I hate Quentin Blake
He makes me angry. It's quite irrational, I know, but he's just utter shit, he has no artistic talent whatsoever. He can't even colour between the fucking lines and his illustrations for what was tantamount to the childhood God that is Roald Dahl look like they've been done by an epileptic monkey in a washing machine.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 14:09, 6 replies)

barry from eastenders.....
not because of the hair plugs...but for not keeping us updated about that girl he should have asked out by now...
(norfolkngood, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 14:06, 2 replies)

Oh how to choose
I would willingly stamp on the head of Piers Morgan and any one to have ever appeared on Big Brother whether as contestant, presenter, person in the crowd or some behind the scenes cunt whose name appears on the titles.

Simon Amstell (sp?) has a pair of steel toe caps reserved just for him.
Jordan I would torture for hours with a rusty knife
Gordon Ramsey would also suffer badly

Cheers
(Bukkake_Niqabi Pow, right in the kisser, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 14:05, 2 replies)

Fred Phelps
You poisonous little man.

Regardless of whether or not I agreed with the Invasion of Iraq, I would never even consider making the lives of those that have died even harder. "Ooh, quick, several dead soldiers are being buried in the next state. Let's go protest there, and make the worst day of these peoples lives even worse." You cunt.

The man is so bad that the US government actually passed a law to prevent him and his cult from continuing their 'crusade'.

It seems I am one of many who feel this man and his family 'church' is worth nothing but disdain. This group are superb, as they simply block Phelps et al from the funeral, and make sure no-one can hear their message of hate by revving their bikes every time they say anything. Stunning.

I've still not stopped laughing at this either

Phelps. You're a cunt, your daughter is a cunt, you have brainwashed 3 generations of your family, and I hope that when you die, you're given a Muslim burial, just to really piss you off.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 14:03, 9 replies)

Part 2
Justin Lee Collins – so exactly who’s cock was it you had to suck to get on TV then? Can be the only reason C4 have let you on air.

Joan Rivers. Simply sinister.

Kerry Katona – she should have been an abortion.

Amy Winehouse. Please bring back the death penalty for this one.

Dawn French. Being fat does not make you funny so please stop breathing. Permanently.

Gordon Ramsey. We all know (and don’t particularly care) that you’re a great big mincer just stop lying about it.

Johnny Vaughn. You are about as amusing as breast cancer. Please go and slit your wrists (lengthways).
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 14:03, 4 replies)

Richard Blackwood
Richard Blackwood. The artist behind such smashhits as '1, 2, 3, 4 Get with the Wicked', who bills himself as a "stand up comedian".

I once watched him comment that the greatest meeting of two comedy minds coming together would be him and Eddie Murphy in a room together as he knew they would just "bounce off" eachother and the comedy would flow.

He also claimed the comedy circuit was racist, accounting for his distinct lack of fanbase - white, black or otherwise.

"A man who can list on his CV - rapper, comedian, presenter, actor, writer – all after the word 'failed'. Superstar fantasist Richard Blackwood. Or as I think of him, Won't Smith." ( - Mark Lamarr off of Nevermind the Buzzcocks)

Click "I like this" if you've ever sniffed a keyboard and claimed it made you feel suggestable, on a certain Chris Morris satirical news documentary.
(DBS, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 14:02, 1 reply)

do b3ta celebs count?
If so DTH, massive fucking whining bellend.
( mushybees NEBUSHI SHANGHUNG!, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 14:00, 7 replies)

The whole bloody lot of them
Chris Moyles himself will be mentioned a thousand times on here I'm sure. Loud, obnoxious, unfunny, obviously completely self-absorbed and prone to making disgusting noises very loud into his microphone in the morning.

Combine that with "Comedy Dave", a man so talentless, so painfully and utterly devoid of a sense of humour that his self-assigned nickname (a sure certificate of cuntishness if ever there was one) would actually be funny if only it was meant to be ironic.

The only guests Chris ever has on the show seem to be his "showbiz mates" - people like Davina McCall, Peter Andre and Patrick Kielty (I could write an essay on that cunt too). A panoply of purple-tipped prickishness if ever there was one.

I feel a bit sorry for Aled Jones. His only contribution to the show seems to be as an "Are You Being Served"-era camp distraction, and of course an opportunity for Chris to make playground-level gay jokes. And Dominic and the two girls just seem to put up with it all while wearily waiting for their next paycheck.

So you might ask, if I hate this band of utter bogwash so much, how come I know so much about them? Why do I keep listening? Well I'm a heavy sleeper and this shit, this aural equivalent of a scorpion and broken glass enema is the only thing that can get me out of bed in the morning just to turn the radio off.

