One of my earliest memories of b3ta
was a poster on the Main Board who did these really peculiar, surreal photoshops that were quite strange and unsettling.

He never contributed anything else to the site (in terms of replies to other posts, let alone his own) and ceased to post after a handful of posts.

Any of the elders know who the fuck i'm talking about?

———————

I also seem to remember when Legless joined b3ta. Didn't everybody hate his guts first of all?

Cheers

applehead (user number 21021)
( applehead herp derp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 23:11, 4 replies)

I was introduced to b3ta by old mates of long standing
_Felix and MrKane (also known as DrZaarlon).

I believe that was about 8 years ago, but I got my old account deleted during a short lived spell of internet suicide.

Basically I've been here screaming and throwing poo at the walls ever since.
( arseboon dilbaro arseboon dilbaro, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 23:01, 1 reply)

Happy 10th b3ta!
I not sure what brought me here, but my initial thought was 'hey, look other people are doing what I like to do' shortly followed by 'these people have a similarly warped sense of humour as I do'.
I think I lurked for a little while before signing up. My first post FP'd but I'd fucked up the hosting and when that went down, with it went my first FP. But I was already hooked and posting pictures gave me a rush akin to the closing seconds of an ebay auction. Anticipation of the response would have me shaking with excitement.
A month later I was recovering from having had a wisdom tooth removed when I posted this www.b3ta.com/board/1710983. The first reply made me smirk to the extent that I tore the stitches. I loved that I could make people, faceless strangers, have that reaction...instantaneously. b3ta gave me that.

b3ta also gave me my small piece of internet notoriety. My Gazza picture just kept going. I had to just stand back and watch. The comments still bring me joy.

I wish I had the time to contribute more, but the hummus is still coming from the wonderful, the talented, the creative and the fucked up.

To each and everyone of you I say 'cheers!'

and one day I might click on the link that says talk board
( Holly Would long wheel based tranny, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 22:32, Reply)

5 years and 19 days ago...
...I joined this site.
Having looked back at my, quite frankly pitiful number of posts I resolve to be more prolific in future.

One thing I never seem/ed to do is go back and look at replies. To the people who commented about my Alsation story, thank you.

Also, I'm pleased I could help someone on here, (whose screen name escapes me just now but she now sells ethical underwear)with a little fundraising in her company's early days.

Happy Birthday B3ta, may you have many more.
(MadBouncyDog Barking at the moon since, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 20:43, 5 replies)

9 years 10 months ago
I was looking for some aboriginal dwarf porn and accidently found this site. It ruined my life, in a good way
( mrbongo sweating like a formicophiliac on I'm a celebrity, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 19:15, 5 replies)

FoldsFive joined here and told me I should take a look.
I didn't really participate much for a while, I have no artistic skill whatsoever. But then this was in the olden days when images and conversation threads could coexist on the same board. Blimey, how far we've come...

I frequent /talk mainly now, and am not a massive wanker. I am not scary or a cunt. You should pop by and say 'hello'.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 18:02, 9 replies)

Happy Birthday, you lovely thing
7 years, 6 months and 26 days. Really doesn't seem that long ago.
I was told of this wonderous place back when I was a wee nipper in school. My best mate at the time was just getting into Flash, so I started playing around with it too. I've never made anything worth the time, but he made something that Rob (presumably) put onto B3ta.co.uk. It was something sbout a war about to take place, so Churchill moves the UK to the Moon.

Those were fun times...
(Elfroid How Long Have We Had These?, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 17:07, 2 replies)

Brown Paper Bag
Shortly before I signed up I emailed the site to say it had me in stitches at work but got funny looks from my work colleagues.
Rob kindly emailed me back saying thanks and try laughing into a brown paper bag then opening it when I got home.
Sound advice which I've never forgotten.
Happy 10th B3ta, here's to 10 more.
( ERG1008 is climbing in yo windows & snatchin yo people up, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:55, 1 reply)

I reckon we should do a QOT10yrs
ie

collate all the best QOTW (top answers) into one QOTW. Then give the readers to vote which was the best story of the past 10 yrs.

winner gets a prize.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:44, 5 replies)

8 years
Not sure how I found this place. Highlight was a post about "black sheep in the family" - I told the story about one William Turney Morris, who came from England to Australia around 1828 - the family story was he was a "remittance man" - caught doing something naughty, and because of the family's money and influence, all charges were dropped, and they send him to the colonies, and kept sending him money so he wouldn't return. I was contacted by a history researcher from the South Coast of NSW (Australia), who was researching this person.

