Not bus related at all
Just pleased to know that the morning of Michael Jackson's death has caused sickipedia to crash with too many users trying to send in jokes...

That pleases me...
(CornishStanley can't post hyperlinks, Fri 26 Jun 2009, 9:50, 2 replies)

"In the 'Med'..."
My beloved family often rib me about the phrase "In the Med...' as I must have used it approximately 5,000 times after returning home from the school 'activities week' coach trip to the Mediterranean, and more specifically the Cap d'Agde region.

As us 40 or so 15 year olds set off from Suffolk on the pretty much 24 hour trip, excitement was at fever pitch. Sadly, this excitment waned even quicker than the cheaparse Silver seal batteries my Mum had bought for my shitty Alba 'walkmaster' personal cassette player. It was hot, the A/C wasn't working, and it was only funny to take the seat headrest covers off and 'suffocate' each other with them for so long.

Spraying Lynx on each others various body parts and setting fire to it also faded fast in appeal.

Fortunately for me I was sat just opposite the 'Beale' twins - a pair of mightily norked girls who wouldn't have looked out of place in Baywatch. Even better we were going on a watersports holiday so they had both decided to get dressed that morning wearing cutoff jeans and a bikini top. Not the same one I hasten to add. They were not from Siam.

The sight of their jiggling top bollocks on a bumpy coach ride for hours on end, plus the fact I ALWAYS used to get a boner on the bus to school even without such provocation, multiplied by the fact I was 15, meant I had the raging horn the whole journey and there was nothing I could do about it....

Oh, except there was one of those 'death chambers' that is the bus lavatory at the back....

We all knew the risks of going in there, you could come back covered in piss after the driver 'accidentally on purpose' had to brake suddenly, and your name would be 'PissPants' for the following week 'In the Med...'

Only, I wasn't going for a piss - I was just going to knock one out. No danger there surely?

I soon settled into mental images of getting both twins to help me 'pitch my tent' and as a 15 yr old it didn't take long before I was I was about to seal the deal. Unfortunately, at the moment I was about to crash my filthy yoghurt truck, the driver was trying hard not to hit an ice cream van and slammed on the brakes sending me crashing forward into the door. The 'lock' broke and the door flew open....

Cue every kid on the bus turn to see me, cock in hand with a dollop of my finest work in my lap.

Being called 'BusBoner' or rhymes involving "bishop bashing on the bus boy" for a week isn't much better than 'PissPants' I have to say.

However, it must have impressed somewhat as I had one of the twins sneak in and join me for a quick repeat performance 2 days later (minus the audience and door breaking). Although perhaps she was just trying to make sure I'd washed all the spunk out of my pubes.

I'll bore you with more "In the Med..." stories later, as there are many, including the one where the bus broke down mysteriously just before it was due to take us home and we got to stay for 3 extra days while they sorted out a replacement....RESULT!

Apologies for length, but it can bust doors down!
(Galahad is out of his gourd on yellow bentines, Fri 26 Jun 2009, 9:42, 1 reply)

my brother and dad
were once on a bus in tufnell park, many moons ago, when an unlucky car driver who's just parked on the side of the road opened his door at the wrong moment. door flew straight off apparently, and the driver didn't even stop!
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 26 Jun 2009, 9:41, Reply)

Apologies for not being funny...
I was on my way home one day in the early 90's when I saw a bloke get hit by a bus outside St John's railway station. Caught him a goodun it did. He was about 30 I'd say (I was 21 at the time) and I went to see if I could help only to see the top of his spine sticking out through the side of his neck. I had about two seconds to hold his hand while his eyes glazed over and he went. Poor bastard. Don't suppose the bus driver forgot it easily either.
( Sallyrsm, Fri 26 Jun 2009, 9:31, 7 replies)

buses are like dead celebrities
nothing for ages then two come at once

etc
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 26 Jun 2009, 9:19, 2 replies)

Forced voyeurism
Many a year ago I had this gf that I had a bit of a jpourney to get to. Several underground trains and then an overland train to reach her local station, from there she would meet me and we would get the bus back to hers for some hot romping bedroom action (read shy teen fumbling) The entire area was flats, estates and council housing and the local far from any sort of social conciousness.

