And, 'nah, you're alright mate'
Am I? I'll be the judge of that, cheers.
( SigmaX0 Dear Die Hard. You rock!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:11, 1 reply)

I'm not being funny
No. No you're fucking not.
( SigmaX0 Dear Die Hard. You rock!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:10, Reply)

'homes'
As used by construction companies on signs announcing yet another dismal Ballardian legoland nightmare, whose only geographical point of reference is a motorway junction.
They are not 'homes' until someone lives in them, which in the current economic climate, will not be for a long, long time. Until then they are 'houses', 'flats' or simply 'buildings'.
(Cameltoad, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:52, 4 replies)

As much as I dislike the man,
referring to Gordon Brown as an un-elected Prime Minister is incredibly annoying. If you think it's wrong that he's in power despite not being elected into the post, you have no idea how this country runs itself. Blair wasn't elected Prime Minister either, neither were Atlee, Churchill, Disraeli or Pitt the bloody Younger. Prime Ministers are not chosen by democratic election. If you're voting in order to put a Prime Minister into power, you're doing it wrong and need educating.

Even relatively reputable newspapers seem to comment on his "un-elected" status as if it's some sort of fucking scandal. It really boils my piss that even the people who bother to actually vote seem to have no idea what they're voting *for*.
( Kroney, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:44, 45 replies)

People prefixing "aitch" with an aitch
Stop it.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:41, 3 replies)

"...at the end of the day..."
I wonder how many times this has been mentioned? No matter, it'll be good for me to rant.

I hate it I hate it I hate it.
Though I did like the edit someone did (on here?) a couple of years back when they cut out every utterance of "aht dee enda ov da dai..." from one day time show and strung it together. I think it was about 50 from one episode of Jeremy Kyle alone.

Personally whenever someone says it I add "Trisha."

If you say it then... at the end of the day, you're a knob.
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:38, 1 reply)

"What's your OCD?"
"I have a hand-washing OCD"

and so on.

Obsessive compulsive disorder is the name of the mental condition. You can't just stick extra words in front of it willy-nilly.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:35, 1 reply)

Piggy-backing off Enzyme's last post
"I thought this was a democracy!" (in response to an unpopular government decision or piece of legislation).

It *is* a democracy. It's not a plebiscite where everything's decided by referendum.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:30, 10 replies)

"Do you know what I mean?"
Commonly used when people don't have the intelligence or the inclination to actually explain what they mean.

If they took the time to properly explain what they meant, they wouldn't need to say "Do you know what I mean?" after every bloody sentence.

It really grates on my brain when people do that. Do you know what I mean?
( Barbarossa is not my real name, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:19, 3 replies)

*Sticks head above parapit wearing big hat*
I don't mind the phrase touch base. It came from a legit meaning in baseball (I assume) and has been adapted into wider use. Fair enough. I think that it works in the contexts in which I've seen it, and yes, I've used it myself.

That said, I don't work in an office, so for me it's isolated from management speak, rather than bundled in with the rest of it.

Oh, and because every post this week seems to require some vitriol to stick to the board; new and improved. No. It can be new, in which case there wasn't anything before it to improve upon, or it can be improved which means that it's an updated version of an old product.

*crawls back into trench and replaces hat with helmet*
( kappynitty doubled your entendre on, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:18, 4 replies)

I propose we establish a
'Talk Like the Famous Five Day'. Who thinks this will be a wizard idea?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:17, 16 replies)

Math
Reading the posts on here has reminded me of another pet hate:

"Do the Math" - No, last time I attended a lesson in that subject (Albeit a very long time ago) it was Mathematics, or Maths.

It has never been Math in the UK... yet I was disturbed to see last night policitians retorting using this bastardisation of the English language.

We are not Americans, why do we even try and pretend that speaking like a retard (or at least retarding our language) is something to be proud of?

At the very least, it's a lazy, lazy way to communicate.

