Warning
If you think they can't find you, you are wrong. I was living in Poland when I got a letter from a student loans company ... only NOBODY knew where I lived except me and my parents. I'd only moved in there two weeks previously. Not even my employer knew the address and my parents hadn't told anyone.

The only way they could have found out was to do a name/address search via post offices around Europe (I had received letters from my parents). If you are receiving post in your real name, they'll get you. If not that way, then through tax, credit agencies, electoral rolls, bank accounts ...
(frankspencer, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 13:39, Reply)

Sending round the bailiffs
My Mum was destraught when she "accidently" opened a letter addressed to me six months or so after I'd left for uni.

Blockbuster's had written to say they were going to send round the heavies if I didn't pay them... wait for it... an £8 fine!

What the hell were they going to reclaim the dog's basket?!

She wrote them a "stiff letter", they apologised and waived the fine... in your face corporate machine!
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 13:31, Reply)

I am a bad man....
.....someone reminded me that in a previous career I was quite good at pushing our 'Store Card'.

Checked back and I would like to publicly apologise to the 513 people I kippered up to the tune of 33.9% APR back in 1996. I know you're all still trying to pay it off.

I spent the commission well though. Cheers!
(Danny Fishcharge Half arsed, smart arsed, on & off a lard arse sinc, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 13:05, Reply)

bank loans
Debt is a bastard. Fortunately I don't owe too much, and have never really had creditors chasing me (no bailiffs, thank fuck).

My fuck-ups, in no particular order.

1. At uni, getting £40 a month into 1 account from folks, and maxed out on the loans and overdraft from the other. Overdraw a little from the 1st (authorised? Of course not), and proceed to ignore it. Find out that I'm being charged £40 for being overdrawn, and then right after that's taken out, the £40 from my folks goes in, so it never clears. Too lazy to do anything, I must have lost about £200. Finally sorted it with help from folks.

2. Credit card. Used it to buy food whilst at uni, and not paying it back. Later, unemployed, owing the money from my credit card. Get a letter asking for it back (and mentioning courts), panic and go into lloyds, where they offer me a loan. Foolishly I take it up. Luckily folks catch it and make me cancel it, and help me pay off the credit.

3. Finally working, and the HSBC ask for the overdraft back. I am grown up and arrange a loan to pay it back with them. I decide that I'll pay the minimum and up it later (as I didn't know if I'd be able to keep my job.) Fast forward about a year and a half, and I find out the interest payments are almost as much as the minumum payments. That's £10 a month or so. Recently I upped the payments, but they didn't do anything fr three months. When I spoke to them, they credited me some of the interest back. At least that's what the guy said... I must check this soon. It's been hanging around my neck for over two years now though.

When I think about it I've never owed a great deal, only a couple of hundred for the credit card, and 1k for the overdraft, but it was made a lot worse by ignoring it, and ignoring it gives you the fears they might find you and take everything. Oh and being stoned off my face most of the time didn't help.

Never touch credit cards unless you can afford to pay it off every time. Always pay off as much as you can afford on a loan, NEVER the minumum. Try to save if you can. Don't be afraid to ask for help, it's better owing your folks money than to people who will sell the debt on to tossers who will chase you relentlessly (and who you will be scared of*).

Remember the banks make more money from you owing them money than if you have money in your account. They are not to be trusted, they don't care about you. Your bank manager might be helpful, but it's their job to make money for the bank.

*fortunately I seem to have escaped this fate.
(stapleface, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 12:55, Reply)

in debt?
leave the country

see also -
* rapists
(you're all a bunch of twats anyway, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 12:46, Reply)

Agreeing
with the people before me.

We're not looking for smug twats to say how they've never had a moments debt thanks to the bank of mom & dad. I've been bloody fortunate to receive limited assistance from my parents.

Debt doesn't happen because you "overspend" on frills. It's not buying a new tv that does it, it's losing your job and realising that housing assistance never quite covers your rent, and that you have to choose between eating & washing your clothes.

My debt was self inflicted, but I'm living with it. I got into debt because of a choice I made to pursue a career. my objection is to those who I am in debt to being arrogant, condascending & ruthless in their endeavour to strip me of any chance of living a life where debt doesn't keep me awake at night.

