An addition to my previous story.
It's not as funny, but I have also got three other incidents I had to go to hospital.

Year 2 for two of them. One was playing cops and robbers with my friends. One 'friend' held me by the arms and swung me round and round and round. Then let go. I didn't have time to protect my face with my hands so I bashed my nose quite badly. No nosebleed but I felt like shit for the rest of the day. My teacher didn't believe me I think, but still let me rest from colouring and have a rest in the cushions. On the way home we stopped at tescos and just while turning a bend I threw up. About 8-10 times. The floor of the car was covered in vomit. Ugh. We bought some stuff to take out the sick and (if you knew where the childrens hospital was previously in birmingham) we went directly across to the hospital. Where a glass of ribena fixed me up nicely.
The other Y2 incident was at home. Playing on the chaise longue (it's just like a sofa with the back and an arm missing, ya know, like in Titanic) I was doing cartwheels... off it. I'd done about 50-100 or something like that. Ya know, done it so many times I thought I'd perfected it. Well when my aupair went to the loo (Aupair is a nanny who lives with you) I had slipped. I didn't cry 'cuz I'm a brave girl and I thought it was only a sprain. Pity. I'd broken my arm. Didn't know at the time but I ended up going to the hospital. After _I_ phoned them... all by my self at 6 years old *moment of pride* When the ambulance men came I wouldn't let them go any where near my arm, I think I snapped at them quite a bit when they tried to touch it. Ended up with a glow in the dark plaster that I wouldn't let anyone sign and when ever I went for a piss they turned the lights off in the loo. I almost got banned from going to the toilets.

The other incident year 6. Lib Dem nine pin bowling party in a pub somewhere. Went with me Da. It was the break and everyone was chatting and drinking and I was getting very bored so I decided to jump over the skittles. I ran up the track and jumped, several times. Then I slipped and caught my foot at the ledge behind the skittles. Fuck that hurt. Shattered a bone at the side of my foot. I could no way walk on it. Ended up going to the hospital (after trying to win a bottle of brandy by rolling a pound as close as I could to it, missed, bugger) and waited 3 hours to have a bandage thing put on it. Then I waited 3 days until I was able to have a plaster, unfortunatly not glow in the dark this time.

Well that's all the stories of my hospital visits. Ta ta!
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 19:48, Reply)

I had a bad day... once
I was at work and was slicing meat, on the big ass slicer (I work at a quizno's)I got distracted, and told my friend to cock off, and as I looked away, I saw part of my thumb and some blood go by. I didn't think it was that bad untill I realized I was going to be sick, My boss comes up and says "Shit man, your bleeding" being a poor person, damn near homeless, and needing the hours, I responded "It's only blood, I can still work"

He made me go to the emergency room
(Human, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 19:43, Reply)

I really deserved this one.
School, year 8, playing tennis in P.E. Nice hot weather. I'm very hyperactive and bouncy by nature. So I decided to jump over tennis nets, I jumped over a few in the middle where it was safe. Unfortunatly then I chose a very tightly strung one to jump over. My foot caught the net and I was sent flying to the ground. I think I passed out for a second of two and when I opened my eyes everyone was standing round me. Unfortunatly I had broken my glasses and had concussion. Tried to carry on walking and such but very hard when glasses broken and got concussion. Oh and my head was bleeding, didn't care about that though, I only cared that my glasses were broken and I would have to go to the hospital and in turn miss ICT later on in the day. Bugger. Well at least I got a 4 day weekend (woo!)

It wasn't too embarassing I suppose, but was rather annoying at the time. I know have a very nice mini scar by one of my eyes.
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 19:35, Reply)

Broken leg
I broke my left leg when i jumped in the thrash can to compress the trash.. The fracture was really painful, with bone pipes penetrating the skin.

The worse part was when i got a room at the hospital... Next to a guy who broke his leg paragliding.

