Short tempered hero
They probably still do this, but back in the early eighties, me (8yrs) & my brother (10yrs) went to our local swimming pool for a David Wilkie "Swimathon" style of thing. When you get there you get the chance to have your photo taken with the great Olympian himself.

I remember joking with my bro that by the time we reached the end of the the slow moving queue the film would run out in the camera - it did.

He went fucking ballistic & lost the plot with the poor camera fella.

In amongst all the other bemused & crying urchins, I realised that to be a winner in life, you sometimes have to be a real cunt.

Take a bow Wilkie - you mad, bad, crazy bastard. I now swear like a fucking trooper because of you.
(BiggusBaddus, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 23:43, Reply)

Manhunt murder
I go to the same school as Stefan Pakeerah, the boy who was murdered not long ago. It angers me to think that his parents blamed a computer game though.

I didn't really know him though as he was an evil chav that thought he owned the place.

P.S. I hope to god no one from my school reads this and knows who I am or I'll have a whole group of chavs after me. Like this one time, a friend was playing with a lighter (he doesn't smoke, he just was playing) near Stefan's memorial bench and in seconds all the chavs had crowded around him and were threatening to beat him up. I managed to walk away before they started on me though. Bloody chavs.
(Tragic Magic, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 23:40, Reply)

Beating Jessie Birdsall at pool.....
...in Fuengirola while on vacation with my mate and a couple of birds.

He'd just finished filming on the set of 'Eldorado' and polled into the pub we were in, larging it up with some groupies and waxing lyrical on how sh1t hot he was at pool. He bet us £5 a ball (which we declined) that he'd beat us in one round.

You should have seen the look on the smug tw@ts face when we beat him.

Wished we'd placed the bet now!
(pard, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 23:36, Reply)

look around you
won the little competition...my animation is being shown on Monday's show (episode 5)....

Also I've met Jennifer Ellison, and she was an utter cunt who looked at me and my friend (who admittedly went to see her at a signing in liverpool as a joke) like we were pieces of shit.

Lovely.
(No offenc - not to be confused with no_offenc, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 23:08, Reply)

One more
A mate of mine taught Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter) how to sail.
(Shake, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 23:06, Reply)

My ex
once stood in line for two hours to get a CD signed by Feuneral For A Friend... This was before they released an album and were still as shit as they alwasy will be. She was also going out with a mate of mine at the time who waited with her for the two hours.
(newcustomerserviceteam, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 23:06, Reply)

Claims to Fame
Malcolm McDonald AKA 'Supermac' of Newcastle and Arsenal fame, once phoned me up, pissed out of his face, and threatened to come and kick my heed in for dissing his 'bird.
(skotty lord of tiny flies, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 23:04, Reply)

I shagged
The girl from that pop group Hanson
(dr-kill, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 22:51, Reply)

Oh, another:
Lauren Bacall recently shot a documentary in which she used footage of her appearing in a play. The theatre she used is the Gloucester Olympus, but on the night she wished to book it, some two-bit drama group was meant to be performing there. My drama group. The stupid american bitch paid them shitloads of cash just to shoot a shitty documentary about her flaking, diseased body which has no more right to be on a stage than the Holocaust, while we were told to piss off.

Bitch.
( Pretender, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 22:46, Reply)

Few things:
Once upon a time there was a Prime Minister called James Ramsay Macdonald. Years later, his cousin's family line begat me (who WILL follow in his footsteps, mark my words).
My friend's parents have Lloyd George's granddaughter in their nursing home.
Um... another friend of mine had Rose West as a babysitter.

I was the one who started the whole space-blanket craze at the Tsunami concert in Cardiff. Yeah.
( Pretender, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 22:41, Reply)

Viz "Lame To Fame"
I'm in this month's issue. Is this the first example of a recursive weak claim to fame?
(rogerzilla, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 22:34, Reply)

Celebrity suicide
Went to London with some mates about 1986. Whilst on a tube train my mate told me the guy opposite was in the TV show 'Howards Way'. I asked the man in question if it was true. He visibly grew in stature, puffed out his chest and said that yes, it was he. "It's a pile of shite!" I proclaimed, and suggested he get a real job. A few weeks later he commited suicide...

