ahhh..
tis the 2 questions that have been racking my brain for years:

1. Which skins to use?
a) Blue Slim Rizlas
b) Silver Rizlas
c) Smoking Greens

2. Which tobacco to use?
a) Fag
b) Rollin
c) A weird, possibly damaging hybrid of the two made using strange hippy tactics that tastes like fresh-cut grass?
(mrmonkfish yolo420weedwizard, Wed 19 May 2004, 13:22, Reply)

Melon Twister.............
Do I........

Marry my very faithful fiancee at a ridiculously expensive wedding I have already paid for in the Bahamas at the end of June.

Or do I cop off with the 32e chested 18yr old A-level student that is offering it to me on a plate at the moment.

Or do I do both.....

A. Potentially wrecking a very good relationship (if she finds out)

and

B. Binning a girl who is totally besotted with me bang in the middle of her a levels.


Hellppppppp meeeeeeeeeeeeee
(higeldypigeldy, Wed 19 May 2004, 13:18, Reply)

I love you
My girlfriend and I have been going out for years. Ages... more than 10 years. It's a very stable relationship, we get on well, we've bought somewhere to live and are thinking about children.

I tell her I love her daily and hug her.

What's getting at me deep down is that she's never said "I love you" to me. She's incredibly un-tactile infact. I keep telling myself it's not a big thing, but it really is getting to me.

What do I say to her?
(like I'm going to give my name, Wed 19 May 2004, 13:18, Reply)

To be
Or not to be ?
(Shifty Bloke, Wed 19 May 2004, 13:10, Reply)

Dear Tania,
I think my friend Rob is on crack. He's asked b3tans to write questions to you and *not* take the piss. What signs should I look for, and what should I do?
( SpunkyBackpack, Wed 19 May 2004, 12:57, Reply)

Hmm, here's one
I know that my sister is in fact my half-sister whereas she doesn't... My dad knows that he isn't the father, I've told my brother so he knows, but my mum and her fella don't know that I or my brother know (they've known for a while). What's more I suspect that they're not planning to tell her that she has a severe case of mistaken identity regarding her father (who's the daddy?). And I mean not tell her ever. So, do I tell her or not? Problem is she's got learning difficulties and also there is an impending court case between aforementioned parents with my dad sueing to get all the child support money back from the last couple of years (when they already knew and he didn't). So there's immense potential for family mischief all round if I spill the beans or mention it.

How's about that then boys and girls? I was trying to forget about this whole thing as well... Bah.

Edit: I hope so much that Murphys Law doesn't strike and one of them reads this...
(Watermelon, Wed 19 May 2004, 12:32, Reply)

current quandry
Had intense 3 month relationship with a gorgeous man (Man A) who moved back to his home country. Decided men were all bastards then promptly met & fell head over heels not 2 weeks later with the Man B (who I am still madly in love with 6 months later).
Man A is coming back to visit the uk and wants to meet up for a chat/coffee (not sex) to which I have said yes.
Do I:
A) tell Man B about meeting but lie about who its with?
B) don't bother telling Man B anything
C) tell Man B everything & hope he understands
D) don't meet Man A
(geektastic, Wed 19 May 2004, 12:32, Reply)

Have a wank now (guaranteed obviously)
or save it for the possibility of a shag later?

It's a tough one, you can always do both but then you won't enjoy the shag as much...
( wingphil, Wed 19 May 2004, 12:30, Reply)

hmmm
To Revise or not to revise....hmmmmm
(mupps, Wed 19 May 2004, 12:28, Reply)

As with all great dilemas it involves women!
My dilemma seems to be that I can't figure out which way to be with girls.. I have no problem meeting girls and have no problem hooking up with them but I can never figure out what they want... With some women I act like the typical bastard and they love it, then when I'm the bastard with others they give me the elbow. So I try being the nice guy (like with my last girlfriend) - things go great for the first few months and then they shit all over me cos I'm being too nice!!
So my question is what the fucks a guy supposed to do?

Also (still concerning my last girlfriend who borrowed £600 quid off me to pay her rent promising I'd get it back and she loved me only to dump me the next month) should I burn my ex's house down and pawn all her things to get my cash back, or just resort to running her over in my car - the dirty shit talking bucket fanny bitch!!!!

:-P
(Manatee Fondler, Wed 19 May 2004, 12:17, Reply)

Do some work,
or lurk on b3ta all day?
(Steve - AKA: Steve, Wed 19 May 2004, 12:15, Reply)

Hm.
Hey, greebo, drown yourself for about a month in the vodkabulls then ask her out.