Turns out he was an important contributor to the development of the cattle industry there, was never send from Old blighty in disgrace - and when he died, the lawyers cheated his three kids out of all of the money.

Thanks, B3ta.
(Maclir, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:26, Reply)

eh
not sure how I got here those 8.5 years ago, maybe a mention in the Register or upg or something. I don't post much any more, and for some reason seem mostly to read the QOTW these days, even though its crap :) ... has anyone complained about this topic yet? Can I be first?

Was surprised by my first FP, nodded in modest appreciation at my second, and subsequently have failed to manage another as the many years have passed.

But at least I have a palindromic user id. And I remember the duckhat
(haberman is singing in the changes, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:09, Reply)

Ahhh, the olden days...
I resisted signing up to b3ta for a long time... I read the /board, subscribed to the newsletter, but it wasn't until the full-on boredom of being a stay-at-home-mum in winter in a city where I knew no-one was getting too much to bear that I finally succumbed and registered. 8 years, 10 months ago. I have to say, b3ta kept me sane. I learnt to 'shop and earned a wee bit extra money producing a few print adverts as well as tackling such favourite old memes as Furtive and Fluffy, That Bastard Nohands, THEFEAR and a damn good spong. Bashes were the highlight of my social calendar, and having looked through the old photos that have recently surfaced, they were good times.

I miss this place. I've been back a few times to /talk but I don't have the hours and hours and hours to just sit here any more. I do hope you're still around in my retirement when I've nothing better to do than hit small children with my walking stick, push in to the front of queues and shout CUNT at passers-by.
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 15:14, 1 reply)

I tiped "mumsnet" rong

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 14:42, 5 replies)

It has to be QOTW..
More specifically the Worlds Sickest Joke QOTW.

I was sent a link by a work chum back in 2004 (ish) and spent the next hour or so trying to ram my fist in my mouth in a vain attempt to stop laughing out loud at some of the stuff I was reading.

Ever since that time, I've been a regular reader and sometime contributor (The Tale of the cornflake in the "Complaints" QOTW was mine).
It's true what they say about there being a lot of hitherto undiscovered writing talent out there.I've read some truly moving life stories and experiences on here, along with some absolute laugh out loud funny stuff as well.


Keep up the good work!
(frightfullybored, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 14:39, 2 replies)

9 years, 1 month and 28 days
Have no recollection of how I got to the site initially. Became massively addicted very quickly and it took over a lot of my working days. The quality of humour produced by the board was excellent.

At the very first bash I met a ludicrously trusting and generous gentleman by the name of Dr Nick Riviera, who produced his cheerished 'vaporizer' for me to borrow. It led to me buying my own and having a very hazy 12 months afterwards....the bastard!

I'm still constantly checking back to review the main board and links as it's still such a great place to waste time and chuckle.
( Dr Drink, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 14:09, 1 reply)

A B3ta poem wot I wrote for it's birthday and wotnot...

Before this website came along my life was dull as shite
Spent half the day sat on the bog and fwapped for half the night,
How could I put my own two favourite pastimes to good use?
And give the helpless t’interwebz some regular abuse?

Then I stumbled upon B3ta, and I saw there was a way!
A ridiculous ray of hope to guide me through my working day
The image challenge made me laugh so hard I couldn’t stop
I wanted to join in but I am crap with Photoshop :(

I thought I couldn’t contribute, the outlook was quite bleak,
Until I clicked upon a link entitled ‘Question of the week’
I read so many stories that my life won’t be the same
So I thought I'd try and post a tale about my latest shame...

I had a toilet ‘accident’ and thought that I would share…
I crossed my fingers wondering if anyone would care?
The comments I received made me feel glad my pants were shat
And people laughed at how I was a useless, drunken twat

From those beginnings I have formed a myriad of friends
The posts keep flying in – this fucking madness never ends!
So I’m proud to be a B3tard and I’ll celebrate with beers…
Happy Birthday B3ta, here’s to the next 10 mental years!
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 14 Sep 2011, 13:57, 5 replies)

Where to begin?
8 years, 0 months and 26 days today apparently... to put it another way, that predates my marriage - rendering my (now ex-)wife's claims of "You've changed since you got involved with b3ta" all the more ridiculous.

