Beware free gifts
Once driving upto Aberdeen I got my photo taken and won 3 points. Found out later that I had to pay some sort of postage, around £60.
(Jock McTavish, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 15:10, Reply)

Crappiest Prize
I won a bottle of Coors Gold on the tombolla at a village fete, and I was even handed a free bottle opener.
Not so crap I guess, except that the bottles were all screw top and the organisers had been giving these bottle openers away all day with said bottles of Coors.
That's not crap at all, is it?
(Sharp_Kid, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 15:09, Reply)

Last
week I won a bottle of wine in a raffle at work.

Ladies darts was on (I work in a bar) and they bring along prizes from home.

Prizes: a 4-pack of Dutch lager
a 75cl bottle of lambrini
a 75cl bottle of crap wine.. chateau de antifreeze or something..
a 25cl bottle of wine
a jigsaw puzzle
a litre bottle of Archers Aqua, peach.

I practically jumped over the bar and sprinted to grab some sort of alcoholic prize.

I got the Chateau de Antifreeze. And drank it that night!

All's well that ends well.
( Ryan T Who are the brain police?, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 15:09, Reply)

Sadly I didn't win ...
One of our local papers (The Hunts Post, I believe) once ran the shittest competition EVER!

Imagine if you will, the front page headline "WIN A SANDWICH!!!"

Oh, I am also a male artistic roller skating champion, although I've lost the less than impressive trophy. I probably hold the title to this day as no other teenage boy in the last 25 years has had the nerve to wear the necessary black satin trousers/white shirt (not frilly, 'cos that would just have looked stupid) combo. I'm amazed I didn't get beaten up more often.
(Throbbe, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 14:58, Reply)

gent regatta
i got a medal and a trophy for whopping the local gent crew in a quad. a mate won a small effigy of a cartoon child holding its penis for coming third in the lwt doubles. (a significantly better acheivment)

hahahahahahahahahahahaha

[Mod Edit: This post appears to be written in code]
(magictorch, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 14:57, Reply)

Came fourth in a charity pub quiz this week
And won a packet of shrimp - you know those pink almost-chewy sweets shaped like crustaceans? They went down a treat with a couple of pints of Carlsberg, and came back up as a beery, frothy pink mess.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 14:50, Reply)

Go me...
I won a rubber stamp. You know - one of those things you use to stamp dates and stuff onto paper.

Might have been used once if it had something practical on it, but alas, no. Mine had "Pink Day Book Copy" on it.

I'm at a loss as to why anyone would write those words in that order once, let alone so many times as to necessitate a special rubber stamp.
(Chumphry, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 14:30, Reply)

Wasn't technically my prize....
We had Colin Murray, a 'top celebrity' at our Freshers Ball at university. I was young, naive and very drunk and when I saw him playing one of the fairground rides I ran up next to him like a weird stalker. He won this game and got a crappy cuddly donkey which he then gave to me. I was so amazed at this claim to fame (sad I know) that I spent the rest of the night telling everyone who I spoke to that ColinMurrayHadGivenMeADonkey!! I also kept on sneaking backstage and pestering the poor bloke as I clutched this toy.

Anyways, next morning arrives. My prize for my drunkeness was Colin Murray telling the listeners of Radio 1 that this really annoying girl who he had given a donkey too would just not leave him alone for the whole evening. He wished more than anything that he hadn't given it to me as I apparently was a complete pest.

Lesson learned.
( Sheep in Socks it is illegal to take a lion to the cinema., Fri 5 Aug 2005, 14:12, Reply)

That's fantastic! Oh no, that's AWFUL
Me and my sister aged about 8 and 10 at church fete. Sister and I spot a games stall, and having never come across anything like it before, Dad coughs up a dollar for us both to chuck a ball at a Coconut (this is in the 70's mind you!). Sister actually winds up a respectable throw and manages to hit the coconut which she is presented with as her prize.
I am all excited, maybe I'll win one too! Throw the ball, knock the nut, but it doesn't fall off the stand. I get a consolation prize of a little plastic dolly with a tutu on a long thin piece of cane. I am more excited than ever! Until mum takes it off me, pulls the doll off the stick, hands the doll back to me, and keeps a hold on the stick, telling us that when we are naughty she now has something to smack us with!!!! Kind of took the gloss off the day. Using a toy to threaten your kids (she never actually had to use it, but we were threatened by the doll-stick for some years to come). Now THAT's parenting.
( Shazzoir Old enough to know better young enough not to care, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 14:02, Reply)

Tickets to France
My mate won two ferry tickets to Cherbourg and invited me along, I was chuffed as I'd never been to France. Tickets were for 1 night stay only and we had to travel on a set ferry crossing.... Arrived on a Sunday at 7am, everywhere is shut, wandered around for 5 hours before we found somewhere open to eat and a room for the night. Did do a bit of sightseeing tho and found a bar, but as I later learned hardly anywhere opens there on a Sunday. We went back 7am on the Monday morning, still nothing open, so no cheap booze or fags. Arse.

