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Hello. I think I'm going to make and drink grog today.
You know, because I'm so cool and street and urban and that.
I'm also frustrated that neither the police nor environmental health could do anything about EXTREMELY noisy neighbours at 5 o'clock this morning, even after various different people had asked them to shush it right the fuck up.
Something about grog or impotence.
(I helped save b3ta! Malchick, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:43, archived)
Will you be using the Monkey Island recipe?

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:43, archived)
I hoped someone might ask this.
No, I won't. I'm allergic to battery acid. Doesn't sit well in my belly.
(I helped save b3ta! Malchick, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:45, archived)
hahalol
Jacqui Smith to step down
(I helped save b3ta! Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:55, archived)
Never trust a woman with zebra print glasses

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:57, archived)
that's cum from her constantly wanking husband.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:00, archived)
NEWS

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:06, archived)
Werent you moaning about people phoning the police yesterday?

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:45, archived)
Day before. They phoned 999 because some children had thrown water balloons at them.
I phoned West Yorkshire police because you could actually feel the bassline through the floor of this room, which is on the other side of the adjacent house and one floor up. Besides, it's exam season, so it's ludicrously selfish behaviour, particularly when they'd already been politely asked 3 times already.
(I helped save b3ta! Malchick, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:48, archived)
They just referred me to environmental health, who weren't open till 9am.

(I helped save b3ta! Malchick, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:51, archived)
We have people you can phone at night specifically to complain about noise
I don't know how much they could really do though.
(I helped save b3ta! Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:52, archived)
They only do a night-time service at weekends here, according to the number the police gave me.

(I helped save b3ta! Malchick, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:53, archived)
That's stupid, during the week is when you need sleep most.
I nearly expect to be woken up by noise weekend nights.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:54, archived)
This.

(I helped save b3ta! Malchick, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:55, archived)
The noise prevention IDIOTS.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:57, archived)
Wankers.
Order loads of pizzas and taxis to their house.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:54, archived)
Did they think you were reporting a factory or something?

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:57, archived)
Well, they're not doing their jobs then.
It's disturbing the peace. You are clearly a feeble soul, and they picked up on this over the phone.
(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:57, archived)
Serves you right for living in the student district.

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:24, archived)
Would you like me to come up and sort them out?

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:45, archived)
It's alright. We're moving out soon anyway.

(I helped save b3ta! Malchick, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:49, archived)
I just got a random burn from Tara
(:
(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:46, archived)
Chinese?

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:49, archived)
I still haven't sent mine out.
This, folks, is not because I'm lazy, but because my laptop is currently busy elsewhere. Sorry.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:50, archived)
I still need to send mine
I tried to do mine at the weekend but my machine started coastering, so I'm going to try again tonight.
(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:51, archived)
Likewise, I'm doing mine this weekend and sending them out Monday. Too busy atm.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:52, archived)
i haven't done mine
BECAUSE I AM LAZY AND EASILY DISTRACTED. HA.


but youre getting one when i do. so nah.
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:02, archived)
TOTALLY AWESOME

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:05, archived)
I HAVENT EVEN MADE IT YET.
it's going to be full of shit.
(I helped save b3ta! sleepybinky, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:12, archived)
YAY.
It might be is rubbish
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:51, archived)
I like the sweets :)
My colleagues are a bit concerned by the health and safety aspect of the foot print, but I say "YAY GLITTER"
(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:52, archived)
In a totally non-gay way.

(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:52, archived)
YAY.
That's actual size.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:53, archived)
Size 4?

(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:54, archived)
Nope
2
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:59, archived)
Is there any a-ha on it?

(I helped save b3ta! Malchick, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:52, archived)
There is not :(
Cor, Mr and Mrs though, eh? What the FUCK was that about?
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:56, archived)
He's a bit of a mental isn't he?

(I helped save b3ta! Malchick, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:58, archived)
Yeah.
Still sexy though.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:01, archived)
When did he turn into Patrick Swayze?

