Hello the big fat complaints department.
JMG here.
What's the current agenda for you, the internet whales?
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:52, archived)

Hello JMG
I feel in the mood to complain, and now you're here I shall.
Stop repeating yourself you fat bald dole Geordie cunt.
( SuperMatt, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:52, archived)

:(!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:54, archived)

Don't worry Jammer
I only said those things to conform with all the fat messes on this board.
I secretly loath them all.
Except that Donkey fellow.
( SuperMatt, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:55, archived)

Have you flown already JMG?
My agenda today is to buy some nice white wine and drink it later. Possibly with some more nice white wine.
( Theoban What of it, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:53, archived)

The JMG Tour of Duty and Misery Avoidance is very much in full swing.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:54, archived)

I hope you enjoy visiting the foreigners in their rude huts you spread the word of Joy and Non-Fat throughout the empire

( Theoban What of it, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:03, archived)

mmmm wine

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:27, archived)

It has been a while since I last had the wine
And it's so sunny I think it's definitely white wine season
( Theoban What of it, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:39, archived)

The bairn is being a bit daft, and the woman is happy because Sims 3 arrived today.
I'm still undecided as to who I'm going to vote for.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:53, archived)

Ah yes.. I voted incredibly early, this time round.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:55, archived)

Did you vote Anti-fat ?
Most of these wobblers will never be able to exercise their democratic rights until voting goes ONLINE.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:01, archived)

We should roll these people to polling booths.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:05, archived)

HOW MAN
YIZ'LL HAV TE BRING A SLDGEHAMMA TO KNOCK THEY DOORS ABOOT A BIT AS THEZ'LL NEVAH FIT OOT THEM FOWAH FOOT WIDE HURLES.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:06, archived)

YOU FAHKIN' FAAAIRY!
You ain't got a fahkin scooby mate.
Oim a fahkin gang-star innit. Bo'!
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:08, archived)

I can't vote this time round
my parents removed me from their address and I was also not on the place we're at now. The spango vote will go unplaced this time.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:26, archived)

Monday's news:
BNP WIN ELECTION BY ONE VOTE
( Theoban What of it, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:37, archived)

:((((
IT'S ALL MY FAULT
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:39, archived)

noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

( sleepybinky, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:37, archived)

I no.
I forgot to register again, doh.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:39, archived)

I'm planning dinner.
That's lunch to you southerners. I shall go the shop to get some bread.

WHO WANTS CRISPS?
( Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:54, archived)

cold shower
possibly change my mind about voting.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:54, archived)

VOTE MAN PET.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:55, archived)

What's the point?
I don't know what any of the candidates stand for, so it would effectively be a random decision, and the European Parliament doesn't even do anything anyway.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:56, archived)

Votefor the one with the silliest name.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:57, archived)

Because then you can complain when the country goes even further along the road to hell in a handbasket.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:58, archived)

or more honestly
you can't be arsed to find out what the european parliament does.
( 100% kitten better than ever, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:01, archived)

I know what it does.
It does piss all. The European Commission does it all, and they're not elected. All the European Parliament have the power to do is get upset about it.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:02, archived)

It's retarded opinions like this that mean the voting system isn't that fair.
It should be illegal to not vote, then at least the numbers would be more accurate.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:03, archived)

It doesn't really matter how accurate the numbers are,
when they concern a completely ineffectual non-government.
I voted in the national and Scottish elections.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:06, archived)

You really are an imbecile.
Either that, or dekion's sock puppet account.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:07, archived)

Youn are.
You appear to be labouring under the misapprehension that the European parliament isn't an absolute farce of an elaborate pretence at democracy.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:08, archived)

your understanding
of EU decision making is out of date by a treaty or two. you're almost at UKIP levels.
( 100% kitten better than ever, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:09, archived)

FUCK YOU I WON'T TIDY MY BEDROOM etc.
Grow up.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:10, archived)

you seem to be labouring under the misapprehension that it is.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:11, archived)