*May contain traces of friend
(Sverre my password is "password", Thu 2 Sep 2004, 19:33, Reply)

Horseplay
I was going out with this girl, we'll call her Sarah, when I was about 18. Anyway, she was extremly equine orientated, and owned a couple of horses. One day we had to clean out the muck trailer, so we got out the garden forks and began hacking away at the large pile of well, shit, in the back of the trailer. Was fine until we got to the back of the trailer. My girlfriend was trying to hack the crap from the back of the trailer with some gusto. Suddenly she gave me a rather strange look, and went a bit white. When asking her what the problem was she said she had hit her leg with the fork. It wasn't until I noticed that there was a hole in the front AND the rear of her wellie, that I thought something was slightly amis. Clearly, she had stabbed the fork right through her leg and out the other side. A fork caked in shit, mind. After trying to stop her fainting, I had the rather difficult task of telling that SHE had to drive to the hospital, as I had just failed my third driving test and thus could not drive myself. Thankfully she made it the A&E without a problem, but then I nearly passed out when they stuck a huge plastic syringe full of Iodine right the way through the hole. Still makes me wince thinking about it!
( D3xt3r Don't take any guff from these fucking swine...., Thu 2 Sep 2004, 19:15, Reply)

fighting prowess, my ass
my living room used to be quite the hangout for anyone who wanted to get into a fight. not a nasty drunk "i'll kill you" kind of fight, mostly just throwing each other around and such. but once i took a foot to the stomach and flew over the head of my horrified friend- who could only watch as i landed directly on my face. my teeth went through my top lip and i bled from every orifice on my face. i spent the rest of the week under bandages, drinking milkshakes and spitting blood once in a while.
(clumsyassassin, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 19:10, Reply)

this is definintely true
my friend's dad was a warden on exmoor national park. he found a tick (small blood-sucking insect vermin thing) on his cock. he had to burn it off with a hot spoon.
( krang, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 18:56, Reply)

i don't know how true this is but
apparently when he was about seven one of my friend's cousins was playing hide and seek (naked for some reason) and decided to hide in the wardrobe, somehow slamming the door behind him and simultaneously trapping his nuts in the wardrobe door. cue the severance of a testicle and said organ flying across the room. apparently he had to get his mum to help him find it.
like i said, i don't know how true it is but it's still quite a story.
( krang, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 18:54, Reply)

i'm always getting hurt in really stupid ways.
I've got this scar on my back. Not so huge as to be gruesome, but rather cool-looking. The kind of scar that should have a good story to it.

No.

It's from *falling onto a shrubbery*.

Well, I didn't cry, at least.

Unfortunately everybody around me thought this was *hilarious.* You know those kind of people? School was filled with 'em. I do not live there anymore.

Edit: Odd coincidence. Not five minutes after I wrote the above, I bend over to pick up something, something small - a shoe, i think - and I throw out my back. I am standing up as I type this b/c I can not bend over.
(fantastic german, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 18:45, Reply)

I really, -really- liked stapling ;)
As a kiddy (think 6 years old) i loved the wonderfull world of 'combining stuff' whereas my main tool to do so, would be the stapler. (sp?)

One day i was , once again, on my duty to reunite random pieces of paper in a very quickish way, only to realise that one piece of paper somehow stuck to my thumb. After shaking it for a few times, to my awe (and amazement too prolly) the piece of paper was stapled -onto- my thumb (the staple piercing through my nail) ; and in the excitement of 'joining random stuff' i did not feel it until i looked at it.

Damn, did i scream at the top of my lungs that day :)
(NoSoup4U, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 18:42, Reply)

push pop
a friend of mine from school won our "best reason for a trip to A&E" contest with this little encounter. when she was younger she had quite a sweet tooth and regularly applied all her childlike persistance in consuming as much as possible. naturally, this meant that she developed a hearty dedication in extracting ALL the candy sweetness from the latest playground craze- the push pop. you could never get the last bit out, it was stuck in the plastic thing and no amount of licking would finish it. so she sucked. she sucked and sucked and sucked and sucked. and found her lips were stuck. she went to the only person who fixes such things, her mum. two hours later, her mum had pulled and twisted and lubricated and yanked- to no avail. fatigue and the muffled cries of her offspring convinced mum that they must brave the trip to A&E, where the poor little girl had to sit for another two hours with her face stuck in a candy treat, enduring the stares and amused expressions of staff and patients alike.
(fubar, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 18:14, Reply)

