The threesome I turned down
with some supermodel twins, just on the grounds that they voted conservative...*sigh*
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:28, 3 replies)

I purchased a house in 2007

(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:25, 5 replies)

My ex cheated on me...
I forgave her for it because she told me they were never gonna have any contact again... She's has a kid with him now. At no point have I ever punched the scruffy little twat repeatedly in the throat till he went limp because it might upset her.
(Dr Fishfinger Want's to see a fat man give a tit wank, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:10, 2 replies)

Was 20, good looking then, tanned and very fit from working
on the sea for Summer job.

Walking home at about 10pm car pulls up in her Volvo Estate, it was the local vet 35ish, brunette, fab body, really attractive and single.

Want a lift? she says with a flirtly smile and a wink.

Ah it's ok mumbles I and I walk on, heart beating like a jackhammer.

God I'd say had a few thousand wanks thinking about what might have happened.
( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:01, 3 replies)

I bought a house, despite everyone telling me it had ghosts.
...that decision still haunts me.
( Zak McFlimby Twibbling @McFlimby, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 14:00, Reply)

Bad interview answer
I had just finished university, and the commercial internet was in its infancy. People knew what it was but nobody was really using it.

My friend sorted me out with an interview with the Sun newspaper, and it was to help edit news for their new "internet" project.

The interviewer I know think was Rebekkah Wade, and the interview was going really well. I was young and keen, and really good at thinking of puns for the headlines. But her last question was "what do you think is the future of publishing?" and I thought "fuck knows!". So I said "books". eh? "books have been around forever, so I think the future of publishing is books".

15 years of experience developing an online publishing site for the biggest news publisher in the world might have led to quite a nice job by now. Oh well.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 13:55, Reply)

"You have been accepted onto a PhD course"
No thanks, I think I want to earn some money instead. I think I'm really going to enjoy being office bound for the rest of my life.

Fucksticks.
( rofl harris, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 13:53, 4 replies)

I grew a mullet
I didn't really want a mullet, but my hair has a kind of afro-ness to it that meant that I couldn't really grow it long or I'd end up looking like a white kid that got kicked out of the Jackson Five.

Anyway all my mates had long hair and I wanted to be like them so I just grew it at the back. It looked fucking awful, especially when combined with the glasses and the bad skin that cursed my teenage years. I kept it for a couple of years, then on the day I left school I went to the barber and got a short back and sides -- the same style that's done me for the twenty-odd years since.

Anyway my embarrassment at this follicular faux-pas had almost entirely dissipated by the time of my wedding, some dozen or so years later. I'd been quite merciless in my destruction of all photographic record of it, erasing a whole chapter of my life in order to escape the horror. But I didn't bank on my best man's sneakiness or my Mum's ingenuity: she remembered the one and only remaining pic, nestling unharmed inside my old passport which she'd stashed in a drawer somewhere.

It was with some surprise, then, that -- after having sat through a This Is Your Life style recap of my first 30 years (and the hairstyles) -- I witnessed my so-called friend instruct each and every one of the assembled guests to reach under their chair, where they would find a golden envelope containing their very own copy of the photograph in question. For years afterwards I'd wander into a friend's kitchen, only to be greeted by my own morose, mullet-bound mug staring back at me from under a magnet on their fridge.

Bastards.
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 13:41, 1 reply)

I could stay in, study, and use my pretty good brain to store useful facts and to make interesting, constructive connections, thereby paving the way for a productive, interesting and lucrative future, or ...
I could go out, get mullered, and talk to girls.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 13:33, 4 replies)

I was 18/19 years old, full of low self esteem and hippy ideals,
There was this guy who was fucking gorgeous who made it quite plain he wanted to go out with me, but because he was joining the army I told him I couldn't date a soldier. I think part of it was I just couldn't believe he wanted to go out with me.

I still kick myself now 25 years later.
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 13:24, 3 replies)

she was a single mother, massive breasts, great thighs, long black hair, incredibly cute face and interesting to talk to
But a complete emo, loner, self loathing defeatist and seriously unhinged emotionally.
( Bamboo Steamer, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 13:23, 1 reply)

Rmember me?
While looking for a summer job in the mid-1990s, I learned that a record company called Pharm had recently been set up near me. One of their acts, Blue Boy, had just had a minor hit with a record called "Remember Me"; somehow, I got hold of their contact details, and got in touch with them to see if they'd be prepared to take me on as a general dogsbody for a couple of months.

Amazingly, they invited me along for a chat. Even more amazingly, they seemed to have decided that I'd be employable from the moment I walked through the door. The two blokes who ran the outfit asked me to name my price.

I did a quick mental calculation: minimum wage times hours per week... that'd come to... oooh, let's see. "Somewhere in the region of £200 a week?" I suggested, expecting to be bartered down.
"Fine."

And that was where I came unstuck. I was so prepared to be laughed out of the building that I had no idea what to say or do next.

I didn't take them up on their offer.

Granted, Pharm seems subsequently and quickly to have sunk without trace, but, all the same... I had a dead easy route to working in the music industry - a world of parties, glamour, supermodels and massive drugs - and I walked away from it and ended up spending two months working in a call-centre.

