I...
sat on Frank Bruno's lap and had my photo taken when I was 9 for some school sport thingy.

Hw seemed to enjoy it far more than me...
( Plob, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 20:23, Reply)

Well
my friends step dads cousins babysitters daughter went to Al Pancino's wedding*

*100% true
(fistcount shite, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 20:23, Reply)

I wrote to Scott Adams
about how I momentarily thought I'd got promoted.

He drew this cartoon, which (but for the words 'low-level lackey') is almost exactly how it happened in real life:



... which was nice: ridiculing my boss in front of millions of people worldwide.

(A couple of years later, it randomly showed up on last week's Computer Weekly)
( teedyay, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 19:25, Reply)

Well....
My great great great grandad invented the postage stamp...but didnt make any money out of it...and launched the most nerdish pasttime ever!!! And i'm way down the line to inherit most of scotland, since my family name is Cameron-Clarke (Its dead rare! If anyone knows anyone with that name tell me!)...and i once played stairway to heaven with rolf harris, when he was at our local festival, and we met him backstage...
( Mr.Ons knows you can hear him, Earthmen., Tue 1 Mar 2005, 18:59, Reply)

XFMNTR
My dad's girlfriend's friend's sister is married to Bobby Gillespie of Primal Scream fronting fame. She also knows Kate Moss.

That's my 'in' then.
(HobbitNobbit, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 18:58, Reply)

I had an affair with Winona Ryder
well, sort of. 10 years ago I sat in a cafe in San Francisco, she was jogging by and smiled at me.
(acheta, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 18:57, Reply)

In the early/mid 80s
I was in the US Navy. Often flew from my base to my home town. On one occasion I got the autograph of (now disgraced) baseball player Pete Rose. He wouldn't give it to me without trading my sailors hat. Another time, on a small plane, my luggage got bumped from the flight because of BB Kings equipment. Got his autograph too, and the airline drove my baggage to my house afterwards.
( id10ts WTF happened, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 18:57, Reply)

Dave Grohl punched me in the face.
Carling music festival 2002, i got right down the front for foo fighters' headlining set. once it was over, dave jumped off the stage to come n say 'allo chappies' to all the fans near the front. i grabbed his sleeve as he walked by, and asked him to punch me in the face. He did so. what a great guy!

If that's not enough, then the same festival, 2004, i hit rasmus' bassist in the eye with a ball of mud, and i hit 50-cent with a bottle of piss. Go me!
( Tu9 01100011011101010110111001110100, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 18:48, Reply)

more z-list celeb stuff
our student house in north london was the film set for part of damon albarn's big screen break, "face". my flatmate's bedroom was where damon had his throat slit. you can recognise our house from the barbed wire on the garden wall before the shot even moves inside. that's how nice an area green lanes of manor house is.

and i served liam gallagher in a pub (the elizabethan in heaton moor before it got all refurbished and crap). i asked for his autograph and he said only if he could sign my shirt. so he did. on the right breast. said he'd see me soon. he was charm itself. then some twunt at the bar rang the local paper. next day it was all over the papers that liam had been causing carnage and snorting coke off the bar. all totally untrue but he rang the manager and swore he'd never come back...

arse.

edit: the arse was the wannabe pub loser, not mr gallagher himself!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 17:47, Reply)

My CLAIMTO FAME by Johnny2
I saw Keith Chegwin in a shopping centre from a distance of roughly 5 metres.

THAT's a crapy claim to fame.



Oh yeah, and I shot JR too.
(Johnny2 Harrumph!, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 17:41, Reply)

And that reminds me....
....talk of Alan Davies prompts the memory. He was in my brother's year at school.

Apparently he hated the particular school and rarely talks about it.

That's a fairly crap claim to fame by anyone's standards.
(tell me about the rabbits, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 17:38, Reply)

Brushes with fame…
1.Used to go out with Jarvis Cockers cousin when I was at uni.
2.Met the lead singer of Babybird and sung “You’re gormless” at him whilst working in the Hilton hotel.
3.Almost met international superstar and crazy man Frank Bruno whilst working at the same hotel but he cancelled at the last minute.
4.Met the guy who used to play Terry Duckworth in Coronation street – I had no idea it was him until someone pointed him out and then I still had to ask.
5.Served Eric Knowles of Antiques Roadshow fame a pint of real ale, and H.ugh Scully from aforementioned programme a small glass of wine.
6.Saw Jamie Oliver at a petrol station in Nottingham – that scooter and camper van must have just been for telly as he was actually in a 4x4.
7.My wife’s mother went to Pierce Brosnan’s 6th birthday party.
8.My dad went to Brian Clough’s house to dust for fingerprints and take some photos when Nigel Clough had his BMW scratched by some scrote.
9.One of my mates had an episode of Peak Practice filmed at his house – the one where someone gets pushed through a conservatory. That was his conservatory that was.
10.A lad I knew at school went to prison and shared a cell with the singer of Return of the Mac, Mark Morrison.
11.I was on one of those crappy Saturday afternoon localised telly programmes about things to do in the local area – this one happened to be clubbing at Progress in Derby. I was on telly for about 5 seconds with pokemon t-shirt, spikey hair waving a wooden spoon about. My mum and dad were so proud.

