Anyone still around?
I have a secret...
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:00, archived)

I'm here.
TELL NOW.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:00, archived)

Yay that got replies!
GUESS
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:02, archived)

It's obvious; you tried to come out but everybody just laughed.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:03, archived)

have you been hoarding guano at your Belgium address in order to influence market prices?

( Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:03, archived)

No, but I wish I was
that made me go pfft
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:05, archived)

haha
*continues hoarding*
( Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:11, archived)

.....
go on
( lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:00, archived)

have a guess

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:03, archived)

You trim your bush with the kitchen scissors?

( lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:06, archived)

not the kitchen scissors, no

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:06, archived)

You're the Unabomber
I KNEW IT
( lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:06, archived)

You can believe it's not butter?

( lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:07, archived)

greasy stuff makes me feel queasy

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:08, archived)

Of course it's not.
After transubstantiation the butter turns into jaysus.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:08, archived)

so when you put butter on a hot cross bun
it's like an edible cricifixion?
( Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

Sure. Why not.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:15, archived)

You're the majority shareholder of
Fucking Shitty Magnets PLC?
( lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:07, archived)

You're the person that puts the white dog poo
on the street, to confuse and bemuse the locals?
( lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:08, archived)

You have become Death,
reaper of souls.
( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:09, archived)

for a second there I was wondering
"When the fuck did I write that?"
( lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:10, archived)

You once drop kicked a small boy in the nuts

( lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:09, archived)

You get turned on from multiple replies, online?

( lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:09, archived)

THIS is very true

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:10, archived)

Also, congratumalations and such
:)
( lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

So?
Goody gumdrops for you.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:01, archived)

you smell

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:03, archived)

Yes I do
I smell of manliness and aftershave.
The ladies love it.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:09, archived)

Is it a your own secret
or a someone else's secret?
( Batsgirl, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:02, archived)

it's all miiiine

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:03, archived)

You're pregnant.
But you don't want to tell the internet until you've told your nearest and dearest face-to-face.
( Batsgirl, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:08, archived)

I spoke to MrSpong earlier today
but I'm not telling any real people yet. I like telling you lot though, cos you're not real
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:09, archived)

Yeeeeee!
Congratulations!
( Batsgirl, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:10, archived)

Some of us are real.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:10, archived)

Ooh congratulations!

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

There's no point in congratulating her.
It's the fella what did the hard work. She just lay there.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:14, archived)

Whose is it?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:13, archived)

it's all miiiine
/ac
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:14, archived)

Well, it's not mine.
The miserable tuppence licker didn't come anywhere near civilisation.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:20, archived)

The smart money is on it being Gonzos

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:24, archived)

*shudders*

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:26, archived)

Is it a good secret?

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:02, archived)

it's GREAT!

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:03, archived)

Would we like it?

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:09, archived)

I think the girls will squeal with delight
and the boys will not care a jot
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:11, archived)

It's ok
I already found your wart cream
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:03, archived)

That's no secret

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:04, archived)

I'm trying to wake up
I may give in and return to the wank sack.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:03, archived)

Think of me when you go

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:04, archived)

I am doing
Right
Now
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:06, archived)

WAHEY!

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:07, archived)

Done now
I feel so dirty, yet so good.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:09, archived)

Yeah?
Well I've got about 8 portions of chilli con carne and 6 portions of bolognese sauce - BEAT THAT.
( C, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:04, archived)

NOM

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:05, archived)

I've got 16 rashers of maple smoked bacon,
half a loaf of bread,
some baked beans,
some really nice totally hippy and organic eggs from the happy chickens of a friend,
sausages,
and a BIG frying pan.
( Batsgirl, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:10, archived)

But no black pudding or farls, you massive failure.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

it's MY fryup
it only has to have the things that I like.
( Batsgirl, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:13, archived)

Not liking farls?
Utter failure.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:15, archived)

Damn right
farls and black pudding are the entire point of this miserable existence.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:46, archived)

And no mention of gorgeous Portobello mushrooms ????
( C, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:16, archived)

okay, I admit I have been lax about the mushrooms. Him Asleep Upstairs doesn't like them.
( Batsgirl, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:18, archived)

Damn, ok, you win the first hand of food poker.
( C, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:14, archived)

Shouldn't you tell the father in private first?