One bus drive become quite memorial as this young couple got on the bus at the same stop as my gf and I and sat down at the front of the bus together. They spent the entire journey sucking each others faces off and making odd fumbling momvements towards each other. When their stop came up they got up and started to tuck and zip their clothes back into shape. Buss 1/2 full of people and this couple had given em a makeout show. Classy.
( Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Fri 26 Jun 2009, 9:07, 1 reply)

Every morning...
This anecdote is about as thrilling as a topic about buses would conjure up, so apologies for lack of funnies but have to get this off my chest.

People (and sorry to say but largely I am talking to you, ladies): If you have been waiting for 30 minutes (which invariably you have as the buses in Milton Keynes are so shit), don't get on and then act surprised you need to present the driver with some form of payment for using the service, then subsequently dick about in your bag/pockets/coat for 5 minutes.

I'm trying (kinda) to get to work on time! Have your money in your hand and READY!

Kids: I don't care if you have the latest Nokia MusicBlaster3000 TM, I don't want to listen to your shit music and neither does anyone else on the bus.

And stop kicking the back of my seat or I'll throw you out of the window.

Lastly, driver/bus company - do you REALLY need to switch drivers at the depot en route at 8:30am? The fucker only started work at 6:30 tops, he can't need a break during the morning rush to work...
(Galahad is out of his gourd on yellow bentines, Fri 26 Jun 2009, 9:00, Reply)

My girlfriend's uncle in Sydney...
...is a total tosser. Plus he's a bus driver. Coincidence?

He once told us how proud he was to have confiscated an old age pensioner's concession card. In his words: "She must have been about 93." The reason for the confiscation? The old chooky's pass had expired a month earlier. He forced her to pay full fare. I'm sorry, but there's no way to impersonate a 93 year old woman if you aren't actually old enough to actually be an OAP yourself.

This incident was about 6 months after he had offered to give my girlfriend her dead grandfather's concession pass. His logic was that they shared a surname, so a mid-20s woman could passably use the ID of a dead 80-odd year old man. Flawless.

Oh, the irony.

What a twunt.
(Bungo wombling free in Melbourne, Australia, Fri 26 Jun 2009, 5:21, 3 replies)

I was on teh E3 today from Ealing to Chiswick
And halfway through my journey, I noticed a bunch of deaf girls get on, mainly because they were signing. As they were in my line of sight, I thought I would 'eavesdrop'.

They were taking the piss out of me, I could tell by some of the words, and the fact that they kept turning around to look at me.

So, just before I got off the bus, I walked up to them (all of about 6 feet) and signed to the bigger (well, fatter) one, 'I'm deaf too, you bullhead'.

I didn't need to be threatening, I'm not into that, but I almost pissed myself laughing when I saw the colour drain from her face :)

I'm not sure the other bus patrons even knew what was going on, so there was no rapturous applause or anything like that, just one white girl and their mates looking a bit 'oops'.

Oh - the best bit of it was just before I got up, one giggled 'she doesn't even know what we're saying' or something like that.
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Fri 26 Jun 2009, 2:14, 7 replies)

I once saw a bloke die on a bus
He was sat there, as you usually do. And then suddenly, blue lights everywhere as he was on the floor, slowly turning grey. There was an inquest into his death, and the coroner summed up:

"Some might blame it on the sunshine, some might blame it on the moonlight, some blame it on the good times, although personally I blame it on a heart attack".

Poor bugger. In the end it turned out he was hit by, he was struck by, a smooth criminal.

The bit that stuck with me were his last words:

"Just beat it, beat it, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

As they turned off his ventilator.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 26 Jun 2009, 1:11, 10 replies)

699 in liverpool
Anyone ever get the 699 uni bus at Liverpool with the bus driver who always had music on? He was probably around 45 and would have everything from really hard dance through to Britney Spears, i´m sure he was pilled up. Can imagine he was one of those drivers they only let on theuni service because the general public would eat him alive.
(el perro grande, Fri 26 Jun 2009, 1:04, Reply)

Sixth formers
I once witnessed a very large, trenchcoat wearing sixth former from another school, whom we shall call G, yank the RnB blasting phone from the hands of a swearing Year 8, whom we shall call D, snap it in half at the hinge, then throw it out the window. Threats of a knifing at the hand of an apocryphal big brother were met with a genuine look of excitement and attempts to organise the thing more officially.

