *makes swift exit*
(, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 17:17, Reply)
What do you call 40 women in a field full of vibrators?Squatters...
(, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 17:16, Reply)
London police are in trouble again, this time for shooting 4 Muslim thalidomide suffers at HeathrowThey were accused of bringing small arms into the country.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 17:13, Reply)
Irish extremists have successfully glued 100 people to the inside of a trainWith the first No more Nails bomb...
(, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 17:12, Reply)
Yesterday, a friend of mine was travelling on a London to Bangor train.
A man of Arabic appearance got off the train and my friend noticed that
he had left his bag behind. She grabbed the bag and ran after him,
caught up with him in the terminal and handed him back his bag.
He was extremely grateful and reached into his bag which appeared to
contain large bundles of money. He looked around to make sure nobody
was looking and whispered "I can never repay your kindness, but I will
try
to....with a word of advice for you : Stay away from Bangor".
My friend was genuinely terrified. "Is there going to be an attack?"
she asked him.
"No...", he whispered back......"It's a shit hole."
(, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 17:10, Reply)
*Disclaimer* I didn't write this...A black guy is walking down a beach one day, and stubs his toe on something in the sand; that something turns out to be a lamp! (oooh gosh, didn't see that one coming).
Anyway, he rubs the lamp (not a euphemism) and out pops a genie! The genie gives him one wish as a reward for letting him out of the lamp-prison...
The guy thinks about for a while, and then says:
"Ok man, I wanna be white, and I wanna be surrounded by pussy".
So the genie turns him into a tampon.
ithangkooo.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 17:06, Reply)
A bus load of pykies goes over a cliff (yay!)...... and when they get to the gates of heaven, St Peter says,
"Sorry... but we don't have enough room... 10 of you will have to go to purgatory. You'll have to decide amongst yourselves."
So the pykies start to squabble and when St Peter can take no more he says, "Ok ok... I'll go have a word with the boss."
He goes to see god - "Err.. excuse me god... we've got a load of pykies outside the gates and not enough space... can you come down and have a word with them?"
God agrees and heads with St Peter back towards the gates. When they get closer, St Peter exclaims, "What the hell?! They've gone!"
God - "What? All 40 of them?"
St Peter - "Not the pykies... the fucking gates!"
*does the truffle shuffle*
No apologies etc...
(
Beastie is doing science with his arse, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 17:02,
Reply)
ApparentlyPaul McCartney has bought his wife a plane for Christmas;
And a razor for the other leg!
(, Tue 6 Dec 2005, 17:02, Reply)
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