I won an election today.
What's the best thing you've won?
( Comma, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:37, archived)

Cash.
Not enough to change my life.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 13 May 2009, 20:39, archived)

And certainly not enough to change me.
Godammit.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 13 May 2009, 20:40, archived)

get the tits done now and keep saving up

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:53, archived)

You're so beastly to me.
*sobs*
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 13 May 2009, 20:55, archived)

i'm hoping it was just forum banter, great stuff

( mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:57, archived)

Is this a new meme?
What did you have for lunch?

Any news on the tools? Dreaming a bit, I know.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 13 May 2009, 21:00, archived)

some snot-nosed 14 year old is probably using them to rip out car stereos

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:01, archived)

the fucker, if he damages my ph tester i swear i'll do time!!!
not really, he probably has his reasons for turning to the lifestyle he's in, i'm not judging him, cool
( mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:04, archived)

i did it a year or so ago
it was great, i am re-using it as i have no ideas, sorry, nope my tools are gone, bad times, great
( mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:03, archived)

Enough to change your wife?

( Comma, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:41, archived)

A TV in a raffle

( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:40, archived)

The title of Sexiest ONLINE Girl

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:40, archived)

400 Quatloos
I bet on the newcomers
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:40, archived)

the 500m insideout sprint

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:40, archived)

the salt pit was the hardest part
then the vinegar leap
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:43, archived)

What have you been elected to do?

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 13 May 2009, 20:42, archived)

Gloat about winning.

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 13 May 2009, 20:45, archived)

Claim for moat cleaning on expenses.

( thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:46, archived)

I nick pens and packs of photocopier paper from work all the time.
***SUBTHREAD THREADJACK***
Apart from your wages and pension, what's the biggest/most expensive thing you've managed to get out of your work, legal or otherwise?
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 13 May 2009, 20:48, archived)

When I worked for Pets At Home, I once came home with £20 of cat food.
Because it was going out of date in a month.
( WHARRGARBL, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:50, archived)

Laptop :)

( thealternativefact, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:51, archived)

I've only ever had part time jobs.
I did once come away with a laser though.
( WHARRGARBL, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:55, archived)

PA system.
And all the wood I can eat.
( Cawl, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:58, archived)

Did you have a cat at the time?

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 13 May 2009, 20:54, archived)

Yes.

( WHARRGARBL, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:55, archived)

Did you share your bounty with your cat?

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 13 May 2009, 20:56, archived)

no he ate both sections, the cat had the cat food, lol
just kidding, great
( mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:58, archived)

Some of it.
There was far too much for one cat to eat in a month, so I donated the rest to the local vet.
( WHARRGARBL, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:59, archived)

ahh man that's kind, vietnam soldiers don't get the respect they deserve
well done you, not that i condone the american invasion of vietnam, but then i'm not really here to judge, no offence, great
( mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:01, archived)

Don't bother giving it to vets, they get it cheap.
Shelters need it more.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:25, archived)

I'm thinking it's too late for that advice

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:26, archived)

Really?
How did you deduce that?
( WHARRGARBL, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:28, archived)

Wasn't a shelter within easy reach at the time.
Nearest was a good 45 min drive.
( WHARRGARBL, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:26, archived)

Inconsiderate cunt.
You kill shelter puppies. You're worse than Obama.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 13 May 2009, 21:29, archived)

I hate puppies.

( WHARRGARBL, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:30, archived)

Yes, yes,
kittens.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 13 May 2009, 21:32, archived)

this one time right,
I took home a pair of scissors accidentally, then brought them back the next day
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:00, archived)

it wasn't a little pair of scissors, it was proper big scissors

this is major stuff.
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:37, archived)

i'm glad to hear you returned them, do you think you should maybe do a little more to make up for the overnight loan?
maybe not, i'm sure you work hard enough, i wouldn't know, no offence, all cool
( mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:44, archived)

I bet you sat up all night trimming the rind off all your bacon, secretly mocking your employers with every strip of fat you sliced

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:45, archived)

i bought expensive (for me) bacon the other day
i'm not keen on the rind so i cut it off, i decided to fry it anyway, it was lovely, great times, although if you dont eat pork as you don't enjoy it or for religious reasons , no offence ment, great
( mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:48, archived)

there are still little bits of fat
dried on

I smell it to remind myself
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:50, archived)

Delegate the work to other committee members.

