I need a haircut. What's your barnet like?
Are you fat and bald? Or do you have a modern trendy style like some sort of wanker?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 10:25, archived)

I'm actually letting mine grow out at the moment, for a change.
Usually I'd just buzz the whole thing off with clippers when it gets too crazy, but I fancy a change. Of course, this means having to find a new barber, since the last one to whom I went on a semi-regular basis has moved halfway across the country.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 10:30, archived)

I don't have a regular barber
There's a fancy studio I go to when I fancy a change but it's a proper hipster place and even the women have handlebar moustaches. Then there's the tired old salon with a rotating rosta of pleasant Ukranian girls who are quick and efficient, but if they're busy I'll go to the 70+ year old blokes over the road who finish off the edges with a cut-throat razor despite having Parkinsons.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 10:35, archived)

That studio sounds like what the French call 'visagiste',
i.e. they've apparently done some sort of course that means they can determine your ideal hairstyle based on the shape of your face, which obviously justifies whacking an instant extra €50 onto the price.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 10:40, archived)

sounds typically bent French
I went to the Ukranian lady. I don't want to say she's attractive and come off as a perv, but she's got the kind of face you can't stop looking at.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 11:44, archived)

Why come off as a perv when you can come off as a stalky psychopath?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 11:49, archived)

I think I came off a sweaty middle-aged immigrant tbh
came sucked lol
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 11:52, archived)

like this
www.awesomeinventions.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/funny-crazy-hairstyles-strawberry.jpg
( $$ ✅, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 10:35, archived)

fruity

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 13:39, archived)

The same as it always is, this was 10 years ago this month, maybe a few more grey hairs
www2.b3ta.com/host/creative/23553/1206370899/20060915france0011.jpg
( mongychops, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 10:38, archived)

You're scalier than I had pictured.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 13:15, archived)

is that carp doing a sound check?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 14:16, archived)

not enough bass

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 14:28, archived)

I thought he was just practicing his scales

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 14:41, archived)

I went to France, but some kid caught and released me. I didn't like it.

(97800, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 15:18, archived)

Less fat, still bald.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 10:53, archived)

Grade 1 all over
like a monkey ready to be shot into space
(97800, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 11:14, archived)

As bald as JMG

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 13:00, archived)

BDLWM

(97800, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 13:15, archived)

IKR

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 13:18, archived)

Never have time for a haircut, I look like an old english sheepdog minus the facial and body hair.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 13:17, archived)

Like a giant, translucent mop

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 13:18, archived)

A complete unknop

(97800, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 13:22, archived)

Well it's dark. Maybe more like if the ginger one out of green wing and the curly haired one out of green wing merged hairstyles and then grew it out a bit.
I dunno, I'm rubbish at describing hairstyles, one of the reasons I avoid hairdressers as I get stressed trying to describe what I want them to do to it.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 13:22, archived)

You clearly don't speak Urdu...lol

( mongychops, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 13:29, archived)

\o/

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 13:39, archived)

Pfft!

( H.B.Mupps, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 14:20, archived)

Leave me hairy, like one of your french girls

(97800, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 13:36, archived)

"Can you make me look less like Napoleon Dynamite?"

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 13:39, archived)

Better

(97800, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 13:42, archived)

rupert grint was a bad choice
but would "beaker's pubes" be even better?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 14:16, archived)

*fewer

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 13:47, archived)

you could just show us a picture
if you weren't such a pussy
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 13:46, archived)

my hair is long and sexy as fuck

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 13:45, archived)

^Cousin Itt

(97800, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 13:50, archived)

closer than you'd think

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 13:56, archived)

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT YOUR BUMHOLE

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 14:04, archived)

never enough

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 14:21, archived)

you look like what-a-mess but with more bracken m8

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 14:17, archived)

don't look bracken anger, ma8t

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 14:29, archived)

woah, hedgy comeback

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 14:31, archived)

morning.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 7:16, archived)

Travelling to the ICHO, today.
Should be mildly diverting.
(97800, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 7:41, archived)

See you there!