I haven't been late for work in six years.
( pixel_fucker is going to need a bigger brush, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:58, 5 replies)

John Terry.
Not for the extra-marital affair; or the fact that he plays for Chelsea; nor for his alleged BNP leanings or even his punchable face - I HATE him because he answers every question with an affirmative AND a negative.

Q Great game eh?
A No. Yeah. The lads done great today.

or.

Q Did you think the goal was offside?
A Yeah. No. Not at all.

The dicksplash.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:56, 2 replies)

Fucking Jade Goody
I wish she'd just fuck off and die.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:55, 7 replies)

Anyone from 'Liberty'
...and i don't mean some second rate 5-piece 'pop group' (read: losers), i mean the self righteous, do-no-gooders who think they have the right to tell me how to live my life

www.liberty-human-rights.org.uk/

I don't just hate the spokes-persons which includes Shami Chakrabarti, but anyone who's a member of said group.

I believe they represent about 7000 people in this country, but seem to get a disproportionate amount of air-time (especially by the BBC) giving their two-penneth.

Fuck off, the lot of you.
( Another_tragic_case wished he hadn't eaten all the cake, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:53, 7 replies)

George Galloway is an utterly disgusting excuse for a human being
His presence on this planet represents a serious theft of oxygen.
(anvil, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:51, 2 replies)

Chris Moyles.
"Hilarious".
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:51, Reply)

I don't really take 'sell-by-rities' seriously
but if it had to be one, well, Buddha. He always looks so damned smug.
(roysin, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:49, Reply)

I'm going to have a lot for this one,
so lets start off with the obvious and probably-mentioned-a-million-times-already Katie "Jordan" Price, but "nuff said" doesn't cover the half of it.

I won't take too long over this, as I dislike giving her any more attention than is necessary, so here are a few points.

She is not a "shrewd businesswoman", she is a topless model. The people who run her affairs for her are shrewd business people..... this is why she hasn't sunk without trace, for if she did, the gravy train would sink with her, drowning at least three ghost writers.

Speaking of which, I was once trapped in a young ladies room and forced, through boredom, to read the only thing at hand, which was Jordan's first book. I got through one chapter before wishing I owned a rifle. Hearing people praise her after reading that pile of sanctimonious wank still makes my face glow with rage. "A photographer wanted me to take my top off, it was terrible!" Couldn't have been THAT terrible though, eh? I imagine the sequels have been the same, only beefed up a bit.

They're trying to make her into a role model, you know. Your little girl will want to be just like her, because kids are fucking stupid when it comes to things like that. I've been moaning about this for years, but does anyone listen?

Stop making her famous. Stop it! Stop it now! She isn't your friend.

I'm stopping before I get going on the subject of how awful she is, I could be here for weeks.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:49, 2 replies)

Scott Cocking Mills
It is absolutely beyond me how this guy is popular. On the rare occasions when I am forced to listen to him on the radio, I am perplexed by the banality of him and his cronies and his utterly hilarious japes. Even worse are the morons who phone in to his show. Bunch of complete muppets.

You can tell a lot from the people who call into radio shows. Fairly obviously it illustrates the demographic of their listeners and Scott Mills seems to have brainless and humourless geezer boys listening to him.
(Tom Jones's Mojo Hasn't had any since, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:48, 3 replies)

Hummer! Welshman! Abuse! Sussed!
I have never really warmed to Rob Earnshaw. He's a cocky little bastard, and he played for Derby (Boooooo) and Norwich (where I live). I always thought he was over-rated, and had heard many tales about his superior attitude in local bars and clubs. When I met him therefore, I was ready to be unimpressed. And, surprisingly, he lived down to my expectations.

I was sitting outside a city centre tapas bar late on a weekday afternoon with a friend (well, a former friend, we fell out over work, he acted the twat and so I kidnapped his James Brown and set him up with a thousand free ad calls). We were sipping our San Miguels, snacking, when a Hummer pulled up, directly onto a double yellow and cutting off the corner of the pavement.

"Look at that twat!" I said to my friend, as we watched the shiny spinners on is wheels gradually glide to a halt. "Flash motor, but no regard for others. The pillock!"

Out of the car climbed perhaps the smallest man I've ever seen. Rob Earnshaw, no less. Dressed as the archetypal hp-hop twat, hat on sideways, and accompanied by the standard Tango-Girl. He swaggered over to us, legs akimbo, demonstrating his wealth and bling, revelling in the attention but not being quite self-aware enough to realise it was not adulation he was experiencing but a cross between wonder and repulsion.