If the banks, credit companies and loan arrangers were being regulated as they should be, then the stigma and fear associated with debt wouldn't drive people to suicide. When a bank or company can ring you 5 times a day to harass a underpaid, overworked person into paying "just a little bit more" than they can afford, then the system is not working.

My advice to those in debt

1 - Statement of Affairs - work out your incoming & outgoing
2 - Write to your creditors, detailing the issue and offering to make token payments until things improve. They won't always accept this, but you've made the effort and this will help in the future. (at least that's what I did)
3 - Do not pay anyone to manage your debt. The Consumer Credit Counselling Service do it for free, and know what they're doing.
4 - Realise that what the creditors tell you isn't always the truth. (Shock) They'll tell you they'll send the bailiffs around, that they'll take you to court and you'll be kicked out of your house. This is bullshit. They can't send the bailiffs around, and they probably won't take you to court as invariably the money you're going to end up paying them is LESS than what you offered initially. PLUS the debt often gets reduced and it costs them money to pursue the case.

Most of all, try not to panic. I've been in your situation and I'm surviving. Creditors rule by fear and they enjoy making your afraid.
(pup, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 12:19, Reply)

For you, Christopsy
My bank manager was a fox: 25, blonde and with a figure that could could warp steel at ten paces. In her tight pencil skirt and crisp white blouse, she was an office slut with a BA in Finance and a mouth that knew all the tricks.

I needed a loan. She ushered me into her office and said she needed to find out about my assets. They were growing just by being in her presence. "I'll need to assess your long term availability," she said while unzipping my fly and taking my throbbing weapon into a cool hand.

"I don't have a problem with high interest," I replied, as she applied a busy tongue to my engorged tip and massaged my gross accumulation. Before I knew it, she had stripped and was impaling herself on my twitching ardour.

"Show me your deposit," she yelled as I came furiously into the enclasping clutch of her orgasm-clenched special interest account.

And that, b3tans, is how I fucked the bank manager.
(frankspencer, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 12:15, Reply)

I've blown a small fortune
On crack, prossies, sharp suits, guns and a live fast fast die young attitude. Luckily Ocean Finance have been able to help me consolidate all my monthly debts into one easy manageable payment of £7,000,000,000 every week. With their help, I can now afford that new car that I wanted, and keep up my drug induced paranoia and delerium.

Thank you Ocean Finance, you've helped turn my life around.

Scarface.
( Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Mon 27 Nov 2006, 12:15, Reply)

Debt pron
If you have a debt problem take shit loads of prozac, you still have debt problems but then you would not care. All my medical advice is tried and tested by debt laden monkeys in animal debt farms , we are trying to get them off debt and on to smoking , can you help ?
Send a cheque to Can Animals Smoke Hash, you can abreviate it to C.A.S.H , to save time, cos Time is Money.
(pjjaad, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 11:55, Reply)

Debt Pron
First Plus Purple Picture and All other debt wank fests should carry a health warning for the people who take out a loan.

If you cant afford to pay it back you are going to get depressed, suicidal, bi polar, angry with everyone you love , hate , dont know.

You will then loose you house , live in squalor in a shitty bedshit or cardboard box , start drinking, stop eating , get hepatitis B or C , a seriously fucked up liver , failing kidneys , become a meths drinking smack addict and finally get your own channel 4 TV show after reinventing yourself as some emaciated cockney dandy. You will then go on to shag all the best looking crack whore bitches in media land before finding the meaning of life in som tibetan ritual which tells you to give all your money away. Yippee , my first post
(pjjaad, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 11:48, Reply)

I hate banks..
Marginally off subject, but I hate the relentless push to get you into debt.

I don't know how it started; it might have been a rare computer upgrade. Visa increased my limit. I ignored them.

An invitation for a silver Visa card (15K limit) dropped through the door. I ignored it. And another one. I ignored that one too.

Not getting the message, they provided two platinum card invitations (25K limit). 25K - way more than I was earning *gross*. There really should be a law against it.