True or false:
European legislation is proposed by the European Commission, which is appointed, not elected.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:13, archived)

yeah!
they wanna make the queen eat straight bananas!
( 100% kitten better than ever, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:15, archived)

true or false

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:15, archived)

THEY RILLY DOOO

( 100% kitten better than ever, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:20, archived)

i forgot how stupid your arguments were.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:20, archived)

The President of the European Commission's wife has a terrible perm

TRUE OR FALSE?
( 100% kitten better than ever, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:22, archived)

Harriet Harman once single-handedly fought off a gang of bikers when they tried to steal her wind-up radio.
TRUE OR FALSE?
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:32, archived)

PRESIDENT OBAMA'S DOG IS REALLY A FRENCH ROBOT

OMG! True or false?
( 100% kitten better than ever, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:33, archived)

TRUE

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:35, archived)

true or false: the council asks the commission to come up with this legislation

true or false: the council and parliament both have the power to knock said legislation on its head or completely change it
( 100% kitten better than ever, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:21, archived)

is that some kind of answer?
ok.
true. But the council isn't who I'm voting for here either.
true. The "parliament" is similar to the House of Lords in that respect, although it has to make its decision in parallel with the Council of Ministers, which is also not elected.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:26, archived)

hahahaha, what I said is true so I'm right

the council is made up of the elected governments of the member states, I'm not sure it's fair to complain that we don't get to vote in all of the elections.
( 100% kitten better than ever, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:32, archived)

yes well I do vote in national elections.
only I struggle to find the enthusiasm to vote for a body of people who can't actually implement any policies I agree with (which is normally how I'd make my decision), but can only delay or revise legislation that I can't possibly predict in advance.

(what I said was true as well, btw...)
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:35, archived)

did you know that my mother once punched Jacques Delors' horse?
www.b3ta.com/talk/6198176
( 100% kitten better than ever, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:37, archived)

I don't know what is going on here,
this is most peculiar technique.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:39, archived)

she's left handed

( 100% kitten better than ever, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:41, archived)

I stand by my original point

( 100% kitten better than ever, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:05, archived)

as in the party you support
or as in actually doing it?
(thediscokingpin, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:55, archived)

actually doing it.
it would involve getting dressed and leaving the house and I can't be bothered.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:57, archived)

I would officially note you as stupid if you don't.
Or at least take every oppotunity to remind you that your political opinions are null on the basis that when you had a chance to have your say you didn't take it.

And i'll burn your embassy.
(thediscokingpin, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:59, archived)

^This.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:00, archived)

Picking a party on the basis of no information is not "having your say".

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:00, archived)

Then do a bit of research.
It's all readily available on your local internets.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:00, archived)

it's not like you don't have the time to find out

( 100% kitten better than ever, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:01, archived)

I dont like to berate you, but (correct me if i'm wrong of course) you aren't doing anything else
so why not read the manifestos and form an opinion.
A weak vote is still better than none.
(thediscokingpin, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:02, archived)

because it's thoroughly dull.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:03, archived)

Yeah, it's only important if you give a flying fuck how the country is run.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:05, archived)

It's not about how the country is run,
it's about how Europe isn't run.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:06, archived)

It's all going to be the same thing eventually.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:08, archived)

That's something I'd vote against.
I'd have voted against the Euro constitution if it had got far enough for us to be given a chance, and I'd vote against it again unless they sorted one out that wasn't blatantly idiotic.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:10, archived)

that's why people like you aren't allowed to decide stuff like that

( 100% kitten better than ever, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:12, archived)

vote UKIP then?

(thediscokingpin, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:13, archived)

No they're a bunch of sabotaging fools.
I'd vote yes to a European constitution that actually made sense, because I'm not against Europe on principle.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:14, archived)

I wont deabte it any
further with you. But at least vote for somone who serves some (one even)of your interests.
(thediscokingpin, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:21, archived)

Fair enough.
But I really will pile on you next time you say anything political, or even about employment laws, issues or skills.

