Fire engine...
I spent £30 on a Fire engine that was remote controlled...
then drove it to college, it didn't work, so we trashed it...
I wasn't drunk, but the allure of the bright lights and pretty colours dumbfounded me...
Damn Toys'R'Us!
(Big Spoon Baby Balloon hides in corners, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 22:58, Reply)

I buy pointless things all the time
The only time I recall having been "under the influence", so to speak, and doing so was at Reading festival last year. To be fair, I was so wasted I don't remember how much money I parted with, or much of that weekend at all to be honest, but I came back with a variety of tat, such as a shitty bandanna, a far-too-small bum bag with a smiley face on it and a see-through plastic bag to protect the all-important toilet roll. I did make one good purchase, however, my now-beloved german army shirt from which I am practically inseparable. It may stink of weed and be ever-so-slightly too small, but without fail it's what I choose to throw on when I walk out the door. No wonder people look at me funny.
( useful_idiot, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 22:25, Reply)

Woke up one morning...
...and started getting ready for my Saturday job at a greengrocers (I was probably about 17 at the time). As I got ready I noticed one of those light-weight footballs they sell everywhere stuck under my bed and that my trainers looked partially melted - my clothes also stank of smoke and pish. 'Perhaps we crashed a barbecue or something' I thought. Anyway, went to work and my boss happened to mention that she had a sore throat. At that point a chain reaction started and the night before resurfaced to the top of the memory pile - we had got some cider and beer, went to the cemetery and drank it all, after which the usual "Don't step on people's graves" taboo went out the window and we were crawling all over the 'yard. At some point we had gone to the 24 hour (when they used to let you walk in at most places) and bought the ball and practised some light thievery. Hence the game of football among the graves and jumping in and over a stack of burning leaves.

So how had it all come back? After my boss complained of a cough, I magically produced a packet of Halls Soothers from my pocket which was the night's one and only pointless shoplift.

I may not have been smart, but I probably was psychic.
(Ludokan, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 21:49, Reply)

Not old enough to drink, probably never will
But still, I managed somehow to buy, and build, an Airfix Red Arrows Fighter Jet, after 46 hours of being awake. I was twitchy with coffee and sugar.

Also a roll of duct tape.
(The Machinist, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 21:27, Reply)

Weird stuff I bought whilst drunk
Found myself in a 24 hour tescos one evening, wheaupon I bought a packet of King Edwards cigars, one of those novel 'tiny' digital cameras, a microwave burger and a bottle of Dr Pepper.

Upon arriving home I decided this wasn't enough and also bought the time of a lovely Romainian webcam girl.

Sadly I was too drunk to realise I could have videotaped the entire session. £190 lighter (for the evening) and feeling slightly less bloated in testicular region, I fell asleep happy that night.
(Sup3rSox, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 21:06, Reply)

More Notts Marijuana
Wow, purple_iain you completly reminded me...

In second year at Notts (circa '96) I was returning home to my Hyson Green digs (From RCity, of course) and was offered some. Paid full whack £15, if I recall

On crumbling, I discovered it to be a 'square-cut' block of Bassetts liquice stick. I was a little bit upset. But to be honest I like liquice so much I decided to forgive that anonytmous tall dark menacing stranger.

If he'd used dutch salty liquice I'd have tracked him down and....
( zacherynuk @echo off, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 20:03, Reply)

Sensible, Boring, OT but useful
This was briefly mentioned, but for everybody who has ever bought anything whilst 'under' or otherwise read here:

www.dti.gov.uk/ccp/topics1/ecomm.htm

We all have more power than we realise


/glances up in cute way in hope...
( zacherynuk @echo off, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 19:55, Reply)

edible body paint.
you know how it is in those hick karaoke bars, with vending machines boasting a variety of bizarre things for a buck apiece. tampons, crap perfume, and so forth. this one's label said something like "sexy gadgets! surprise!" and had pictures of what looked like blowfish. why not? i thought. out came this fluorescent orange, apparently edible, but obviously toxic, paint. "strawberry flavour".
never did use it. probably for the best.
(harmless kitty, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 18:33, Reply)

bloody god awful wigs:
i once bought 17 (yes count it SEVENTEEN) awful curly synthetic wigs with names such as "Doreen" and "Sylvia", I purchased these lovely items online after consuming copious amounts of absynth, pernod, and voddy (heh heh) and paid the princely sum of £1,105 (non refundable) It was all a bit of a wheeze when I received said items, but then came the hefty credit card bill! *cries*
( catweasle neither a cat nor a weasle, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 18:32, Reply)

Bought it while drunk
I like beer, and I like chocolate. so chocolate (unfuckinsweetened, mind you) beer seemed like a good idea. My gag reflex was the only thing that saved me from laughing at the ground the rest of the night. Damn you, Sam Addams!
(the Angry Gumball Harmless American, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 16:58, Reply)