One time
recently I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom all naked and body like a greek god etc. when i bent down to spit out my naked ass gently touched the white hot radiator behind me, I screamed like a mad man and rocketed forwards to smack the toothbrush off the sink and into my mouth causing a horrible gash in my throat that took ages to stop bleeding and it hurt so badly.
(chossy, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 18:13, Reply)

i had a hyperactive friend in my high school
she was always laughing and doing things on impulse. We were having our lunch in an old pre-fab style classroom ( they're still there, about 20 of them on a pontypool hillside) the windows were screwed shut, and in one of her hyper-laughing-rage stages she kicked the window, hoping it would just break open. Her foot went straight through glass and she slit her ankle ( about 3cm deep and 5 inches long). Cue everyone running out of the room thinking they'd be blamed. The school is so cheap they made her pay for half of the new window. DAMN THEM!
(rainmaker is 98% lurker., Thu 2 Sep 2004, 18:12, Reply)

Now i havent posted often but here are some goodies
- I was 7 and me and my cousin (7) decided we were going to china but were we gonna fly there...no, we were going to dig from my back garden. Anyway my cousin was handing me the garden fork, but being the twunt i was i decided to miss it and it promptly flew into my foot, 1 inch away from several veins and bone you can still see the scar. Incidently by the time i was seen by the A&E my foot had healed (I was also turned away from my local hospital because "We are on a tea break". cunts

- I was playing football and being a flash git went for a overhead kick. Cue me missing the ball landing and chipping my ankle bone, so my friends seeing me screaming in agony run away and leave me too drag myself about 700 yards back to my house, too find my parents out so then have to phone my aunt to give me a lift to the A&E.

- One more. Playing football again and trying to block a shot proceeded to have both bollocks volleyed through my body, not literally lol, by someone 6 years my senior and in peak physical condition. OW!!!!!!

No Apoligies for lenghth
(Elfking, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 18:06, Reply)

Friends sister
heard that you could open wide enough to fit a lightbulb, big end first, inside your mouth but once you got it in there you couldn't get it out without either breaking it (bad) or dislocating your jaw (very bad).

Naturally she assumed this wasn't true so tested the theory by unscrewing a lightbulb and trying it out. Unfortunatly for her, what she thought was urban legend was is actually urban fact - you really can't get a lightbulb out of your mouth after you have put in there. Cue one embarrassing taxi journey to the hospital ("where you you like to go luv?" "eh ouspial!!!") with the taxi driver laughing all the way.

As a post script to this, after about an hour or so the bulb was finally removed by medical professionals and my friend's little sister was free to go. On walking out of the hospital who should she see? (I swear this is true). The taxi driver who brought her to hospital sitting in A&E looking very embarressed with a lightbulb in his mouth!
(Thunder Peel, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 17:51, Reply)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Fuckwit
1990, 15, Youth group just before the adults turned up, brand new stretch jeans, brand new HUGE trainers. TMNT is the latest and greatest, ane we are all Donatello-ing to our hearts content. As one of my mates was a kickboxer and I had talked with him about the deadly arts, I decided that I was more than competent to take things to the next level. I attempted a jumping spinning kick (think a real Van Damme knockout end of the movie job), but managed to mess the jump up completely. I usually blame the shag pile carpet combined with 40lb trainers with super grippy soles - it is better than the ghastly uncoordinated truth. The spin, all 360 degrees was executed perfectly and finished with a bang, literally. My left kneecap was now behind my knee. I said 'Oh my god, I've dislocated my knee' in a very stoic fashion, then fainted.
Four hours later, I am waving the nitrous oxide around as the ambulance guys cut me out of my jeans to splint my leg, telling one lady in particular I loved her and screaming alternately. Oh the shame.
(I am the infinite monkey!, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 17:28, Reply)

Balls!!
Whilst playing hockey at school with our former professional player/teacher I decided to be in goal. Apparently she was impressed by my skills and decided to shoot a quick ball at me... Unfortunately it bounced up and knocked my square in the head at speed. I've never seen a teacher fear so much for her own career!

Some years later a friend of mine also decided to repeat the same move with a nine iron and a golf ball. That caused a nice bump on my head!

Two other short ones : I once did full splits when skateboarding. At the time it was uncomfortable. Two hours later we went for a family trip to southport and I suddenly stopped on the promenade. When asked what was wrong I said I couldn't move. My whole pelvis locked up... It took a moment for it to free up. This happened on and off for a few days.

