Piston
www.b3ta.com/links/Piston_broke_does_stand_up
( WormuIus, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:03, archived)

oh god oh god oh god oh fuck oh god

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:04, archived)

Can we hold hands.

( WormuIus, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:04, archived)

I made it to 50 second in.
Can anyone beat 50 seconds?
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:05, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/6249614
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:05, archived)

JESUS

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:06, archived)

Right I'm going back in.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:06, archived)

OK made it to OAP 'joke'
I'm spent.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:07, archived)

I didn't get beyond 10 seconds into the driving test bit.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:32, archived)

I did the whole thing.
I can now advise against this.
( thealternativefact, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:35, archived)

to be honest, I just cheated by jumping to the end, he ends with a joke about rape in Wakefield
( vladimir, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:36, archived)

at 5 o'clock
i'm going for it
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:36, archived)

You'll be sorry.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:37, archived)

i bet it's no worse than the jokes that make it into bbc1 sitcoms

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:38, archived)

I'm going to the pub now.
That linky probably warrants a special slot in your 'flouces and fails' section though.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:07, archived)

I think I can make an exception for almost 8 continuous minutes of failure.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:08, archived)

I'm going to attempt to watch it all.

( WHARRGARBL, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:08, archived)

Me too,
my minge actually wants to run away from the sound of his voice.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:10, archived)

I'm a minute in. I want to kill myself.

( WHARRGARBL, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:11, archived)

I watched it all:(

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:12, archived)

:(
I hope to buggery I never meet him. I might die of boredom.
( WHARRGARBL, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:13, archived)

Pretty sure I just heard the sound of someone jumping out of a window.

( WHARRGARBL, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:13, archived)

WELSH BUM SHEEP LOL

( WHARRGARBL, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:18, archived)

I don't think I've ever actually watched someone die before now.

( WHARRGARBL, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:18, archived)

It's over. It's all over.

( WHARRGARBL, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:20, archived)

Hold me.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:20, archived)

Pfft

( broadsword, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:23, archived)

OH HAI

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:24, archived)

Ello darlin

( broadsword, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:25, archived)

How's tricks?

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:26, archived)

Hot & drunk
how's you?
( broadsword, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:30, archived)

Bored and sober.
Alright. Moving home in a few weeks.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:36, archived)

Where have you been, first?

( WHARRGARBL, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:24, archived)

Northampton.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:24, archived)

EWWWW. NO.

( WHARRGARBL, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:26, archived)

I thought you loved this shithole.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:27, archived)

I bet that ends up on the popular page

( broadsword, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:31, archived)

I love the people.
If I was on my own there, I'd likely grow to hate it.
( WHARRGARBL, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:32, archived)

He's even fucking worse.
Apparently he tried to chat me up, as he told Noit. I thought he was just emptying his dull fucking brain on me.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:13, archived)

Hahaha.

( WHARRGARBL, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:15, archived)

All he did was tell me he lived in Ireland, and that he was a Pratchett fan too.
I told him to fuck off about three times. Then, the next HB bash, he told Noit he had been trying to chat me up that night :s No wonder he's fucking single, apart from anything else.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:16, archived)

Pfffft.
What a bloody loser.
( WHARRGARBL, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:17, archived)

HAS ANYONE SEEN MY DRUGS? I'M SO WASTED!
*SNE*
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:20, archived)

I skipped along after it had all buffered.
I didn't hear any laughing at all.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:13, archived)

There was a woman making loud drunk laughing noises.
Probably his mum. She lives with HIM, you know.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:14, archived)

I skipped to 30 seconds in, listened to about 55 seconds
and actually gave a little sigh.
( Bats, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:13, archived)

oh my god are you crying?

( Lightguy hail satan, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:05, archived)

I have a terrible, and I mean this.. TERRIBLE ability for handling embarrassing moments of others.
I cringe at anything remotely embarrassing.
I can't watch it all.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:06, archived)

oh JMG you're so modest

( Lightguy hail satan, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:06, archived)

I'M AT THE DRIVING JOKE.
I WANT TO CRY.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:07, archived)

Was there a joke at the end of it?
I got to him going mental about his female instructor and had to close it.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:10, archived)

I only got to about 2 minutes or so.
I'm not able to take it in.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:13, archived)

I'm gonna go for the full 8 mins now.
I feel slightly guilty that I'm taking the piss without having watched it all. I'm sure it gets better further on..........:(
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:26, archived)

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha

( thealternativefact, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:27, archived)

Well I gave it a chance.
For fuck sake.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:32, archived)

I watched it all. I don't even want to comment on it more than I have to.

( TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:37, archived)

It must be a living hell for you here.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:32, archived)

why's that then?
*trousers fall down*
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:37, archived)

Oh PAUL!
*shakes head*
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:39, archived)

www.sadtrombone.com/
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:41, archived)

:(
www.b3ta.com/talk/6249619
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:04, archived)

It's the continued and irrelevant swearing to make him sound tougher that makes this win for me.

( WormuIus, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:04, archived)

This.
Oh dear lord.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:05, archived)

and the use of the word ''actually''.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:06, archived)

*reports bullying*

( WHARRGARBL, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:04, archived)

It's just him wittering on about fuck all.
It's even more dull than his real life persona.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:04, archived)

He swears too much
And it's rubbish
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:06, archived)

It is Piston.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:06, archived)

Piston shite
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:07, archived)

Same thing lololololol

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:08, archived)

It's no lolocaust
I'm very disappointed
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:09, archived)

Oh god, he's mentioned he does drugs.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:07, archived)

And now he's stopping people leaving, haha

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:08, archived)

LOL WELSH PEOPLE FUCK SHEEP

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:10, archived)

trainrofls!

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:11, archived)

I WANT TO STAB MY EARS WITH A FORK.
Piston broke is truely, truely shit.
( TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:27, archived)

I predict this will result in bullying

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:04, archived)

At the George?

(WANKERTRON you say "prick", I say "wanker", Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:04, archived)

No, CATG only let b3tans do standup if they were reasonably good
most of the acts were professionals.
There was normally only 1 open mic slot a night.
( WormuIus, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:06, archived)

Comedy, thy name is Jim.

( FoldsFive, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:05, archived)

In his defence it is fucking hilarious

( WormuIus, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:07, archived)

+ly shit

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:07, archived)

Poor bloke.
And I thought I was bad.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:06, archived)

I can't watch it all.
The sound of silence is making me feel really bad for him :(
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:09, archived)

you did stand up?
was it 50 minutes of you making odd noises?
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:10, archived)

Pretty much

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:11, archived)

i'd watch that

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:13, archived)

He was funny
in a surprising way.
( thealternativefact, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:20, archived)

I call it '8 pints and forget your lines because you're having too much of a laugh' comedy

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:24, archived)

I felt the same about being an audience member.

( thealternativefact, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:25, archived)

*twists nipples*

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:29, archived)

Mine or yours?

( thealternativefact, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:29, archived)

he twists one set with t'other
it's quite a talent
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:35, archived)

I wear two snoffling pugs like shoulder pads

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:21, archived)

ok then, i'll change my response to
i'd watch that while trying to hide a powerful broom-on
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:29, archived)

you are picking on another forum poster and posting a link on talk, i think you should gaz cr3 about yourself
you utter grass
( mongychops, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:06, archived)

I only gaz cr3 links to profiles I suspect are regulars or bou
sometimes he checks them and they disappear, sometimes he doesn't.
( WormuIus, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:08, archived)

Why do you do this?
*pokes*
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:09, archived)

Yeah.
Be like Mykey and just announce who they are on the board.
He's usually wrong. But don't let it stop you W.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:10, archived)

I don't try and guess who they are just flag them for him and he does the rest.
I was wrong about Lion-cake, apparently that's a real account.
( WormuIus, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:12, archived)

Oh no.. No no no..
Most people are Me, Shambles or Bud.
Ask Mykey. Anybody that falls out with him with an L plate next to their name is usually one of us.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:14, archived)

I started doing it ironically becuase cr3 banned my second account
but it's just become a habit, besides, nobody likes bou or comedy accounts.
( WormuIus, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:10, archived)

COMEDY ACCOUNTS IST SCHIZE JA!

(Wormulus, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:11, archived)

Scheisse
You're rubbish at German, Hitler.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:11, archived)

VOT ZE FUCKEN IST DU GIBBERING ON ABOUT?

(Wormulus, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:13, archived)

Hahahahaha

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:15, archived)

ZE JOKE IST ON DU ANYVAY - ICH KOMME AUS OESTERREICHRIA

(Wormulus, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:16, archived)

I NEVER SAID YOU WERE GERMAN
I JUST SAID YOU WERE SHIT AT THE LANGUAGE, HA.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:17, archived)

FOR DEINE INFORMATION I AM TYPING IN ZER GUT ENGLANDER TALK

(Wormulus, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:20, archived)

if you're going to be a one-joke wonder
at least get your words right
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:13, archived)

Im fairly certain Sammi and Gonzo are comedy accounts

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:12, archived)

Best two ever, if they are.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:17, archived)

I think it goes without saying
*clickin this*
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:07, archived)

i'll watch that later when i can have sound on
i bet i can watch the whole thing

i've seen some pretty terrible stand up in my time
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:08, archived)

Nothing can prepare you

( WormuIus, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:09, archived)

i'm made of strong stuff

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:11, archived)