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 8:36, archived)

don't forget to go to the SCRACHO afterwards

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 8:48, archived)

It would be rude not to

( $$ ✅, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 8:57, archived)

morning 2can
how's the fam?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 7:42, archived)

Bunch of grumpy pricks

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 8:21, archived)

I'm not surprised
they have to live with you
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 8:24, archived)

show me how to love

( $$ ✅, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 8:43, archived)

like this
*performs*
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 8:47, archived)

nice
now do it again but lick your lips
( $$ ✅, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 8:49, archived)

Happy Birthday Tangles

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 23 Aug 2018, 9:01, archived)

thx hun xx

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 10:04, archived)

A FTRING OF FAUFAGEF.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 23 Aug 2018, 9:32, archived)

     -yyy:                                      +yy+                                      .yyy/`    
    oMMMN-                                   o+:hMMh.+o-                                  `yMMMh`   
   +MMMN+                                   oMMMMMMMMMMh.                                  .mMMMm`  
  :mMMMh                                    :+yNMMMMNy+/`                                   sMMMMd  
 -mMMMM`                                     oNMMdmMMm/                                      dMMMM/ 
 /MMMMh                                      -sdy.-hho.                                      +MMMMs 
`hMMMM.                                                                                       MMMMN-
`mMMMM.                                                                                       MMMMM:
`hMMMM.                                                                                       MMMMN-
 /MMMMs                                                                                      /MMMMs`
 .mMMMM                                                                                      dMMMM: 
  /NMMMo                                                                                    /NMMMd  
   /MMMN:-//////////////////////////////////:          -//////////////////////////////////-`mMMMm`  
    sMMMmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.         hMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmoMMMd.   
     +hhhooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo+`         :ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhho`    

(97800, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 22:56, archived)

Afternoon, you big bunch of communists.
How is it?
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 13:39, archived)

they've all given up, Yeti
pull the plug
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 14:14, archived)

Bastard month of August when everyone's on bastard holiday.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 14:17, archived)

<s>ist</s> +ard

(Roger McGough-Pipe, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 14:30, archived)

Whatever happened to them, eh?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 14:32, archived)

One of them became a reverend and regularly appears on the beeb.
Dunno what happened to the other one. I'll assume AIDS
(Roger McGough-Pipe, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 14:35, archived)

he posts here under the name richard mcbeef

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 14:38, archived)

and probably still is the gayest musician in Bronski Beat EVER.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 15:02, archived)

THEY NEVER CAN SAY GOODBYE, EH?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 15:29, archived)

Think I'll go up the juicer

( mongychops, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 15:04, archived)

Why not indeed.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 15:30, archived)

(__*__)

( broadsword w⚓, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 15:40, archived)

(&#8255;&#736;&#8255;)

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 16:16, archived)

oh ffs no wonder this place is dying

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 16:16, archived)

Sorry, only just got in

(97800, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 16:11, archived)

(__*__)

(97800, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 16:12, archived)

💩
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 17:36, archived)

Bumholes

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 16:22, archived)

(__*__)

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 16:23, archived)

(__*c==3

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 17:32, archived)

You are the shittest gayest prick cunt in all the history of shit gay prick cunts.

(wankywankywankwank wankywankywankwank, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 18:41, archived)

Alright, Hallmark

(97800, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 18:51, archived)

Better than yesterday

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 22:10, archived)

Good to know.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 22:15, archived)

For some reason, I woke up with
Vixen's "Living On The Edge Of A Broken Heart stuck in my head.

What's the worst earworm you've had lately? Baby shark do doo doo dooo
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 11:32, archived)

I took my daughter to see Matilda a few weeks ago
ever since then there has been a near constant soundtrack of When I Grow Up trying to drive me to suicide
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 12:06, archived)

some [swearword + comedy animal] bought my two year old a keyboard
she bashes on it while mangling the lyrics to Puffin Rock over and over and over.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 12:13, archived)

Fuckbudgie.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Wed 22 Aug 2018, 13:40, archived)

the loop of hold music used by my other half's doctor's surgery
it made me want to burn things
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 12:19, archived)

Yeah the idea is to encourage patients to hang up and sort their stupid problems out themselves.
Assuming by 'other half' you mean your mum or something. You can't seriously expect us to believe you have a mate.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 17:21, archived)

www.hamsterdance.org/hamsterdance/
( mongychops, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 12:57, archived)

morning

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 6:04, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/8184837
(97800, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 7:54, archived)

all these lie-ins and morning wanks
are why they've stagnated as people
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 7:57, archived)

Not me m8, up at 5 for crossfit in the park with other Winners

(97800, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 8:04, archived)

cross flid, more like

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 8:13, archived)

www-ocregister-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/www.ocregister.com/2011/12/13/man-with-down-syndrome-charged-in-death-of-father/amp/?amp_js_v=a2&_gsa=1&usqp=mq331AQCCAE%3D#referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com&_tf=From%20%251%24s&share=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ocregister.com%2F2011%2F12%2F13%2Fman-with-down-syndrome-charged-in-death-of-father%2F
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Wed 22 Aug 2018, 10:33, archived)

His wife gave birth to a dog too?

