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# Apparatus for civilised women


I smallerized it to be kind to the board, but clicky-clicky, there's more to see!
(SiW, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 12:18, archived)
# wow.
I read most of the technical description of the apparatus. That thing is frightening. The most frightening thing about it is that someone put a LOT of thought into converting a womans body into what boils down to a centipetally driven baby cannon.
(Idyll23, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 12:25, archived)
# BABY CANNONS?
fear them.
(Esteban, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 12:32, archived)
# found
puppy in a pint

.
(I helped save b3ta! breel, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 12:13, archived)
# the URL promises
so much more...
http://www.cattle-fax.com/
(I helped save b3ta! AndyK, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 12:06, archived)
# i wish
they had done what I thought they had done. It would have been better than catscan.com
(Esteban, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 12:11, archived)
# I would pay to have
a cow faxed to me.
(I helped save b3ta! AndyK, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 12:13, archived)
# would you?
www.cattlefax.co.uk is available. I think I have another money spinning idea.
(Esteban, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 12:18, archived)
# temporirily worried there
wondered what would happen if they dialled my number by mistake. A bull in the office?
(james, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 12:11, archived)
# arg
fuckpig horrible spawn of satan fubbly shitbag mother pigdog arrrrragh
(I helped save b3ta! Hugo Rune, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:58, archived)
# has anyone got the original of this
please
(I helped save b3ta! breel, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 12:09, archived)
# that's Mr Winkle
http://www.mrwinkle.com/
(Esteban, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 12:13, archived)
# It really
is a fucking cock-eyed little fucker. Kill it! Stomp out it's fucking brains!
KILL IT!!
(I helped save b3ta! helmetcream, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 13:56, archived)
# The furtiveness of it all!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/A303337
(Pokes badgers with spoons, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:57, archived)
# Bizarre
If you like the idea of staying in a room full of gnomes or a place with electric wallpaper then have a look at this fine establishment
(Mrs Seychelles, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:52, archived)
# now then
gerri halliwells deformed face = 0%

a dogs bum = 100%

a fair comparison i think you'll find
(J R Hartley, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:14, archived)
# Yeah
Its a tough choice. Which would YOU rather kiss?

Yuck...
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:52, archived)
# Challenge to all you B3ta.com-er's
I've had the domain name "searchmedo.com" for a while, and rather than leave it to rot, i want to put a search engine on the site (just a basic meta or directory thing using a pre-written script)

Obviously for a search engine to do well it needs a cool gimmick. Any ideas?

I'd prefer something funky, funny or just plain weired. Winner gets credited on the copyright notice at the bottom of everypage with a link to the site of their choosing...

Lets hear them then...

Muchness

andy
(I helped save b3ta! andy206, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:13, archived)
# medo = fear (in portuguese)
er.. dunno if that helps.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:18, archived)
# Oooh...
it brings a whole new meaning to the "toxic gas vent-me-do" in Giddy 3...
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:20, archived)
# hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....
search-fear the scary search engine... interesting...
(I helped save b3ta! andy206, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:21, archived)
# Yes
It should emit a blood curdling scream while searching for results.
(I helped save b3ta! mrbrong, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:56, archived)
# I've got
www.bollockbrains.com

Used to have nothing but a picture of Jeffrey Archer on it, till I fecked it up.

Any ideas for that one?

(I've got some other mad ones too, but I can't confess it all at once.)
(I helped save b3ta! Not Pineapple anymore, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 12:56, archived)
# I've got
www.bollockbrains.com

Used to have nothing but a picture of Jeffrey Archer on it, till I fecked it up.

Any ideas for that one?

(I've got some other mad ones too, but I can't confess it all at once.)
(I helped save b3ta! Not Pineapple anymore, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 12:58, archived)
# Sorry
Pile of steaming ADSL poo . . .
(I helped save b3ta! Not Pineapple anymore, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 13:10, archived)
# How about
All the search results are vomited from tubcat?