That is all. No apologies required.
(Bertie Dastard Wax on, wax off, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 17:26, Reply)

well
I met and talked to Tony Blackburn at alton towers...and he gave me a water pistol. here am a picture i toowk. img211.exs.cx/img211/3731/alton0933qv.jpg
(simod, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 16:58, Reply)

some...
Jarvis Cocker looked at me like a piece of dirt when i stumbled into him whilst vainly searching for my friend in the back stage area of the Leeds festival. I also saw Beth Orton heading for the toilets (the stars portaloos have wooden seats). I've also met John Craven, Darth Vader and The Green Cross Code man and appeared in the local paper with them. And I walked out of a band who shortly thereafter got a record deal and had several appearances on on Top of the Pops. And played the Reading and Leeds festival, hence my star access and subsequent dissing by the Cocker.

My friend has shot Guy Garvey in the face with the cork from a fruit beer in Manchester's Temple bar.
(mudflaps, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 16:54, Reply)

famous by proxy
My Uncle was best friends with Timmy Mallet and Paul Mcvicar shagged my mum.

oh yeah - Scott Anderson from Hollyoaks went to my school - used to wear a cunty bandana and long black trench coat
(swadey, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 16:37, Reply)

I once played guitar
with The Fall. But I like to think that's not a crap claim to fame :-)
(flying_pasty, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 16:36, Reply)

aah, also (continued from earlier)
I got given an extremely dirty look by Moby's girlfriend in a lingerie store in New York, then same day I watched by friend walk into and nearly floor Matthew Modine.

And a friend of mine seems to specialise in being stalked by the Orange family (as in Jason of Take That 'fame').

Also, another friend of mine is extremely proud of herself after telling one VERY famous catwalk model to "get that joint out of your mouth bitch and put the fucking shoes on".

So there you go.
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 16:36, Reply)

Well,
I've been on crap ITV Drama "Peak Practice" a few times as an extra - I live where it is filmed.

I am on the Derby County Brian Clough tribute video, sat behind him as he gives a speech.

Thats about it!
(salbot, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 16:35, Reply)

i'll have a rimming please, Carol.
That cheesy pop gay-lord, Darius, was in the year above me at school. I bully him good. I don't get a personal mention in his book, but I did fill his sleeping bag with shaving foam and tooth paste, and held my mates jacket while he head butted him in a car park. I only bullied him, no one else. and I don’t feel bad, cus he was a total analcockfuckwankfannymingepish-flapnobcheesecumbagwankstainCUNT.

I also stole one of the Chuckle Brothers left shoe while he was ten-pin bowling. It was the taller of the two. (The Chuckle Brothers, not the shoe)

Now, my best claim is……….

I used to work with a girl who was in the dictionary corner on TV's Countdown. (Not the “famous” guest, but the nerdy timid looking one that changes every so often) She ended up having an affair with Richard Rhitely (name changed for legal reasons). She gave me a text, proclaiming, “ she knows what it’s like to have rimmed Rhitely”. A close pal of mine pulled her not long after said affair, and I pulled his (now ex) girlfriend, so technically I have rimmed Rhitely. A proud boast, I’m sure you’ll agree.

Yes, it was long, wasn’t it?
(Jeeves, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 16:26, Reply)

Lenny Henry...
...lifted me on to an elephant when I was 6.

Lenny Henry is nice.

I asked my mum why he was made of chocolate.

He laughed and my mum went bright red.

Then the elephant had a poo and ruined the photo.
(PCheese, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 16:12, Reply)

Winner stays on?
In a certain well known house of ill repute in Leeds (now moved location but still open for service) I was the pool king. I took on and beat a succession of scantily dressed young ladies.
Didn't loose a single game.

*Chest swells with pride*
(hippoman, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 16:05, Reply)

A few more
When i was but a wee small boy, I went off to butlins, and was taught to swim by Duncan Goodhew!!