I think they've mostly given up since then, fortunately.

Another story : hubris from a friend. He bought a house. He sold it - profit of 30K. He bought another one and sold that, making another 20K. Believing himself to be a property god, he bought another house and is currently trying to sell it for 20K above market value without success and with a vast mortgage. Crippled by his outgoings, he then received a load of money from an unexpected source. Did he spend this on reducing his burden? No, he bought a brand new car *headdesk*.

I'd also like to slap anyone who thinks house price increases are valuable. It's only useful if you can buy a new house for less money than you can sell your current house for..
(EssY, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 11:35, Reply)

How come....
...every advert on telly about consolidating bills into "1 easy monthly payment" ends in the actor saying "Now I can afford that holiday"? NO YOU CAN'T!!!! YOU'LL BE IN COURT BY CHRISTMAS!!!!
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 11:15, Reply)

Dole….a few observations.
‘I'm 19 and I've never even considered getting a credit card or loan’ – yes, because you’re 19 and you still live at home, so are we to take it you’re paying market rent to stay there? I doubt it. Are you paying your own council tax, contributing to the water rates, electricity bills etc and also putting money into the pot for the sky tv your house probably has and the broadband you’re using now? Again, I doubt it.

‘The key is to SAVE DAMMIT SAVE, I have a wonderful social life and can afford all the luxuries I want after only having 1 part time job for a year’ – just out of interest were you being fully taxed on this? Again I doubt it as you would’ve been a student, then again this is more of a moot point. What do you class as luxuries though? Up to the age of about 20 luxuary for me was pizza express if I was paying and a really budget piece of travelling around Turkey for a month, now I’ll happily go to an expensive restaurant in London or to the Caribbean on holiday, why? Well yes these things are expensive and yes I may put them on my credit card and pay them off slowly or when bonus time comes around but I don’t worry about that, at the end of the day they are memorable experiences!

‘Thanks to one savings account I can keep up this life for about a year before I become a fireman hopefully’ – A very commendable career choice

BUT

‘One last thing though, money to me means NOTHING, so long as I can live I am happy with the amount I have.’ – So I take it you won’t be one of the firemen to go out and strike about the pay then? Because of course your saving technique is groundbreaking! I’d love to see what the older guy at the firestation with 2 kids and a mortgage up to the hilt does when you give your little tuition session about money and how you’re not going to strike because and to quote
“money to me means NOTHING”

I think he’d probably tell you to cock-off! Come back and try and teach your grandmother how to suck eggs when you’ve lived in the real world you puppy! Some people may have actually read some of the posts and felt a bit better about themselves after looking at the shit they’re in, they don’t need people preaching about ‘no excuses’. Others come here for a laugh which your post certainly wasn’t.

As for your mate at uni studying on a course he dosen’t like for a job that might kill him, well I’ll tell you what, the skills he’s probably learning are transferable to jobs he might very well enjoy and still pay well so in the future when he hopefully does have quality of life found in family, he will be earning that bit more which puts the icing on the cake!

As for sleep/insomnia, try repeatedly banging your head against a wall.

Length, girth etc....bollocks!
(crispyshark, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 11:14, Reply)

This QOTW sucks
There's no stories about sex.


On topic: 4 student loans, 6000 quid. Plus a few hundred quid on Barclaycard and a small OD. So not particularly bad but it's no fun.
(Christopsy, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 11:12, Reply)

Warning
If you are even *thinking* about getting divorced, HAVE NO MONEY or ASSETS in your own name. Luckily for me when I got divorced in 1981 I had nothing, but my stepfather stitched me up and I lost custody of my own daughter. But at least there was no money involved. We lived in a council house on the Isle of Wight. Ex-husband's family said I'd never have any money. Cue 1989 when my now husband got divorced. He just left his wife with a suitcase one day. He was earning too much money and is still paying maintenance to the stupid bint he married. She's 60 and will never get married again because otherwise she will lose the maintenance. the only way he stops paying is when she dies. Guess what is my biggest wish ? Talk about a fuck up. If I'd known how much money was involved I'd have got rid of it before he left her.