( Comma, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:53, archived)

President?

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:56, archived)

Well, chair, but it's the same sort of thing.

( Comma, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:58, archived)

Chair of what?

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:00, archived)

The philosophy society.
Though inaugurations aren't for another two weeks, so I don't have any power yet.
( Comma, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:25, archived)

power ?
in a philosophical society ?? have you thought this through ....... ?
(CIIJASIIE Fanny Scratching in Cock Lane, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:30, archived)

Cool.

( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:34, archived)

2nd prize in a beauty contest



there was only 2 competitors


:((((
( mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:43, archived)

1st was John Merrick
Ugly Bastard
( Ibstock, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:52, archived)

haha, forum banter, great stuff

( mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:53, archived)

A box of Terry's All Gold
or medals at an international martial arts tournament. Or the love of a good woman, of course.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:43, archived)

Did you win the love of a good woman in the same sense that you win an item in an ebay auction?
Did you get your wife off ebay?
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 13 May 2009, 20:46, archived)

Tombola.

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:59, archived)

Could have been worse.
It might have been at the Sunday meat raffle at the local rough pub.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Wed 13 May 2009, 21:18, archived)

you are the karate kid
aicmfp
( mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:47, archived)

*whacks off*

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:01, archived)

Vodka
But only because it is the last thing I won and I can't remember anything else.
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:43, archived)

When you plan to start claiming expenses?

( The Gentleman Bastard waxing lyrical. ©, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:44, archived)

The heart of a beautiful woman.
It was delicious.
( nick the greek, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:45, archived)

South-East England Air Guitar Championship 2003

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:47, archived)

The Fen Cow Tipping Championships (Runner up) 2008-9

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 13 May 2009, 20:49, archived)

is runner-up a ranking or a technique?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:50, archived)

It's all about guile and stelth you know.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 13 May 2009, 20:52, archived)

Jurassic PARK dude, that's like, woah, totally bionic

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:51, archived)

Woah dude.
Like, totally prehistoric, yeah?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:32, archived)

I WON THE MUMS

( Druid, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:53, archived)

You won the mumps.
You're always popular in the disease community.
( Comma, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:56, archived)

You won the knobbly filtrum competition.

( Druid, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:57, archived)

Fuck all, I never seem to win stuff.
Just had a good bitching session with the nurse I mentioned before. I'm getting excited about leaving work now.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:55, archived)

I am the worst gambler ever.
I've probably spent about £150 in my life betting on horses and greyhounds on nights out and so on, I've never won a penny.
I've won infinitely more betting on the Eurovision Song Contest.
( Druid, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:59, archived)

You're just a beginner. Keep at it.
300 bets is just practice, now you can go for the big win.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 13 May 2009, 21:02, archived)

you nurses work so hard, it must be hard looking after sick people all day
i couldn't do it, you all deserve a payrise
( mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:00, archived)

Animals, but cheers.
I think.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:15, archived)

i'm sure some of them are, but try and keep a position of calm
i know i wouldn't like to deal with some of the folks society drags up these days, but social problems are not really what i'm qualified to discuss as a topic, good stuff
( mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:21, archived)

Pffft

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:26, archived)

Pfft

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:18, archived)

I don't like this new you

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:20, archived)

oh ok, no offence ment
we ok? great
( mongychops, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:23, archived)

God only knows.
I never win things.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:02, archived)

I won an mp3 player at a charity casino night years and years ago
I also came second in a talent contest when I was about 13. I sang that shit Desreee song and wore denim hotpants *shame*
( TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:18, archived)

I once won an Anglian Water ice cube tray at the Essex show...
It was almost worth missing school for.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:32, archived)

God that young one on Never Did Me Any Harm has some mouth on her.
Needs a good slap.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:39, archived)