Shaken and now perplexed, D went along with it. They were to meet in a cul de sac in an extremely rough part of town after school.

The next day, D wasn't on the bus. It turned out G had turned up unarmed, except for the 2 police cars filled with serious men in stab vests hidden around the corner. This became 3 cars, then one of those vans you see on a Saturday night, because D had apparently enlisted his entire estate to help him out, and they were all carrying a knife, some drugs, or both.

G went on to nail my sister, and I couldn't have been happier.
(a gun that fires other, smaller guns full of jizz, Fri 26 Jun 2009, 0:37, 3 replies)

Buses are like women
you wait for years and years for one, and then a few turn up at once. And if you try and get out of the way of one to get to another, it'll run you down and kill you stone cold dead.
(Smitty Foster, Fri 26 Jun 2009, 0:13, 2 replies)

Chelsea is shite
The number 11 bus from Fulham to Aldwych goes along the King's Road, and used to carry me to work. Every morning without fail the sight of a particular Chelsea boutique selling shoes and bags and other bits of fuckery-foo, which rejoices in the name "R.Soles", always made me smile.
(square go, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 23:51, 3 replies)

LIFE ON THE PEASANT WAGON
I suffer from a terrible affliction.

Something so demeaning, so shameful and utterly embarrassing that I sometimes sob myself to sleep at night hoping that its all some terrible nightmare and I'll wake up and it'll all be ok... But that's just never gonna happen. Ever. You see, I can't drive... I mean I REALLY CAN'T drive. Sit me behind a steering wheel of a stationary car with no keys in the ignition and I'd still somehow find a way to barrel roll the fucker, killing and maiming extended families, wiping out entire communities, causing explosions and more death than you'd expect at a bring your own sarin and semtex party.

So, I'm cursed to roam this green and pleasant land as a kind of transport zombie. Riding the peasant wagon for fucking years and years has thrown up some interesting highlights:

Tit Cumshot
Sitting and watching as a mother waps out one of her norks on an almost empty bus from Leeds to Huddersfield and starts breast feeding her eager baby. The little bugger clamped on tight and sucked like a professional porn star attacking a hard on. I didn't know where to look. So, being a gentleman, I just stared at her other partially clothed tit instead. (I was so tempted to ask if I could have a go on the other one; I could almost imagine one getting smaller as it emptied and the other remaining the same size; didn't want this poor mum to be a bit lopsided, did I)? As I was sitting gaping, silently getting a little tighter in the trouser department, the bus went over a speed bump, the baby lost its hold and came away with a resounding POP!!!, and a stream of mammary batter jetted across the aisle and splattered against some gentleman's face, causing him to jerk his head to the side and twat his temple hard against the glass.... (I was wanking over that little display for months... I just love seeing strange men get covered in hot white fluid with a little pain thrown in for good measure, really makes me cum like a broken watermain, that does)...

Child and Animal Porn
On a bus somewhere in Manchester I sitting in my customary position at the back, on account of being hard, cool, and urbane. I watched as an annoying little kid who looked like a miniature Peter Andre ran up and down the aisle pretending to be a fucking Jedi Knight (curse George Lucas and his shit new Star Wars remakes; it means now as an adult I have to suffer the sort of shit my parents generation had to put up with when I was a kid). The annoying little shit stopped at a seat occupied by an elderly chap. But he wasn't interested in the old boy, no, he was interested in the Yorkshire terrier sat next to him on the seat, curled up and having a bit of a kip. I watched in silent fascination and horror as the little boy gazed at the terriers chocolate starfish as if it were the most beautiful creation in the history of the world ever. Then, in one sudden motion, the little cuntbag made a noise like a light sabre and jabbed his podgy little finger knuckle deep inside the terriers tiny puckered turd tunnel. The dog yelped, startled to erm... buggery, and proceeded to try and bite the face off its owner sat next to it on the seat. The owner, also duly and reasonably startled, batted the dog tennis-ball style a few rows ahead of him, it soared through the air, little legs paddling, mouth snarling, and landed in another passengers lap where it proceeded to heartily and noisily deficate.

Self lovin
On the top deck of a bus from Rugby to Coventry, I think it was, I was feeling a little amorous. There was no other fucker on board so I slinked off to the back, unzipped and started having a tremendous, high speed wank while looking at the lovely scenery. The bus pulls over the driver appears and says: “Will you fucking stop that! I can see you, you know, in the mirror... Do you want me to fucking crash? Besides, it's putting me right off my dinner...” (I was about twenty-eight at the time).

