Morning.
Not sure what's happened, I seem to have woken up feeling FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!
You?
( MONO!, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 7:51, archived)

Maybe you had a visit from the blowjob fairy

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 7:56, archived)

Well the 50p I left under my foreskin was gone when I woke up!

( MONO!, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:00, archived)

I dreamt I was being chased by a man with a knife and he wanted to stab me up with it

( magnum, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:13, archived)

Maybe he just wanted to butter your bread?

( MONO!, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:16, archived)

He would have probably left you alone if you sucked his cock

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:16, archived)

Are you wanting a blowjob this morning?

( MONO!, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:20, archived)

I'd thought you'd never ask

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:20, archived)

*kneels*

( MONO!, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:22, archived)

i've been to the doctor and i don't have diabetes

( Lightguy hail satan, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:26, archived)

Celebrate with 16 cut-price easter eggs!

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:28, archived)

i will once i stop vomiting!!!

( Lightguy hail satan, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:29, archived)

Sounds like that's a result of too many blowjobs

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:40, archived)

I get myself tested loads.
I drink shitloads it always worries me
( MONO!, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:46, archived)

Too much drinking = pancreatitis
= impaired ability to produce insulin = type two diabetes = terminal death = assured place in heaven playing ping-pong with Sir Isaac Newton and Bonnie Langford*

*adjust expectations according to your belief preferences.
( splorp ®, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 11:18, archived)

Why are you telling me this?
Clearly I know it all already hence getting myself checked regularly due to my unquenchable thrist, you fucking mong
( MONO!, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:44, archived)

I'm telling you
as I thought you might be interested in an afterlife that involved the presence of Sir Isaac Newton and Bonnie Langford.
( splorp ®, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:50, archived)

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

( MONO!, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 13:10, archived)

...yet

( splorp ®, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 11:04, archived)

I am alright,
That is all.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:41, archived)

cool

( MONO!, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:45, archived)

I'm not cool,
I'm alright.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:03, archived)

Had a sex dream about one of the girls off the Apprentice
Woke up at 4, couldn't get back to sleep. Still sick. I'm having a bad week Munno.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:52, archived)

I don't think I even got to sleep until about 0400hrs
up at 0630hrs yet I feel good!
( MONO!, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:53, archived)

Fuck you

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:55, archived)

Easy now, Two Hats
This sounds like tortoise-and-hair territory to me. He'll burn out by the time you're up to speed.
( Frisbee OG wanker, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:01, archived)

*cries*

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:03, archived)

It took me a few attempts to wake up this morjning
But I'm at work, bright eyed and shiney bearded, hooray. I'm expecting a package delivery of 20 500ml empty beer bottles today, but fuck knows how I'll get them cos I'm at work. CARE ABOUT MY ISSUES
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 8:57, archived)

I'd be more worried about the fuzz, Mr Moonshine
I'll set the law on yer!
( Frisbee OG wanker, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:02, archived)

It's not distilled so it's legal
I thought you were a legal worker? You know nothing, I ain't coming to you lot for advice
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:03, archived)

I see you're trying to disinstruct your de facto legal advisor
Have you ever considered making a will?
*reaches into suit pocket menacingly*
( Frisbee OG wanker, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:10, archived)

Why would I want a will?
It's not like I own owt
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:22, archived)

that's not true
you own 20 empty bottles!
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:22, archived)

Ain't took collection yet
I own two gallons of pre-mead too
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:23, archived)

Haha...pre-mead

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:25, archived)

Technically it's a Must at the moment
I've been reading man, READING
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:28, archived)

Cool
You know, I don't believe I've ever had mead. Is it like anything else I may have had?
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:32, archived)

I dunno, the last mead I had was 11 years ago and I was already drunk
This is my first attempt, I'll let you know in a couple of weeks.
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:33, archived)

Sweet
*watches this space*
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:34, archived)

I just Wiki'd it
That has the potential to be fucking incredible. Next time I'm out I'm going to try to buy some of this wonderful thing.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:36, archived)

Mine's not a straight up mead
It's either a melomel or a metheglin, it's got oranges in it, which would make it a melomel, but it's also got cinnamon in it, which pushes it into metheglin territory.