"Right", I thought, "it's time to take you down a peg or two". So, a plan was hatched. At the time, Earnshaw wasn't really justifying the transfer fee that had been paid for him by Norwich, so I wrote a brief note. It read something like

"My name is Rob Earnshaw. I earn a fortune and own a Hummer (although cannot park in a registered bay like a normal person). I cost Norwich a lot of money and have so far failed to justify my wages or transfer fee. I promise to try harder to succeed. I will also stop dressing like a twat. I also apologise to the sheep I shagged while at Derby County"

The intention was to fold the paper over and trick him into signing it, before scanning it and sending it to the paper, some footy sites and so on. All pretty juvenile stuff (as you might expect).

I slipped my jeans don to below bum level, loosened my belt, put my shades on and swaggered into the restaurant.

"Yo" I called out. "Earnshaw, ma man" I threw some gangsta hand signals.

"Can I have your autograph please, bredren?"

He looked at me, and you could see him wondering if someone was taking the piss. He took the paper...

Opened it, Read it, Said I was a Sucker. Well, actually, an expression of baffled rage flitted across his chipmunk like face and he told me to fuck off. He may even have called me a fat cunt. I couldn't argue. I laughed, and left.

He is now a striker for my club (Forest), and I still hate the little sod (although I regret to say I have a grudging admiration for him).

On the other hand, I've met Darren Huckerby loads of times (he refereed our footy match on Friday) and he's a lovely chap.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:47, 4 replies)

louis fucking theroux
oh, louis, you are just SO fucking charming arent you? you're a poor befuddled yet well meaning englishman striving to understand a a world that's so alien to you, in your own charming slightly confused hugh grant in NHS glasses kind of way! you're such a good friedn to these people! fuckin right are you, you fuckin sneaky passive agrressive noncommittal fuck. you just come in with your kleenex and your fuckin sympathy and make people divulge painful things then act like you give a shit.. like you wouldn't stomp a kitten to death for fun if no-one was looking. you should work for the fuckin dole office, you'd be right at home there you smug, smarmy, false shit.. i fuckin hate him so very much.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:43, 1 reply)

i can't say i really hate any famous person
well, ok, i do, but it's all a bit obvious, people who are genuine utter twats, richard littlejohn, jeremy kyle, melanie phillips, that sort of monstrosity.

my mother on the other hand, hates rob brydon.
yes, the little welsh baratone man of a thousand voices, and not because he's welsh, or baritone, or ginger, or any of the more obvious reasons someone might take against him, but, apparently, because of "something about his face". right, fair enough, does he tend to look smug? grumpy? does he smirk? no, it's because he has a "weird lantern face".
she admits to actually finding what he says quite funny, she likes him if he's on the radio, but on telly, no matter how charming, informtive or witty he is, nothing can quite overshadow his big weird lantern face, sitting there, ruining it for her.

the bastard.
( ms morbo lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:43, 3 replies)

Rod Stewart
When he was first famous all the teenage lads seemed to want to be him, with the spiky hair, tartan hats, parallels/Oxford bags, denim jackets and football scarves. It was a horrible look.

To this day he embodies everything I found despicable about the male of the species when I was 14.

Later of course came the Spandex bum, the question 'Do you think I'm sexy?' (no, Rod, I didn't) and the trail of clone wives.

He's irritated me for about 35 years, originally without even opening his mouth. Not even my first husband managed that.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:41, Reply)

louie theroux

(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Part 1
Branson. Smuggist of the smug. I bet he turns out to be another Robert Maxwell in a few years time as well.

All the participants on Loose Women – if ITV made a male version of this it would never be shown so why the shuddering fuck are these harridans allowed to voice such uninformed sexist dribble? I would rather have my gonads repeatedly crushed with a sledgehammer than tolerate these vacuous bints.

Chris Gobby Cunt Moyles – Satan’s hairy encrusted ringpiece made mortal.

Fearne Crack Whore Cotton. The next time I see you in Soho House I am going to shit down your throat you loud, obnoxious talentless bint.

Mandelson. A patronising, condescending prolapsed set of piles. I want to punch you in the face. Repeatedly. Whilst wearing gloves covered in aids ridden scalpel blades.

Peaches fucking Geldof = Complete and utter talentless shitcunt.

Andy Parsons. Talking. In a stupid accent. And a stilted manner. Does not. Make. You. Funny. You. Cunt.

/apologies for rage.