(I think we're officially called B3tans now, btw. Semi-unofficially at least...)
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:19, archived)
# how about
unknown to the user, every search adds a random animal to the end of the search - eg when you look up 'happy' you get loads of information about happy spiders.
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:22, archived)
# That's cool
maybe they'll dance on the hour...
(I helped save b3ta! PeterSeychelles, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:23, archived)
# erm
not all my ideas involve time and dance....

dancing on the hour 100%
cuckoo popping out 0%
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:25, archived)
# Sorry (couldn't resist)
Have a happy spider

(I helped save b3ta! PeterSeychelles, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:30, archived)
# Perhaps
The 'better than' script should strip out HTML tags...
(I helped save b3ta! man/child/goblin should be old enough to know better by now, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:11, archived)
# for the moment it encodes them
but I'll add that in a mo...

jeez - you hack something together and then people want it done properly :)
(I helped save b3ta! chthonic, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:27, archived)
# because it's ace cthonic
only because you've done such a fantastic job.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:31, archived)
# Ahhhhhh
we were having fun with the marquees
(MadMich222, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:42, archived)
# they were pretty good
actually

(in that they didn't break too much)
(I helped save b3ta! chthonic, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:43, archived)
[challenge entry] straining with talent, its...
(I helped save b3ta! wangolini, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:08, archived)
# oh lord
for some reason the words

"NICE ON BRAHTHA!"
come to mind..
(Idyll23, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:12, archived)
# heh
I'm a sucker for celebrity shit gags. woo.
(I helped save b3ta! crab_bloke), Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:17, archived)
# Hmm...
You suck celebrity shit, and it makes you gag?
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:41, archived)
# Yup
something like that
(I helped save b3ta! crab_bloke), Mon 11 Feb 2002, 12:32, archived)
# Heh.
Pancracker.
(I helped save b3ta! helmetcream, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 13:45, archived)
# damnit!!! I can't get that animation outta my head!
The sun is a mass of incandescent gas, that we call a nuclear furnace....
(Idyll23, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:04, archived)
# I saw one animation over the weekend
featuring an office/gun thing. Has there been anymore entries?
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:07, archived)
# should we all have
a go at an animated band - we have more chance than this:

www.nme.com/news/100728.htm
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 10:44, archived)
# It could feature
Furtive, a kitten, tubcat, and a couple of crab creatures.

They would go platinum for sure :)
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 10:51, archived)
# hmm...
furtive- a gangsta rapper with more gold than taste. he cruises for penguins in his convertible ford sodomite.

kitten- insane punk drummer. addicted to things that go fast, and things that make you go faster. band member most likely to heave a telly out the hotel window.

tubcat- bassist. what else? band member most likely to die on the toilet.

crab #1: thatchercrab- haunting lead guitarist and singer. secretly ashamed of an addiction to early 90s rave music. hates tubcat, and secretly plots to kill him/her.

crab #2: darth crab- rhythm guitarist and occasional DJ. once a member of the national front, now finds solace in buddhism and tribal beats. takes a lot of acid, and once ate his own children thinking they were manatees. wishes he was called "H."
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:22, archived)
# What a surefire winner!
We could have a TV series as well as hit singles (ala Monkee's, or S Club 7, but with more death and gore).
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:27, archived)
# They need a name
.
(I helped save b3ta! PeterSeychelles, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:33, archived)
# the b3ta band?
no. that's been done, surely.

and you will know us by the trail of bread?
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:38, archived)
# you will know us by the
length of this thread?
no. no, you're right.
(I helped save b3ta! pep, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:44, archived)
# Atomic Furtive Kitten Crab Club 7 Zone?
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:39, archived)
# now <i>that</i>
i like
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:41, archived)
# Now all we
need is a talented flash artist to make our first music video :)
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:43, archived)
[challenge entry] My first post in the world ever 2
hardly worth it but...
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 10:39, archived)
# Better than mine
I can't even think of one :(
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 10:48, archived)
# before i go
chthonic needs a big slap around the head for the "Which is better".

Its brilliant! I cant do any work!!!!!!
(I helped save b3ta! Hugo Rune, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 10:35, archived)
# Ow!
Leave it out.