(97800, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 10:52, archived)

Chat

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 22 Aug 2018, 7:54, archived)

Chat magique

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 7:57, archived)

My bathroom has turned in to a disaster and I'm fed up

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 22 Aug 2018, 7:58, archived)

chin up, at least you know plumbing's not for you
wonky tiles?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 8:03, archived)

Tiling is fine, the original plumbing is just all over the place,
Walls and ceilings were shot so it's all had to be stripped and plastered, floor boards are a bit shit in places so that's had to be done. I think the old cast iron bath was holding it all together.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 22 Aug 2018, 8:07, archived)

that's how it goes with bathrooms, people redo them every 20 years and it fucks up the core parts
The one in my rental flat occasionally drips into the downstairs neighbour's one but no-one can work out why.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 8:11, archived)

Hone stretch today hopefully.
Get the new bath in and sealed tonight.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 22 Aug 2018, 8:12, archived)

good luck with it
I hate the taste of mastic
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 8:23, archived)

then can you come and take a look at mine?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 8:43, archived)

my willy, I mean

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 8:43, archived)

Touch me in the morning
Then just walk away
We don't have tomorrow
But we had yesterday
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 8:42, archived)

I woke up with a fucking ridiculous song in my brain
might start a thread about it later
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 8:53, archived)

Baby shark doo doo doodoodoo

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 22 Aug 2018, 9:02, archived)

:(((((((

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 9:22, archived)

I can hardly wait

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 9:04, archived)

I'm reet tired this morning, for some reason.
Watched Hannibal last night, for teh lulz.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 8:50, archived)

is that the one with Gary Oldman?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 9:22, archived)

Yes, unrecognisably so but yes.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 9:23, archived)

i.imgur.com/20JPzcn.png
(97800, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 9:22, archived)

not american, don't care, not soz

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 9:24, archived)

Bent

( mongychops, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 9:24, archived)

bent get

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 22 Aug 2018, 9:35, archived)

Busy, sorry

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Aug 2018, 12:23, archived)

K

( broadsword w⚓, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 12:30, archived)

we're worried about you
you don't go to church anymore, or help with the annual can drive. You seem to be more interested in 'secular' activities such as water sports, biking and hanging out at the social club.
( $$ ✅, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 12:33, archived)

windy fucken loves water sports

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 13:00, archived)

His friends call him 'wanky piss'.
lol just kidding, he doesn't have any friends
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 13:38, archived)

My wing mirror spider has caught a wasp , but can't fit it behind the mirror, more action as it happens...

( mongychops, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 12:48, archived)

I've gota bike spider, keeps the flies off my bike

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 12:59, archived)

I'm back and the wasp has gone, that's the spiders lunch sorted

( mongychops, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 13:29, archived)

He'll feel that stinger on the way out.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 13:32, archived)

50p ichneumon

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 13:45, archived)

Braw!

(97800, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 14:55, archived)

ike arking
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 13:41, archived)

I fucking hate spiders but I also fucking hate wasps so on this occasion I would leave the spider to go about its business
God help it if a spider was to venture into my car though.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 13:40, archived)

what did a spider ever do to you?
or did you wee yourself when watching Arachnaphobia as a kid?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 13:47, archived)

Fucking spider wrote off my car once.
By way of jumping out from behind the rear view mirror at my sister who was driving it at the time. Drove it straight into a fucking lamppost.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 14:06, archived)

I think this type only live behind wing mirrors, fuck knows what they did before cars

( mongychops, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 13:50, archived)

?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 13:58, archived)

Dunno, it's very elusive

( mongychops, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 14:56, archived)

morning

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 6:10, archived)

the needle returns to the start of the song and we all sing along like before

(97800, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 6:46, archived)

very poetic m8

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 7:23, archived)

You have to get up pretty early to out-morning grrrmachine.
Or go to bed pretty late.
(wankywankywankwank wankywankywankwank, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 7:06, archived)

ain't no morning like a grrrmachine morning

(97800, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 7:09, archived)

sorry who are you?

