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I have just crimped off a length.
What's your favourite euphemism?
(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:23, archived)
bash the bishop
making a call on the big white telephone
an appointment with armitage shanks
(I helped save b3ta! prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:23, archived)
Strangling the prostitute

(I helped save b3ta! tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:25, archived)
sings
you can't get quicker than an ipswitch ripper
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:27, archived)
*reports to mods*

(I helped save b3ta! prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:27, archived)
Ban him!

(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:29, archived)
Bungling the investigation
/doing a Colin Stag
(I helped save b3ta! tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:28, archived)
Fitting the boiler

(I helped save b3ta! tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:23, archived)
Having a shit
/never got the hang of euphemisms
(I helped save b3ta! FoldsFive, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:24, archived)
My willy is errect and i'm going to insert it into your vagina.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:24, archived)
is that what you say when you go to the cashpoint?

(I helped save b3ta! prem1um is full of life, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:25, archived)
:-D

(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:25, archived)
Navigating the stairwell

(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:24, archived)
Up the wooden hill to bedfordshire!

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:25, archived)
pfft, that's so wrong in this context.
Here comes Daddy...
(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:26, archived)
Pedaling the bud

(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:26, archived)
he loves that
i read it on the toilet doors
(I helped save b3ta! Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:30, archived)
Float an air biscuit

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:24, archived)
when talking about master and slave drives, as in computers or something
we were told that we weren't allowed to call them master and slaves, because the Africans wouldn't like it (incidentally, this was news to them), so we decided to call them Butchers and Mincers.
(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:24, archived)
You were taught by fuckwits
I hope you reminded them this as regularly and violently as possible.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:25, archived)
They're still labelled Master and Slave
and it's really not worth bothering with, as more often than not, the former goes untitled in speech, the latter being referred to as "the back-up, in case the first one crashes".

If that makes sense.
(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:27, archived)
theyre master and slave in the tele side too

(I helped save b3ta! Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:31, archived)
There are 'master' and 'slave' devices and 'male' and 'female' connections
all over every branch of electronics ... if they took those terms away we'd all be fucked.

They'll be banning SCSI for being offensive to dirty slappers next.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:32, archived)
first time my music teacher asked me if I needed a male or female plug
I though he was joking.
(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:34, archived)
I was told about this "rule" over 6 years ago
it's not new. It's older than the "It's no longer a blackboard, it's a chalkboard" thing.
(I helped save b3ta! Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:34, archived)
Ummm ... no it isn't.
The blackboard/chalkboard legend was in the daily mail when I was still at high school some time in the mid-to-late eighties.

And this 'rule' isn't a 'rule' ... it's bollocks.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:39, archived)
he he
send it to the daily mail
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:25, archived)
I prefer Butcher and Mincer

(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:28, archived)
It's political correctness gone mad!
Sometimes I just wish I was black so I could purposefully use such expressions to annoy these people.

I'd ask for "black coffee" and everything, it would be awesome.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:27, archived)
How can I be a racist? I'm black!

(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:27, archived)
Grundling the sprockets

(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:25, archived)
posting on b3ta

(I helped save b3ta! writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:25, archived)
what does this mean?

(I helped save b3ta! tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:25, archived)
wasting your life

(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:26, archived)
What does this mean?

(I helped save b3ta! tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:27, archived)
That boy needs therapy

(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:28, archived)
Shut up and keep sucking

(I helped save b3ta! tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:30, archived)
What does this mean?

(I helped save b3ta! writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:32, archived)
i can't tell you
it's a euphemism
(I helped save b3ta! writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:26, archived)
Working

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:26, archived)
To admit you're gay.
Like "coming out the closet".
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:26, archived)
Gargle mayonaise

(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:25, archived)
With the greatest respect
you contemptible bastard
(I helped save b3ta! mazurka wants two's up on your mum., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:26, archived)
Popping Percy Pepper in the top oven.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:27, archived)
'Surfing the crimson wave'

(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:27, archived)
hawaii five ... oh

(I helped save b3ta! writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:29, archived)
'feeding the pony'
'knitting the road to Trafalgar Square'

'taking the donkey to meet the Queen'
(I helped save b3ta! Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:27, archived)
I love you

(I helped save b3ta! tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:29, archived)
i bet you've taken a few donkeys to meet the queen

(I helped save b3ta! Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:32, archived)
I seems possible
WTF?
(I helped save b3ta! tfs bye, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:39, archived)
*thinks*
No...I can only work out the first one.
(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:29, archived)
'dropping the kids off' is the one i use most though

(I helped save b3ta! Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:34, archived)
ever the lady

(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:35, archived)
Horizontal
Folk dancing
(Stop, look, listen - Pheeeel. ...most turnin', stormin' sound of soul, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:31, archived)
Going to visit Noddy?

(I helped save b3ta! The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:31, archived)
'finding the end of the toilet roll'
/ben elton
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:33, archived)
A kangaroo loose
In the top paddock.

See also:
Madder than a wasp in a jam jar.
(Stop, look, listen - Pheeeel. ...most turnin', stormin' sound of soul, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:29, archived)
Madder than...
...a goose on stilts
...a sackful of badgers
...a barrel of monkeys
...an ape in wellies
(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:31, archived)
' He's a couple of stops short of Dagenham' is my favourite one of those.

(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:31, archived)
'Barking'
?
(I helped save b3ta! Cap'n Tallbeard, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:34, archived)
We tend to use "he's just past Upton Park".
Or shorten it to West Ham, Upton or East Ham depending on how insane.
(I helped save b3ta! The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:34, archived)
My brother used to say
"I'm off for a Duncan Ferguson" when he was off for a shit.
(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:37, archived)
Mornington
Crescent
(Stop, look, listen - Pheeeel. ...most turnin', stormin' sound of soul, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:35, archived)
I have far too many, among my friends at uni
Although 'playing table-tennis' is the most used
(I helped save b3ta! Cap'n Tallbeard, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:30, archived)
is that like...
PC Wobbly hides his helmet?
(I helped save b3ta! writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:31, archived)
I assume so

(I helped save b3ta! Cap'n Tallbeard, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:33, archived)
We had "playing scrabble".

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:31, archived)
Wrestling the brown crocodile.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:30, archived)
Shaking my kids off in the bush.
/Trev
(I helped save b3ta! ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:31, archived)
:N

(53020, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:32, archived)
Kissing you on the nemesis.

(I helped save b3ta! ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:32, archived)
step on a duck

(I helped save b3ta! Neon Blue Ah ha ha haa! I feel positively capital!, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:34, archived)
My least favourite euphemism
is 'euphemism' for "schoolboy single entendre"
(I helped save b3ta! Newington, Fri 12 Jan 2007, 13:35, archived)