Running out of inspiration for a Top Tip?
Have a look on Sickipedia.

2 out of the last 4 posts can't be wrong.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:12, Reply)

Viewty
Buy an LG Viewty for its slow-motion filming capabilities. Homemade bukkake movies will never look so spectacular.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 0:57, Reply)

If you fill a whoopee cushion with brown sauce
It will make it look like the person who sat on it has followed through.
(samgasm, Wed 15 Oct 2008, 23:01, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Someone hit you?
Laugh at them and say "You missed," even if it's insanely obvious that they just smacked you right in the face.
This will infuriate them.
Yes, it may cause them to hit you more... harder... but if you keep doing it there is a slight change that they will get so angry their head will explode.
( Mellicious is made of candy, Wed 15 Oct 2008, 21:06, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If it smells like fish...
...and looks like chicken...

...just don't give a fuck, and stick your dick in!
(ShaunyBoi has been surviving fires since, Wed 15 Oct 2008, 16:24, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

to save water
If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down.
(Le Moribond is not dying, clearly., Tue 14 Oct 2008, 21:46, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Getting run over.
Some people say that you should wear clean underwear just in case you're run over.

Bollocks. If you're run over and lose consciousness, the chances are that you'll lose control of yourself anyway. Your dignity is one of the first things to go.

However, you ought to make sure that you're carrying a copy of Homer or Proust or something. That way, the medics'll be impressed by your intellectual acumen.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 14 Oct 2008, 12:47, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Traffic lights on amber?
Put your fucking foot down!
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 13 Oct 2008, 12:55, Reply)

Ladies!
Always wear sexy underwear, not only will it make you feel good, but if you get hit by a bus it will give the paramedics something to wank over.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sun 12 Oct 2008, 19:46, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tired of skid marks in the toilet?
Shit in the sink
(The Urban Badger Pressing the wrong button since 1987, Sat 11 Oct 2008, 14:41, Reply)

bukkake
Completely satisfy your bukkake urges by ram-raiding a spermbank with a minibus full of cheerleaders.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sat 11 Oct 2008, 1:59, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Toejam?
Try alternating washing your socks inside-out and normally, to get rid of all that fluff. Your toes will be pleasingly lacking in cack.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 22:27, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Forums
You have an error in your SQL syntax; check the manual that corresponds to your MySQL server version for the right syntax to use near 'SET votes=votes+1 WHERE id=8799974 AND votes=25' at line 1
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 10 Oct 2008, 9:10, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

pet debauchery
Having trouble getting your dog to sleep? Soak some vodka in some old bread and your pet will gobble it up and be pissed as a coot before you can say 'Bongo Bongo lets go back to the congo' 9 times. Also works for small children and rodents.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:56, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Irish-Folk related top tip needed urgently!
Pray tell, how do I get rid of a severe Luke Kelly addiction?
Please, please help me get over it. OR give me access to a time-travelling device. Anything, really.
Cheers,
S.
(lanternchikk hat eine schwere Bohlenallergie, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 7:46, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

chavicide
Lure all the chavs into a very large warehouse telling them theres going to be a huge rave.

lock them all in, throw gallons and gallons of black paint onto them, so that they'll beat the shit outta each other shouting-

'goff!,goff!,goff!'

it'd certainly be entertaining to watch
(Lord Chode, Tue 7 Oct 2008, 19:05, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Contemplating suicide?
go on, do it. Do it now, open up a vein and let the depression flow out.

Do it in a warm bath to make it easier to clean up for your next of kin.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 7 Oct 2008, 18:18, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Liking this
Using a previous top-top which explained how to list all the answers in a QOTW in order of popularity, clicking for a top-tip which is a good third of the way down the page makes it move up about 15 places, at least. In fact, clicking on the bottom tip on the first page, made it move up over 200 places (before I got bored of counting).

Try it here:

www.b3ta.com/questions/toptips/all
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 7 Oct 2008, 15:12, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just in case when waiting in the checkout line
Just in case the person in front is pretending to have trouble finding his bank card, the right change and then paying cash in some tedious Dom Joly-esque prank, dress as a giant squirrel and steal his thunder.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 7 Oct 2008, 14:58, Reply)

Shopping
Always take a selection of weapons to the supermarket in case the person in front needs a bit more encouragement to sort his payment out.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 7 Oct 2008, 14:56, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

One half of the population
When you're at the checkout in a supermaket the person behind the till is going to ask you to pay for your shopping. Make sure you look like a startled rabbit and spend the next 5 minutes struggleing to find your money/card that you could not possibly have forseen needing in the near future.

And when you do finaly unearth your money spend a further five minutes discovering you have £28.75 in change, not the £28.77 needed, before handing over the three ten pound notes you had all along.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Tue 7 Oct 2008, 12:32, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

When with drawing money
check your balance first.

Because believe it or not the 'computer' inside the ATM will automatically deduct money from your account balance, meaning once you have withdrawn money and collected your bank card, you dont need to stick it back in to FUCKING CHECK YOUR ACCOUNT BALANCE!!!

ahem

there we go :)
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:34, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

b3ta tricks
1) add /all to the end of the URL for the current QOTW to see the current highest voted stories.

Does anyone know any more secret b3ta power user tricks? Stick them in the replies...
( chart cat has an itch, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 15:18, 7 replies, latest was 7 years ago)

Don't drink Vodka & Red Bull
Drink a manly drink instead. If you have to, brush your teeth afterwards. That shit can rot your teeth, don't you know.
(mingeswingers, Sat 4 Oct 2008, 2:43, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ladies
Do you like men with facial hair but your current loverboy has none? Let him go down on your hairy muff and pretend that your pubes are actually his tache. Likewise, if doing 69, pretend they're his goatee.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:20, Reply)

Comedians from Grays, Essex.....
Substitute jokes for long words and do material that alternative comedians were doing 20 years' ago (and 20 times better). This will help you become one of the UK's "greatest comedians" despite being a talentless tosser.
(The Stig, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 20:40, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Say No To Helium
Seriously. Once you hit the balloon, it's damn hard to let go.

James Blunt is currently in rehab - for the eight time in three years.

I'm off to the bad part of town now...jonesing like hell for demon squeaky...
(lanternchikk hat eine schwere Bohlenallergie, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 15:29, Reply)

Commuters!
Speed up your - and everyone else's journey - by having your travel card ready before you get to the barriers. If you do this - and move out of the way the other side before stopping to put it back in your wallet - you won't cause a massive and ill-tempered queue.
( Grouch would quite like his clients to stop being numptys, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 14:55, Reply)

If your wife/girlfriend/gay lover says they aren't horny
saying "can't you just give me a blowjob then" will most likely result in refusal.

Then telling her/him that they "have gotten really frigid lately" will most likely result in a slap and/or a night on the sofa.
( Peej, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 13:47, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

On hold to a call centre phone jockey?
Don't say anthing incriminating because "calls are recorded and monitored" even when you're on hold....
(Wallilay has been bored of this shit since, Wed 1 Oct 2008, 20:04, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)