And if you think manifestos are dull wait unitl i'm finished my spiel.
(thediscokingpin, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:07, archived)

Drank too much coffee.
Caffeine shakes.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:56, archived)

Don't you feel all drowsy and edgy now?
I do when I have too many coffees.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:58, archived)

I'll feel drowsy later, but right now I'm all edgy buzzy and shakey.
Give it 20 mins and I'll feel fucking horrible.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:59, archived)

i think i'm going to go to the cricket later.
how about that then? eh?
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:57, archived)

OH SANDY!
You lovely young man.
I trust you'll be applauded in to the pavilion, possibly being asked to open the batting.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:58, archived)

it has happened before.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:59, archived)

I thought you were dying
I want my money back.
(thediscokingpin, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:00, archived)

we're all dying, darling.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:08, archived)

I'm pregnant with alien twins

( 100% kitten better than ever, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:02, archived)

:(

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:14, archived)

they're slowly devouring my insides
they'll keep me alive until they are ready to be born, then they'll eat eat my skin and bones and wear my face
( 100% kitten better than ever, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:16, archived)

Whilst SCREEEEEEEing at each other in joy.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:21, archived)

i've seen that happen before.
it's upsetting for everyone. my heart is with you and your loved ones.
x
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:21, archived)

what shall i do though

( 100% kitten better than ever, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:23, archived)

i don't know,
but know that my thoughts are with you.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:35, archived)

gotta laugh
LOL
( 100% kitten better than ever, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:38, archived)

i am too full because i ate a greasy bacon and egg sandwich for lunch AND NOW I CAN HARDLY MOVE.

( sleepybinky, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 13:58, archived)

you need to
HAVE A BIG SHIT
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:00, archived)

NO TREADY YET.
maybe a mug of tea will help.
( sleepybinky, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:01, archived)

A plunger
or a jet of caffeineated water up your bumhole.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:04, archived)

Mix a teaspoonfull of coffee granules with a couple of drops of red bull
push paste up bottom, wait.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:11, archived)

HOW MAN I HAVE GAZZED YE ABOOT ALL THESE BARNACLES ON ME BALEEN AND THAT !

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:00, archived)

work avoidance
then regret and self loathing for said work avoidance, followed by a flurry of frantic activity.
( 100% kitten better than ever, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:02, archived)

Jammy, I'm going to be honest, my phone bill this month is nearly £1400.
However, the good news is the O2 have something called "Call Shock" for cases like these, where they knock the bill out (you can only do it once per situation, like 'data roaming charges'), which is most excelent news.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:03, archived)

How much is Mykeys mum charging per minute for her sex chat these days ?

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:05, archived)

How the fuck did you manage that?

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:09, archived)

whoah
that's pretty good
( 100% kitten better than ever, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:10, archived)

Explain more about "Call Shock".
And how the hell did you manage that?!
( Jobe, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:11, archived)

Is that all?
You silly English
( Theoban What of it, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:13, archived)

the offices electrical supply is still off, edf have turned up but the engineers can not work on the 10kva trannie
i'm blaming you for this shit
( mongychops, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:27, archived)

I'm not surprised
I'd not touch a bloke with tits running that kind of voltage without at the very least a pink lamee step-down converter with kitten heels.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:37, archived)

whoa, i was wrong it's 1000kva trannie pushing out 1600 amps, bloody edf sent a low voltage engineer
i want to go home but as soon as the power goes back on all our acb's and shit will pop, meh
( mongychops, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:41, archived)

too much outdoors, jmg
my pasty internet hide cannot take any more, yet i must go out again. woe is me

still. today i have signed a contract for work, played some football, voted, and bought barbecue bits. and the day is still young. win!
( spacefish bong!, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:39, archived)