You will crumble like an apple.
Oh no. I've listened too long.
( thealternativefact, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:13, archived)

i can't believe it's as bad as everyone is making it out to be

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:14, archived)

I have just listened to the whole thing.
It's well worth it.
( thealternativefact, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:15, archived)

No, it is.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:18, archived)

It's pretty bad.
I expect most people are the first time they try it. I wouldn't feel confident about doing much better.
( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:21, archived)

Give him his fair dues
he had the guts to get up there and do it. I remember the first time I did it. My arsehole was going sixpence, shilling - manhole cover!
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:10, archived)

You are actually amusing, though.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:11, archived)

Were you funny?
Edit: ^As I suspected...
( thealternativefact, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:11, archived)

i wouldn't fucking do it, that's for sure
actually, i told jokes on stage for a talent show once, aged 8

...i didn't win
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:12, archived)

I suspect he's just too autistic to realise how bad he is.
so it doesn't worry him.
( WormuIus, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:14, archived)

This.
He just doesn't see it.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:17, archived)

Yeah, fair play to him for having the guts to go up there.
but I just hope it's just to tick something off a 'things to do before you die' list and not something he will carry on doing.

Not a comedic bone in his body after seeing that.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:15, archived)

Yeah', This.
Can't say I had the guts to do the same.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:15, archived)

I do feel sorry for the bloke.
at least he tried I suppose.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:30, archived)

This
behold the power of the peanut gallery.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:32, archived)

I'm 3.07 in.
My head hurts.
( thealternativefact, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:10, archived)

i think my internal organs have started to shut down after watching this

( Lightguy hail satan, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:12, archived)

Hooray for not being able to access You Tube at work!

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:17, archived)

You'll do it later and ruin your evening.

( thealternativefact, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:18, archived)

NEVER
*resists*
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:20, archived)

I lolled
*added to favourites*
*subscribes to channel*
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:18, archived)

It needs to be newslettered
To get it around the globe.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:22, archived)

Why? So people will care less about Iran nuclearising us all?

( thealternativefact, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:24, archived)

Stop it you're all horrid

( Mrs Sp@m, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:23, archived)

Are we?
Blimey.
( thealternativefact, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:23, archived)

Come on, now, he is appalling,
You're too nice for here, missus.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:25, archived)

I love alot of you to bits
But I can't say I agree with it, I just get pissed off that he avoids /talk now but most likely lurks and yet everyone still lays into him, half the people having a go probably haven't met him either which also gets my back up.

Meh, maybe I should bugger off to pastures fairer.
( Mrs Sp@m, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:28, archived)

FLOUNCE!

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:29, archived)

Probably not
If I were going to flouce it would be far more spectacular.
( Mrs Sp@m, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:30, archived)

I think it's an internet tradition to pounce on someone who tries something new and doesn't do very well.
Whether you'd be able to do any better is apparently irrelevant.
( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:27, archived)

I'd be shit in a wheelchair race but I'll still point and laugh when one falls over,
I'll never be allowed to work at the paralympics again though :(
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:39, archived)

I think it would have been OK if you hadn't been the one to push him over.

( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:40, archived)

He's fallen and can't get up!

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:41, archived)

WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?

( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:26, archived)

Because you have beautiful eyes.

( TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:28, archived)

i suppose if you're going to pander, you should do it while they're weakened and vulnerable!

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:31, archived)

Haha, this really made me laugh :)

( broadsword, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:36, archived)

i'm a funny guy
i should do stand up!
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:38, archived)

haha

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:37, archived)

I have a Baroness alarm. I have a series of alarms hooked up around my house, connected to a server
which collects and records all posts on /talk. When it detects the terms "The Baroness", including her icon (hitler-monkeon.gif)
it sounds the bells right away and I am sent two text messages and an automated phone call, alerting me that Baroness has posted
and I immediately dive towards any internet connected device in order to turn on my sexy charms to woo her.
( TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:39, archived)

DEAR INTERNET USER
This has gone FAR ENOUGH
this is TERRIBLE ONLINE INERNET BULLYING
and as such will NOT BE TOLERATED ON THIS FORUM.

CEASE AND DESIST.
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN QC: Ace Attorney, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:30, archived)

I assume you will be sending a strongly worded LEGAL letter to Cr3?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:34, archived)

Jesus shitting christ that is horrible

( wefbhweiufhweiu party, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:31, archived)

cunt

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:35, archived)

*figs*

( wefbhweiufhweiu party, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:37, archived)

hello wonder nonce, how's tricks?

( mongychops, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:40, archived)

HELLO MONGLEYCHOPS
My tricks are good thanks. I see you're still having all the fun rubbing up internet people the wrong way. Good work.
( wefbhweiufhweiu party, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:47, archived)

Still better than Lee Evans

( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:37, archived)

now THIS i can believe

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 16:43, archived)