(wankywankywankwank wankywankywankwank, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 7:11, archived)

$$

(97800, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 7:34, archived)

Alright dribble

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 8:18, archived)

I'm only an hour ahead

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 7:23, archived)

Singing a song in the morning
Singing it again at night
I don't even know what I'm singing about
But it makes me feel I feel alright
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 8:30, archived)

that was shit

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 9:06, archived)

your face is shit m8

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 9:07, archived)

Show us yer bum.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 8:32, archived)

*displays*

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 9:06, archived)

Cor!
I knew this was going to be a worthy investment.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 9:09, archived)

first

( $$ ✅, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 8:40, archived)

ir au
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 9:06, archived)

prove it

(hmmmm, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 8:48, archived)

this isn't a fucking pudding m8

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 9:06, archived)

^ northern Magritte

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 9:09, archived)

You can tell it's not a North Mancs pudding.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 9:10, archived)

ceci n'est pas ey oop

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 9:20, archived)

Morning from the Netherlands.
I can't wait to go home and back to work.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 9:37, archived)

I expect the cheerful relaxed Dutch lifestyle
is really unnerving you.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 9:46, archived)

Like that's even a place

( mongychops, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 9:50, archived)

have a shmoke and a pancake

( $$ ✅, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 10:20, archived)

might kill one of my coworkers

(97800, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 11:17, archived)

which one?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 11:18, archived)

the one who can't shut the fuck up for more than 30 seconds at a time

(97800, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 11:22, archived)

look at me look at me look at me look at me look at me

(97800, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 11:24, archived)

didn't know you worked with [ insert b3ta username ]

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 11:34, archived)

I am, chill out

( $$ ✅, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 11:34, archived)

You like what you see?

(97800, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 11:50, archived)

hell yeah!

( $$ ✅, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 11:52, archived)

Want to play?

(97800, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 12:16, archived)

I see you work with my ex.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 11:36, archived)

Matt Groening's 'Disenchanted' is worth watching
'Disenchantment'
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 22:48, archived)

It really 'isn't'
'is not'
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 21 Aug 2018, 3:50, archived)

Good Evening.
Good Evening.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 17:31, archived)

Evening.
There's still time to sign up for bumhole wednesday
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 18:06, archived)

So good Jay named it twice.

(97800, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 18:13, archived)

but what if we can't even?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 19:31, archived)

Good evening to you, too

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 19:45, archived)

Now that the heatwave appears to be over, I declare the season of soups reopen.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 20:18, archived)

I've got homemade pea and ham and chicken barley soups in the freezer

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 21:19, archived)

That sounds ace.
I've just made a week's worth of soup in the pressure cooker, with potatoes, carrots, turnips, half a ham hock, some smoked sausage and some stew meat. Turned out an absolute treat.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 21:51, archived)

I'm very sad right now
My sister is losing her hair to chemo and things don't look good. I just think of those boys growing up, getting married and having children of their own without their mum and it breaks my heart. Need to step away from the phone for a bit.
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 22:03, archived)

This is one of those times where everything else gets stripped away and you have to do what you have to do for yourself. Whatever it takes, to make sure you keep on going.
I'm sure your sister knows you love her. Life has decided to shit on her but I don't think one single person in your life would want to see you caught in the crossfire.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 22:10, archived)

nooning GMT, innit
I'm thinking salad. what's YOUR lunch gonna be, more like?
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 11:04, archived)

I've just shoved six duck legs in the oven
that must have been one really weird looking bird.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 11:05, archived)

six legs, no wings?
indeed strange bird
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 11:08, archived)

No idea
I'll be having lunch at my pparents' house so I'll have to wait and see
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 11:13, archived)

p-p-p-parents?
is lunch a chocolate biscuit bar?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 11:45, archived)

As in stupid phone

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 11:47, archived)

apparents'

(97800, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 12:34, archived)

Provençale chicken skewers, oi reckon.
Shame I finished the last of the cherry tomatoes yesterday.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 11:18, archived)

wanking off the synod

( $$ ✅, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 11:40, archived)

The Police's edgy B-sizezzzzzz

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 11:46, archived)

TURTLE POWER

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 16:30, archived)

It's not funny when you do it

(97800, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 16:40, archived)

Constructive criticism duly noted.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 17:59, archived)

no time for lunch, fucking Mondays

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 12:04, archived)

Always have a salad now. with mackerel
thanks for asking.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 12:24, archived)

disappointing

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 12:32, archived)

shut up GMT

(97800, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 12:33, archived)

I'm having a pint.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 12:43, archived)

I miss pints

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 12:44, archived)

I piss mints

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 12:51, archived)

I just had my teeth polished. In Poland.