I can't remember how I found the site, but one of my first memories was of a picture on the front page of Snoop Dogg's remake of The Passion of the Christ, entitled "The Pizzle of the Chrizzle". My friend porky and I laughed ourselves silly at that one :)

The QotW has had me biting my knuckles at my desk in barely suppressed mirth more times than I can remember; my all-time favourite story being the one about the little boy with his pants full of marbles jumping down the stairs and looking like he'd been attacked by a shitload of angry ducks :D

I've made some of the best friends I've ever had on this site, some of them (gasp!) in real life, too. People I wouldn't hesitate in ringing if I was in trouble, and who I know wouldn't turn me away. Hopefully all those people think the same about me, too.

And of course, Jessie. Again, where to begin? Jess changed me immeasurably, as I've told and retold in QotW. If you want an example of this place standing up and being counted, look at this thread - be warned though, it's hard going. Even now, over a year later, with a new fiancée, I can't get anywhere near the bottom of this with a dry eye.

The support I got from you lot was utterly fantastic; the messages, the tribute pictures, the comments, every single one of them helped, even if it was only in a tiny way. The donations for the Jessie icons far surpassed anything we expected, Nina's mum was astounded at that. Thank you all so much :)

I don't get on here as much these days; my w*rk internet is pretty much locked down so I can only sneak on occasionally; I tend to hang around in QotW more than anywhere else. That said, I still managed to get my first ever fp last weekend!

*raises glass*

So, as has already been said - here's to another 10 years!
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 12:55, Reply)

56 Dog years, 3,092 days, approximately 267,194,875
Thursday, 28 March 2002

1 FP in all that time but I'm still here.

Why?

The laughs
The sometimes excellent images
QOTW

Roll on Saturday, 12 September 2020
(pastcaring trembling in a corner....., Wed 14 Sep 2011, 12:50, Reply)

a member for 8 years, 5 months and 18 days
And that's a long time. In that time, the company I work for has merged twice, changed name three times and I've moved departments at least four or five times, but each time, I manage to find time for b3ta, although sometimes it gets blocked and I have to find a kind b3tard to circumvent it again.

What has b3ta ever done for me? Well, it's made me believe I can be a writer, in fact, that I AM a writer.

It started with the odd post, reminiscences, stories. Some were quite popular which pleased me more than I can easily convey. Then I started embellishing the truth, straying into the land of fiction. All went well, I carried on.

I then invented an imaginary (but possible) love child (E-mail Zola) and wrote from his point of view. Had fun with that. Then went all out with a new personality, based largely on me, but with a more interesting life, so interesting it was top of the best.

Now, I was a writer and outside b3ta I explored YouWriteOn and started proper fiction (with encouragement from a couple of choice b3tans whose judgement I trusted).

Since then, I've written a shit novel, had a short story published and am part way through a brilliant novel. I've also tried writing on here as a woman - with some success!

So thank you one and all - spurred on by like-minded b3tans - I've upped my game and stretched my mental legs. And if I ever 'make it' as a writer, I'll hide my b3tan roots so no-one can see how crap I was when I started.

Just take a look at the best of: 'Public Sex' to see what makes this site great. A Chartcat classic, half a dozen vintage Spanky's, some Pooflake magic, a brilliant tale from K.W.A., an old Che pearoast, and valiant posts from Stiff Richard, Colonel Dracula and others.

NEVER APOLOGISE FOR LENGTH - that's my motto, only for poor quality, bad grammar and boringness.

Cheers,
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 12:27, Reply)

Four years, nine days to be exact
So B3ta was loooking forward to its 6th Birthday when I signed up. No idea why I signed up but I did and have generally stuck with QOTW ever since. I remember being bemused but delighted that an answer I posted in the "Kids" section about a lively phone call with a child made it to the top of the best page. I still get messaged about whether it was true- I assure you that if I am going to make shit up, I'd choose something a bit more exciting than discussing a broken loudspeaker with a blubbing minor.

I never ceased to be amazed by the astonishing talent, knowledge and abilities of the people that post and produce material for here. It amuses me that we could probably change the world if we could lay off meme generation for a day or two. Then again, who wants to change the world?

Here's to another ten.
(Leonard Hatred briefly did some work on, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:59, 2 replies)

Happy Birthday guys!
It was a very long time ago, and I don't actually remember how I stumbled across b3ta but I had a beige box with a 15" screen and a copy of Paint Shop Pro my sister had got.

Good times were had and I think of b3ta every time I use the lasso tool!

Still have some of the old images kicking about somewhere, might find them for some vintage memories.