I will quitely happily do the Maths, do arithmatic or even attempt some sort of number balancing that I do not quite understand... but I will NEVER do the math...
(libraryboy Cheer up, you could be french!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:03, 6 replies)

Random
When it isn't random.

Like "Random night in town" on Facebook - it isn't random if you go to the same shithole bar every Friday Saturday AND Sunday. And put photos up each time. Slag.

Which has spread to Rowntrees releasing them fucking RANDOMS sweets with some twat talking with them in his grid, doing that annoying "im talking with a sweet in my teeth" voice. Die.
(steh30, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:54, 1 reply)

Democracy.
Slightly apt for the current election, I think, but not confined to it.

The use of the word "democracy" or "democratic" as though it's a deal-clincher bugs the hell out of me. For example, when a politician is trying to push through a policy idea, they'll often describe it as "democratic", as though that's sufficient to show that the policy is wise.

I make no bones at all about being highly sceptical of democracy - electoral democracy especially. But even if I thought that democracy was wholly a good thing, the idea that it could be invoked as a trump card would still be absurd.

"Democratic" is not a synonym for "virtuous", "wise" or "desirable". It's possible to have bad policies that are democratic, and good policies that aren't. If the only way you can sell a policy is by stamping your little feet and bleating about democracy, it's probably not much of a policy to begin with.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:54, 8 replies)

People coming to the door
and when I point out the "No hawkers, salesman, religious groups etc" sticker in the window that they blatantly ignored, they say

Caller: "Well I'm not a salesman, hawker or part of a religious group, heh heh"
Me: "No, you're part of the etc. Now go away."

However, I once answered the door in my dressing gown (as I'd just got out of the bath).

Bloke: "Hi, I'm from nPower or something, how are you today?"

The bastard, it was cold in the hallway and he was letting all my heat escape so I answered
"Pretty horny at the moment. You've just dragged me away from three 19 year olds who are currently fighting over who can suck my cock the best, the winner getting a facial. Now go away"

Bloke: "Err," he leaned a bit to try and see past me but then I told him to go away and I shut the door, pulling the curtain across for added effect.

I then skulked into the kitchen to see what he did and he didn't leave the garden for a good 30 seconds as he looked to see if there was a gap in the curtain before stepping back to look at the bedroom windows, finally texting someone and pissing off.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:47, 3 replies)

I blame my mum
I can usually gloss over many things, but when something is brought to my attention I really struggle to beat back my inner pedant. My mum is the worst for pointing these things out. One that has stuck with me for a while is 'for free'. NO! It's free, or for nothing. It's only a mild irritant but it's everywhere!!!

I tend to overuse many words and phrases myself, some of them fairly heinous. For example "do you wanna....?" as in "do you come and pick me up?" or "do you wanna hand me that kipper?". I don't think it's really an issue though, as I tend to notice that I'm constantly saying something before anyone else, and just stop doing it. Problem solved.
( kappynitty doubled your entendre on, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:41, 6 replies)

Pretty much anything from my current job realy.
"residents" have become "service users" who have then become "supported persons". I can vaugely understand Supported persons, but in all honesty, I fail to see what is wrong with the term Residents to refer to the adults with learning disabilities that I help. It's not that I particuarly object to the fact that words, especialy official classifications change, but in all honesty the definition has not changed one bit. The thing that bugs me is that someone (probably me) is going to have to go through all our paperwork and change every damn word to it's latest form, or we get shitty marks from the investigating panel (Which also changes it's name on fairly regular intervals so I'm not entirely sure what they're called now, but again, what they do hasn't actualy changed much).

Another thing that bugs me is this idea that somehow by changing what we call things, and I'm sure this must happen in other fields is somehow going to improve things, or maximise productivity or somesuch shit. These changes in offical language happen so often now people barely take notice. Sometimes when we have to write down something we try and figure out exactly what the fuck our job titles are but other than that we just get on with our damn jobs, because that's what we've been doing all along, and that's what works.

