if you're a nutter,
paint a peg black and fasten it to you ear, then have your bollocks mad conversations as normal but you look like a commuter. or member of staff in a drive through....
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Wed 8 Oct 2014, 20:32, Reply)

want a new question of the week every week?
try not slagging off absolutely everything on there, all the time.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 5 Oct 2014, 10:24, 6 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

Want an ideal online way to store pictures of your kids?
Upset someone on QOTW.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 4 Oct 2014, 7:13, Reply)

B3ta makes an ideal "real life"
for fat shut-in autists.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Fri 3 Oct 2014, 19:34, Reply)

Missing Question of the Week?
Simply gnaw your fingertips to the bone.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Fri 3 Oct 2014, 18:12, Reply)

Tell your children you hate them.
Hopefully they'll stop nagging you about stupid childish shit.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 11:33, 2 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

make sure you mention suicide, attempted suicides and death of loved ones no matter what the qotw subject matter.
This will prove to all readers that you are very much a weepy mess and probably from Australia.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Sun 28 Sep 2014, 9:54, 4 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

Blind people...
...Save money by buying broken lightbulbs secondhand, instead of expensive new ones.
(NoStrings Tastes like zombies!!, Sat 27 Sep 2014, 9:14, 1 reply, 10 years ago)

Deaf househunters
Consider the value proposition of houses at the ends of airport runways.....
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Fri 26 Sep 2014, 19:01, Reply)

Bent phone?
Try not to bend it, you clumsy twat.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Thu 25 Sep 2014, 17:27, Reply)

Pacify sanctimonious types by living in a stone house and throwing glasses.

( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 8:51, Reply)

Make dance remixes of your favourite songs...
...by scratching the fuck out of the CD with a nail.
(NoStrings Tastes like zombies!!, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 12:34, Reply)

Good evening.

(Good evening Good evening, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 22:37, Reply)

people talking
block doorways, ATMs, and exits while you engage in conversation.
Feel offended when some wants to move past or use the area which you are blocking.
( $$ ✅, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:34, 1 reply, 10 years ago)

Replace irregular newsletters
By simply reading everything posted on the site
(Smale is stuffed, Sat 13 Sep 2014, 7:26, Reply)

Don't bother to post Top Tips because there will never be another newsletter for them to appear in

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 12 Sep 2014, 19:35, Reply)

Annoy sanctimonious types by living in a glass house and throwing stones.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 11 Sep 2014, 12:27, Reply)

2 Can Chunder is an ideal Savile look-a-like now Sir Jimmy is dead, he even has the same interests!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 9 Sep 2014, 18:35, Reply)

MEATSNAKE's penis makes an ideal penis for mice.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 9 Sep 2014, 18:25, Reply)

smaller objects that bear minimal resemblance to larger objects make ideal smaller versions of these larger objects suitable for use by mice
Ha ha yeah
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 9 Sep 2014, 8:11, Reply)

Mini babybel cheeses, opened, with a lego minifigure arm pushed in the top,
make ideal 'stones' for a game of curling for mice.

Just make sure they dont eat the 'stones' though...
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 9:35, 3 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

Scotland: Just fuck off already
Bawbags
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 1:45, Reply)

Peppa Pig
Makes an ideal 'freddie kruger' for muslims or jews.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 0:56, Reply)

food banks,
are like supermarkets, but theyre FREE...
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 0:50, Reply)

Looking for the abbreviation of a certain word?
Type it into Google followed by "abbrev".
( krang, Sat 6 Sep 2014, 23:28, 1 reply, 10 years ago)

Cyclists.
Look more professional by writing the word 'Sky' all over yourself hundreds of times using Tipp-Ex
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 5 Sep 2014, 19:24, 1 reply, 10 years ago)