I am an idiot.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 13:21, 1 reply)

I took the red pill
Fuck me, it's cold out here.

And the food's rubbish.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 12:54, 2 replies)

Sirrus, tho ...
Less av anovver one.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 12:51, Reply)

A friend of a friend
Terrible drink problem. Abusive when drunk. All round bit of a selfish cunt. Terrible with money, and notorious in his Uni days for fucking his housemates over by not sorting bills, etc.

However, we were both looking for a flat at the same time, so...

It didn't end well.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 12:35, 2 replies)

I did a few weeks' work experience at the BBC
In the summer after the second year of my degree I got a rare-as-hens-teeth BBC Work Experience placement in their Specialist Factual department, helping make sciencey TV programmes for the very early days of BBC Three (when it was actually worth watching). It was utterly brilliant and seeing your work turned into broadcast and well-reviewed programmes is fantastic.

At the end of my placement the programme producer said "we like you, you seem to be good at this, would you like a job with us? You can start immediately."

I said "wow, thanks, but I'd better go and finish my degree first."

...

Of course, a year later, I found sciencey media jobs were just as impossible to get as they were to anyone else then. I spent two years chasing similar opportunities and then begrudgingly moved on.

I now have my own business doing something completely unrelated that I really enjoy, but still every now and then I think "what was I thinking?!"
( sanityclause is waiting until, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 12:26, 5 replies)

Whass that? Anovver pint?
Why not, eh!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 12:21, 2 replies)

Helping out
A young lady was being hassled by her ex, and he kept breaking into her flat and beating her up, so, as a gentleman of 20 years old, single, etc, I offered my services as a bodyguard, and to give her a room for a while until the ex was found, and locked up for a short while.
So she came and stayed, and as I only had a single bed, I offered it to her, and slept on what passed in my hovel for a couch. On night 2, she heard me tossing & turning (I had finally mastered "Also Sprach Zarathustra" on the springs, and was quite chuffed with myself at this point)(not really, I was totally knackered), and said "for Gods sake, just get in here and snuggle up- I trust you". So I did.
And was a good boy for the whole 2 weeks she was there, even though my raging erection every night digging into her back woke her up, and the odd grasp of a bounteous bosom whilst asleep (ahem) happened, and the odd grasp of a raging erection happened, and snuggling bum cheeks further onto said erection happened- nothing happened.
Claire, I'm sorry, I was stupid & gentlemanly.
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 12:20, 9 replies)

A relative of mine
works in the same industry as me, except he's 20 years older and a Managing Director.

When I first left Uni he helped me out a bit by talking me through the Industry, and offering a bit of advice with CVs, interviews, etc.

He offered to get me a graduate job at his company, and I thought seriously about it, but wanted to do things my own way and not be accused of nepotism, so I went and got myself a job elsewhere, after much trying, and worked my way up in the company. I found this more satisfying as ultimately, I knew I'd achieved everything off my own back rather than getting a leg up, even if it had taken me longer to get a job.

Anyway, this warm fuzzy feeling overrode my better judgment when a few years later he again asked if I'd be interested in a job at his place at significantly more than my current salary, and I pretty much auto-responded: 'Thanks, I appreciate it, but I'm fine where I am.'

This was just before that whole inconvenient global financial crisis thingemebob kicked off, and we had a pay-freeze for two years. I am still on marginally less than I would have been three years ago if I'd accepted a bit of nepotism.

Bugger.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 12:19, Reply)

I have recently joined B3ta...

(FondaAccord, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 12:18, 1 reply)

"It seemed like a good idea at the time..."
Is the tagline to my life. I intend to get it as a tattoo at some point.

Mostly in the hope that somebody will ask me why I had it done...
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 12:16, 6 replies)

Going with women who eventually dumped me...
... and not going with women who wouldn't have
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 12:16, 1 reply)

I thought I was first
but I was badly mistaken.
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 12:10, Reply)

Peas!
When I was 17 I was going out with this girl who was also 17, and she was - well - 17 - she was absolutely bloody gorgeous.

And obviously we were very horny.

And we fooled around an awful lot, BUT

She said she was saving herself.

And, because I'd been brought up right, I respected that. I have two older sisters, who had told me in no uncertain terms that when I came of age I was to respect a girl's decision when she says stuff like that, as she would feel pressured and then awful and dirty and used and stuff afterwards if you didn't.

And this girl I was seeing, one evening when we had some time to ourselves, sat across my lap, with just my shirt on, completely unbuttoned, and whispered, "Screw me".

And verily I didde think, "Ah no - for the woman hath been infected with LUST, and she knows not of what she speaks!" and I did notte doe thee dirty deed to her, for I thought of myself as honourable.

And woe was me, for she dumped me as a result.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 12:09, 3 replies)

I got breast implants to impress CactusZack.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 12:05, 1 reply)

oh 2nd!
how exciting
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 12:02, 4 replies)

first!
Oh holy fuck, how did that happen? I never get first.

for my story, I inexplicably one night decided that shot games were great. They were not. And I have not been able to look at a shot glass since.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 23 Sep 2010, 12:01, 4 replies)