Before I die
I would like to discover my sense of ambition

Actually, I cant be arsed.
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Things to do...
1. Buy a helicopter.

2. Fly it all over Inverness, trailing a banner reading "Eat my dust, knobs!"

3. Land it, somehow exchange it for a Spitfire, repeat operation with the same banner.

4. Find a way to stop my computer spelling it "center" as I am British and highly pedantic.

5. Cure my insanity, autism and A.D.H.D. Okay, leave the insanity.

6. Get robotic fingers so I stop making so many damned typos!*

* Probably won't help. But on the up side, I might be able to crush someone's skull with my bare hands. Bwahaha. Maybe I should see to that sanity problem...
( Awk Industries is actually a helic- NO, STAY BACK SHARK!, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 10:34, 3 replies)

Defeat Lucia
at table-tennis on Wii Sports Resort, the smug freckled bitch.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Read "Can't be Arsed"
by Richard Wilson (no, the other one)
101 Things Not To Do Before You Die
(Tont, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 10:03, Reply)

edit.
Fuck fuck fuckity fucking fuck.
I would like to have posted this before some other bastard beat me to it.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 10:03, 1 reply)

Push TGB off a roof. Punch Harry/Jamie Redknapp, get a pet bear.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 9:52, 29 replies)

Before I die, I wish
I wish I was little bit taller,
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good
I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
and a '64 Impala

...in zero gravity
(Thebigfella, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 9:52, 3 replies)

Gah
A friend of mine managed to do his thing yesterday. He played on stage with his favourite band at the Apollo in Manchester after winning a comp.

Hell, I'd settle for a chat and a coffee with my all time favourite band (you wouldnt like them) and talk about songs for a bit.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 9:38, 9 replies)

Rummage
through Rachelswipes underwear drawer.
(Suck it and Sea, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 9:22, 13 replies)

For the QOTW /all function to come back
Huh? Rob? Huh?
(McChinaman banned, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 9:21, 2 replies)

Once, just once
I would like to be able to put together a piece of Ikea furniture from start to finish without uttering the words "usless cunting swedish tat".

It's a lot to ask, but a girl can dream...
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 9:17, 5 replies)

I'd really like to write a half-decent answer to a Q.O.T.W. some time before I kick the bucket...
...though chances of that are minimal. Failing that, I'd like to do a skydive. Though not *just* before I die.
(TheAmazingMeatMan ™ can't sing, but he's got soul, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 8:42, 2 replies)

To use
The last of those twelve johnnies I mentioned in QOTW a couple of weeks ago! It's only been twenty years, they'll be fine....
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 7:43, 2 replies)

Be happy.
That's it, really.
(BlackArmadillo Avoided writing that article on, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 5:41, Reply)

hmmmm... lets see
this took some thinking, but i'm sure people will agree with me... but just once before i die i really want to....

finish that last damn level of Sonic the hedgehog on the mega drive.

it drove me nuts.
(sennik85 hiding from the world, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 3:40, 1 reply)

Magazines
I subscribe to many magazines. I organize the magazines into piles, then put the piles into boxes, and then put the boxes in the basement.

Before I die, I'd like to read these magazines.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Wed 20 Oct 2010, 1:43, 4 replies)

Set the timer on my VCR
not much point now seeing as we have DvDs....what? What's a fucking blue ray?
( Laird Dave Draws Now charges to take off his clothes., Wed 20 Oct 2010, 1:18, Reply)

Complete my film collection
that I've been compiling by copying my rentals from LoveFilm. It'd happen a lot faster if they weren't such slow cunts!!
(Vinnie Strokes Got bummed on, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 21:41, 1 reply)

Since this thing is impossible, I suppose it's more of a wish
But I am currently in America, and have just received an email from my mum letting me know that Tash, the cat I have had since I was 8, got a massive infection in his sinuses over the weekend that stopped him breathing, and he had to be put down.

I know it is what absolutely every single pet-owner says, but he wasn't a cat. He was Tash. There never has been, and never will be a cat that keeps me company like he did, and loved me through thick and thin.

