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Erm...my son appears to have smothered the cat in aloe vera vaseline.
She's not at all happy with this situation. Neither am I.

I think the cat will be ok, but I'm now a little concerned about why my son decided to do it in the first place...
(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:37, archived)
right up him!

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:38, archived)
I'm writing a song

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:38, archived)
it's not about your son...
or a cat
(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:38, archived)
I ALREADY LOVE IT.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:39, archived)
oh fine, build up our expectations then bring them crashing down with your next post why don't you

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:39, archived)
Is it about shoes?

(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:40, archived)
it might be the intro to Goose quest 2 or something
I don't know
(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:40, archived)
*songwriting HIGH FIVE*

(I helped save b3ta! ArthurTheRat, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:39, archived)
I reckon it's going to be nonsense

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:40, archived)
Probably sick of the hairs coming off
How old is he?

Good luck showering the cat.
(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:38, archived)
I've used a damp cloth with fairy liquid on it - I can't bath her, she'd rip my fucking arms off.

(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:39, archived)
*wince*
Next time, don't use fairy liquid. A very tiny amount of baby shampoo's fine, but fairy can fuck their skin oils up, even in small doses.

Cats are cunts when they're filthy and prefer to sit in your living room before cleaning.
(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:41, archived)
I used to have two cats that liked sitting under lorries.
There were forever getting diesel on ther ears and it is really fucking toxic. Vet told me to use fairy liquid as it emulsifies the oil faster than anything else.

I'm just applying the logic to another fraction of crude oil :)
(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:44, archived)
Did you rinse?
He's right about replacing one toxin for a lesser one, but the cats don't like it!

And were they suicidal cats or something??
(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:46, archived)
No, they just liked warm engines.
They used to sit under the recovery truck at the mechanics beind my house. They always looked for them before moving the truck, and used to give them bits of sandwich as well.
(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:52, archived)
my cat once jumped up onto a freshly
gloss painted window ledge and when we phoned the vets to ask what to do, they told us to use fairy liquid to get the paint off.
(I helped save b3ta! flurokitty 3, 2, 1 lets jam! (+.[___]·:·), Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:59, archived)
Did it really happen?
I thought you were setting up a feed line for us.
(I helped save b3ta! Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:43, archived)
Sadly not.
The cat has sleek glossy fur which smells of aloe vera.
(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:45, archived)
a bit like
a 1950's con man
(I helped save b3ta! bacon and egg roll is going to be big downunder, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 23:27, archived)
Did he hear Badger telling you to lube up your pussy?

(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:38, archived)
PFFFFT
*clicks both*
(I helped save b3ta! ArthurTheRat, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:38, archived)
^^

(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:39, archived)
pffft
*awards gold star*
(I helped save b3ta! MrA, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:39, archived)
oh god
hahahahaharharhar...
(I helped save b3ta! custard, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:42, archived)
*WIN*

(I helped save b3ta! parttimedogfish is a Born-Again Reincarnationist, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:44, archived)
hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! elusive I'm not really here. You're imagining me, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:46, archived)
One of the signs of being a serial killer.

(I helped save b3ta! ArthurTheRat, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:38, archived)
He's probably a paedophile.
Or something.
(I helped save b3ta! moohalaa, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:38, archived)
yeah
a kitty-fiddler
(I helped save b3ta! scott,, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:44, archived)
Get out your notepad,
and add "Don't suggest people's young children are paedophiles" to your new list of social conduct rules.
(I helped save b3ta! sprinkles ITS AN ISLAND, morron, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:49, archived)
He's channelling the spirit of Richard Gere.
He's got it a bit wrong...
(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:39, archived)
put the cat through a delicates cycle
and a slow spin, it'll be right as rain
(Dangermouse., Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:39, archived)
cunt
There'll be some thick cunt who believes that
(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:40, archived)
*drops 20,000 spoons noisily on the floor*

(I helped save b3ta! Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:41, archived)
At least I'm qualified in Animal Management
So, blonde as I can be sometimes, I wouldn't believe that!
(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:42, archived)
does that qualification allow you to motivate sloths
and ensure that the marmots are meeting their quotas?
(I helped save b3ta! lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:47, archived)
Oh for god's sake...

(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:43, archived)
Well I believed it :(

(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:46, archived)
Sounds like my house.
The middle one has adhd.
(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:39, archived)
how many houses do you have?

(I helped save b3ta! Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:42, archived)
3
the one on the left is lactose intolerant and the one on the right is dyslexic
(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:44, archived)
uHose

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:45, archived)
Any odd number above one.

(I helped save b3ta! ArthurTheRat, Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:45, archived)
He's a boy
They really don't need reasons to do things like that other than to see what will happen.
(I helped save b3ta! The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Sun 2 Mar 2008, 22:47, archived)