A good few years ago I sat on the tube accross from Mat Lucas. This was still during the shooting stars time. The whole carridge was silent staring at one poor bloke.

But, saving the best till last. Walking down the road in London (just near Harods) Having a good chat to an old mate, paying no attention to the direction I'm going. When my spider senses started tingling informing me that I'm about to walk into a lamppost, i dodge out the way straight into some lanky ginger chap, who proplty falls to the ground like a sack of shit.

"Sorry Mate" I say going to help up the ginger.

It's at this point i see that it's acctually Chris Evans, with Will the producer guy from TFI just staring at me.

It's when i realise this i decide I don't want to touch him, and just walk off bursting into laughter

I floored Chris Evans!!! YAY WOO ME!!!
(tribal tiger, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 16:04, Reply)

my rubbish claims to fame
1) Dame Margot Fonteyn, considered one of the greatest ballerinas of all time, was my Grandad's cousin

2) I was onced asked if I was gay by Paula Radcliffe whilst having a snowball fight with her brother at his 11th birthday party - Im not.

3) I know a young lady who is a playing a Vogon in the upcoming 'Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy'film

4)Im getting married to the daughter of ex Luton Town player and manager Lil Fucillo's cousin.
( bigmeuprudeboy is using powerpoint or paint...have MERCY, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 15:52, Reply)

My first computer related job...
was putting clouds on the weather map for regional news channels. I got to do the satallite image too :)

We did Yoguslavian TV too, but for some reason they stopped paying (circa 1991)
(Spastic Bambi, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 15:42, Reply)

Fly
You know that bit in Mulholland Drive where Naomi Watts is arriving at LAX all starry eyed and excited to be in LA (yes I know its a parody)? On my first arrival at LAX from the UK, I was a bit like that. Got to baggage retrieval, pushed past a really tall guy to get my bags, who then pushed me to get to his, the arrival formation of our bags meant that we crossed over. We had a bit of a scuffle, nothing serious. I got my suitcase and loaded it on to the trolley. As I turned away, I looked back at him to give an annoyed look and then went back to apologise to Jeff Goldblum. We ended up having a chat about england after he heard my accent. So the very first person I met on arrival in LA was a film star. Not bad really. Although Moby was on the flight and accidentally wandered too far down the plane in to cattle and you could hear the entire plane suddenly mutter to their partners - 'wasnt that moby' which was funny.

I met Keith Chegwin when I was in scouts.

But my favourite - went to see Boothby Graffoe in a warm up gig in one of those tiny little islington pub venues (seats about 30 people). Sat down next to Julia Sawalha (number 2 on childhood wank fantasy list after Donna Air). Anyway, Boothby didnt turn up, he was replaced by Alan Davies. He hung around in the pub later and I bought him a pint.

Number 3 on the list was Shannon in Home & Away - Isla Fisher. Met her also in Brent Cross John Lewis and followed her around Kitchenware with a hard on which thinking about it is a little scary. At the checkout she dropped her credit card on my shoe, as I handed it back, i said "I used to bunk off school to watch you" which is probably scarier. Sorry* Isla.

So, I've met 2/3 of my teenage wank all-time fantasy girls. Not bad really.
*Not sorry for anything.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 15:17, Reply)

Debbie Harry once kicked a bottle at me...
For new years 1998-99 I went to the Falls Festival in Lorne, Victoria, where Blondie were playing their only performance in Australia on that tour.

I was down the front row, after a heavy day's drinking, and for some reason (seemed like a good idea at the time) started shouting "FUCK YOU, BLONDIE!" at the top of my lungs.

Strangely, the biggest reaction I got from anyone around me was a startled look, but Debbie heard me, and kicked a (plastic) bottle (that had been thrown on stage) at me.
( gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 14:35, Reply)

Richard Branson
He came into the local indian in Kidlington (he has a house nearby) with 2 lady companions. The place was pretty full and his usual table was taken by me and my mates. Poor Richard had to take the last available table. It was next to the toilets.
(sjb, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 14:22, Reply)

I got a medal
from Duncan Goodhew (bald-headed swimmer)for coming 3rd place in a netball tournament at the London Youth Games in 1992.

I was a reserve and didn't get to play but meeting the smiley slaphead more than made up for it, I'm sure.

That's pretty lame, you must agree.
(smack rabbit, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 14:11, Reply)

suncream
I met Tony Robinson while on holiday in Spain, I was shopping for suncream, turned around and there he was. Since it was a really remote town, I don't think he was very happy to bump into people who recognise him, but he was lovely and talked about suncream.

yay Tony!
(Miss Jargon, Tue 1 Mar 2005, 14:11, Reply)