Went to the Klubfoot Psychobilly nights at the Clarendon in London. Saw the guy who originally played Mark Fowler in Eastenders. Had a drink and a chat with him before realising what a miserable, sour-faced fecker he was. Told him he should be thankful to have a job in TV rather than having to really work for a living. A few weeks later he committed suicide...

Bin desperately trying to bump into Anthea Turner...

Oh yeah, my brother in law and his mate met Matthew Kelly in the bar of a hotel they were staying in (back in the days when he was on Game For A Laugh) and after a few drinks he invited them up to his room where he proceeded to try to entice them to all get in the bath together. They ran off.
(qbslim, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 22:24, Reply)

I was knocked down by Joanna Lumblys bodyguard
in the middle of Basingstoke town centre. I was about eight.
( Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 22:12, Reply)

Rollercoaster
I once handed a chair to the singer from the band Northern Uproar in a pub. (They had a couple of top 40 hits in the late 90s)
(DamoUK, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 21:36, Reply)

Regrettably
Was taught at South Newbarns Junior school, Barrow-in-Furness, in 1978 by the recently convicted murderer Gordon "Lady in the lake" Park.
I don't know how it took Cumbria police 25 years to make a conviction stick. Any of his pupils would have dobbed the shifty git in 5 seconds flat.
Also worked in a pub in Barrow frequented by deceased footballer Emlyn molesthes who had, shall we say, a rather higher opinion of himself than is normally considered decent.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 21:30, Reply)

Prickfuck
Once met Oliver Reed in Blackpool while on holiday a good few years back. I think he was filming near there. It was during the day & I was the one who was well spannered - thought it was a good idea to ask for an autograph.

Yeah, you guessed it, he told me to "Fuck off!"

Don't want to sound juvenile, but I never liked the alky prick anyway!!
(BiggusBaddus, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 21:25, Reply)

*THWACK!!*
I once twatted Shakin' Stevens 'round the head with a Golf Club.
It was an accident (honest), I was caddying for my mate on a Pro/Am/Celeb golf day, was getting a club out the bag and turned around too fast.....
*THWACK!!!!*
(He calls himself 'Shakey', it's very strange).

Oh, and I once sold Dennis Norden some paint.
(The Rolled up Newspaper of Goodness, Bad Dog! Bad Dog!!, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 21:13, Reply)

oh, more claims by me
*also met desmond lynam at the airport*

*my ex gave Richard O'brien a molest*

*I went to school with Maria from Corrie*

*My flatmate called Andi Peters a cunt*

*My other mate asked Amy Lame if she was janet jackson in a club, she left quickly after*
(kyuoyoo, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 21:11, Reply)

crappest claim to fame
Well, I was 18 (6 yrs ago) and in a club with my mates.

Who would happen to walk past us but PETER SIMON, presenter of double-dare and run the risk on Children's BBC's going live.

Stopping him and asking if it really was him, he confrimed our drunken supsicions.

Then explaining what he had been up to since the days of gordon the gopher and co, he began to touch me up; grope my ass while none of my friends were the wiser.

This lasted about 1 minute, during which the thought was going through my head "this is peter simon, hes touching me up, should i be offended or savouring it for the press earnings?"

i let him have his wicked way with my derrier while chatting about himself, before he wandered off, presumably to go fondle some other teenage boy.

I tell the story fondly these days...
(kyuoyoo, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 21:07, Reply)

I have a few...................
**I used to sell stamps to Roland Gift from Fine Young Cannibals.

