I just found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me.
*adds to list of reasons for breaking up*

What would be a good way to dump her? I'm thinking big and youtubeable.
( iEC: Redux Hands up., Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:55, archived)

"I need another reason to cut myself because Im an emo
please leave me"
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:56, archived)

I need to grow new arms.
I've run out of scarring room.
( iEC: Redux Hands up., Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:56, archived)

What would be a good way to dump in her mouth?
( mazurka wants two's up on your mum., Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:56, archived)

Into a funnel then push it through the small end into whatever takes your fancy with a 32lb ball paign hammer

Or into and then out of a mincing machine (ask an adult to help with the handle winding)
(Danny Fishcharge Half arsed, smart arsed, on & off a lard arse sinc, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:16, archived)

+on
Just squat over her tits.
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:56, archived)

ever see that crazy blonde chick who rants at her boyfriend
while stripping and jilling off?

do that, video it and self harm.

then youtube it.

alternativly just fuck her sister
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:57, archived)

The last bit is good.

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:57, archived)

libby hoeller?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:02, archived)

christ knows what her name is.
she goes on a ten minute freak out about how they were meant to be together and he doesnt know the mistake he is making.

probably the most unerotic thing ive ever seen.
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:04, archived)

linky?
trying to figure if it's the one I'm thinking of or another one
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:07, archived)

trying to find it but "crazy blonde chick on webcam" is a hard thing to google specifically..

( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:08, archived)

funnily enough
"psycho blonde girl" had it as the 2nd answer lol

VERY NSFW
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:11, archived)

I would

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:12, archived)

actually thats not the full version
inthe full one she gets nasty with her self while continuously whining like that.

scary stuff
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:13, archived)

Ah, that's not the one I was thinking of.

( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:15, archived)

trying 'break up' in youtube's not getting anywhere either

( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:11, archived)

far too nsfw for youtube :D

( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:12, archived)

www.metacafe.com/watch/104940/libby_hoeller/
( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:09, archived)

Hehe
that's blocked by the filter :)
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:16, archived)

oh, no, not libby hoeller
shes the one who made special videos for her man and he uploaded them on kazaa and the whole world saw her with her fingers in her flange
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:10, archived)

"Look, we need to talk. I'm thinking we're really not meant for one another."
"Why?"
"Because you're a cheating slut."
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:57, archived)

^this

(Londingham ., Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:58, archived)

+ i think you may have syphilis (or other sti of your choice)
( mazurka wants two's up on your mum., Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:00, archived)

No, just stick to the facts.
Facts hurt more than insults
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:01, archived)

fact 1: i gave you AIDS

( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:05, archived)

It would be funny if you did give her AIDS and then rang her from the clinic to break up with her and tell her that now she has it.
It would save on phone bills.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:13, archived)

Record one of those webcamesque videos where the webcam is up to the top right
rather than straight on, and just give out her name and town where she lives and a photo. Then say "You're dumped" and then give out his details. It'll go viral.
( magnum, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:57, archived)

tell her you've been feeling itchy "down there" this week
and tell her she needs to get herself checked out.

Or take her to a Maccy D drive through and order a Big Mac, fries and my girlfriend is a cheating whore
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:57, archived)

I like your plan best.
/WW
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:59, archived)

You are a wise man
both of the above, then an axe in the face.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:00, archived)

I had a girl tell me that I had given her Chlamydia
when in fact I hadn't. I wasn't amused. Especially as I'd told 2 previous partners to go out get themselves checked before I got the results.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:11, archived)

If you're bitter
you should post naked pictures of her on here
(Monk3yspunkmop3d throws grenades, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:58, archived)

Sshhhh.
Post them on one of the revenge sites ;)
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:59, archived)

I thought that was what /talk was.
Or have I been wrong for nearly 2 years?
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:01, archived)

You might have a point.
Photoshop her into something unflattering.
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:02, archived)

Hey
I can't crack one off to something unflattering
(Monk3yspunkmop3d throws grenades, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:04, archived)

this!
That way we can be entertained in your misery.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:20, archived)

Axe in the face is traditional
Otherwise, those messages towed behind aeroplanes are good.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:59, archived)

I'm thinking
HUGE motorway billboard

Fort Dunlop style although not Fort Dunlop, as it doesn't have adverts on it any more and it's in completely the wrong area of the country
(Londingham ., Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:00, archived)

I was going to say 'stab her in the throat'
but your way works to.

iEC - don't take it personally; it's probably just that you have small genitals, are vastly unfulfilling sexually, and painfully dull.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:01, archived)

genital hand

sorry.
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:02, archived)

It's ok
it never gets old...

The Beard did admit to me after the bash that when she first met me she noticed I had small hands and thought "oh noes, he must have a small penizorz!!1!". But muttered protestations afterwards that of course I had proven her wrong, and I for one am not going to question that too deeply.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:04, archived)

You know me, I always carry the joke on that bit too long.
Much like my cock.
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:06, archived)

put her on eBay
under the "bicycles" section
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:59, archived)

haha
great edit
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:03, archived)

"One bike, 1986 model, comfortable, still in good condition
but well used and not as reliable as I need it to be. Will definately satisfy, as all of those who have ridden her can testify. Very cheap (she gives out rides for free) and I want it off my hands sharpish as I have a better model lined up for the new year."
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:04, archived)

Do you think Paul Mcartney put Heather under unicycles?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:04, archived)

hahahahaha
Winner
(Londingham ., Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:05, archived)

Oh, you fucker.

( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:06, archived)

TOUCH MY HAIR!

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:10, archived)

I'd rather touch your cock, if that's alright?

( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:14, archived)

:(
You made my dragon into a drake.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:15, archived)

genie
arse
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:11, archived)

I can't believe you still need a list after that.

( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:02, archived)

Just get rid of her with a minimum of fuss.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:06, archived)

This.
If she fusses, ignore her.
( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:07, archived)

minimum of fuss chainsaw and an acid bath
( Rubymurray is disdainful of your hateful, ill-formed opinions, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:08, archived)

Kick her in the cunt.

( Rev. Cleo still alive, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:14, archived)

rape

(bblgoose, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 14:15, archived)