Phlegm
Bus from Brixton to Euston. Busy as fuck rush hour Landan twattery. Standing cock to arse crevice with the person in front territory. I see an incredibly well dressed city gent type in a sharp suit let off an almighty sneeze, laying a thick spray of bright green sticky snot into the hairdo of the prim and proper looking woman stood in front of him. The slime remains in place, soaking into her barnet, it looked like a shitload of slugs had held a rave on the back of her head. Did the smartly dressed fella say a word? Did he fuck. He just stood there and looked a little bit embarrassed. Eventually the woman must've felt this goo trickle down her neck, because she raised her hand and stroked at the awesome display of snottage. The strangest thing was that she actually brought her hand to her nose and gave it a little sniff.... That was a bit fucking weird.

Ghostbusters
Fifteen years old, on the way home from school from Northampton town centre to a village on the outskirts. I'd spent a few minutes exploring Samantha Smith's bacon flaps with a probing finger, using all the skill and dexterity you'd associate with a team of raccoons performing brain surgery. After I'd finished roaming about in her innards, spent the next few minutes explaining that I loved her and respected her etc etc, I went back to my mates at the back of the bus and exclaimed just a little too loudly: “Sniff that, you fuckers! My fingers are fucking stuck together! This stuffs like fucking ectoplasm!” (Sam Smith never spoke to me again after that, for some unknown reason...) Though to be honest it wasn't a great loss: Sam Smith's nickname at school was Bruce, as in Bruce Lee, because if anyone ever got to have a crack at her slimey innards they'd be know as someone who'd Entered the Dragon and survived to fuck another day.

Moon
As a student on a bus somewhere near Foggia, Italy, I was dared by a mate to moon the next coach on the motorway that trundled past ours, which would've been going backwards if it was going any slower. As I was loosening my belt ready to get my arse out, my idiot mate even offered to pay me real hard cash if I accepted the dare. So, the next coach comes past, I'm up against the window and presenting my bare hairy arse to those inside, really pushing my arse against the sun warmed glass, holding my cheeks apart to give the passengers on board the other coach a good eyeful of my swaying balls and hairy brown manbox. My mate goes a bit pale. The coach trundles past and I pull up my kegs: “That'll be a gazillion lira please, my good man!” (Which probably worked out at about a fiver in real normal, good old British money. “Errr, what's fucking wrong with you?” My mate just stares: “It was a coachload of nuns...” (Oooooh.... bugger....)

Thinking about it... I really think I might try one last time to pass that fucking driving test...
( SpankyHanky, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 23:46, 20 replies)

School buses
Best part of the school day

Will never forget the prefects hanging the new kids by their underwear from the handrails.

or my mate who got severe concussion when a pile on went wrong and he fell face first down a stairwell.

But the image that will stay with me forever is the prefects warming their hands on a campfire made of first years new shoes, in their first week.
(Junior special Essentials: Lap dog, wilderness swearing, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 23:43, 2 replies)

Disability awareness
London bus drivers who have to drive buses with retractable wheelchair ramps but haven't been sent on one of those pesky diversity courses (where they learn to treat disabled people like humans instead of animals).

One bus driver stops his bus out in middle of the road, sticks out the ramp and then gets all huffy because the bloke in the wheelchair wants to get off on the pavement, rather than be deposited in the gutter. After much harrumphing, he refuses to move the bus and yells down "IS THE WHEELCHAIR GETTING OFF OR WHAT?"

London bus drivers are right old bastards.
(protocoldroid, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 23:38, Reply)

buscake
on the last day of school term, the bus would become a war zone. eggs, water bombs, flour bombs, you name it. nobody got off that bus clean.
unfortunately for us, the bus company finally had enough of this and instructed their drivers to keep the doors closed and drive straight to the police station if things got out of hand.
cue a double decker bus rolling up outside the cop shop, looking like a 4-wheeled cake filled with maroon-clad raisins.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 23:32, 2 replies)

The Vengance bus is coming, and everybody's jumping
A guy I worked with years ago used to be a bus driver, and drove a route in one of the wilder bits of Glasgow. He had a wide range of stories, running from junkies firing up on the top deck to fights routinely breaking out on the last bus of the evening.