<* ducks *>
(I helped save b3ta! chthonic, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 10:40, archived)
# it was a
compliment m8..

it is the best thing ever (with the exception of my patented Crash My Server script)!

really... nice one
(I helped save b3ta! Hugo Rune, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 10:43, archived)
# Taken as such
I was commenting on the big thwack around the head.

The board removed my pseudo html <* ducks *> from the bottom of the post...
(I helped save b3ta! chthonic, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 10:48, archived)
# paper does win
Ive been playing paper, scissor, stone wrong all this time.
PAPER!
It's 98% paper and 2% scissors. So the internet says PAPER is better.

Use this information wisely.

(I helped save b3ta! breel, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 10:30, archived)
# Reading this article on the BBC
Seeing as I'm in the States, I'm watching this one with interest
news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/in_depth/sci_tech/2000/dot_life/newsid_1814000/1814080.stm
Bizarre to think that hyperlinks are "owned" by anyone.....
(Muttley, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 10:25, archived)
# SO the Bt chairman
isn't worried about PR.

Just as well really.
(james, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 10:29, archived)
# scary that...
so what they mean is that this
linky is patented? Fook me..
(I helped save b3ta! Hugo Rune, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 10:32, archived)
# The idea that
Prestel in anyway was defined by the ability to link things together in the way that the internet links anything to anything is a bit much as well.

Prestel was pants. I know. I have a contract with them somewhere to host a game I wrote for the Apple ][. Never saw a penny (never saw a download either). Then again, I was 12.

Still got the game somewhere on a 5 1/4 inch floppy.
(I helped save b3ta! chthonic, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 10:39, archived)
# aaargh!
I fucking hate BT! they are not content to Just fuck up the internet access in the UK they want to spoil it for everyone else too.. Bah and Pah!
(scabby dog, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:02, archived)
# but
they are going to use american money to provide cheap broadband access over here!
(redifusion, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:57, archived)
# This is genius
Dean and Nigel blend in.
(I helped save b3ta! helmetcream, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 10:19, archived)
# surely these guys have been given a bravo/e4 show by now
they've been mentioned in every magazine.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 10:26, archived)
# They were on 'Show Me The Funny'
on E4 last year.
(I helped save b3ta! Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 10:51, archived)
# were they funny?
or stinky?
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:08, archived)
# Not too bad - The Blenders they were called.
They went on a (Eurostar i imagine) trip to Brussels and did some blending there and Paris i think as well. They had 2 or 3 minute slots in a few episodes.

It's funny the first 4 or 5 times but ppl weren't really reacting to them so there wasn't much novelty after a while.
(I helped save b3ta! Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 12:05, archived)
# The thing is
I live in Ireland... We don't have much here.
(I helped save b3ta! helmetcream, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 14:00, archived)
# Hang on....
Didn't someone in the top 10 of "rate my desktop" have one of these for the background?? That's what we call Playju... Plague..... PLaiguer..... Nicking ideas...
(I helped save b3ta! vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 10:27, archived)
# it was
ME!!!

and I credited the desktop to them on this 'ere message board.

so there. (but it was stolen yes)
(I helped save b3ta! bazman, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:39, archived)
# how to die
burning horribly in a fire 4%

drowning 96%

so now you know which way to go.
(J R Hartley, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 10:08, archived)
# this should put a stop to the moaning
pop stars wasnt fixed. who is better results :

will 100%

gareth 0%
(J R Hartley, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 10:11, archived)
# Hmmm...
you wouldn't happen to know much about fly fishing would you?
(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 11:29, archived)
# Another game...
Try to find two related items that result in a draw!
(I helped save b3ta! man/child/goblin should be old enough to know better by now, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 10:07, archived)
# :) vs =)?
I nicked that off someone else, sorry
(Mr Kipling, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 10:23, archived)
# Kylie vs Kylie
KYLIE! It's 49% kylie and 51% kylie. So the internet says KYLIE is better.

Use this information wisely.
(I helped save b3ta! Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology, Mon 11 Feb 2002, 10:50, archived)

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