Anyway, one of my own: My parents can sometimes be complete twats on a stack. They decided to get a divorce. This judge was whacked (Most likely high/drunk) so he asked me if I wanted to live with my mom or dad. I said, "How about I build my own house?" That project started 3 years ago, finished it a year ago, and now I have a girlfriend fit for a king.
Fucking parents. They're arsebadgers.
(I am an Oddity, Wed 19 May 2004, 12:13, Reply)

i might as well post a serious one now
im crazy about this lass. she is everything i look for in a woman, funny, intelligent, and a cracking set of norks. shes the sort of woman that can walk into a room, and make any man's head turn (i've even seen a few poofs eyeing her up before now)

my problem is, however, that i cant muster up the courage to ask her out. we're really good friends, and both part of the same social group. im constantly worried that if i do ask her out, and she says no, that it would ruin our friendship,a nd then, in turn, cause a bad atmosphere amongst our circle of friends. i've spent a lot of time trying to find friends who i can trust, and feel at ease with, so loosing my friends as well as her would be a major blow to me.

as far as i can see, my options are:

a. ask her out, and just take it as it comes
2. say nothing, and keep feeling miserable
d. do nothing, and continue to drown my sorrows with vodka redbulls

before anyone wonders, YES she is single, and NO shes not 'linked' with anyone else.
( lo, the Greebo Warrior - Est. 2002, Wed 19 May 2004, 12:06, Reply)

In the days when dial-up was the norm
mate of mine had the following dilema:

Is it wrong that i'm considering moving in with my girlfriend purely becuase she can get cable?
(sleipnir, Wed 19 May 2004, 12:02, Reply)

This has happened to me 4 times now.
Friends girlfriend gets your phone number from your mate "so she can set you up with her sister" and then promptly begins sending you dirty text messages and saying things that make you need to cross your legs in public. She then says that she has to have you and that she never liked your mate much in the first place. Do you:
a) respond in kind with the text messgages/phone calls but not take it any further.
b) tell her that you have too much respect for your mate and that it wont ever happen. Ever.
c) throw caution to the wind and do the dirty on your mate, only to be wracked with guilt and, when she is with him, jealousy.

Spoiler alert!

I chose b,a,a,c (in that order)
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Wed 19 May 2004, 11:55, Reply)

When the missus is up on blocks
is it acceptable to demand blowjobs repeatedly, slapping her until she complies with what is, let's face it, a perfectly reasonable request, or is the correct etiquette to stuff one up the brown while she's asleep?
( TV's Nosemonkey, Wed 19 May 2004, 11:48, Reply)

Ketchup or Syrup!
I prefer syrup!
(Rox - teh smart at air guitarzoo, Wed 19 May 2004, 11:48, Reply)

Kitten or Badger

(BadgerPirate, Wed 19 May 2004, 11:43, Reply)

My problem...
Should I spend all of my student loan on DVDs? (Probably a bit late now)
(R-T-C Got arbitrage profits?, Wed 19 May 2004, 11:40, Reply)

Sex or Virginity

( OneSullenBrit *air sandwiches*, Wed 19 May 2004, 11:38, Reply)

Question
Your mum or my bum?
( Zuowan, Wed 19 May 2004, 11:38, Reply)

Posh, Baby, Ginger, Scary, or Council Estate....

many sleepless nights had.
(saaaaaaausage you say?, Wed 19 May 2004, 11:36, Reply)

Daddy... or chips?
Damn... b3tan to it!
( King Ralph is drunk, Wed 19 May 2004, 11:33, Reply)

Beans or Ravioli?

( karatesausage, Wed 19 May 2004, 11:32, Reply)

Hemorrhoids.
Intense itching in public. What is the etiquette regarding this?
(Small Beer, Wed 19 May 2004, 11:31, Reply)

My friend
works in S. Korea. He was seeing a girl for nearly six months, but she then left him to get married to a Korean bloke she barely knew, as is apparently customary, especially since she's from a well-off family.

However, during the engagement, she kept peppering him with texts and e-mails saying she was unhappy and loved my mate. Now she is marrried, he's been invited to stay over at their new place while he is on a business trip.

Should he:
a) Let her go
b) Continue in an illicit affair
c) Elope with her to the UK, bringing shame on her family?
( Rev. A-MOL is lurking around these parts again, Wed 19 May 2004, 11:31, Reply)

Jack
or Jill
(Fwap Attack, Wed 19 May 2004, 11:29, Reply)

Daddy or Chips
/predictable
( lo, the Greebo Warrior - Est. 2002, Wed 19 May 2004, 11:29, Reply)

F5 or some sleep...

(devilstick, Wed 19 May 2004, 11:28, Reply)

Soup or Salad?

( Christian Bale of Hay in a field, Wed 19 May 2004, 11:27, Reply)