I got my own back on the stepfather, who went missing from my Mum one day about 10 years ago and is living as some sort of porn photographer in Tanzania. I got my own back at the ex-husband too. What did I do ? I bought my daughter a new car for her 29th and I can afford to pay for it with my own money.
( Tiggy the diver, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 10:36, Reply)

Dole

Whilst I agree that only buying what you can afford and spending wisely is - of course the correct way to be in life, with respect you're only 19 and I'm guessing you don't have kids or a mortgage to think about.

When I was 19 I too had as you say -

"a wonderful social life and could afford all the luxuries I want after only having 1 part time job for a year"

I went to college and uni and paid for it all myself by getting freelance jobs in the holidays to pay for the rest of the years'

a) rent
b) booze
c) luxuries

then after I left uni and entered the real world, of sitting in traffic on the M1 four hours a day, being paid junior wages whilst paying rent and food and council tax and all the other bills life chucks at you as soon as you leave the soft moist bubble of higher education and home.

Then comes the house and all of a sudden with the best will in the world you find that you have to make decisions that sometimes mean you have to get in debt like moving closer to work (for me that was down south) so you start paying more just to live but your wages stay around the same.

My debts are average, house + car etc. and I earn an above average wage (at last) but at some point you will get into debt and I'm sure you will (especially joining the fireservice or the navy!)

So to sum up
Son - Don't lecture people when your balls haven't even dropped yet.
(cherry B, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 10:34, Reply)

Darth Vegas I agree with you!
What an arsehole! and only 19! Wow I'm sure he knows so much about life!

Do you still live your mummy and daddy Dole?
( Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 10:32, Reply)

"does anyone know any cures for insomnia?"
I find that sleeping on an enormous pile of £50 notes helps.


For people who think credit cards are evil and pointless:

1/. Your purchases are insured, so if you drop your new toy on the way home or have it nicked, you're covered.

2/. Cashback - I get about £100 a year free money on the anniversary of taking out my Egg card.

3/. 0% interest - for the past few years I've been bouncing my debt around the various 0% interest cards while, instead of paying them off, putting the money into a savings account earning around 5% interest (it's not worth it anymore because they're now charging a balance transfer fee).

Credit cards are great, if you use 'em right.
( Beve The Spaniard broke off his horse's head, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 10:03, Reply)

lessons in life and language

For those of you that weren't entirely sure of the definition of the word sanctimonius, please refer to the message from Dole below.

Also see: pious, preachy, self-satisfied, smug.
(Darth Vegas Poke It With A Stick, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 10:00, Reply)

I think I can honestly say
that my biggest problem at current is my excessive drinking which is not helping me financially in the slightest :-(

I moved into my own place for the first time in January and as I work from home (on my own) I find it very difficult to just switch off at the end of the day. I "solve" this by spending supid amounts of money on alcohol each month, I've even spent in the region of £1.5k one month, yes this involved a credit card, I certainly don't earn enough to drink like that.

How sad?
( Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 9:57, Reply)

Make mine and electron...
I had a fun time with my bank. Couple of years after uni, having abused my overdraft in order to get together deposit for a flat I was over my limit each month and ended up missing a loan payment to the bank. Carried on paying subsequent months but never caught up with the one I skipped. They got round to noticing this about 3 months later and they immediately closed my account. They chose to inform me of this not by letter but by swallowing my card in a cashpoint and therefore making me phone them and pay for the priveledge of hearing this dire news. After the initial panic and horror I put another call into the bank to try and work something out.

Me: "please turn my account back on"

Bank: "no, we're closing it. And what's more you're going to have pay us back the full amount of your loan and all the outstanding overdraft as well, hahaha, etc".

Me: "ok. But if I have no account then my wages have no where to go and I will have no money to get to work and make any more wages so i'll become bankrupt and destitute and will never be able to pay you back anything. hah"

Bank: "oh yeah"

They then turned my account back on and not another word was said. Apart from the fact that they made me use an electron card for a year. Which has "ELECTRON" written on it in big white letters to ensure that you are suitably humiliated every time you pull it out of your wallet.

