Children in Need
Now, I'm not having a go at the charity per se. Honestly. But it's about this time of year that I get really hacked off with the whole thing.

You see, I listen to Radio 2 (yes, I know, I should be listening to Radio 4 with the rest of the QOTWers). Mr Wogan keeps me amused in the mornings, I'll admit. But every fucking November he insists on doing that bastard auction for 'things that money can't buy'. For two bloody weeks.

And every year they raise even more money by offering some 'once in a lifetime opportunities', because a lunatic proportion of the great British public have got the ways and means to part with literally thousands (sometimes hundreds of thousands) of pounds in order to have tea with Sarah Kennedy, go back stage with the Spice Girls or take a friend to a health spa and have a champagne enema.

Please, we know some people are obscenely wealthy. I would love to have a day on the Doctor Who set with the family, however I don't have a spare £50k going begging to pay for the privilege. So I don't want to listen to people rubbing my face in the fact, OK? And Terry, you can shut up about it as well. Do us a favour, and do it on line will you? Then you can carry on with the Irish whimsy and listeners poems and stories with thinly veiled innuendos. It's what we pay you for. Not to hear you spout off about how wonderful Henry in Redbridge is because he's just bid £80,000 to shag Angelina Jolie up the arse, but can anyone do better 'cos £80k's a bit on the cheap side?

Although if one of the opportunities was to be able to bury Sarah Kennedy head first in the sand and then kick her repeatedly in the cunt, then I'm afraid that the house would be on the market and the family sold into slavery for the privilege. God, she bloody annoys me with her 'jolly hockey sticks' demeanour, complete lack of any knowledge about any of the tracks she plays and total inability to read out letters from her dawn patrollers without stumbling over every other fucking word.

God she's annoying.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 10 Oct 2008, 16:05, 33 replies)

I agree entirely with this
other than the fact that Terry Wogan's show is entertaining if you listen to it once, and only once.

It is the same every fucking day. The same shit poems and letters from listeners. The same bollocks about the traffic bint who comes from one of the most scummy places in Cardiff.

It does my fucking head in. Wogan is a cunt.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 16:08, closed)

Who is Sarah Kennedy?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 16:11, closed)

not sure
don't look her up though, she's ugly
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 16:12, closed)

Oh GOD
My Eyes! My Eyes!
(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 16:18, closed)

Former 'Game for a Laugh' presenter
and all round annoying tart. Presents a radio show on Radio 2. Fucking annoying.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 10 Oct 2008, 16:18, closed)

She does my head in...
Too early in the morning to be happy. That's why I like Wogan. Cynacism and daft letters ease me into the day.

I have to admit though, once you've heard his commentary over the Eurovision song contest, you don't need to watch it again.

Maybe you should only be able to bid silly money if you're going to give the prize away to poor people (but not chav poor) like us.
( VandenPlas can't think of anything clever - no change there!, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 16:43, closed)

I would pay
good money to beat Richard Bacon to death with my best pair of shoes.

smug cunt
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 16:16, closed)

Odd.
I'd pay to beat Richard Shoes to death with some bacon.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 16:21, closed)

I'd pay to beat anyone called Richard
with bacon shoes...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 16:25, closed)

I'd beat my bacon
over Richards shoes.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 16:27, closed)

Davros
That is exactly the right amount of vitriol to set em up nicely for the weekend.

That would be my final office lol of a day of many office lols
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 16:23, closed)

Office Lollage!
haha yes, I shall click this with pride!
(TheRiddler Hmmmmm... I concur., Fri 10 Oct 2008, 16:43, closed)

Look, if the Sarah Kennedy one
ever comes true, let me know.

One house in Edinburgh, on the market, kids sold to whoever will buy them, and MrWitch can sell his arse up on Calton Hill.

All that, and just one (okay, maybe five) kicks at her arse/face (they're interchangeable anyway).