I do understand that there may be some problems in various different industries, especialy in the one I work for, but these are mainly down to private companies squeezing the residents (sorry, supported persons) for every penny of their benifits available, while offering cut price shoddy contracted out services such as housing, activity centres ect to their mates, lack of staffing, poor staff training/conditions and a general lack of central accountability on the part of the companies. These problems are going to take more than a few new bullshit buzzwords and vaugely well intentioned changes in language to sort out. It's more or less a useless exersise in turd polishing.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:32, 2 replies)

I'm sure
"could of" has been mentioned. While I try not to be a pedantic little shite these days, this particular clanger makes me burn with rage whenever I see it.

Also, people who say "That's the last straw, there's no more straw left!" when at the end of their tether with some situation or other. I have in the past gone into a long explanation of the straw that broke the camel's back tale.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:27, 4 replies)

I hear what you say.
Meaning "I disagree with you."

That really has made me explode in the past. In fact I can feel it coming on, just thinking about it.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:05, Reply)

AICMFP
"and I claim my five pounds"

Apparently a phrase originating from a fictional character in an antique newspaper I just cannot fathom how this has come into use today.

I've even heard people use the phrase in conversation. Seriously? It is the most cumbersome thing you could put into a sentence. Could you not just say, "You are *person*"?

Freaking nerds...
(stubbledchin, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:00, 5 replies)

EPIC FAIL, EPIC WIN, FOR THE WIN
when it ceased to be funny after it's limited airing. Yet somehow it's found it's way into everyday use outside of 4chan.

I cringe when I hear / see this now - in much the same way as hearing "LOL" used verbally to describe something amusing.
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:33, 6 replies)

LEGO
Look, Americans... It's "Lego" or if you must, "Lego bricks", not fucking "Legos"!
(secretsquirrel, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 10:15, 5 replies)

Politicize
"MPs are urged not to politicize the issue"

What is that supposed to mean??

We can't go through a day without hearing that.
(Ymob is a kaburu, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 9:56, 1 reply)

i like breasts

( broadsword w⚓, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 9:39, 20 replies)

'Sexed-up'
I was getting very close to throwing my TV out of the window after hearing this phrase repeated non-stop for weeks and weeks at the height of the Iraq dossier scandal.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 9:12, 1 reply)

The Daily Mail
For their shite grammar, but most of all for putting 30pc instead of 30%. Why, for fucks sakes?
EDIT
Argh, I've just remembered that I hate the weather being described as mild, especially when mild has a modifier before it, like 'very mild' or 'quite mild'.
Mild is not much or weak, for example a mild dose of the squits, so the forecasters informing me that there is 'not much weather' around today irritates me a lot. But not as much as being told that there is a lot of not much happening with the weather.
Quite is misused as well, it really means 'a lot' but people use it for 'a little'. Not really annoying though.
People using obviously for things which are not obvious gets on my nerves. And the word Plush, as a noun, or at all for that matter.
( parsons* *restrictions apply, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 9:00, 1 reply)

when a politician/posh tit tries to look sincere and answers a question with 'certainly'
the name 'david cameron'
'people that spell puff 'poof'
morning after a night on the lash 'do you remember doing... ?'
(tom.joad, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 8:52, 12 replies)

"It isn't fair!"
Actually it probably is. What you meant to say was "I didn't get what I wanted!"
( difficultchild, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 8:44, 1 reply)

Various media-slang drug words that I'm sure nobody actually uses
I'm guessing this has already been mentioned.

Meow Meow being the latest. I’m fairly certain nobody who either uses or sells this product actually refers to it by this stupid fucking name. The same was for Ketamine when that was in the spotlight. Special K? Vitamin K? Techno Smack?? Throughout all my years on the clubbing ‘circuit’ I never once heard it referred to as anything other than it’s actual name or an abbreviation thereof (Ket, K).
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 8:44, 12 replies)

Radical
It doesn't mean what you think it does my pillock of a boss. Look it up.
( difficultchild, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 8:43, Reply)