Why not try tossing over your favourite cerial?
* Tip stolen from, iirc, a packet of Sunmaid raisins
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Tue 30 Mar 2010, 15:39, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

itchy back? can't reach the spot?
superglue a cat to your wall. hey presto! instant back scratcher!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 19:14, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Save money on disposable razor blades
Buy an electric razor.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 17:27, Reply)

Make disposable razor blades last much much longer
use your arm to sharpen them again after each shave.

No, honest: consumerist.com/2010/03/make-your-disposable-razor-blade-last-for-20-months.html
( Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 9:55, 11 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Did that cunt Blair and his New Labour disgrace piss you off so much you are considering voting for the Conservatives.
Don't.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 1:00, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Developing Baw Bag's 'Egg' post below
Don't try to enjoy the smell of your farts when in the bath because for some reason I've yet to fathom, they smell bloody awful. However, it is possible to trap them in an upturned jug as they reach the surface, which then gives the opportunity to share them with whoever uses the room afterwards.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 29 Mar 2010, 0:30, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

When trafficking large amounts of illegal drugs.
Don't get caught.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 23:12, 5 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

save money shaving
Like a nice clean shave, but annoyed at how few you get out of the little high-tech disposable razor cartridges from Gillette, et al.?

They can easily be re-sharpened with this cheap gizmo:

www.sustainablevillage.com/servlet/display/product/detail/41865

Something I've looked for, for many years.

The sharpening surface is nothing more than a piece of flat glass mirror and by stroking the razor over it (in a motion akin to trying to shave the glass) under a stream of hot water 5 or 10 times, it returns the little blades to factory sharpness.

Obviously, one could hold a perfectly flat piece of glass under the water and achieve the same result, but there would be edges to contend with, with less water pooling and possible droppage.

So far, I'm still using my first blade of the new year, trying to find out its maximum service life.

Price seems high for what you get, but it really pays for itself in no time. Bought a lot of stuff from this Save-the-Planet guy's previous company and, although expensive, he wasn't overcharging.
( Squilliam but . . . . *I'm* the one with all the talent!, Sun 28 Mar 2010, 19:46, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

single girls
have loud, one-sided conversations with yourself, to convince your neighbours you actually have a really softly-spoken boyfriend.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 27 Mar 2010, 21:36, Reply)

Cleaning the fridge
When taking shelves, racks, door-boxes etc from the fridge or freezer to wash them, let them reach room temperature first before putting them in the sink because:

a: There's less chance something will crack with the temperature change from going from the fridge to a sink of hot water

b: The shelves etc won't make your water go cold.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sat 27 Mar 2010, 19:03, Reply)

Do not
read Top Tips.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Sat 27 Mar 2010, 9:58, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Enjoy paying money to have a room full of people hate your guts and want you to die?
Become a teenage girl and go to the pictures with friends. By the end of the film, hey presto! You've ruined a day out for everyone with your incessant giggling, talking and texting.

(Extra tip: Stare indignantly at anyone who becomes angry and asks you to be quiet, as if you've done nothing wrong. That will teach them.)
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Fri 26 Mar 2010, 22:44, Reply)

Egg.
Farts in a public restroom do not smell like your own. Minimise the risk of vomiting by not attempting to enjoy the smell of your own fart while in a restroom, as it invariably smells like someone elses.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Fri 26 Mar 2010, 22:41, Reply)

Showering?
Wee directly into the plug hole to minimise the smell in the room.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Fri 26 Mar 2010, 21:37, Reply)

Loose, Lose, There, their etc
Your means belonging you to like your virginity.

You're is you are, as in you're the product of your mum's vag.

Loose is what your mum's vag is after having you.

Lose is when you can't find something like your sock.

They're is they are, as in "they're spit roasting your mum".

There can mean that place, as in, "Look over there, your mum's being spitroasted again.

Maybe, hope among all hopes someone will read this and STOP USING THE WRONG BLOODY ONE!
(Catrim, Fri 26 Mar 2010, 15:15, 29 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Avoid embarrassing "Where's the attachment?" emails from colleagues...
...by remembering to attach the document before you send the email.

This especially applies if you are in fact me and do this all. the. fucking. time O_o
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 26 Mar 2010, 14:52, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

non-stick frying pan WITH metal utensils
For a super looong-life non-stick frying pan go to eBay and buy a "vintage" cast-iron skillet for $5. Make sure the seller says it's flat on the bottom with no wobbles. Doesn't matter if it's pitted or a bit rusty-looking. Also doesn't matter if it's all blackened or crusty with use.