*goes off for a lie down in a dark room*
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:39, 1 reply)

Nigel Farage MEP
It's easy enough to say that one disagrees with, or even despises, Nick Griffin and what he represents. But, to give him his due, he's at least fairly straightforward about what he thinks. You know where you stand with him, even if where you stand is preferably on the other side of the street.

My real ire is saved for the sour-faced xenophobes of UKIP and, in particular, their figurehead: the slimy, dissembling, mendacious, populist, monomaniac, impervious-to-reality, meretricious, untrustworthy, over-chummy, scientifically illiterate, politically permadazed, pompous, contemptuous, did-I-mention-mendacious?, supercilious ratbag that is Nigel Farage.

There are lots of people who pop up on Radio 4 whom I would rather didn't. But he is one of a very select group to whom I cannot listen without getting dangerously angry. I hate everything he says. Were he to tell me that today was a Thursday, I'd ask for a second opinion from someone else just to make sure.

It's not just that I disagree with his politics - though, god knows, I do. It's the way that, notionally in the name of defending a country that he inexplicably loves from threats that he has imagined, he lies and lies and lies about the institution that supposedly generates those threats. And yet he seems to have utter contempt for the Parliament whose primacy he wants to reassert - witness his willingness to break with convention to announce that he'll be standing for election against the sitting speaker.

There is no hell deep enough for this man.

I'd carry on, but I think I'm going to have to go for a walk right now.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:34, 6 replies)

Andy Warhol.
But only for 15 minutes.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:33, 4 replies)

Gordon Brown
.
(Scary Ghost, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:30, 1 reply)

Steve Wright, again.
I was going to reply to the excellent post below, but then the bile started flowing so i thought I'd share it. Misanthropically.

Steve Wright. What a raging cock.

What's really annoying is that I recall him being vaguely amusing in the mid-80s. Clearly this can only be because I was too young to know any better; my sense of humour may not have moved on much from when I was 16, but I think it has since I was 10.

What _really_ annoys me about him and his bunch of sycophantic fucktards is how thuddingly, cretinously stupid they all are. Every time they read out a 'factoid', they treat it with the sort of wonder and amazement that a medieaval peasant would the internet were he dropped into the 21st Century. IT'S BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'VE JUST BEEN PRESENTED WITH FERMAT'S LAST FUCKING THEOREM YOU SET OF INDUSTRIAL-GRADE CUNTBUBBLES.

We're not alone. i just found this: www.ihatestevewright.com/
(rockdoctor, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:29, 1 reply)

Chris moyles
If ever there was a person that makes me want to stab out my ears with a rusty carving knife it's Chris Moyles. "Ooooo listen to me everyone I'm a loud unfunny repetitive twat"
(datcat Millions of cats, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:28, 4 replies)

Hate is such a strong word.
I can't really feel real 'hatred' for someone I've never met - I reserve it for the people who've actually done something to me to deserve it (bullying school teachers, the man who ran me over and denied all culpability and claimed I was faking being in agony, that kind of stuff). Hatred is a very personal emotion.

I will, however, admit to having strong dislikes of various so-called celebrities, not least of which is that Welsh blow-up karaoke sex-doll Katherine Jenkins. She is pretty, and she can (up to a point) sing. However, a woman who markets herself (or is marketed as) a serious "opera singer" is an insult to all professional singers who spend years perfecting the art of learning how to project their voice, unamplified, to a vast auditorium, over the noise of an orchestra, and who have to become fluent in a minimum of 4 languages (English, French, German, Italian) to get anywhere in their career.

Edit: I caught a trailer for "Popstar to Opera star" on TV the other day (a programme I vowed to avoid wherever possible). It made my teeth itch. I was also confused as to why Mr Bean was on it wearing an afro wig, and then realised that Rolando Villazon has really let himself go.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:27, 7 replies)

Noel Edmunds
is a beard with a rapist behind it.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:25, 2 replies)

Thatcher and Jim Davidson
This is taking some time to write as I don't know how to condense so many years of hatred into mere sentences...Fuck it. You all know what they are (I say 'what' and not 'who' as to do that would imply they're human) and what they've done.

Edited to add others I've got less of a loathing for.

Piers 'Cunt' Morgan - smug twat
Alan 'Jism-stain' Davies - Unfunny prick getting reflected glory from (the brilliant) Stephen Fry
Simon 'Shit-head' Amstell - sarcastic, smug little fuck-wit.
To echo the Monty Boyce post below, sort of, those smegma sucking wastes of a condom presenters on Masterchef as well. They can fuck right off.

Others to be added when I calm down.
( Funkenschlag still likes dogs more than cats, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:22, Reply)