2.3 litres
At the end of a full day of long, hard alcohol intake I awoke fully clothed in the bedroom at the front of my flat. I had very little immediate recollection of where I had last been boozing and even less of my method of getting home. And then it hit me. Looking out of the window to the street outside I could see that I was now the rather shocked owner of a white Ford Cortina 2.3 V6 Ghia with full bodyskirting (including one of those rear spoilers that looks like something NASA rejected). As the facts began to slowly and rather distressingly become clear to my befuddled head I remembered that I had bought it for 250 quid off some dodgy fella in the pub and driven home in it there and then. Not big. Not clever. And more expensive than a taxi.
(Haymaker, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 16:57, Reply)

Barking
When I was a student in Nottingham I was trying to make my way home in something of a stupor one night. I was confronted by a homeless chap who was forcefully trying to sell me some cannabis. Eventually I agreed, not just because I was pissed but I wanted rid of him and actually quite fancied some. I paid the chap and went home.
On arrival home some time later, and in a considerably more sober state I realised that the chap had sold me no more than a piece of bark wrapped in cling film. Superb.
(purple_iain, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 16:51, Reply)

Agent Provocateur panties
Fifty five f'ing quid!!! Must have been pissed.

Still I'm in brownie point heaven with my sweet lady.
(CerberusDog woof, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 16:26, Reply)

As seen in the hood
Does anyone want to buy this LP. it comes with a bag of itching powder and a tickling stick so you can 'get into' scratching with it.

Its too hard core for me songs about robbing car stereos and signing on "for the fella"


(Potassium Permanganate, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 16:19, Reply)

Plank
Stole a plank. Then we balanced it on a step and proceeded to do drunken sommersaults off it. Til security came and took it away.
(Bobwithbitchtits, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 15:49, Reply)

I searched ebay for "testicle"....
I can't remember why but it seemed a good idea at the time. There were two for sale, both from different sellers. One was a real one (buyer collects) but the starting price was too high even though he said it was in excellent working order as he'd just become a daddy. I wish I'd saved this page as it was removed by ebay - not allowed to sell body parts. The other one was an ornamental pottery penis with one testicle, starting price £20. I bid for it and sadly no-one else did. It is truly horrible.
(fuchsiaperfect, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 13:43, Reply)

hohum
I got pissed and logged onto Ebay last night. I ended up bidding £10,000,000 for a Live 8 ticket.




(only joking!)
(Wrecked Tums, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 13:28, Reply)

A wimoweh..
My husband once bought me teh lovely present of Tight Fit's greatest hits..he must have been inebriated..or dropping hints!
Really I should have runaway then while I had the chance. He has since brought home Ottowan cd's, Des O'Connor, Mike Reid Sings..I'm scared..help me escape..is there a hostel for women like me somewhere?
( moogy boobles, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 12:35, Reply)

Ebay is lethal to pissed shoppers
Some rather kinky boots I will never ever wear and would probably break my neck if I ever tried! You know the kind of thing, loads of buckles and straps and killer spiky heels and pointy toes..
I have only the vaguest recollection of buying them. I also bought a Johnny Depp fridge magnet at the same time, so it wasn't a totally negative experience...
(Siouxfan I'm not staring at you, I am just short sighted, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 12:02, Reply)

Korean Binge
Went to Korea on the ferry for a few days (I live in Japan). I go on the piss in Pusan and wake up the next morning with, The Korean equivilent of a Kebab (of course), around a million of those little cards hookers leave in phoneboxes, 2 pizzas and, wait for it.... 4 tracksuits, all bright green in childrens sizes, Im a 20 year old man of no small size.
I am to this day being ridiculed by mates who see some connection between hooker cards and childrens clothes.

Dont mention the lenght, i`m rather sensitive about it.
(Flashraziel, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 11:22, Reply)

Sensible Online Grocery Shopping

After a couple of ales, I decided to order those heavy, bulky items online from the supermarket.

Brilliant - toilet paper, kitchen roll, mineral water, laundry detergent.

25 kg bag of potting mix?

Christ...
( Strangey is present at, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 11:21, Reply)