Edit: Azmodeus - yep! Looks like my mate fell for that one....!
(steeevc, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 13:50, Reply)

The price of heroism....
Simon Weston's 'prize' doesn't look like belly laughs.
(JinDod, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 13:45, Reply)

Last raffle I won
was a handy crockery assortment set. For one person. One plate, one saucer, one cup. I took it as a hint that along with my new found obsession for kittens, I shall aim to be that smelly old woman who lives alone with her clowder of cats.
( Smokey Bacon Crisps smell good, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 13:41, Reply)

When I was about 10
Went to the local gypsy gathering carnival

I had a go on one of those sideshow things. On this one, you had to hit a plank with a mallet, which shot a frog into the air, and you had to get the frog to land on one of the lillypads floating in the middle.

Not only did I do it, I did it twice!

Wooo! 2 prizes!

"Sorry mate, 1 prize per person".

Didnt even get to chose the prize :(



Edit::
Oh, and dont forget the endless streams of "You are already a winner" envelopes I get.
Handy tip: If one of the prizes listed is a trip to [insert country here], you are garuanteed to win that one. And it will be at the end of the listed whe nyou phone them up. And it costs between £1 and £1.50 a minute. And trhey talk slowly. And if you even go so far as to "win" the holiday, its usually only ferry-fare over there for 1 night (ie £1 cost per person to them).
( OneSullenBrit *air sandwiches*, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 13:35, Reply)

Her Indoors..
Last week my fiancee let me eat what she calls her 'crappy prize'.

It tasted like what I can only describe as shit.
(JinDod, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 13:30, Reply)

Rocks
I won a raffle at last year's christmas party.

The prize? A Rock garden in a box.

At least I had something solid to beat the announcer to death with.
(DrSoloManiac, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 13:04, Reply)

My Supervisor Pam,
She told me about when she called one of those competition 0906 numbers, apperently there was a range of prizes that could be won!

Pam called it, the call lasted about 5mins, what with giving the address and all. Just think, 5mins at £1.50 per min, thats £7.50!

A few weeks later she recived a small package through the post. Do you know what she won?...a packet of fucking seeds! Who gives seeds as a prize?!? Robbing Bastards!
(mufin_man, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 13:00, Reply)

Worst ever meet and great
On the last Britney tour in the US. 10 lucky winners were invited backstage to meet their idol. Overjoyed and dumbstruck with excitment they were taken into Miss Spears' dressing room where one of her assistants turned on a VCR and played a video message thanking them for being fans. The video ended with Britney telling the fans how much she loved them but was too busy to meet them in person.
(notquitewithit, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 12:51, Reply)

Not me, but my mum
entered a competition in our local paper for "Masses of 'Friends' and 'ER' prizes." She put my brothers' name on it, and got the shock of her life three weeks later saying that he'd won.
Most of the prizes were shoddy (Signed Photo of the cast, coffee mugs, etc) but the main prize was an espresso machine.
No-one in my family likes coffee, except me.
So I get a rather expensive coffee maker, just in time to move into a new flat.
A diamond in the shit I think...
(James_Doc, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 12:46, Reply)

School
when i was at school, we had a fancy dress compo.

i dressed up as a box, yes a fucking box. (i was 10 and didnt know better).

i didnt win, i got pushed over on my back (i was wearing a box for gods sake and couldnt get up) and got kicked all over.

ouch, i fucking hate kids, with a passion.

length? girth? nah its like opening the window and fucking the night
(Geoff Leopard, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 12:33, Reply)

crappy prizes
at a work christmas "do" i won a bottle of archer's peach schnapps-won while drunk. at closing time drinking peach pissing schnapps straight from the bottle makes for an intriguing colour of vomit in the taxi on the way home.

a fourteen pound bootle of booze for a thirty-five pound taxi fare from what looked like an eight-hundred pound gorilla taxi driver, fucking woeful prize.
(doltage, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 12:32, Reply)

80's wedding dress
white lace, dropped waist, puffball sleeves, nylon.
lovely
(hey sunshiney day, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 12:29, Reply)

Secondary School Compo
Back in school, the German classes had a competition. They didn't say exactly what the prizes were, but to enter you had to design a front cover of a book for a German fairy tale. I drew one for Little Red Riding Hood (don't ask me the German translation of 'Little Red Riding Hood'. All I remember after 3 years of German classes was 'Guten Tag' and 'Heil Hitler').

It took me ages to draw it. I did this big forest with the big bad wolf peering round the trees at little red riding hood. I drew all the leaves and coloured them with the different green colouring pens I had. I poured far too much time and effort into this contest but I wanted to win it (being the competitive fellow I am)!

So the big day comes! The winners are announced. Third place won a small bar of chocolate (you probably would have thought German chocolate being a German contest, but we got Dairy Milk instead). Second place won a slightly bigger bar of chocolate (Dairy Milk, again). And first place is... Eddie and his cover for 'Little Red Riding Hood'. HOLY ATHIEST JESUS! I won! I bounce onto the stage eager to collect my prize! Third place got a bar of chocolate, second got a bigger bar of chocolate, so naturally I imagined I'd won an even bigger bar of Dairy Milk - perfect coz I'm a big chocoholic!