The best (and sadly, I feel, apocryphal) story he told described a large and threatening man, who boarded the bus carrying an angle grinder, then quickly and calmly removed the cash box, tucked it under his arm and sauntered off into the night.
(square go, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 23:30, Reply)

I got on a bus once
The driver got ill just after some moron jumped on with a "woah dude" so some young lass ended up driving the bus for a while, the whole trip we never never dropped below 50mph, then we had to jump a gap in the road at this point it started streching credulity.
(Gru being trolled since 1998, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 22:42, Reply)

This may have been on the news
When on Op Telic 9 in Iraq, there was a bus service with about 5 different routes around camp (It's quite big now).
Anyway, a Major was ran over by a bus whilst riding his bike work one morning.
I felt sorry for the poor guy.
You don't go in to war and expect to get ran over by a bloody bus!



If you were wondering, he did unfortunately die from the injuries later that day.
Sorry it's not as funny as the other posts but it's related and good to remember fallen troops.
( Terry_Tibbs Coarse and violent nudity. Occasional language, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 22:34, Reply)

Bus Driver Zen
I was on a coach back from London to Oxford. On the bus was me, the driver (luckily), and a young couple swapping fillings at the back. So I stayed at the front, leaning on the window and chatting to the driver as he drove. Then we hit traffic, slowed down and parked up.

"Bet that really pisses you off", I said.

"Nope," he said. "I like to think of it as a really little holiday. If my boss was to beam down next to you and tell me to work harder, I'd tell him that unless he can teach me to make this fucker fly, there's nothing I can do!"

I think of this every time I end up in a traffic jam.

A few minutes later, he showed me how to burn off a BMW. In a coach. He managed it, too! I was very impressed with that one.

So there you go, a bus driver who managed to go from philosophy to driving like the Stig. Respect, bus driving dude!
(purplegod counting down for Christmas!, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 22:16, 2 replies)

School Bus
One time, when I was a kid, we had this awesome school bus that we rode on for field trips.

One time, we went to all the planets of the solar system, and another, we saw dinosaurs.

My favorite though, was when we went to the bottom of the ocean floor.


I loved the Magic School Bus.
(DarkSol, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 22:08, 2 replies)

I am a grown up now!
So of course, when on double decker busses, I sit mild and mannered on a middle seat downstairs, clutching my little ticket stub and day dreaming out the window as I await my stop. Occasionally I read a newspaper.

This wasn't how it always was.

When I started working where I still am today I had to catch two busses everytime someone wasn't spiffy enough to give me a lift. One of these was a double decker, something I hadn't been on since I was a wee girl with my granny. Instantly my mind froze with excitement and my inner voice went, "YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!". So I was a little bit pleased, you can imagine.

Even more so when I could climb that little staircase to the top floor and nab the very front seat. I used to look out that window at the bus goers milling about and smile smugly with glee imagining their jealousy. No, I really did. The bus would whir through the streets with me seeing it all! I was so high up! It was brilliant.

However one day I decided to stop this vast pleasure. Unfortunately for me my stop is just after a roundabout. The sight of a young woman pelting down the stairs as the bus swings around, and bursting onto the bottom floor like a crazed magician in a marathon might have startled or even amused the other regular bus goers, but for me I always felt in danger of pinging right over the luggage bar and flying out through the window.

Which, thinking about it, would be a rather impressive way of arriving at work. I can just see my boss's face as I fly by with my clocking card.
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 22:05, 1 reply)

Arsey bus driver
A few years ago, before I was riding, I was seeing a girl a few miles away. Every day I'd get in the queue to get on the bus that takes me to her. I was so nervous, I'd just sit and smile - after all, her house was only another mile.

Anyway, I got chatting to the driver on the route, I used to thank him, driver, for getting me there, told him "You'll be an inspector, have no fear" as that was his ultimate ambition one day. Now, mindful of the lack of transport options to see my lady, I didn't want to cause no fuss, but I asked him to buy it.

His response? "Nooooooooo!"

I explained, "I don't care how much I pay, I wanna drive my bus to my baby each day." I kept on "I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it ..."

He just kept replying "you caaaaan't have it!"