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 14:05, archived)

might ask the dentist to polish mine next time i go

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 15:54, archived)

Knock a few out and stick some strands of boiled cabbage between the remaining ones?

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 18:00, archived)

morning

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 4:50, archived)

you fucking lazy bunch of cunts

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 7:29, archived)

Morning
Still knackered after yesterday
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 8:27, archived)

not my fault, not my problem

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 8:32, archived)

Aren't you a little ray of pitch black this morning?

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 8:38, archived)

I like my coffee like I like my magic

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 8:44, archived)

given to you by flamboyant germans in frilly shirts

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 9:04, archived)

as long as there are tigers involved

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 9:09, archived)

Me too!

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 9:09, archived)

me too, I shat myself to a crisp
My intolerance seems to have progressed from making me a bit loose the next day when I had a pizza overloaded with Jalapeños to 24 hours of toilet hell at the slightest sniff of chilli.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 8:39, archived)

If I was Japanese I'd have to kill myself
after the dishonour I brought about on the family throne today
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 8:43, archived)

I don't think I could manage without chillies

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 9:08, archived)

ch w
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 9:19, archived)

That too

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 9:35, archived)

Fuck
Just found out there were another 2 shootings round the corner last night. That's 6 in 2 months
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 10:41, archived)

don't worry, it was a revolver
it'll take them another few months to reload it now
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 10:45, archived)

Well that's a relief

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 10:49, archived)

Plus they haven't invented bullets that go round corners yet, so you're fine.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 10:58, archived)

Also true

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 11:03, archived)

Morning
I was up at 5.30
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 8:30, archived)

and I was up at 5, shut up

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 8:32, archived)

Maybe try going back to bed for a couple of hours and see if you wake up fewer of a grumpy cunt.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 8:34, archived)

I'm not grumpy, I'm just disappointed
in all of you
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 8:37, archived)

Maybe your expectations were too high.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 8:40, archived)

I have clearly overestimated you
I won't make that mistake again.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 8:43, archived)

i was up at 4.59

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 9:44, archived)

your watch is slow, typical swiss junk

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 9:58, archived)

Wearing light-coloured hosiery like that makes your legs look larger. Do you know that?

( $$ ✅, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 8:31, archived)

my beefy fucking calves are what makes my legs look larger

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 8:32, archived)

Working at the jobcentre has to be a tense job
Knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.
( $$ ✅, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 9:01, archived)

Alright 'Adam Rowe'

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 22:38, archived)

ok ok I'm here now

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 9:11, archived)

good

( $$ ✅, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 9:16, archived)

thank christ, we can get on with some quality internet content now

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 9:19, archived)

still waiting

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 10:28, archived)

*guffs*

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 11:04, archived)

Yyyeeaahhh hehehehuehuehuehue morning ooh! it is now there's a turn-up for the supporters in shorts.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 9:52, archived)

what the fuck is wrong with you?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 9:52, archived)

The froth of your internet anger is great for my complexion.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 10:00, archived)

Afternoon thread.
Youse should all be back from church by now.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 19 Aug 2018, 12:15, archived)

Afternoon
Sat in the Chinese with the twins, after 2 hours in the arcade. After this, nice walk along the pier before heading back to the arcade to win the 2000 extra tickets we need for 2 lava lamps and a thor teddy
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 19 Aug 2018, 12:39, archived)

Sounds good.
I'm waiting for my homemade cheeseburgers to be ready and might head down the picture palace later.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 19 Aug 2018, 13:01, archived)

Back home now, playing monopoly

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 19 Aug 2018, 16:35, archived)

What did you see?
We saw the meg. Best bit was the dog and that's in the trailer!
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sun 19 Aug 2018, 19:15, archived)

I enjoyed it
Kids gone home now so time for a drink
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 19 Aug 2018, 21:12, archived)

Cheeburger cheep

(97800, Sun 19 Aug 2018, 19:09, archived)

They were lovely, you know.
I added minced onion and garlic to the patties and melted a bit of farmhouse cheddar on top.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 19 Aug 2018, 19:31, archived)

Relish?

