I have DOC.
Although to be fair I am the Royal Brompton Hospital.
(judgetheobscure used to sweep in butchers' shops., Sun 18 Dec 2011, 3:26, Reply)

I don't have any weird rituals
It's mine and I'll wash it as fast as I like. OK?
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Sun 18 Dec 2011, 1:45, Reply)

I have to read all the posts
where someone claims to have 'CDO', in alphabetical order.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 18 Dec 2011, 1:08, 4 replies)

I have COD
If you like, I'll come round and tell you all about it. You'll have to pay me first, though.
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Sun 18 Dec 2011, 0:59, 1 reply)

A conversation on the bus
Gladys: "Of course I suppose you've heard about Harold's son celebrating Black Masses in the village hall they use down their way."

Margaret: "Lydia told me at bridge this week and at first I couldn't believe what I was hearing. You'd never have seen that sort of thing back in the day."

Gladys: "Well, you know what they say about freedom of religion these days, dear. As long as you aren't frightening the horses, so they say, you can do what you like behind closed doors. But what about the fabric of society, that's what I'd like to know. Sooner or later they'll be setting up their own communities and everything!"

Margaret: "Well, exactly! What's wrong with worshipping the good old-fashioned way, anyway? Why do we have to keep on having all these Black Masses all over the place?"

Gladys: "Ah well...at least it keeps the Coloured folk out of regular Mass, dear."

Margaret: "Mmmmh. Is this our stop?"
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 18 Dec 2011, 0:03, 3 replies)

Nearly normal
I am beginning to think that I am seriously autistic as I don't do just one thing but in fact do most of the things already listed here. I do have an excuse however as I am a programmer, a coder if you will and we are supposed to be weird so that's all right then.

My worst trait (or my best) is that I continually multitask by playing a word game in my head that has incredibly complicated rules and depends on finding phrases I hear or see that have the exact balance required of vowels and consonants and can be rearranged to form groups of six letter words that have the 'tinny' consonants and the 'woody' consonants neatly in pairs amongst other more detailed requirements.

At the same time I play a maths based game that requires finding patterns in numbers heard or seen and then running analysis on these numbers in my head and producing mental graphs.
I do both of these games continually whilst carrying out my normal (ha ha! ) life.
I do have an incredibly high IQ but I don't think I am all that clever (I certainly lack any vestige of common sense). I just think my mental games make me very good at IQ tests.
You probably think that I am some sad loser but that is not the case I have a really active social life and loads of fun and friends.
None of whom know about my head games - I have never told anyone (even my closest friends and lovers) about them before.
(Stunt slug If God existed I'd want to fight him, Sat 17 Dec 2011, 23:22, 10 replies)

I have OCD.
It's like OCD only the letters are in the correct order.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 17 Dec 2011, 23:21, Reply)

It isn't a ritual, but it is OCD
to feel compelled to wash out those clear plastic vacuum cleaners after use, they look so crappy when they've had muck in them, even though that's what they're for! That's the reason that I avoid using them as much as possible, good excuse, or what?
(Victor Mildew going apeshit again, (aka, nightprowleroftheweb), Sat 17 Dec 2011, 23:12, 3 replies)

Whenever I get a hot beverage from a vending machine
I always say the name of what I'm ordering in the style of Captain Picard and pretend that the vending machine is a replicator.
( WormuIus, Sat 17 Dec 2011, 22:18, 14 replies)

it's CDO, not OCD
alphabetical order and that, yeah?
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Sat 17 Dec 2011, 22:07, 2 replies)

Ok who smells their finger after having a good old scratch...
honestly ??
(shezam slouching towards nirvana., Sat 17 Dec 2011, 21:41, 4 replies)

I alo had to tidy up
The wallets in Superdry the other day because they were in a terrible mess!
(Medibot, Sat 17 Dec 2011, 21:01, Reply)

Eggs
For some reason most of my weird rituals involve eggs. I can't cope with an asymmeterical egg box and I must,must MUST smash eggshells before throwing them out as (and I quote my dear old nan)'the witches will make boats out of them'. Quite what havoc tiny witches in eggshells could cause I do not know.
(Medibot, Sat 17 Dec 2011, 20:57, 2 replies)

When driving...
I use my mirror, signal and then manoeuvre. Rather than just manoeuvre and occasionally signalling half way through.
(anonymousreality tickled your fancy on, Sat 17 Dec 2011, 19:56, 4 replies)

Eht "CDO" ejko ahtt 'eevw eens os chmu fo is for aegiklnsw adn efiosst.
I aehv ot ptu eervy egilns eelttr I eirtw in aaabcehillpt deeorr. Abceesu 'ahtts how CDO korsw.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Sat 17 Dec 2011, 19:56, 9 replies)

When traveling
in any kind of vehicle, I have a habit of looking out the side window and contemplate that nature has the best parallax scrolling ever.
(Rebooted Frazer Smoothly scrolling since, Sat 17 Dec 2011, 19:42, 4 replies)