Read the newsletter most weeks and promise to donate finally!

Keep up the good work,
Andy.
(minoltion, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:48, Reply)

I'm baaaaaaaack...!
Having been a member for 8 years, 1 month and 22 days, my last official post was December 28th 2005, and I just (seriously, just now) remembered my password. I am teh weeping with joy.

Also weeping with joy: my boss back then, who emailed me a hiliarious picture he'd just seen on this thing called B3TA. It was my first FP. I got a raise for being all creative and interwebbie and shit.

Apart from that, you've created a self-moderating thing of joy that makes many many people happy, especially at times of the day of which you're unaware (e.g. Tuesday afternoons in Singapore and New Zealand) and for all the Eclectech Chump Manbear's Naked Swearing Cat-o-phones of Happy Toasted Hummus Quo, I'd like to say thanks youse.
(clutch puppy, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:31, Reply)

9 years, 8 months and 27 days
Christ on a bike.


Hmmm.. I remember working in Angel and a co-worker of mine (Hedley!) told me to look at some fucking stupid site called b3ta.

Couple of weeks later I was down the pub with Rob and Joel and generally spent 6 months talking crap and getting drunk. Happy days.

Then at the first b3ta bash I met popt_art and the rest as we say is history. Have three lovely kids now thanks to b3ta. You can have them if you want.
( Hugo Rune, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 11:12, 17 replies)

6 years, 2 months, 0 days
as a member - I was a lurker for a long time before that (I think probably I've been around 8 or 9 years) - certainly I remember a lot of links to rathergood.com's early stuff.

My overriding memory, though, is that of my friends and I constantly calling it "bee-three-tee-ay.com". Took me years to break out of that habit. Some never did.

I really owe this site - thanks to the links board I am known amongst my friends as 'King of the Internet'. Happy 10th bee-three-tee-ay!
(HarryTheMole whatever's on my finger is going in your mouth, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:25, Reply)

8 years and 7 months ago I became a B3tan.
I have cartoons by The Neville and Jolly Jack stuck to the side of my computer with blu-tack.

And I miss lots of people who were once regular contributors to the board and therefore my day.

I'm still here, and still regularly look at what is going on, but don't post as much as I used to.

Thanks for all the FPs, computer advice and laughs.
( Mr Gear the gay-maker, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 10:25, 1 reply)

a member for 4 years, 7 months and 14 days
And about 8 months ago the trolls moved in. Everytime I posted I got harassed regarding a previous QOTW I answered to (Which was a made up one). Its not possible to remove any previous posts on this site, the trolls and the hate just got more and more towards me.

I'm now on reddit.

I still pop by from time and time to check the popular links page. But I no longer contribute.

Happy Birthday b3ta.
(Miggyman, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 9:51, 41 replies)

8 years to the day
I think I first found the treasure trove that is b3ta via Buffy's (MIIIIIINNNGE!!!) Swearing Keyboard .. reduced me to tears and I haven't looked back since. As Dury put it - there ain't 'alf been some clever bastards on here, and it's still a joy to browse through the madness.

Congrats on reaching 10 years - teh web wouldn't be the same without you lot :)

P.S. Just had a b3taday spazz back and found this - Christ knows what I was on at the time ;)
s1.b3ta.com/host/creative/16200/1273148710/doggingprocess.jpg
( badg3r :: what are you insinuating, you equity ponce? last considered changing his board sig on, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Fondest Memory:
On one Friday I posted something like three pictures, got two frontpaged images and promptly my webhost emailed me asking what the FUCK was going on?

They had to shut me down due to overwhelming traffic demands.

Ah..those were the days.
( Razor What the fuck - a sig?, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 9:39, Reply)

Been here almost exactly 5 years, so half b3ta's age.
Being without it for long would be unthinkable.

Made some seriously good friends (ATTEND BASHES, FFS! THEY'RE ALWAYS GREAT, AND HUGELY WELCOMING! PROBABLY EVEN THE LONDON ONES!) and laughed roughly 1000% more than I would've if I'd been watching telly.

At a time when I was skint and feeling alone in the world, a b3tapal (not seen round here often nowadays, sadly) made arrangements for me to get an icon and, therefore, a sense of belonging. Dunno the details.

So I remain grateful to her. Who? Well, some wine might loosen my tongue and bring forth some some truth ;)
( Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 3:54, Reply)

I'm not sharing my mammaries.
Get your own.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 2:07, Reply)