(97800, Sun 19 Aug 2018, 19:52, archived)

Creole garlic sauce with slices of pickled garlic.
Every time I breathe, another flake of paint falls off the wall.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 19 Aug 2018, 19:57, archived)

Typical bloody frenchie

(97800, Sun 19 Aug 2018, 23:33, archived)

blazin' it and watching rastamouse
because growing up is for suckers
( manolith hooray for me, Sun 19 Aug 2018, 14:27, archived)

Surely there can be no more appropriate cartoon to which to blaze it.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 19 Aug 2018, 14:31, archived)

thanks, me love dat
irie, man
( manolith hooray for me, Sun 19 Aug 2018, 14:46, archived)

Saw him live, a few years back.
Proper dread, or whatever.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 19 Aug 2018, 15:43, archived)

namedropper

( manolith hooray for me, Sun 19 Aug 2018, 18:21, archived)

morning

( broadsword w⚓, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 1:54, archived)

morning

(97800, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 4:27, archived)

alright broady
up the Thanet?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 20 Aug 2018, 9:43, archived)

morning

(wankywankywankwank wankywankywankwank, Sun 19 Aug 2018, 7:24, archived)

You fucking lazy fucking cunts

(wankywankywankwank wankywankywankwank, Sun 19 Aug 2018, 7:34, archived)

morning
I was up at 6
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 19 Aug 2018, 10:56, archived)

afternoon

( broadsword w⚓, Sun 19 Aug 2018, 12:12, archived)

you know what else is dead?
THIS BOARD
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 16:47, archived)

Rip

( mongychops, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 17:01, archived)

it's the weekend, grry
it's always deader than a sutcliffe special here on weekends
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 17:15, archived)

Probably because it's still hidden in Calendar.

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 18:06, archived)

I love it when a plan comes together
- rob, with cigar in mouth
(97800, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 18:44, archived)

That's no cigar

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 19:22, archived)

*cracks knuckles*
pl m
together in
-
, with cigar in 's
( manolith hooray for me, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 20:20, archived)

Hmm, strikethrough hyphen is problematic
This is the sort of thing that I expect all the hip, new and exciting "websites" overcame years ago
(97800, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 20:31, archived)

They can't even solve the ban dozer problem, I would think that would be easy , just ban dozer

( mongychops, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 20:40, archived)

I'd just keep coming back with new accounts

(97800, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 20:45, archived)

Wasn't there some sort of IP ban set up to prevent Shambles coming back?
I mean, it's clearly possible technically to ensure dozer never posts another message on b3ta again.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 20:47, archived)

No I don't think so , South Africa got blocked

( mongychops, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 20:56, archived)

Huh, turns out apartheid did offer a (single, very small) benefit to society after all.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 21:10, archived)

Dunno, might have to take a voat on it.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 19:11, archived)

RIP Kofi Annan.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 13:20, archived)

Koffon ya nan more like

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 13:36, archived)

Kofi Annan would go with all the staff every weekend to Coney Island funfair, where Kofi Annan would look at himself in a slimming mirror because he'd become very concerned about being overweight.
And he was overweight, Kofi Annan, as a result of his habit of starting every day with a breakfast of a coffee and a naan.
Kofi Annan, every day, a coffee and a naan.
Kofi Annan.
" What would you like for breakfast, Kofi Annan?" "Yes, please."
He could not escape the destiny of his name.
(97800, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 13:40, archived)

fatima whitbread could relate

(ozof, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 14:27, archived)

alright stew

( manolith hooray for me, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 20:17, archived)

He was vertical, and he became horizontal

(97800, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 21:10, archived)

what the fuck?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 6:13, archived)

No idea

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 7:57, archived)

It's a small thread and it smells bad

(97800, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 8:16, archived)

Please don't swear, this is a family friendly internet site

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 9:28, archived)

shut your stupid fucking mouth you square-headed pederast

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 10:12, archived)

Truly, a timeless question throughout the ages.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 10:44, archived)

Whuck whuck, in the fuck?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 11:08, archived)

test

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 11:19, archived)

FAILED

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 11:41, archived)

I'm at 'the fringe'

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 12:29, archived)

Braw!
Have chips with that.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 12:40, archived)

its called edging m8, not fringing

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 13:07, archived)

first

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 15:00, archived)

morning

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 1:20, archived)

alright

( broadsword w⚓, Sat 18 Aug 2018, 3:10, archived)