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 10 May 2009, 11:04, archived)

I did that earlier

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:05, archived)

You want to marry MoT.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sun 10 May 2009, 11:04, archived)

Hmmmmmm.
Shotgun wedding.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 10 May 2009, 11:05, archived)

I knew my soliders were so potent that I could get a girl pregnant from 200 miles by merely having a wank.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sun 10 May 2009, 11:09, archived)

I don't think I need an MOT thanks

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:06, archived)

I once tried to glass a friend while drunk.
I don't remember this.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:05, archived)

You so crazeee

( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:07, archived)

I saw a bloke glassed once.
It was horrible. His throat was all open and the noise he made was hideous. Still, we went for a curry afterwards. Good times.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:07, archived)

This was a girl.
A very good friend of mine.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:09, archived)

I'm generally nice to my friends
I find this to be the best approach.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:10, archived)

I was only told about this last week by my friend, Richard.
It has been bothering me ever since. I've asked him not to tell me any other things I did while drunk. We both agreed that it is a good thing that I no longer drink.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

Oh dear
I just go to sleep when I have a drink, after abortive attempts at athletic sex.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:15, archived)

I hate that.
"Oh wow! I am such a stud! I'm lasting for ages! Oh. Wait a minute... I can't feel my penis... oh... fuck this, I'm tired anyway" *roll-over-go-to-sleep fluid slump-movement*
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:18, archived)

More or less this
But with added spilled glass of wine at the side of the bed.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:19, archived)

So how do you know it happened?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:10, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/6138140

This would have been about ten years ago.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:13, archived)

How long are you off the sauce now?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:15, archived)

About four years.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:18, archived)

I hope I never have to live through four sober years.
*shudders*
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:20, archived)

It's beyond comprehension

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:22, archived)

Imagine being able to remember everything your friends say.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:23, archived)

I'd rather not
I've asked my mate Charlie to leave her husband loads of times apparently. They just accept it now, and they are appalling drunks so we get this info from third parties.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:29, archived)

I have to say, it's great.
I never wake up feeling like shit or having to ask people why I feel guilty.
I can drive to evenings out instead of relying on expensive public transport.
I get to watch other people being pricks and take advantage of their drunkeness.

The only down side is that at bashes and things like that the drunkest people are unbearably dull at a certain level of pissed and ALWAYS gravitate toward the sober person. You have to be a bit drunk yourself to put up with these people.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:23, archived)

Ah well, if it works for you that's grand.
Can I drink your share?
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:26, archived)

Whilst on your trip to England you spent a night being pleasured by a group of strangers you met on the internet.

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:07, archived)

gonzo, supermatt and sexface

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:08, archived)

with JMG stood there shouting "This is terrible internet"

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:09, archived)

And beating himself off in the corner
Whilst wearing a vintage zx spectrum tshirt?
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:11, archived)

While autisticly obsessing about northern Scottish cities, football and other people's friendships
Thus making a full three dimensional life.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

Pfft
Clickin dis HARD
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:14, archived)

I calls it how I sees it
Oh god, I'm a cartoon Yorkshireman. "I know what I like and I like what I know"
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:17, archived)

*loads shotgun*
Its the kindest way...
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:20, archived)

*submits*

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:22, archived)

They dont come stranger than that

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:09, archived)

Unfortunately not
*sad face*
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:12, archived)

you promised you wouldn't tell anyone!

( spacefish bong!, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:08, archived)

and you promised you'd pull out

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:09, archived)

but you did enjoy the coathanger

( spacefish bong!, Sun 10 May 2009, 11:18, archived)