**I once shouted to Jimmy Saville that he was "a soppy looking twat" as he jogged past my office window.

**I grabbed Debbie Harry's arse at Virgin Megastore in Marble Arch when I was 13. Had a stiffy for 3 weeks.

**I invented the international language Esperanto. Actually I didn't. And if I had I wouldn't own up to it.
(george_w_anker, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 21:03, Reply)

My fake claim to fame
I went to visit a friend who worked as a copy editor for Bob Guccione Jr's magazine. (Bob Guccione Sr. is the owner of a slutty spank magazine, Hustler, I think) We were riding up in the elevator when Jr gets on , looks me up and down and sneers, "Who are you?" I must add in all fairness I'm almost 6 feet tall and well over 200 pounds. I smiled my sweetest smile and cleverly said, "I'm one of your dad's centerfolds." and then regally swept out of the elevator with my friend choking on her laughter.


You shoulda seen the look on his face! I thought he was going to swallow his tongue.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 20:52, Reply)

I'M BRIAN BLESSED!
( Bob Todd whee, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 20:41, Reply)

Once, twice, three times a lady
Chris De Burgh's aunt bought my old computer.
We had to give her some minor tech support to let her learn how to use things.

Oh, and I also made the website for "international folk sensation" *cough* Ben Sands. Jeez it's awful.

And even worse claim to fame, I meet the Hole In The Wall Gang. Wowee.

One more, a friend of mine got offered a bonking session by the lead singer of Type-O Negative.
(Vyse, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 20:33, Reply)

Claim to Fame -- Eddie Izzard baw hair from death
set scene: Edinburgh festival, night, outside gilded balloon, quite a while back, oooh say 8 years

Me: on motorbike twatting it towards Grassmarket.

Just as I'm passing the Gilded Balloon, Eddie Izzard joggs straight out of the door into the road with a mate. I miss both of them by a baw hair. His mate goes "Oooh Leather", I keep going....

Oh and I met Carol Vordeman when she was a heafer
(squidboy, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 19:56, Reply)

Hundred Reasons to post a crappy claim to fame
I have many a time drunk in the same pub as Colin et al from Hundred Reasons. My sister has even sold him his groceries at Asda.

This is indeed a crappy claim to fame, fulfilling the brief perfectly.
(DoctorJ last upset some twat who doesn't like swearing on, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 19:54, Reply)

I once supplied the punchline
to a joke that Anthea Turner was telling at some wanky product launch. She'd forgotten it.

As, in fact, have I now. Hmph.

And I sat next to Michael Eavis on a train the other week. Actually, it's better than that - he sat next to *me*.

[edit]

I've remembered another one. We got two kittens from a bloke who used to be the guitarist in indie also-rans Airhead. He was quite impressed that I'd heard of them. And in a small-world kind of way, the other two members of the band turned out to be cousins of a chap I worked with at the time.
( oolitic, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 19:29, Reply)

Best. Night. Ever.
Once, on a drunken night out and completely unable to get home, my girlfriend accosted a man who later turned out to have played saxophone for Pink Floyd and, um, Abba.

He took us to a club where they were filming some battle of the bands thing for C4, bought us drinks, failed to notice we were teh gay, touched my boobs too much and came on to my gf before dumping us on his mate and collapsing drunk.

We woke up the next morning in a random bed in the middle of nowhere. Stumbled to the train station and vowed never to drink again.
(sporky, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 19:29, Reply)

I saw
Spongebob Squarepants at my friends 4 year olds birthday party!
The little bastards then proceeded to beat him up till his innards fell out.

Okay, it was a spongebob pinata
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 19:07, Reply)

I used to sit next to Fizz from coronation in Geography at high school
and she was a fat fucking annoying ginger bitch then too.
( PMGT -Bacon., Fri 25 Feb 2005, 19:05, Reply)

*barks*
My dog, who is now sadly dead from cancer, was Diefenbaker (the dog from Due South's) grandson.
( watashi-wa Evenin'!, Fri 25 Feb 2005, 19:03, Reply)