Christ that's dull, sorry.
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:38, archived)

No, not at all
It looks dull written down, but I could talk about this sort of thing for hours. Maybe that makes us both dull. Oh, who cares.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:40, archived)

Here have a picture of them just when I'd put them in the plastic demijohns
a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/p480x480/419546_10150697985314400_690939399_10998728_1651952002_n.jpg

It's before I stuck more water in and they've settled a lot more since then and have finished fermenting, I just hope to GOD it don't taste bitter
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:42, archived)

Cool
Well good luck. I'm looking forward to hearing how it tastes.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:45, archived)

hearing how it tastes being interested enough so that you'll post me a free bottle.

Also: I want one too.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 11:00, archived)

I'd happily send them out if it tastes alright
Except it'll cost a bunch and I can't be arsed and I'll just drink them all, ta.
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 11:34, archived)

BASH AT THEOBANS

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:14, archived)

I'm already putting the pickled onions on cocktail sticks

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:19, archived)

Last even I had didnt even have them
I'm worst host
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:25, archived)

how many colostomy bags did it take to fill one of those?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:57, archived)

Hey cool that's the same joke that Janet did
You tit
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 11:34, archived)

I feel ill

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:13, archived)

Oh wait
I've been thinking about making mead for a while, you can say that this has been pre-mead-itated
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:29, archived)

There is a village near me called Denmead
Which is Dutch for 'The Mead'

probably
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 11:02, archived)

Brewing your own beer?

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:02, archived)

MEEEEAAAAAD

( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:03, archived)

Oh yes, of course

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:11, archived)

Screwing your own ear?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:03, archived)

booing your own cheer?

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:08, archived)

ooooooooooooo.
But why empty?
Even if you have something to fill them with buying them pre filled is better because then there's more to drink.
( MONO!, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:03, archived)

Yeah but that'd mean cleaning them too
And that's a hassle and I'm awfully lazy
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:03, archived)

and fat,
don't forget fat.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:04, archived)

I never do

( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:07, archived)

are you going to make labels for them?

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:14, archived)

Set up, MEAD, Puke?

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:19, archived)

I'm starting to suspect the reason for his meadventure is to be photographed at various stages of inebriation
Specifically for his live-action SBP series.
( Frisbee OG wanker, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:21, archived)

That was what I was going to call it, yeah

( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:21, archived)

Calling someone fat here is a naughty-step'able offence now, please detract your statement.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 11:50, archived)

Seriously, I've never been so pissed of with you both. You can both get to fuck.

( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:19, archived)

I basicly typed it out for him.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:59, archived)

you can just piss into a coke bottle when wow gets too intense you know

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:33, archived)

I don't play wow man, come on
It's all about Lord of the Rings Online now! I'M THE COOLEST
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:36, archived)

I hope you've got some mead horns to drink it from

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:43, archived)

Aw man
TO THE LARP STORE
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:44, archived)

Only £18 for half pint ones

( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:47, archived)

they could probably sell them for more as hobbity pints

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:56, archived)

I'm already set for hobbity drinks
Got me stein and a tankard

Mind you the stein is hideous and I've not taken it out of its box yet
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:57, archived)

Morning
I'm getting paranoid that I'm putting on the bad kind of weight.
Am I on the blob?
( Frisbee OG wanker, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:05, archived)

of course not,
you're a boy.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:08, archived)

he really doesn't know anything
bit worrying for a lawyer
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:09, archived)

You wouldn't believe the awkward looks I get in court.
Seriously, I think 'Ten Points for Gryffindor!' sounds waay better than 'Objection!'
( Frisbee OG wanker, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:11, archived)

you need to play more phoenix wright

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:13, archived)

