I was looking to book a lovely romantic weekend away
at my favourite hotel in the Lake District where we have stayed many times before in years gone by...

Unfortunately I came across these comments on trip advisor :(
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:47, archived)

Get the fuck out of my county.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:48, archived)

Ooh, owned

( moohalaa, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:48, archived)

ner ner kissed a girl
ner ner something cherry chapstick
*jives in chair to loud, incredibly gay music*
( moohalaa, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:53, archived)

i
( TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:54, archived)

hate

( TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:54, archived)

that

( TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:54, archived)

fucking

( TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:54, archived)

song.

( TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:54, archived)

Oh, I was listening to remixes of Lil' Chris songs earlier
my music homosexuality knows no bounds
( moohalaa, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:55, archived)

You do have fantastic music homosexuality.

( Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:57, archived)

It's scary sometimes what comes up on 'random'

( moohalaa, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:58, archived)

I listened to "It's raining men" by the Weathergirls last night on random.
and I enjoyed it.

Damn it!
( Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:00, archived)

SHUT UP CUNT CUNT FAT CUNT FAT CUNT CUNT SHUT UP FAT CUNT FAT CUNT FAT CUNT CUNT

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:03, archived)

Big fucking surprise, you fucking creepy obese redneck brainwrong sexpest.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:05, archived)

here, knock yourself out
massivefuckingfail.kineticnorth.com/SyncubusResponseGenerator/default.aspx
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:06, archived)

hahahahah
*bookmarks*
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:09, archived)

etc..

( TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:06, archived)

I bet you love this you massive rimmer.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiYurfwzyuY
( TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:58, archived)

pfft, you cunt

( moohalaa, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:59, archived)

So I'm sat here with some friends and we were talking about him just then [spured by me sending you this link[
we researched him, he's poked paris hilton, duff and lohan. Now is getting engaged to this bird: himanek.hi.funpic.de/wallpapers/girls_sexy/kari_ann_peniche932.jpg
( TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:03, archived)

wait a minute ... are those ... breasts?

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:05, archived)

Tumours.

( TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:05, archived)

I do love that song
It is played in the gay bar all the time. Woo. They play lots of shit too though :(
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:54, archived)

girl
i wanna take you to a gar bar

/i've been in an electric 6 mood for the last week
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:55, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKHysOO1Mes
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:55, archived)

The only time "ur" is in any way acceptable
is if you're talking about an ancient city in Mesopotamia. And even then, it needs a capital.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:58, archived)

What if it's used in an ironic manner?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:58, archived)

Ironic shitness is still shit.
In fact, it's even more shit than ordinary shitness because you're actively pretending it's not shit.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:00, archived)

*head explodes*

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:00, archived)

Are you laughing at it's shitness, at the same time.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:05, archived)

She's not being ironic
she's taking the piss out of Myspace boys.

Stop being such a misery Woodside and appreciate the humour in it.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:12, archived)

Oh Em Gee.
I am wanting to be wined and dined but my winer and diner is not keen.
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:49, archived)

Pick a number between 68 and 70.
Not including 68 and 70.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:50, archived)

Slag

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:51, archived)

I fucking wish.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:51, archived)

Don't deny it

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:52, archived)

Chance would be a fine thing.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:54, archived)

You live in a town full of other slags
Stop complaining.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:55, archived)

GET A ROOM

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:56, archived)

What?
Why?
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:57, archived)

Yes, this^

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:58, archived)

IVE TOLD YOU THERE ARE NO SLAGS HERE>

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:57, archived)

YOU LIE

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:57, archived)

No it's true, he killed them all.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:58, archived)

Well that was silly

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:59, archived)

He was hoping you'd visit.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:01, archived)

The only reason I will be visiting
Is to steal his child.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:02, archived)

Fair do's

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:16, archived)

Scotland is a country, not a town

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:57, archived)

We aren't all slags

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:58, archived)

country pit
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:58, archived)

+cess

(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:01, archived)

If there are slags here, I can't find them :-(
They must hide when the see my fat, troll like body shambling down the street.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:00, archived)

And that is the key to wining and dining?

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:52, archived)

I'm sure if you said "Wine me and dine me and you can 69 me"
He'd soon be keen.
Maybe not though...
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:53, archived)

I have wined and dined my young man tonight
unfortunately the wine was an unpleasant Merlot and the dining was soggy beef Wellington :(
just as well he loves me anyway.
( Nile, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:51, archived)

You'll still get your legover.
Don't worry.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:51, archived)

This one doesn't love me yet.
But he's nice and polite and clever and interesting and that.
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:52, archived)

Why is he not keen on wining and dining?

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:52, archived)

He's not the one that sent that text message is he?

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:52, archived)

No no. I said "nice and polite and clever and interesting" not "lying and cheating and sexy and bad-for-me".
This one's a teacher and a gentleman.
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:53, archived)

how hideously dull for you..
*hug*
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:56, archived)

"nice and polite and clever and interesting" usually means boring
or gay. Sometimes gay and boring. Unless you're gay... then they're just mind numbingly boring and I'll just fetch my coat.
( Templeton Blah, blah, blah..., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:57, archived)

Not boring at all.
He's got chat and is hot and that too.
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:59, archived)

Can he compose a text message complete with vowels and punctuation?

( Nile, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:53, archived)

Kind of. A vast improvement on the other one.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:54, archived)

Well he's gay, that's for sure.

( magnum, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:54, archived)

Not enough rohypnol?