I also managed to simultaneously sprain both of my wrists by falling forward and not cushioning the blow by bending my arms. Trying to go from a sitting on the floor position to a stood up position with two sprained arms was like some sort of ancient torture. Absolute agony!!!

Last one - As a new member of the scouts on a wide game I wanted to impress and capture the flag... I ran down the hill towards the base at speed and my team members where super impressed... Alas it was dark... I ran nutsack first into a tree stump and proceeded to do a rather impressive somersault... The gods were smiling on me though as I suffered only a bruised ego and an achey crotch
( beefandcheese, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 17:27, Reply)

f*cking stupid kids
I still am a fairly idiotic twat at the best of times, but I've thankfully gotten over the stage when I was under 10 of being a manic, hyperactive and utterly brainless twat.

I was running through my lower school when I was about 7 and ran into the main corridor linking the 2 halves of the school. Long corridor, you can see right to the end. Which is where I saw my mate Scott Blanks come running from, heading right towards me. We could both see each other completely, which makes the mystery of how we then ran full tilt right into each other even more wondrous.

Scott ended up with a fractured cheek, I came off lightly with a black left eye.

Which is fairly uninteresting until I add to this that while I was off school for a day to recover from the concussion, I decided it would be great fun to try walking down my home street with my good eye closed. Spang! straight into the street sign (I was only little), and an immediate black eye in the other socket.

Bloody little twunt....
(phookoo, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 17:19, Reply)

True story
A mate of mine is an RAC recovery driver and was called out to recover a car which had broken down in a dark lane somewhere in the countryside.

After an awful lot of embarrassed umming and erring from the male driver, he eventually discovers that the cause of the problem is a broken gear knob, which would have been run-of-the-mill, apart from the top-half of said gear-changing-lever was jammed up the driver's girlfriend and wasn't coming out.

Sadly, the lady declined to let my mate 'recover' the gear knob and he ended up towing them both to A&E.

Apparently, she couldn't stop smiling the whole way.
( Linbox has a serious dunk habit, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 17:18, Reply)

Me vs Central Heating
A few years ago, at my dad's tiny bungalow, I went for a wee. Being a girl and all, this was a seated procedure. I was in a bit of a hurry for the bus, and on a chance downward glance, noticed my shoelace untied. I bent down to tie it, unfortunately nutting the radiator by the loo.

I had a black eye. I had to explain to my friends how I was nearly KO'd by the radiator. I got a few funny looks. Probably they think to this day I did it in some kinky horseplay. If only.
(b3tasux, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 17:04, Reply)

The skinheads of the insect world......
People still laugh at me even now when I tell this one...

I've always had a pure hatred/fear of wasps. Evil little fuckers that won't leave you alone. One day a few years ago, I was getting ready to go and do an afternoon shift in the pub, when I spotted one on the window in the lounge. Plucking up my deepest reserves of courage, I picked up a newspaper, and instead of rolling it up and twatting said fucker (I was scared of missing), I slapped the newspaper flat on the window with my hand. Ended up smashing my hand through the window, severing an artery, and spraying blood all over the flat, plus the stairwell, plus the front door. It was like a horror movie.

Lying in casualty while doctors frantically tried to stop me from bleeding to death, someone asked me what happened. I swear the fuckers all stifled a laugh.
(fried gold, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 17:04, Reply)

Refreshing
An ex-girlfriend of mine once decided that a pleasant surprise would be to fellate me with a mouthful of 7up. This effectively turning my penis into a living lava lamp bubbling with pure agony. The pain was such that I couldn't touch it, and it went purple for 2 days due to shock. I thought for a while it might drop off.
Now, the mere thought of a carbonated drink has me as flaccid as a baby.

I feel better for sharing this.
(pb4ugo2bed, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 16:53, Reply)

Bruised (possibly broken) Coccyx (bum bone)
When I was about 15 I was in my Dad's flat and snooping around - as you do. Well I saw an interesting shoe box on the top shelf so manouvered a rather flimsy wicker chair in that direction to stand on it and reach the box.

Before I got my greasy paws on it I slipped off the said chair and I landed with one arsecheek either side of a very sharp wooden armchair back.

The sharp armchair back embedded itself up my crack as I came down on it with all my weight.