Is that the anime lawyer with the awesome hair?
I'm considering growing it to look like that
( Frisbee OG wanker, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:14, archived)

you couldn't pull it off
i see you more as larry butz
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:22, archived)

larry butz Gil from the Simpsons
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:25, archived)

Aw, I was angling for Lionel Hutz :(

( Frisbee OG wanker, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:26, archived)

+ leisure suit

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 12:23, archived)

yeah, i feel pretty good today also
mainly because yesterday was pretty bollocks so i'm optimistic that today will be an improvement
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:07, archived)

Hey Manolith,
when you catch your train in the morning, do you see the same person every day and sometimes think about saying hello and making a train friend, but then decide against it?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:09, archived)

yeah, there's a few people i see every day
with a couple of them, our relationship has increased to the 'smile' stage. thing is though, i get the train with a colleague every day so i don't really need new train friends.
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:12, archived)

I've always found that getting commute-buddies to play rock-paper-scissors with you makes the ride MUCH better.

( Frisbee OG wanker, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:15, archived)

Jesus CHRIST

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:16, archived)

Want a game?

( Frisbee OG wanker, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:17, archived)

Thanks, no
Allah forbids
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:18, archived)

*mumbles something inherently racist and posts on Daily Mail about Islam taking our commute-games*

( Frisbee OG wanker, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:20, archived)

did you not consider maybe the other people were a little lonely
and a short friendly back and forth of small talk might just make their day.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:16, archived)

When I used to get the train to work
A couple of super cute girls used to get on, and then get off at the same station as me. Good times.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:18, archived)

[obvious train masturbation joke]

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:20, archived)

i'll consider it

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:24, archived)

you're a hero.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:26, archived)

I'm dying Manolith
Like actually dying
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:12, archived)

everyone is dying, hats
suck it up
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:13, archived)

Yes, but I'm more important than all of them
Do you see my problem?
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:15, archived)

yes, yes
you have an inflamed ego. to alleviate this, please consider the fact that you are a baldy bumhead
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:20, archived)

and fat,
don't forget fat.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:23, archived)

You'll miss me when I'm gone

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:24, archived)

where you going?
you and Baldmonkey got some sort of fat bald suicide pact?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:25, archived)

I'm dying Windy
But don't worry...I'm so important around here there will almost certainly be a whole stack of Hat related icons released.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:26, archived)

You won't die,
but if you do die while i'm at work, gaz me what heaven is like.

bye.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:28, archived)

It'll be full of Stratocasters and amps
And all the chicks will be bisexual Sarah Chalke's, Holly Willoughby's and Sarah Jane Honeywell's.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:31, archived)

and custard doughnuts as far as the eye can see

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:34, archived)

I'm actually quite looking forward to it now

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:41, archived)

This made me officelol

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:41, archived)

Quiet you

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:45, archived)

Sorry Sydney

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 10:02, archived)

Y'alright?
How's the lovely Mrs.Ache?
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 10:03, archived)

She's good
How's the house coming along?
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 10:20, archived)

Front room's all done, and it looks so much better
Next stop...dining room. Going to do that next month probably.

How about you? Any progress?
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 10:31, archived)

Not yet
Need to do more work round the flat argh giant bee kill it kill it quick distract it with the honey sandwiches now attack it with the electrical cables bee-gone kaboomy before we can begin the selling/buying process but we've been a bit lazy about it.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 10:44, archived)

It's easy to get that way

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 10:53, archived)

dunno MONO!
not too bad I guess.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:27, archived)

alright mumps.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Apr 2012, 10:49, archived)

I got up early enough to eat some toast!

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 9:36, archived)

toast eh, blimey

( mongychops, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 10:07, archived)

I should be asleep, but I'm not
Like a twat.
( The Baroness The Harlot Pimpernel, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 10:23, archived)