Really old Griswold, Erie, or Wagner brands were cast with quite thin walls, so they're comparatively light weight.

If desired, start from scratch with bare metal by spraying new-to-you skillet with oven cleaner (wearing rubber gloves) and leaving overnight in plastic trash bag. Wash as usual next day (now it will pick up surface rust, but don't worry). Coat all over, inside and out with Crisco white vegetable shortening using a paper towel, then place upside-down on a sheet of aluminum foil in oven set to 500F for an hour or two.

Things will get quite smoky. Disable the kitchen smoke detector and open windows. It's just this one time.

After cooling, remove your blackened fry pan from oven with tinfoil, throw foil away. Rub off any gummy blackness with paper towel and start cooking.

The whole concept is counter-intuitive, but the black coating gets blacker and thicker the more the skillet is used. It is your non-stick surface, verrry difficult to remove, utensil-proof, and believe it or not quite sanitary.

Adding ice-cold water to a hot skillet can make it crack, but otherwise it will last for at least 100 years. It was probably that old when you bought it on eBay in the first place.
( Squilliam but . . . . *I'm* the one with all the talent!, Fri 26 Mar 2010, 12:46, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Relationships
Similar to friendships, control them by caring less than the other person.
(Clerk T Hazarde are all the wine, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 16:40, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Friendship
Put marginally less effort in than the other person. That way you never bitch and moan about people not keeping in touch enough.
(Clerk T Hazarde are all the wine, Wed 24 Mar 2010, 20:41, Reply)

Crossing the road


When about to cross the road at a busy pedestrian crossing (e.g. anywhere in Central London), don't attempt to fight your way to the front of the crowd of people. Stay towards the back and let those in a real hurry fight their way to the front of the pack.

Not only is this the gentlemanly thing to do; it also means that in the event of a vehicle tearing across the crossing when the lights have changed, the body bearing the impact of the crash will not be yours...
(anvil, Wed 24 Mar 2010, 12:38, 5 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Get free shopping
by having the power to freeze time. Also this allows you beat people up you don't like.

and allows you to rape people indiscriminately.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 18:20, 12 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Holding doors open for ladies,
will allow you to see more ladies' bums.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 16:34, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Also,
if you have a Kylie Minogue single and play it at 33rpm instead, she sounds remarkably like Rick Astley. Conversely, a Rick Astley LP played at 45rpm makes him sound like Kylie Minogue
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 15:18, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

You can download videos
of VB.Net programming tutorials from MSDN. If you play them in WMP and press Ctrl+Shift+S you can make Bob Tabor (the narrator) sound like weird 80s comedian Emo Phillips.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 23 Mar 2010, 15:17, Reply)

Bread
When toasting bread, take it out of the toaster and butter on both sides. Statistically speaking, dropping buttered bread will always drop down on the buttered side. If you butter it on both sides, you still have a 50% chance of still having a side to eat. Yum.
( DeadEyeDick, Mon 22 Mar 2010, 21:04, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

J
When someone has supported you through a bout of debilitating illness, when theyve gone out of their way to try and help you, remeber. Dont act like a pissy teenager and fefuse to acknowledge that person off the first time they tell you some home truths; you will find yourself very lonely, very quickly.

Just sayin'.
(kitescreech still here, Mon 22 Mar 2010, 13:49, Reply)

buttered toast
haven't got a clean knife to spread butter over your toast because you can't be arsed to do the washing up?

simples, use a tablespoon instead. it reduces the crumbs coming off the toast as you spread and it also spreads the butter more evenly across the slice (also works with normal bread).

don't have a clean spoon? then do the washing up you lazy fucker.
(Claude Speed was a Roman called Claudius Speedicus, Sun 21 Mar 2010, 3:45, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

This topic deserves a site of its own
and all the tips should be put into subcategories.
For example:

Hiccups
- Cures
- Make worse
- Make permanent

Blood stains
- Removal
- Creation of

Cum stains
- Removal
- Hiding from significant other
- Creative uses for
- Nutritional tips (could share page with "Cooking Tips")

Sex tips
- Gay
- Straight
- Sickos

Cooking Tips
- Genuine
- For Piss Poor Students
- For people with suicidal tendencies

Hangover
- Cures
- Prolonging

And so forth...
(DougQuaid Get ya azz to moars..., Sat 20 Mar 2010, 22:19, 1 reply, 15 years ago)