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Will one of you be a darling and
Buy me this?

Yours eternally,

Jobe
(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:42, archived)
BLIMEY!

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:42, archived)
Friz here
Off to a house party, and then Academy.

With girls!
(__, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:16, archived)
all under the age of 14

(I helped save b3ta! Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:17, archived)
Paedololz!

(__, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:18, archived)
You have a face for radio,
wideband of course.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:22, archived)
it doesn't look very practical
just pick up a kitchen knife from tescos
(I helped save b3ta! well, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:42, archived)
I wish I knew how to say "I love you" in Klingon.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:43, archived)
Do you reckon there's many attractive women with tans who can speak Kilingon?

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:44, archived)
jIH muSHa' SoH
Apparently.

http://www.mrklingon.org/
(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:47, archived)
That's how I imagine it sounds to pronounce "jam master geordie" while angry and with a mouth full of chips and chops.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:57, archived)
who told you of my chips fetish?

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:01, archived)
well, its the noise chips make when you put them in oil
/puts chips in hot fat

fetish!
(I helped save b3ta! Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:04, archived)
The taste of vinegar and grease was a dead giveaway.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:04, archived)
HOT.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:05, archived)
good for salads
spotify:track:6wFLrgx5gfio6Rmdx3Rge4
(I helped save b3ta! (|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:43, archived)
Paste that as a URL
I don't know what to do with that
(I helped save b3ta! CowJam, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:45, archived)
it's for spotify, innit

(I helped save b3ta! (|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:45, archived)
I'm not a complete idiot.
Spotify lets you paste as a URL or a URI. I didn't know what you did with the URI, but I do now.

Not my taste either.
(I helped save b3ta! CowJam, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:48, archived)
oh

(I helped save b3ta! (|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:50, archived)
copy it into spotify's search bar.

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:45, archived)
I'm not in the mood for a 15 year old's idea of good music.
I am in the mood for a 15 year old though.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:48, archived)
this is a good one
spotify:track:4FL5WhrHy7K4G3rZn78Xpm
(I helped save b3ta! (|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:52, archived)

spotify:track:0nXcCIR0KgpJ9vRFD14pAw
(I helped save b3ta! CowJam, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:53, archived)
good call
great album
(I helped save b3ta! (|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:55, archived)
Great forum.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:58, archived)

spotify:track:3lzzAHJwHjSpA71ftgzDeX
(I helped save b3ta! (|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:59, archived)
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalleluuuuuuuuuuujaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

(I helped save b3ta! (|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:00, archived)

open.spotify.com/track/4bMn7CcwvXFdcrc1gJHpnH
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:06, archived)
?

(I helped save b3ta! (|D[ekionplexis B3ta.com: fictional child porn is OK, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:08, archived)
Wut?

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:10, archived)
protocol:uri:filetype:randomstringofstuffgiggedygiggedy

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:08, archived)
alan:ruddyhellitssoftcell

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:10, archived)
Afraid not, you are not part of the Sir Sand Goblin 'Boat Of Sadness' crew.
www.b3ta.com/talk/6222434

If anyone wants to join, let me know and I'll find some room on the deck. It will mean the world to SSG knowing that people have united to be sad about his pancreas. On a boat.
(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:43, archived)
*applies to join*

(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:44, archived)
You're in.

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:48, archived)
*respectful tip of hat*

(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:50, archived)
haha it looks like he's pushing you fucking overboard

(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:49, archived)
I'm a sacrifice so that SSG may have a few more weeks with us

(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:53, archived)
I'm holding on to him for comfort.

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:23, archived)
LOOKS ALMOST LIKE MINE
www.b3tards.com/u/c9b8e1f3ae5dc132d12f/boatofsadness3.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:45, archived)
Go on then.

(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:45, archived)
Welcome aboard, fellow grief-sailor.

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:50, archived)
Aye-aye, cap'n.

(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:52, archived)
Oh, let me!
I'm his new internet friend.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:48, archived)
You're in!

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:55, archived)
Hurray!

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:56, archived)
Aw, can I have hair?

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:57, archived)
What colour?

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:00, archived)
bald

(I helped save b3ta! Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:05, archived)
Black, please.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:05, archived)
Blacked you up.

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:08, archived)
Hurray!
Thank you.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:13, archived)
That sun looks familiar.....

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:17, archived)
Haha

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:20, archived)
she's kicked a fucking hole in the boat
disrespectful cunt
(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:57, archived)
I fucking haven't, that's mongy's line.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:58, archived)
piss off baldy

(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:59, archived)
I thought she had a backwards cock growing out of her foot

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:36, archived)
Me please
You may have to shrink us all to fit.
(I helped save b3ta! Flowerpot No longer has the vapours thanks to DTH, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:49, archived)
SURFS UP, CANCER STYLE!

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:55, archived)
Great stuff
Lacks norkage though but that's OK, I have a surfboard.
(I helped save b3ta! Flowerpot No longer has the vapours thanks to DTH, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:00, archived)
Sorry, I had no idea you had tits.
I'm working flat out here.
(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:01, archived)
That's alright
As long as I don't fall in I won't need them for bouyancy.
(I helped save b3ta! Flowerpot No longer has the vapours thanks to DTH, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:08, archived)
Show your support, buy the OFFICIAL plate:
www.cr3static.com/data/jpg/ssg.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:51, archived)
fucking sabotage
some cunt's ripped the application form off
(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:52, archived)
Nothing to do with me getting bored of making it honest guv.
Alright pet?
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:59, archived)
lazy bastard
not too shabby ta. behave last night?
(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:00, archived)
Yeah sort of I suppose
some scouser tried to sell me coke, I had to get my mate from Sheffield to act as an interpreter.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:05, archived)
you have all the best adventures
you're the man i'll never be
(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:12, archived)
Bah, just freaks in clubs,
certainly not my best adventure eh rosie?
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:15, archived)
i prefer the ones set in toilets

(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:17, archived)
All the best things happen in toilets.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:17, archived)
trudat

(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:20, archived)
I would pay £10 for such a thing.