I reiterated that it wasn't sensible paying thruppence and sixpence every day, just to drive to my baby - especially when he insisted in taking such archaic coinage.

I kept saying, "I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it."

Anyway, he eventually relented, for 100 English pounds (I offered him 95 - he wouldn't take under) and so every day you'll see the dust as I drive my baby in my magic bus (too much, magic bus).
(jamesthegill opens new tabs with his scroll wheel, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 22:02, Reply)

Don't distract the driver
Once when i was a young lad all of twenty i decided to take the bus home to my new place of residence in the suburbs of sunny Newcastle. (the Australia one not the one in England). as i was the only person on the bus i got chatting to the bus driver who looked 20yrs old, 21 at most. as i was unfamiliar to the area i asked him if this bus went close to my home. he being fairly new to the job(it was THAT obvious)was struggling as it was getting through the steep and twisty streets of my area. having said he'd tell me when we got close to to my desired destination and wanting to keep him informed of my whereabouts i helpfully pointed out various landmarks i recognised as being on my way home. 'no i think it's - wait,no um maybe over there, no,um hang on'.after taking a wrong turn into a dead end street on a particularly narrow and steep road,possibly to do with being distracted by my ramblings, the poor fellow then attempted a three point turn. not easy to do at the best of times,but in a bus pretty f------ hard i'd imagine. the upshot resulted in someone's tree getting destroyed,one busted back bumper on the ground and a young homeward bound 'zillion sneaking off into the distance, not wanting to hang around answering any questions.
(kenzillion, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 22:00, Reply)

Very very tired old lady....
I was on the bus heading home from work one day and it was rammed as per bloody usual. As I wasn't averse to the odd spot of 'I'msoknackeredIcouldjustfallasleeeepzzzzzzzzz' window dribbling myself I wasn't surprised to see the old lady in front getting a touch of elastic neck head droopiness. The lad next to her was looking more and more uncomfortable as she leaned on him and to add insult to injury she let rip the most enormous and noxious fart. The poor sod couldn't even move because the bus was standing room only. He needn't have worried about disturbing her mind you. When we arrived in town and he stood up she fell in the aisle. Dead as a dodo. And I reckon 90% of the people on the bottom deck stepped over her to get off. And someone nicked her metro.
(Betty Spencer did a whoopsie on the carpet on, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 21:54, Reply)

Deodorant
I sprayed myself with deodorant once on the school bus. The driver stopped, claimed he had seen smoke coming from the engine (my deodorant) and threw me off whilst taking the names of everyone i was sat with. We all got letters home about the incident including statements from several distressed civilians. I was banned from my computer for a week as punishment
(Dr Zoidberg is going for a scuttle, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 21:48, Reply)

The Abba Man
There was an occasional bus driver that used to drive us to school who, instead of 'love hate,' had ABBA across both sets of knuckles. Obviously to a bunch of school kids this was very amusing. It lead to lots of chants of ABBA ABBA ABBA for the journey and various lyrics being sung at him. Until he went mental one day and refused to drive us further.
(Dr Zoidberg is going for a scuttle, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 21:46, 1 reply)

Karma
ok so i have had some of the worst days of my life due to buses but one memory that stick with me that made my day a treat.
It was pissing it down, i had a major headache and a long day of work ahead, i was not a happy bunny. The bus then arrived filled completely with mongs also having a bad day.
Three people stood out imparticularly;
1. The bus driver - short fat guy resembling a sunburnt asscheek wheezing and coughing, a walking germ factory
2. The old biddy - old woman with a moustache far superior to mine. she had stepped in dog shit.
3. The screaming little brat - enough said.

the bus was steaming up and the smell of sweat and dog crap was swarming and the brat's screaming wasnt helping my headache. but then there was justice.

The bell dinged, the annoying brat, his mother and the old biddy all got up to get off, as they were heading off the old biddy left first smearing a hefty dose of shit off her shoe onto the step. the screaming brat, still screaming, went to run off and slipped on the shit spreading it all up his school uniform.

Holding back the urge to laugh, being the sadistic prick i am, i went to sit where the biddy had been sitting, sat down and noticed the sound of paper crunching. i found 20 quid.

the rest of the day was shit but i bet that kids was worse XD
(DeniedGuilt_AcceptedCake is fighting the urge to punch turtles, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 21:45, Reply)