So logic works on them if you apply it correctly. And speak slowly and clearly. But ultimately they will always get the last laugh. Swines.
(Darth Vegas Poke It With A Stick, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 9:44, Reply)

Somewhat at the other end of the scale, but some banks are twats
I bank with a certain bank who I won't name (large Yorkshire town, begins with Hal, ends with fax) who bounced a cheque for £2.50 because it took me 35p (yes 35 pence, 35% of 1 pound, not a typing error) overdrawn, and charged me £25 for the privilege. To add insult to injury the cheque was presented on the day my monthly salary went in, a monthly salary of usually about well over a grand that had been going in without fail for about a year by then. The time between my cheque being presented and my wages going in means that this charge represents an interest rate of about 150,000% apparently, a mate of mine who understands this kind of thing worked it out for me. Why does a bank have a slogan like "Get a little extra help" when the only decision regarding unauthorised overdrafts is made by a computer which compares 2 numbers and charges you 25 quid if one is less than the other rather than somebody looking at the account and saying "Ah yes, Mr Tinypod is likely to be paid far more than this in approximately 4 hours time, we'll overlook this clearly minor error and not bum rape him for such a petty amount". Probably coz "When we say jump, all you need to know is to where and how high, you tedious little shits!" isn't nearly as snappy.

Heavens, aren't my sentences long when I'm ranting.
(tinypod will never learn. Ever., Mon 27 Nov 2006, 7:42, Reply)

And furthermore
I once moved into a new flat and one of the first things I had to do was persuade a firm of bailiffs that I (a middle-class Anglo-Saxon male) was not Mrs. O. Oladapo.
(><(((">, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 7:30, Reply)

"Er... we just made it up"
I once lived and worked abroad for a few years. When I returned to the UK I received a huge tax statement from the Inland Revenue, based on entirely fictitious UK earnings for the period, loaded with surcharges and surcharges of surcharges.

Turned out they had mislaid my change of address letter and had just been 'estimating' (i.e. making up) earnings for the period.

After I sent them all my foreign tax documents they conceded I didn't actually owe them anything at all.

Fine. But it won't bring back those people who got similar statements and decided to just put their head in the gas oven.
(><(((">, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 7:22, Reply)

bept dorn
Wow, I suddenly feel so much better after reading some of these stories.

I hate to say it but for most of you, you simply got what you deserved. I can accept if someone needs money to pay for life in general but I'm sure that's not the case for all the people owing daddy hundreds of pounds.


I'm 19 and I've never even considered getting a credit card or loan. I have a nice 4 figure sum of money in one account which I can spend at will on anything I want and another 4 figure sum that will cover any costs such as big expenses like cars, holidays etc. Now you're probably thinking I'm a little rich kid and my parents are the king and queen but my dad earnt less than 15K before he left work and my mum is part time earning scrapings.

The key is to SAVE DAMMIT SAVE, I have a wonderful social life and can afford all the luxuries I want after only having 1 part time job for a year. Thanks to one savings account I can keep up this life for about a year before I become a fireman hopefully or join the navy full time.

If I can do it then you guys have no excuse, it's not hard. Just don't go spending shed loads on crap you don't want or need. As arrogant as I sound I really do hope you all get out of debt soon and learn from your mistakes.

One last thing though, money to me means NOTHING, so long as I can live I am happy with the amount I have. My friend is taking a course at uni which he hates purely so he can get a job that pays well at the end. Only problem is he hates the subject and hates the job that he will eventually have and no doubt will kill him from stress. He loves the idea of having more money than most though even if it does mean he isn't happy. I however have chosen to do subjects I wanted to do and have had a laugh throughout all my life and as I've said, I hope to join the services of some kind in which education means nothing to a certain extent. I will have enough money to make me happy, a job I can be proud of and enjoy every day, my girlfriend who I love by my side, and no regrets what so ever. Who will be most content on their death bed I ask myself?!
Hopefully I'll be able to, maybe not change his mind but at least give him a new outlook on the true values in life.