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:54, archived)
he's the queen of our pancreases

(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:58, archived)
instead of creating a diamond out of his cremated remains
they should mix it with dog food and then when the dog has a shit, take a mold of that shit and make gold copies,mount them on wood and sell them.
(I helped save b3ta! Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:03, archived)
Bagsie licking the mold when they've finished.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:07, archived)
sure, if you send money to charity

(I helped save b3ta! Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:11, archived)
Post it on /board and don't change the size.
If people complain call them heartless bastards and explain that SSG is about to die a horribly painful death.
(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:21, archived)
It'll go on in a min. If they moan WE DEFEND!

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:25, archived)
Do it now! I've gotta go out soon.

(I helped save b3ta! mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:27, archived)
THAR SHE BE!
www.b3ta.com/board/9519540
(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:31, archived)
What sort of a monster would shout at this?
I would assume that they will be so overcome with emotion that they just need to vent their frustration at cancer on.
(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:30, archived)
I'd like to climb aboard.
SSG was so supportive of me while I was in Swansea yesterday.
(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:51, archived)
SNORKEL!

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:59, archived)
If the circumstances weren't so tragic,
that would be such a happy boat. And Karl.
(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:04, archived)
When he pulls through (unlikely, but still), I'll turn those frowns the right way up.

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:11, archived)
I would like in.

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:52, archived)
MoT, you're flying. Flying for his pancreas.
and because I'm running out of space.
(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:59, archived)
I feel honoured :D

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:00, archived)
Can I happily swim next to it as a duck.
I say happily, but whatever.
(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:03, archived)
I'll duck you up, son.

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:03, archived)
I apologise, I'm shit at drawing ducks.
The irony of it is, that duck looks like SSG's pancreas.
(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:07, archived)
Tis good enough for me.

(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:08, archived)
Woo

(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:07, archived)
guess hes dying then
nice boat by the way!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Pilchard The king of B-movies!, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:58, archived)
ADD ME PLZ

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:17, archived)
You look to be drowning. In sorrow.

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:21, archived)
oh the metaphorical truth :'(

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:24, archived)
Am I too late to get on the boat?

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:28, archived)
I'm sorry broadsword, I can't get anyone else in without the risk of drowning.
We don't need two deaths on our hands here :(
(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:29, archived)
Thats ok, safety first

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:31, archived)
I like the way customers who bought that
also bought kitchen knives.

Peeling potatoes, the awesome way.
EDIT: no, sorry, customers who bought "related" items.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:44, archived)
17lbs!
hahahahahaaaa

why I'm laughing
(I helped save b3ta! custard, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:45, archived)
Why the fuck would anyone ever write an essay about that.
*massive sadface*
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:47, archived)
because some people (not myself) are really into swords and stuff
and are fed up with all of the bullshit about swords weighing several kilograms etc.
(I helped save b3ta! custard, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:48, archived)
who would win in a fight,
samurai or knight?
(I helped save b3ta! well, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:51, archived)
A Spartan would beat them both.
As would a Roman.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:53, archived)
you best be trolling

(I helped save b3ta! well, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:54, archived)
No.
A spartan doesn't need armour. If they tense their muscles all man made weapons will simply bounce off.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:55, archived)
Hard to say
samurai swords/katanas are cutting swords that won't do much to plate armour whereas a knight's sword is a mix of a cutting weapon and a clubbing weapon, but the samurai would be more agile (not that a knight and a samurai would have ever fought each other, obviously)

There's no perfect sword; someone with a pair of nepalese fighting knives (kurkris) will easily defeat someone with a longsword if they're an expert.
(I helped save b3ta! custard, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:59, archived)
you aren't meant to reply seriously to that question :/

(I helped save b3ta! well, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:00, archived)
twas a interesting answer though
and it no doubt will be one of the summer movies of next year.

Knights vs Samurai

Directed by Will Smith.
(I helped save b3ta! Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:17, archived)
:/

(I helped save b3ta! well, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:47, archived)
I bet you'd look shit wearing it

(I helped save b3ta! CowJam, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:46, archived)
You wouldn't say that to my face if I was wearing it.
*stabs you right up*
(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:48, archived)
Maybe.
Talking of pointy things, I watched Ultraviolet earlier and really liked this.
(I helped save b3ta! CowJam, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:52, archived)
"Hack and slash stylishly with Violet's Sword!"
Nice.
(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:55, archived)
I'd like to hack and slash Violet with my "sword".
/Milla Jovovich induced erection
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:57, archived)
I'd rather have one of these
clicky

or one of these

clicky
(I helped save b3ta! custard, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:51, archived)
Fuck that you roaring pansy
get one of THESE
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:53, archived)
cor

(I helped save b3ta! custard, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:01, archived)
" Point of Balance: 5 1/4 inches from guard"
I don't know much about swords or nothing, but shouldn't the point of balance be at the point where the guard meets the blade?
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:56, archived)
I really don't know, tbh
There is probably a case for both balance points depending on what type of sword & style you are referring to.
(I helped save b3ta! custard, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:03, archived)
might be 5.25 inches towards the pommel
so that you can hold it one handed but add a second hand over it for extra bludgeoning force if needed
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:12, archived)
What woman could resist you wearing that Jobe?

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:52, archived)
It's hard for women to resist me at the best of times....

(I helped save b3ta! Jobe, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 18:53, archived)
Yes*
*No**
**Maybe
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Sat 13 Jun 2009, 19:29, archived)