Also, when I'm a passenger in a car I cut the bushes/trees with the marks on the window.
I move my head up and down so the mark I choose lines up with the level I need to cut at on the roadside foliage. If the mark accidentally passes through a sign post or a bit of a tree I deep too think to cut with my puny window-mark (which i pretend is alternately a saw or a laser) then I lose. It results in me nodding like I'm learning the Qu'ran.
(Daveth Koresh is jesus, but welsh, Sat 17 Dec 2011, 19:37, 1 reply)

Over politness comes out as retardation
Instead of saying "thanks" or "cheers" I say "thankscheers". I think it's because I get nervous, but it makes people think I have some kind of disorder.
(Daveth Koresh is jesus, but welsh, Sat 17 Dec 2011, 19:17, 3 replies)

Whenever I speak to a shop assistent, waiting staff, trainguard, copper ECT
I always end with 'have a nice day'

I like to think it makes there day that little bit more pleasant :)
(shezam slouching towards nirvana., Sat 17 Dec 2011, 19:07, 7 replies)

I used to think I was strange...
...reading many of these answers, I'm a lot less strange than I thought. Or maybe just boring.
(TheImmortalJenkins, Sat 17 Dec 2011, 17:34, Reply)

I use the words 'please' and 'thankyou' when ordering food in a restaurant.

(Frample Tromwibbler climbs an obstacle like old people fuck, Sat 17 Dec 2011, 17:27, 6 replies)

Car milometer
I always like it when my milometer (odometer for our American cousins) shows a palindromic number, such as 1331 or 25452. Some are better than others. The best are those which you could rotate and they will still read the same, like 82128 (the 2 on my car display has rotational symmetry). I amuse myself by working out the next palindromic number from the current readout. I am at over 100,000 km now so it's not so easy. If I am just a few km off the next one then I will drive an extra loop to get home, just to see it turn up and not have to wait until the next day. The next one will be 111111 which will be very special, and will probably deserve a small celebration, particularly as I will have to wait another 1100 km to see the next.
(Smale is stuffed, Sat 17 Dec 2011, 17:03, 6 replies)

Alphabetti Spaghetti
Vowels first, then consonants
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Sat 17 Dec 2011, 16:48, 1 reply)

I don't live in London
But I'm down there every other month or so. Without fail, every time I visit, I have to play tube door jedi. Have to. For those not in the know, this is where you pick a point on the platform and the train has to stop with the door directly in front of you (or a foot to either side if you're not fully trained in the ways of the tube door jedi).

I'm actually really good at it.

EDIT - and obviously, you have to command the door to open doing that finger twitch thing. Because they wouldn't open otherwise, oh no.
(berk, Sat 17 Dec 2011, 16:38, 7 replies)

I LIKE TO SPELL IT CDO BECAUSE THEN ITS IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER!
LOL!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Sat 17 Dec 2011, 15:37, 7 replies)

I have to line things up...
If I'm sat in a room with patterned net curtains, blinds or whatever, I just have to line up things outside the window with the pattern in the curtains...

...even if it means gazing over the left shoulder of the person I'm talking to, and strafing sideways a couple of inches to get the perfect alignment.

They probably think I'm losing it. They don't know I lost it a long time ago. But at least I know it was well aligned when I lost it.
(Smegma, Sat 17 Dec 2011, 15:17, 3 replies)

bit of a pea this, iirc
but i'm a counter. i count stairs wherever i go. if i've ever been in someone's house, i can tell them how many stairs they have.
i know that it's 1,195* steps from my house to my parents' house. when i go upstairs, i have to put my left foot first.
i like symmetry, too. if i've got an odd number of, for example, chocolates, i'll lay them out in a row and eat the middle one first. then i'll eat them in twos, to keep both ends of the row level.
i'm probably mentally unstable.


* just checked, it's actually 1,604. it was 1,195 steps from my old flat.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 17 Dec 2011, 14:43, 5 replies)

Only semi fits the topic but.....
In my second year of university I shared a flat with 6 other young delinquents, each one as odd as the other. Our flat was eternally freezing and in the winter months you could see your breath indoors. This made getting out of bed in the morning even more daunting than usual and as we had all usually had a feed of drink the evening before it was common to awaken with a bladder fit to burst, exacerbating the problem.

One of the other lads (who we shall call Alan Smithson for the purposes of this piece) had come up with a most resourceful and innovative way to tackle this most difficult of conundrums. He would keep an empty two litre bottle under his bed and on these fateful mornings he would take it into his bed, being careful to let as little heat out from under the two duvets as possible, and empty himself into the bottle.

The rest of us were aware of his actions as there had been a number of festering piss filled bottles spotted under his bed during the course of the year. However, one morning upon finding that his bacon and eggs had been eaten, one of the other lads automatically (and correctly) assumed it had been Alan. He made for the pishy bastard's room, roaring half drunken obscenities at him and ripped the covers back off a sleeping Alan to reveal his half naked body, startled and clinging desperately to a freshly pissed in, lukewarm bottle of his (assumedly) own urine.

He was more than happy to admit to having practiced this regularly and requested that we leave his room, also claiming that the piss smelt like bacon.

Length? Not sure but girth would make getting in the bottle difficult.
(gherkinator, Sat 17 Dec 2011, 14:12, Reply)

I have DCO
It's like OCD except the letters are correctly arranged in ascending order of the number of 1s in their ASCII binary representation.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 17 Dec 2011, 14:09, Reply)