McDonalds at Home
A few years back I crashed a mate's work do at a Bar in Reading. A few others must have had the same idea as the entire night's credit limit was breached after about an hour. Normally I wouldn't dream of drinking £8 cocktails but if someone else is paying then that's another matter. Well the evening progressed and I still seemed to be getting free drinks and getting steadily more and more wankered. I remember it being about 10pm, and realising that I'd been drinking dodgy cocktails non stop for 4 hours and have a vague recollection of grabbing one girl's arse as I "flirted" with her. It was at about this point when I started to get hungry and had a revelation. McDonald's should come out with a home microwavable range of food. Then you could have McDonalds at home whenever you wanted it. Being pretty drunk I obviously couldn't wait for the McDonalds people to come up with this too and plan the necessary sales campaign etc before releasing this new wonder product range, so I came up with my own version. I should spend all the money on my person at McDonalds and then take it home and simply store it in the fridge. Thereby enabling me to reheat it all week and eat lovely McDonalds food all the time. So I stagger from Squares (the bar) off down Friar Street to McDonalds. Imagine a 6 foot 5, 20 stone block staggering aong the street in dire need of food. I get to McDOnalds and proudly order 20 hamburgers, 20 cheesburgers, 10 1/4 pounders and 3 boxes of 20 nuggets, thinking at the time that this should just about be enough to last me the week. My memory gets hazy beyond this point but I recall stopping off at one of the fruit machine places in town and winning some money and then collapsing onto my train and bing asked if I was okay but quite a number of people. All the time I'm sat holding bags and bags of McDonalds with a smug look on my face as I bask in the glory of being the first person to think of reheating McDonalds food at home. Fast forward to the next morning, following much puking and sleeping by the toilet. I gently walk downstairs to get a little orange juice and maybe some toast to help my stomach. I open the fridge and am faced by a wall of Cheeseburgers, Hamburgers and Nuggets and probably the nastiest smell I've ever had waft up my nose. Managed not to be sick and then staggered bakc off to bed. For some reason I decide to reheat myself some burgers for dinner that night and discovered that McDonalds food is NOT good when reheated the next day. In fact reheating it makes the smell 100 times worse and makes it even more inedible than usual. Still it was a good idea at the time.....
(buskerman, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 11:02, Reply)

Domain purchasing
A few years back when I discovered the joys of the internet through broadband, I bought a domain for personal use. Shortly afterwards I realised that I could potentially make a profit by purchasing domains and then sell them on ebay, therefore becoming a sucessful dotcom entrepreneur.

Fast forward several days:I was drunkenly surfing late one night, and I noticed the domains pSYchopath.com, .net, .co.uk and .org were up for sale. Quick as a flash I purchased them, imagining the fine profit I would make from them on ebay. I spent several more hours surfing before the alcohol forced me to pass out.

Several days letter the paper work associated with my new domains arrived, and I noticed that I had bought the domains pYSchopath.com,.net, .co.uk and .org. My friends were less than supportive, and laughed long and hard, and I recieved several dictionaries for my birthday later thay month.

I tried to sell my mispelled domains on ebay, but no-one bought them, leaving me thoroughly pissed off. Shortly afterwards the dotcom bubble messily burst, and I never attempted to sell domain names again.
(supermeerkat, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 10:54, Reply)

a suspiciously overpriced quarter in barcelona
woke up with gear in my pocket in place of cash. Damn you open pour vodka.

the worst part was i was inter-railing across the med with 3 non-smokers, so had to smuggle what was left through turkey at the end. Thankfully I was drunk there too so I didn't get caught.
( WhoElse I'm what Willis was talking about, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 10:37, Reply)

Entry to a sack race
I was pissed as a fart at the weekend in London and after a long night on it decided to go up to the Stoke Newington Festival.
I bought entry into a sack race (50p!) against five 11 year old girls.

Came last.

(i'm 31)
(Lordy, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 10:00, Reply)

Well not so much drunk as...
...on a horrendous acid comedown. I should have learned not to go shopping after doing acid when a mate of mine tried popping out for a loaf of bread and some milk and came back with a PS2 but I learned not.

The tape player in my car was fucked so I went to Halfords to get a cheap cd player. What I ended up with was a really expensive cd player, an amp, a fuck off massive sub, some silly, loud speakers and a glowing pink light sat on my dashboard.

Since then I've bought a Stone Island jacket and started appreciating Speed Garage music.

Shopping on acid makes you a chav.
(Ed Can Do, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 8:59, Reply)

A Kebab
You have to be don't you.
(C.J Hixon L.I.P, The drinking man's shipping forecast., Tue 14 Jun 2005, 8:50, Reply)

Nothing
Nothing at all.
I'm too young to drink.
(MegaProto, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 3:24, Reply)

need to cut back now,
everyone loves a bit of nostelgia, but as of 3.45am on monday morning, i roll over in a painful daze, and find my cumputor to be on and balrring 8-s rock at me, i squinted across at it, and moved closer only to find an invoice on my glaring monitor in the corner of my room after far too much wine, i am the proud "winner" of the auction for the entire collection of charlie chalk series on video.
I used to love that guy, only one problem, i dont currently own a video player.... problem solved as i have also ordred a video player to watch them on...or so it seems, how handy - i hsall make a point of watching them however.
Should make for a good night in with the lads.
(Sennor, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 0:08, Reply)

Osteopath on call
Was the drunken steals question not last week? Oh well. One night meand my mates stole the sign to a chiropractor's practise and gave out free massages all night.

As for stuff I've bought - Bros on Vhs, supermarket brand whiskey, a tub of fairy cakes, a million kebabs, pork scrathching, a pinada. All the usual stuff.
(weirzbowski, Tue 14 Jun 2005, 0:07, Reply)