( Templeton Blah, blah, blah..., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:54, archived)

I'm drinking a lovely merlot right now.
I win.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:57, archived)

I've never been a fan
but thought I'd give it another go now I'm older and less shit
it still tastes of wrong.
( Nile, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:58, archived)

i'd wine and dine you
but i'm certain you'd say no, and you might have seen at least one picture of me, instantly putting you off actually seeing me in real life
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:52, archived)

Well, you are a ginger

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:53, archived)

i am awesome ginger winningness of awesome brilliance
quake under my redtopped power!
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:54, archived)

But so is everyone else here.

( GatheredCrustacean, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:55, archived)

*runs off screaming*

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:56, archived)

Burn your hair off?

( Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:59, archived)

A ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha

It's funny because you hate people with ginger hair.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:57, archived)

I don't hate them
I'm scared of them
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:59, archived)

Why? Is it supposed to be funny?

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:02, archived)

Imagine the japes Esme...
she lives in Scotland and is scared of Gingers.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:07, archived)

God love her, it must be terrible.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:15, archived)

very
you've never laughed at ginger people?
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:08, archived)

No, as it is a hair colour.
LOl GINGERS ARE SCAREE
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:13, archived)

I've met you.
And a proper lady should never say no to a dinner invitation.
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:54, archived)

errrr
yes you have, at the xmas bash?
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:56, archived)

Indeedy.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:57, archived)

ah
in which case
*fluffs self up*
would you like me to wine and dine you?
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:02, archived)

Oh no, you'll have to go somewhere else.
TRAGIC.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:49, archived)

You're so fucking sympathetic, slagface.

( Nile, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:49, archived)

That's me, saggy tits.
Are you all prepared now?
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:50, archived)

shit your face off, bumnuts.

( Nile, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:51, archived)

FINE, FUCK OFF THEN.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:51, archived)

I luffs you really
scrotum face

also, not really that prepared. Found stuff to read on the train though, it'll be fine.
( Nile, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:53, archived)

I luffs you too, fish flange.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:54, archived)

awww
I'm going on a lady date this week, to try and make some friends round here, and she's so pretty it HURTS. I might have to kill her.
( Nile, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:56, archived)

Slice off her face and wear it as a mask.
Then you can be painfully pretty too.

Also, nipplebelt.
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:58, archived)

I've been doing that too recently.
She's younger and thinner and prettier than me. And smarter.

I might just push her into the canal.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:58, archived)

God, what a bitch
I bet she's really lovely too, JUST TO SPITE.
( Nile, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:00, archived)

She is.
*sigh*
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:01, archived)

I don't have a pretty friend, but I'm going to join in and say WHAT A FUCKING BITCH.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:02, archived)

WHAT ABOUT ME?

( Noit happy baby orangutan, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:09, archived)

'Ark at esme with her crazy logic!

( FoldsFive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:49, archived)

*logics*
Hallo Dave.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:51, archived)

Evening, you.

( FoldsFive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:53, archived)

How's tricks all the way up there?

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:54, archived)

We're all tired.
It's nearly bedtime, I think.
( FoldsFive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:57, archived)

This. It is toast time, then bed time, I think.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:03, archived)

I know someone who runs a cafe in Windermere.
I don't know the name of the cafe.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:49, archived)

I'm going to click I like this
because the popular page needs more dull aimless posts like this one
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:51, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/5362269
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:53, archived)

It was the only Windermere related trivia I had.
It's akin to someone replying with their picture of an animal with glasses when someone else posts a picture of an animal, or some glasses, on the board.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:54, archived)

I clicked this one too.

( TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:55, archived)

I posted on /board yesterday
I was a hit!
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:56, archived)

I need to be linked to this.
Is it too late to post my tenuously related picture?!?!
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:57, archived)

b3ta.com/board/8681892
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:57, archived)

Thanks.
I've capitalised on a golden opportunity.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:59, archived)

you've posted a picture of Hitler than no one is ever going to notice unless they spazz back 24 hours?

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:00, archived)

LOOK, I'M HAPPY OK?!

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:03, archived)

i saw it
when i looked at the thread
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:04, archived)

There are a few
maps.google.co.uk/maps?source=ig&hl=en&rlz=&um=1&ie=UTF-8&q=Windermere+cafe&fb=1&view=text&sa=X&oi=local_group&resnum=1&ct=more-results&cd=1
( magnum, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:52, archived)

I quickly scanned for a comment underneath that said "owner's daughter has massive tits" but didn't find one.
If you happen to be in a cafe in Windermere and the owner's daughter has massive tits, that was the cafe I was referring to.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:56, archived)

They're only pretending they're closed.
They just don't want you there.

I'd suggest turning up anyway and shouting "HI GUYS! YOU'RE SO FUNNY PRETENDING TO BE FLATS! I LOVE YOU!"
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:50, archived)

I think quite a bit more of the Lake Distict could stand to be demolished.

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:50, archived)

there's nowhere to bloody park at the tourist locations
what they should do is fill those lakes with concrete and make them into car parks, that would fix it
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:52, archived)

What they should do is put a dirty great big sign as you pull off the M6 saying,
GIVE US YOUR MONEY AND FUCK RIGHT OFF.

Then everyone knows where they stand.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:55, archived)

according to QI
they aren't lakes (with the exception of bassenthwaite) they are waters, myres etc
is it just me or does QI seem a bit 'sneaky' about some of the questions
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:00, archived)

I don't know, I've never seen it
Stephen Fry sickens me, the fat creepy puff
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:03, archived)

I imagine you're perpetually sickened every time you're on here.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:04, archived)

its quite good
alan davies is passable, i prefer mock the week and would i lie to you
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 23:06, archived)

if only there were other hotels/b&bs

( Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:51, archived)

yeah but room 19 had a nice water bed and a jacuzzi

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:53, archived)

Just as well, they didn't put teabags in the teapots! What scum!

( Theoban What of it, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:52, archived)

that deserves a click

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Mon 25 Aug 2008, 22:54, archived)