Since moving to the US, I have started gaining some success as a writer, started making a name for myself, but right now, I would give every single penny, and all of my possessions, to be able to say goodbye to him properly. To give him a hug, and a kiss on the forehead. Just to hear him purr one more time.


(bobman500 enjoys a grope as much as the next fella, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 19:54, 14 replies)

I'd like to figure out the Grand Unified Theory...
but I'd take being able to solve the Rubik's Cube!
( BubaMan 3 conspiracy nuts walk into a bar... Coincidence?, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 19:34, 4 replies)

Honestly
Before I die, I wish to have been in a band that toured the world.
(Maccy Divided by 0 on, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 19:26, 2 replies)

others
Be able to park my Mini by hand-brake skidding into a space at the side of road. A bloke did it years ago on Record Breakers with something like a 15cm gap each end. Shit whoever your passenger was up every time!

Learn to ten pin bowl - I mean the cool "spins on the edge of the lane then at the last microsecond spins in and clears the alley" type shots. Not a big fan of bowling, but if I could do this I'd play every week.

Cook a perfectly rare thick steak at home. Always cook it too much.

Sad, but win a deathmatch free for all on CoD: MW2 against my mates with a score of 32-0 or something like that. I'm shit at it, and always get owned. Just one I'd love to beat them.

Find someone who has the footage of my only TV appearence, "swot or wot" on ITV, presented by Dominic Diamond circa 1995. We won, I got loads of questions right and the show was that good we were chosen as the pilot edition. I recorded the original rambo over my copy years ago..
(Strump striving for imperfection since, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 19:16, 9 replies)

Just one thing.
Hypnotise Karl Pilkington and get him to torture Ricky Gervais, not to death, just until his mind breaks.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 19 Oct 2010, 18:33, 1 reply)

become wise

(chocolatelemming, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 18:17, Reply)

Simply
to become self employed selling an invention of my own.

I've thought about packaging my 'budget home automation' but I don't know anything about business and/or getting things mass produced etc...

...so I guess I'll be a desk jockey for the rest of my life instead.
(dchurch bah, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 18:13, 6 replies)

It's pretty simple
1) Have some kind of success with my music - not huge, something like being able to cover costs would be great, release albums once a year that sell between 1000 and 5000 copies, play decent gigs with a decent turnout regularly (instead of once in every 10 shows), tour the UK and abroad annually and keep our integrity. Making fairly considerable progress on most of this, just need to keep chipping away for a few more years / records. Knowing what I know, I reckon I'd be a lot further on with this if the net and universal access to recording technology hadn't destroyed the scene as far as independent labels go.
2) Do the dirty sex with a variety of ladies in various combinations, including a variety of different races and skin tones. This one will haveta wait as I'm currently happily relationship'ed up but good things rarely last forever and I'm a realist, and if / when me and the lovely lady go our separate ways I'd like to fill my boots.
3) Own and drive a long wheel-base Land Rover Defender.
4) Keep a pet pig and a dog.
5) Be happy.
6) Once all the above are achieved, strap myself into a bomb and go out in a blaze of glory taking as many complete cnuts as possible with me - perhaps by targeting a reality tv show or BNP party conference. OK, may not get round to this if I'm being honest.
(rampants, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 18:10, 2 replies)

There are one or two things...
I would like to be able to speak welsh. I understand it perfectly well but don't have the confidence to speak it.

Would love to be able to play guitar. I bought an expensive acoustic guitar several years back and still only know 3 chords.

See more of the world.
(Andino, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 17:23, 1 reply)

Before I die
I must, must, spang Gideon "I-Haven't-Got-A-Fucking-Clue" Osbourne in his fucking smug face with the heaviest object I can find.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 19 Oct 2010, 16:38, 2 replies)

See the outside world.....
hardly likely, if I go outside, Gerry will get me :(
(Anne Frank started to build a loft conversion on, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 16:03, 4 replies)