Don't forget now!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 10 Oct 2008, 16:46, closed)

TWW
You'll be the first to know...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 10 Oct 2008, 16:49, closed)

I'll gladly chip in with any funds available
and lend you my hobnails. She is the most annoying jabbering twunt in existence.
(Oil Slick, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 17:29, closed)

Only £80K you say?
* strokes chin whilst eerily eyes work colleague in an organs-for-cash type way *
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 10 Oct 2008, 16:46, closed)

Click for the sentiment
But mainly for the champagne enema.
( El Lazarus is calm now, Ish,, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 17:57, closed)

I'd pay money, lots of it
to see Terry slap her face with his dong.
( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 19:28, closed)

Sarah Bleedin Kennedy
Holy Christ, the woman is incompetent. A good DJ should be able to do 2 things; read, and string a sentence together. This woman can do neither. I am sick to death of hearing her falling over a story or letter, then charge into the pips cos her incessant rambling has got the better of her - and don't get me started on Children in Need. You are quite right - "I've got £20,000.00, I'll treat my spoilt kids to tea with Take That". I have actually written to the Wogan show complaining about this annual shit fest (I know, I have no life), but how about they sell "lottery tickets" for £5, and the lucky winner gets tea with Take That? Children in Need win, and so do Mr or Mrs Ordinary, and perhaps, with a bit of fuckin' luck, they could pay for that Pudsey's vital eye operation after all these years. I'm off for a lie down now - but thank FUCK someone else hates them too. I stopped listening cos they made me so angry, and now thrill to Jamie Theakston and Harriet Scott on Heart each morning. At least there's some genuine wit there...
(charmin, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 19:47, closed)

What in the world
does "jolly hockey sticks" mean? I googled but there's no explanation. Does it mean she's hellish?
TDub
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 19:52, closed)

TDub
it refers to a private girls' school education. The sort who talk as if they have a marble in their mouth, and never really lost that 'all girls together being jolly and playing hockey' way of talking. Think Sarah Ferguson, ex Duchess of York.

I played hockey at school - those sticks made really, really good weapons. But I'm working class, so we were allowed to be thugs. Expected in fact.

*shrugs shoulder to straighten up the chip*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 10 Oct 2008, 20:38, closed)

Is
she the bint who claimed she couldn't see black people in the dark? I'll chip in some money if it is.
(ToysForBigBoys would spread her legs for Nick Clegg., Fri 10 Oct 2008, 21:12, closed)

Lying sanctimonious wig wearing gobshites
Is'nt it Wogan who wins, because does'nt he chuck £9k or thereabouts in his arse pocket for presenting Children in Need despite his sanctimonious whimpers about the poor and the underpriveledged kids?

Frankly the entirety of Radio 2 is shite, with the exception of Radcliffe and Maconie. At least 6 Music are honest about scamming you.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 21:44, closed)

Yes.
Yes she is.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 11 Oct 2008, 10:31, closed)

No, no she isn't
Look, I'm not a big fan of her either, however I am a fan of people getting their facts right.

I believe that what she said was that she'd almost run over a man who had crossed the road at night wearing a dark outfit. Also he was black, and so was difficult to see, which is a reasonable thing to say I feel, and not at all the same as saying "you can't see black people at night".
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Mon 13 Oct 2008, 12:57, closed)

Perhaps
I didn't hear the actual comment, only the aftermath.

She's still an irritating tart though.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 13 Oct 2008, 20:33, closed)

I listens to Wogan and Ross, but Radio 4 for everything else. Yarse. I'm old beyond my early20s.
But when I am doing the early morning rowing, I happen up Kennedy. But I've never noticed until you pointed out what an insufferable mong she is!

And why the auction shite?! I've never understood how people can have so much cash to throw away!
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 23:33, closed)

they don't
It's tax deductable.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sat 11 Oct 2008, 1:01, closed)

I feel I must apologise for being harsh.
I didn't mean to say 'kick her repeatedly in the cunt'.

I meant 'mimsy'.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 11 Oct 2008, 10:32, closed)

Big Effin Click
I can't agree more.

Every year I write a letter to the BBC complaining that Celebrity Come Dancing takes up the entire schedule with endless fucking hours of pointless shite reviewing the voting and dancing in slo-mo minutiae. Don't get me wrong, it has it's place but not the entirety of a Saturday night.

Every year I get a reply, which is designed to play on my guilt "Children In Need...".

Cunts.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Sat 11 Oct 2008, 12:38, closed)

Could be worse
You could be listening to Chris, Please God have a Coronary and put us out of your Misery, Bleedin' Felching Fuck, Moyles
(Sir Tainley Barking Ezekiel 23:20, Sun 12 Oct 2008, 17:32, closed)

i wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 13 Oct 2008, 3:06, closed)

You want incompetence?
You should try Alan Brazil on Talk Sport - a monologue about Ipswich, Celtic, horse racing and wine.
(kitescreech still here, Mon 13 Oct 2008, 12:17, closed)