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:03, archived)
Don't make me recommend another scary film to you

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:07, archived)
Fuck off, cuteness.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:10, archived)
CUNT

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:16, archived)
I got one addressed to 'Theoban'
My concierge shouted at me and said she almost threw it away. Silly woman.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:01, archived)
Impotence is fail
Grog causes impotence.
(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Sp@m, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:49, archived)
I've been reading about pirates, and there's lots of grog in that.
It's just rum, you know. Named after the captain's MASSIVE overcoat. PIRATEFACT.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:49, archived)
I thought grog was watered down rum to keep sailors happy/hydrated.

(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:52, archived)
correct

(Goatse not a comedy account, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:53, archived)
Probably safer than plain water as it wouldn't have been all that clean
Everybody used to drink beer until the Victorians decided to introduce plumbing and hygiene.
(I helped save b3ta! The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:03, archived)
Yes, now admit it was a story book about Benjamin the Blue Pirate, Roderick the Red and Gregory the Green
and the Griffin.
(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:53, archived)
It was actually this:
www.amazon.co.uk/Pirates-Adventure-Whaling-Gideon-Defoe/dp/0753820803/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1243947371&sr=8-2
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:56, archived)
Ah, I forgot, you're too young for The Three Pirates.

(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:59, archived)
I bet you wish you were me
Pie and chips in Morrison's cafe knowing I'm the youngest here by at least thirty years. Grim times.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:50, archived)
Here I was thinking there was only Big Ben that'd reached 150 years old.

(I helped save b3ta! Malchick, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:51, archived)
Astonishing bullying
:(
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:55, archived)
It's ok, you'll be dead soon, and it won't hurt you any more.

(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:01, archived)
*is very un-street*
What is grog?
(I helped save b3ta! Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:52, archived)
There's this thing called Wikipedia they have these days.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grog
(I helped save b3ta! Malchick, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:53, archived)
haha "bumboo"

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:54, archived)
If I wanted to look at Wikipedia I would have done

(I helped save b3ta! Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:54, archived)
Oh, sorry. Forgot.
simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grog
(I helped save b3ta! Malchick, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:57, archived)
*cricket applause*

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:58, archived)
You should look at it more often, it might stop you looking like the fat spastic you are on the internet.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:57, archived)
Well we wouldnt want your crown taken from you, would we?

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:58, archived)
Top internet white knighting, here.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:03, archived)
The only knight without a steed, because he broke it's back.
LOLFAT!

Fat people can resist defending other fat people, even if they're wrong.
(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:05, archived)
I reckon he fancies her.
Which would make sense, seeing as she looks like a potato.

OH THE FAT JOKES!
(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:06, archived)
mmmm, chips.

(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:08, archived)
I haven't had boozes in ages.
I might have some today, be a proper unemployed scum.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:53, archived)
You said you were on sick leave. That's not unemployed.

(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:54, archived)
I was, I am now unemployed.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 13:55, archived)
HAHA
Gutted.

Oh.
(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:00, archived)
Haha.
I don't really care. I registered with a temp place, they should have something starting in two weeks. And Barclaycard were supposed to get back to me last week, I'm going to annoy them now.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:02, archived)
My dog's got a nice big cone collar thing on. He is mostly unimpressed with it.
He managed to fall asleep standing up yesterday though, with his head resting on the coffee table.
(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:04, archived)
Awww.
Why does he have a buster collar? WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:04, archived)
I cut his bollocks off.

(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:06, archived)
Cool.
I was thinking he was about the right age after I posted that. Is he being good?
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:07, archived)
Yes. He's off his face on drugs at the moment.
It's a shame he hasn't got any spare...
(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:10, archived)
Haha,
what did they give him, Rimadyl?
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:16, archived)
He does have some of that, but they gave him something stronger as an injection yesterday.
It's only just wearing off. He was being really odd last night. Kept getting up from being asleep and bolting about the room as if someone had come in uninvited.

Rimadyl wouldn't do anything would it? It's just an anti-inflammatory.
(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:21, archived)
Yeah, it can react with the anaesthetic sometimes, though, make them drowsy.
That was probably the anaesthetic wearing off last night, they can go a bit spacky.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:27, archived)
You probably need to get a can of Tennants Super
and put a brown paper bag round it for the full experience of being dolescum.
(I helped save b3ta! The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:05, archived)
Ugh, I don't like beer.
Cheapo cider works too, right?
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:08, archived)