So who's attending this b4sh that I too am attending?
Who's already a gentle mixture of excited and wound up to the point of tears?
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:10, archived)

me

(likeajackhammer, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:10, archived)

*High, sea-spanning fives!*
Did you hear about Neil's latest crash that was in no way his fault?
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:12, archived)

It's big news in the North of France.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:12, archived)

I imagine it was the fault of some "BASTARD SURRENDER-MONKEY"
who doesn't know how to drive, despite doing the speed limit and being in the correct lane.
(likeajackhammer, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:15, archived)

"Scottish driver in a French made van. Driving for an Italian company."
..and in NO WAY his fault. Apparently.
That's pretty much concrete.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:16, archived)

was he hammered?

(likeajackhammer, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:18, archived)

No. But that's not important.
Why aren't you back for Ritchie's wedding?
I've got more material then is being used for his waistband. This'll only go to waste on shit people.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:21, archived)

Money
July is MY month (and Matty's I suppose)... that fat fuck is encroaching on my action...

video neil's sweaty, stammery speech
(likeajackhammer, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:23, archived)

I AM!
but that's nothing to do with the b4sh
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:11, archived)

You're attending a b4sh?
The world has changed greatly.
( Theoban What of it, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:11, archived)

If I went and you didn't turn up, I'd track you down and make you shit out your spleen onto a ricecake.

( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:11, archived)

I imagine a few on here don't know what a rice-cake is.
:(
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:14, archived)

JMG.
Despite not being a particularly fat man, I am on a diet.

This should set an example to all the fat miserable internets, but it won't.
( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:15, archived)

i am not on a diet
but my fitness is improving due to exercise

i also will fail to inspire my fellow men, no doubt
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:19, archived)

Exercise is next on my list.

( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:19, archived)

runrunrun
it's working for me
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:20, archived)

I'm going to get a bike I think.
OH WAIT, THAT WOULD OPEN UP TOO MANY HILARIOUS JOKE OPPORTUNITIES :(((((
( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:21, archived)

HAHAH BUD AAAAA you ride a BIKE!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH roffle raffle lolz! It's got pedals and shit! AHHHHHH!!
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:22, archived)

Yes. Your Mum.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHJFUCKTHISWEAKSHITHOMEBOY
( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:22, archived)

OH SHIT DOG YOU WENT TOO FAR
I'M GOING TO PUT A BOTTLECAP IN YO ASS BO-OI-OY!
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:25, archived)

I'M AFRAID I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR EBONICS AS I AM FAT, WHITE, MIDDLE CLASS AND LIVE IN SCOTTISH SLUMLANDS.

( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:25, archived)

EEVA DO I.
WHERE'S MY INHALER?
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:27, archived)

that would also be good
presumably there would be nice places to ride near you

i mean... ahem
O RLY?! WHAT'S HER NAME AHAHAHA
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:24, archived)

There's the whole of the South Down and the coast road.
YES, I WILL RIDE A BIKE ON A MONGFACE.
( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:24, archived)

sounds good. i haven't ridden my bike in a looong time
THE ISLE OF WIGHT HAS A BUS SERVICE CALLED THE DOWNS TOUR
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:27, archived)

I laugh every time we drive past Down's Hotel in Brighton
cr3 looks at me disapprovingly.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:29, archived)

Do you snigger all the way through that area
Being the South Downs and all :P
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:32, archived)

I'VE BEEN TO MINEHEAD, UK CAPITAL FOR DOWN'S SYNDROME.
I saw a Down's today. He was about 28 stone in weight and had a tongue like a fashionable neck tie.
( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:30, archived)

i was helping out with a charity 10k run last sunday
there was a down's running. he did pretty well and got very excited when we cheered him over the finish line
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:33, archived)

Were you actually watching "The Ringer"?

( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:35, archived)

I've been doing exercises every day this past two weeks,
haven't lost a pound yet.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:23, archived)

Should have gone to Specsavers.

( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:24, archived)

oh yeah
"exercises" hmm.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:25, archived)

yes
like sit-ups and shit.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:25, archived)

what kind of exercise? are you really working at it?
you have to eat kind of healthily too
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:25, archived)

It gets me tired out,
and I don't eat junk anyway.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:26, archived)

keep trying

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:29, archived)

Don't forget that muscle weighs more than fat

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:30, archived)

yeah I'm hoping that's what's going on,
it's a lot easier now than when I first started so something's definitely happening.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:31, archived)

for them, it'll be a RIS cake
( vladimir, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:16, archived)

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAOHNOMYFEETAREWET

( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:16, archived)

oh dear.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:17, archived)

Some forrin muck from the 'chinky' no doubt.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:17, archived)

NOW NOW, LET'S NOT HIDE BEHIND A THIN VEIL OF CASUAL RACISM.
Summer time is CAPS TIME.
( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:19, archived)

MORE LIKE RICISM
*applause sign lights up*
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:21, archived)

IRIE
Word up homes... How's life on the south coast?
( RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:24, archived)

SWEATY.
And you?
( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:25, archived)

MUCH THE SAME. MAN MUSK A GO-GO
I'm glad we had this chat. Nice to see you about the place, rattling some chubby cages.
( RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:27, archived)

GOOD TO SEE YOU TOO.

( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:30, archived)

DON'T BE A STRANGER, ESPECIALLY THOSE CREEPY TYPES WITH STAINED COATS AND FORLORN EYES

( RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:36, archived)

*turns basecap backwards*
YEAH!
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:26, archived)

I let the INTERNET decide what I'm getting from the chinese

(likeajackhammer, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:25, archived)

Ask them for CHICKEN TIKKA MASALA with EXTRA poppadoms

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:27, archived)

CAKE!
etc
(likeajackhammer, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:19, archived)

i would like to point out that i signed up before you
everyone who signed up after you is only coming so they can say they've breathed your air
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:11, archived)

Ha!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:14, archived)

imagine if one got drunk and took a swing at you
they'd be dining out on 'the time i beat up jmg' for months
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:18, archived)

I'll probably be there

( SuperMatt, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:12, archived)

I even signed up before you so I can't be accused of only going to see you
(but that's mostly the case).
( SuperMatt, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:13, archived)

Oh, JMG
Why?
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:13, archived)

I shall be attending my sister's wedding
So I will be unavailable for that entire day.
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:13, archived)

Might do.
Probably won't.
( RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:13, archived)

WHAT

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:14, archived)

While the 'might do' is there, there's still hope.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:18, archived)

don't make me hunt you down

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:22, archived)

It'll be like the running man.
I'm the Puerto Rican chick.
( RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:32, archived)

*Firm tens*

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:15, archived)

It's my life-mantra.
*fist bonk*
( RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:16, archived)

You best had.
or binky will cry and I'll have to comfort her.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:21, archived)

If that's the case, I'll not turn up.
then hide in the bushes and watch the 'comforting'
( RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:25, archived)

SO MEAN.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:26, archived)

I WANT to.
depends on travel costs/time.
( RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:29, archived)

it's FINE
i don't even WANT to meet you
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:35, archived)

I will be there but you won't be centre of attention unfortunately
Because I'll be there.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:14, archived)

neither will you because i'll be there
anyone else fancy some one-upmanship?
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:16, archived)

heheheh don't be silly, I'm DG, like a Down's Syndrome Ring Master

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:17, archived)

BM doesn't like hanging out with us in public because he isn't centre of attention
And he got in trouble last time for trying to stab a woman with a biro
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:18, archived)

us? how many of you are there?

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:20, archived)

us as in 'b3tans'
Or is it because I wear a mirrorsuit and no one knows how many of me there really are.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:23, archived)

i'm pretty sure there are -4 of you

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:29, archived)

sssshhhhhhhhh
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:31, archived)

I'll be there, dressed as an attractive woman
first to honk my chest gets a free pint
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:15, archived)

Sweeeeet
Free pint within 2 minutes of being there.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:16, archived)

*crams goose down your cleavage*

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:16, archived)

I'll be representing the more perverted b3ta contingent.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:20, archived)

Thanks.

( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:21, archived)

Hello you.
Are you saddlesore?
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:22, archived)

Not in the slightest, ta,
I am, however, wishing I was still on holiday.
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:25, archived)

Were kids trying to ride on your back at Blackpool again?

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:28, archived)

I bet.
Where did you go, what did you see, did you leave the womenfolk lamenting?
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:30, archived)

France, Belgium, Luxembourg, Germany, Switzerland, Liechtenstein, Austria, Italy.
Saw loads everywhere, got snowed on at 120mph on the Stelvio Pass, was very well behaved.
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:33, archived)

Very jealous.
When it's big bike o clock in a year or so I'll have to do something similar :)
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:41, archived)

It was several shades of awesome.
2100 miles of avoiding motorways and a superb week in a villa on Lake Como. I want to be back in Switzerland now, please.
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:45, archived)

Can someone represent my contingent?
I'm not even sure what contingent that is. But I demand representation.
( Theoban What of it, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:22, archived)

I'll punctuate every sentence with EE HAW HEE HAW if you like

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:23, archived)

Just end every conversation by walking away, shaking your head and taking a drag on your cigarette

( Theoban What of it, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:24, archived)

BOF.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:25, archived)

are you coming in full furry regalia?

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:23, archived)

it might be a bit hot for that
and I think the torches and pitchforks might leave marks
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:24, archived)

fair enough
because i don't understand real furries, i just imagine people in the tanooki suit from mario
www.freewebs.com/countconkula/Tanooki%20Mario.JPG
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:32, archived)

there are more penises.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:39, archived)

I'm going Jammers.
I shall offer you out now, ONLINE.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:31, archived)