Apologies for length but I saved it all up for this one

p.s. It's 7.10am and I ain't slept at all, does anyone know any cures for insomnia?
(grey.squirrel, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 6:22, Reply)

Christmas cash
Stainer's story just reminded me of my own. It seems that Kilburn High Street is perhaps the centre of financial miracles in the UK.

I was on the same said road a couple of years ago with my 'merkin flatmate. She'd had a pretty tough time of it back in the US before escaping to England to study. The result was that she'd never had a proper Christmas.

So - despite our combined poverty - we headed off to Poundland to buy all the tinsel we could for a tenner. On the way back we had to dodge our way through all the Christmas trees that had been hacked down from a local forest and put up for sale along the pavement.

There was one tree that seemed nicer than the rest. We both saw it and made mention... but there was no way we could afford a tree. Still, for some reason it drew me over, I think I just wanted to touch it and take in it's bathroom-fresh pine smell.

Anyway, as I touched I saw a note. Not the "Help, I'm being held captive in the forest" type. A crisp 20 pound note!

So I haggled down the pikey purveyor of pine and we had a tree (plus a bloody long way to carry the spiky fucker home).

'Twas truly a Christmas miracle

And why did I only have 5 pounds to my name and live in a flatshare despite having a 30k/year job and a house that I was renting out for a second income? 25k on credit cards is the answer. But that story would just be the same as all the others...
( DickieDoesDallas eshews witty slogans, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 4:16, Reply)

Free money
A little bit off the topic but it does involve a bank and money.

I was walking down Kilburn High Street on my way to work one morning when I heard a beeping noise. I turned to my left and saw that there was some money sticking out of the ATM. I quickly took the money out of the machine and looking both ways to check there was no one about to come and claim it, stuck it in my pocket and hurried off. I didn't count it (I was waiting until I was in the safety of my office) but I remembered that my mate had told me a few montrhs earlier that he had found 50 quid in the same machine. 50 quid thinks I, that'll be a new pair of trainers that I'd been eyeing up the day before. Imagine my surprise then on discovering that I was now the proud owner of 5 crisp 20 pound* notes.
I like to think that I stitched the bank up but there's a small part of me that wonders if it might have belonged to a pensioner struggling to get by on a tight state pension. Fuck it - at least I got absolutley hammered that night.

* there's no pound sign on Aussie keyboards which is where I write this from.

PS It was a nationwide if anyone fancies chancing their arm.
(Stainer Has been treating objects like women since, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 3:53, Reply)

balifs/sherrifs court
don't mean to sound like someone from the CAB but if you're getting hassled by balifs, try and sort it out with your debtors rather than the ballifs, cos they're a bunch of callous heartless cunts who are just in it for their commision and don't give a shit about your personal circumstaces, I took a great sense of satisfaction after having loads of shitty scarey intimidating phone calls from the balify company to tell them (after paying them there £25 call off fee) that they could fuck off and leave me alone as I'd actually spoke to a reasonable hunan being (at leeds uni, my debtor) who was actually willing to help me out of a shitty situation
(mr_mobs, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 2:56, Reply)

fucking uni
i lived in uni halls (lupton flats, leeds) during my first year at nursing colloege, didn't think much of them (full of crap fat 18 year old girls playing shana twat "i will always love you all" the time. so obviously i thought that would give me good reason to give leeds uni a rubber cheque at the end of the year (and at the end of every other year, as your couldn't be in debt to the uni even if you lived out of halls to progress to the next year or graduate), so 2 years and two increasingly bigger rubber cheques i qualify as a nurse and carry on with my life (btw I convinced my mum that I had the flu during my graduation ceremony so she wouldn't come down, the bastards wouldn't even let you wear the silly black bed sheet and silly hat if you owed them money!) but 3 years later they some how track me down and I get a balif at my door saying I owe £2,500 rent + %25 interst per day!, I fucking shat myself!and spent the next 3 weeks telling my house mate and girlfriend never to open the door without the grill (think lock stock) fortunatley i had a mate who owed me a huge favour (he was a law student and was connected and he had some dealings with some very strange humans) but long and short of it was. only had to pay £2,000 back and the grease monkey's got off my back!
(mr_mobs, Mon 27 Nov 2006, 2:42, Reply)