I rolled around on the floor clutching my backside for about 10 mins unable to even stand up or take a breath the pain was so bad.

I was finally able to stand and walk and told my Dad the reason for my funny walk was a back strain.

I never went to the doctor as I was too embarrassed.

I think this would fall under the category of "instant Karma". From that moment on I was too scared to look in the box in case of some greater misfortune happening to me. Must have been good though.
(Peelmytangerines, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 16:47, Reply)

mr burns
i got a carpet burn on my head, but it isn't for the embarrasing reason u probably all think. I fell out of bed. I was in my early twenties at the time so i thought id pretty much mastered the art of sleeping succesfully. Apperently not. it was a double bed as well.

The worst thing about the whole thing was that i woke up in mid air, and i was a little suprised to put it mildly. In fact somehow I managed to process the information of what was happening to me, realise there was nothing I could do about it, and think "boll..."

Actualy the worst thing about it was explaining myself in the pub the day after
(b3rnie c, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 16:44, Reply)

Eeekk
A friend of mines has a father who is a gynocologist. His work has included: A young girl who was plesureing her self with a school test tube untill her parents walked in and she shut her legs to fast......the tube shatterd and a woman who got a live goldfish stuck up the same orafice
( Letum Your Ad here £2.40, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 16:41, Reply)

Oh deary me. This should strike fear into the hearts of all men.
Not a personal story, rather one I heard from a friend of mine.

My friend has a little brother. At the time this little brother was around seven years old. Now because of the fact sex is plastered near enough everywhere (though I doubt there are many complaints about that), this little blighter wanted to try the masterful act of masturbation.

To cut a long story short, the poor sod went a bit too hard and ended up ripping his foreskin off.

I still remember the last phrases of the conversation between me almost pissing myself laughing:
"MUMMY. SOMETHING'S HAPPENED TO MY WEENIE!"

Makes me glad I'm ill-eqquipped =P
(Katteh, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 16:29, Reply)

Well, it was quite a while ago now....
When I was probably about 6-7, my mate Sam and I would try to barge into eachother, repeatedly, every playtime. Keep in mind, that our school's exterior walls were wooden.

One day, we start playing it close to the walls, the inevitable happens. I've got a giant splinter in my arse. Not a tiny little thing, no. At least an inch wide and an inch long.

Cue desperately trying to cover up this fact, I manage to carry on until the end of school before finally admitting said incident to my mum and going round the local doctor's surgery to have said splinter removed from my arse cheek.

Yikes.
( ArthurTheRat, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 16:18, Reply)

When I was 3
I'd learned to wee standing up, and was proudly doing so, when the seat decided to fall on me. Lots of blood, lots of crying, I remember sitting in the back of the car with a towel, slowly turning crimson, pressed to the injury.

Then driving around Tehran for hours trying to find a hospital that was open during Ramadan, or some such holiday. Foreigners, eh?
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 16:02, Reply)

Killing Machine
At the tail end of high school, I had done Tae Kwon Do for a couple of years, and thought I was indestructible. So of course when my brother picked up my wooden ruler and tried stabbing me with it I stepped forward to block it with my right hand. Unfortunately, as I hadn't practiced before with dangerous weapons like rulers I got the distance wrong, and caught the tip of it, so that part broke off and another part 2mm by 2mm and around 6cm long (yes I knew how long - it was a ruler) went in to the back of my hand, and travelled under the skin before coming out at the wrist.

We tried pulling it out with tweezers, but the skin kept moving too much, so both of us had to go to my folks and tell them there had been an accident, no-one was to blame, etc etc, can we go to the hospital. I think they were surprised at the unified front, and we didn't even get into trouble.

I never did get my black belt.
(Skippyfillet, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 15:59, Reply)

Glass
I was, perhaps, eight or nine years of age when my class went on a picnic in a "mildly" wooded area. It was a part of a theme we had been learning about. Well, I guess I ended up sitting in some grass where some people had a wild drinking binge, because I ended up puncturing my scrotum with a shard of broken beer bottle.

I was so embarrassed by it, I didn't do anything about it for three days, when my Gran finally had to look at it (it was infected). I got sent to the doctor, who yelled at me for not having it looked at sooner.
(i.am.jamie, Thu 2 Sep 2004, 15:58, Reply)