My prize - A German Dictionary...
A Fricking German Dictionary...
Arseholes. Das ist nicht zu gut.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 12:10, Reply)

The fucking 'Love Fish'
I always get the shit 'prize' from crackers, even if they are expensive, decent quality ones. Without fail I always seem to get that stupid piece of red plastic film, shaped like a fish, that supposedly tells what sort of lover you are (it always comes out "Red Hot Lover" for me so it's an inaccurate shit prize too).

I think they should recalibrate the fish so that instead of ranging from "Cold Fish" all the way up to "Red Hot Lover" it instead ranges from "Massive Wanker" to "Sweaty Palmed, Paedo-Filth Monger"

Just imagine the after Christmas dinner jollity with that one "Look gran, the fish says you're a Colossal Pervert!"

I finally got a decent prize at a raffle last year. First prize was a stupid leather jacket. I was already wearing a stupid leather jacket of my own so didn't need that. Instead I won the second and third prizes which were a bottle of whisky and a bottle of wine. The mulleted loon that won first prize didn't look all that impressed.
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Fri 5 Aug 2005, 12:07, Reply)

bastard awards
My school gives out awards at the end of each term for those who have a particualr ability in each subject. fair enough. They also give out the most pointless award ever created '100% attendance' (for that term). I haven't been ill for five years and so I haven't been off school since I joined, and I'm bloody sick of these pointless things. they really have no meaning at all when you have 12 of them, or would have except for the fact that I burned them all! when given my 12th I actually told the deputy head, in front of my whole year, to never give me another, I have to many and I just burn them. he laughed.

This year they decided that those who have 100% attendance over the whole year (me included) deserved more than a crappy certificate. i revieved an envelope. in the envelope was a piece of paper. on the paper was written:
"I.O.U one book voucher". ffs
(Jallagher, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 11:56, Reply)

Snot
I once phoned one of those crappy scratchcard prize-line things you get inside the News of the World/Sunday Mirror/People etc.

Was told I'd won a real Emerald. A real gemstone, guarenteed to be worth 'significantly' more than the extortionate price of the phonecall.

I got it through in the post, and it consisted of a small plastic bag with a lump of sticky, dark green, crumbly substance that looked like old snot. Apparently it was unpolished, uncut, industrial emerald, with a value of about £7-8 (the phone call had cost about £6).

Serves me right for bothering to call.
(yiddo, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 11:55, Reply)

one time
when i was at one of my mates gigs there was a raffle and i bought 2 tickits just to see if i could win the top prize of 10 quid. sadly i didnt win the dosh but i did win 2 free cinema tickits to goand see the spongebob spquare pants movie. i went and it was crap so i shouted atmy mate for giving away shitty prizes and i made him eat the other tickit.
which was nice.
( DR Mexico Hunt, Hunt, Hunt, He's The Huntsman!!, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 11:44, Reply)

Goddam crap...
My brother and I were entered by my sister and mother in a junior school fancy dress competition, in a attack of cunning strategy, they spotted that only 1 group had entered the "Group fancy dress" - so I wore a large cardboard dart board, and they slid my sleeker younger brother into a large binbag wrapped cardboard box, stuck dots on him and called him a domino! We went as Pub Games...we came second...

We won.... 1 Biro on a string so you could wear it around your neck....how the fucksocks do you split something like that?
(Rockster77, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 11:41, Reply)

Asti
When we were at school they used to do this game at the school fete where you had 6 or 8 numbers on a spinner, 6 or 8 people had to buy a number and then when they were all bought then the spinner was spun and the number it landed on won a bottle of Asti or other bubbly stuff.

So (aged 15) we used to get a few of us together and buy all the numbers. Guaranteed winnage. Then we'd drink the booze in the playground before going back to the hall to play in Orchestra... 15yo drunken flautists ahoy!
(Clarabelle is reverting to type on, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 11:35, Reply)

A summer camp I used to work at had a casino night as one evening's entertainment for all the families.
Each person was given a cup of chips which had been kindly prelabelled with their name. The particularly unpleasant family that I was looking after for the week waddled off into the bingo room with their four older children, leaving me with their 8 month old baby who had also been assigned a cup of chips. There was nobody at the roulette wheel, so I put the whole thing down on 23 red, figuring it was better to get it over with and get the now screaming baby outside.

The ball dropped on 23 red. $1000 in pretend money with one number covered wins you $35000 in... pretend money.

Knowing full well what the prize for the "biggest winner" was, I totalled up the winnings and wrote the baby's name down. She won a camp uniform t-shirt, size adult medium. The same uniform I wore every day for four months.
( gracielou, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 11:35, Reply)

Sad?
I recently won the 'Get Shorty' Special Edition DVD. not too shabby i suppose.

where did i win it from?

erm...page3.com...

i need a girlfriend
(Zutroy started without you, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 11:33, Reply)