Shooter McGavin
off of Happy Gilmore.

He's a dick.
(Helmut McBucket invites you to pull his finger on, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 2:35, 4 replies)

Deliah Smith
Well I can't read any more of this, first thourght I don't really hate any one famous I don't know them. not the kind of hate I have for who ever invented the call centre.

But I started to read and then the red mist of anger came Nigella Lawson GGGGrrrrrrrrrrr Kill kill your fake, Tim Westwood your a fake Hate Hate.

But who really gets on my goat Deliah Smith, once hero to every kitchen but really is just pushing her way of the highway.
How to cook rubbish. I'm now ranting and of for a lie down
(CarlosNotlaw Is doing the opposite of you at, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 2:29, 3 replies)

Michael McIntyre
Vapid, unfunny, public school cunt.

My mate went to school with him. I don't judge him.
(foxy01, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 2:24, Reply)

That Utter Utter Cnut Naomi Campbell
If ever anyone deserves to be hated it's that unpleasant sack of bitchbones. Multiple assault charges and a personality so offputting that even her american legal team (and think of the people they have to put up with!) dumped her. To top it all off, she tried to mitigate the circumstances of her latest confrontation with the law playing the lowest card in the deck by claiming that the BA cabin staff racially abused her...Supermodel??? SuperCUNT more like it.


Still would though. Although I'd pretend she was rubbish afterwards. And cum in her eye.
(Fausted Sticking his faust where the sun don't shine, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 2:24, 1 reply)

Johnny Borrell...I hate that frizzy haired fucknut too!
He makes what the Libertines did sound good in comparison. And considering how much I loathe Pete Doherty thats quite an amazing feat.
(Fausted Sticking his faust where the sun don't shine, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 2:07, Reply)

Ronaldo
In my world, the penalty for diving would be an instant three match ban, applicable in retrospect and regardless of any other circumstances.

Ronaldo would be banned until the colonisation of Jupiter by now, the pathetic cunt.
( MatJ LOOK, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 1:52, 1 reply)

Surprise Surprise
To be honest I don't actually hate celebrities. I don't let them enter my life and I purposely don't read the pointless mags that feel the need to inform the unthinking masses about every pointless thing they do and say.

However...the missus has a problem with one person in particular. This person is rarely in the media...even less so since we left the UK, but one mention of this person brings on a hilarious but slightly scary verbal onslaught about the person in question.

This person is Cilla Black.

It's a good party trick...light the blue paper of fury and stand well back and watch as Mrs Bacon and Egg Roll's eyes go red (like they do to people who get possessed on the telly), the steam starts to come out of her ears and then 30 minutes of scathing and probably untrue comments about Ms Blacks personal life, performing ability and general lack of moral fibre spring forth.

At one time we created the "Island of Righteous Indignation". It's where we sent the people we found pointless and annoying. The island was drawn and photos (or drawings) of the current offenders were placed there. Cilla was the Mayor of the Island of Righteous Indignation and her permanent presence was represented by Cilla's head being cut out from a photo from the internet and pasted onto the body of a diseased rodent.

I have no idea where this issue with Cilla came from...perhaps she unknowingly slighted the wife in someway but it's hard to discover the problem without bringing on the tidal wave of abuse and vitriol.

I'm not sure I will tell the missus about posting this story...it's been a relatively quiet life since Cilla left our lives and I'd like to keep it that way.
( bacon and egg roll is going to be big downunder, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 1:51, Reply)

Russell fucking Howard
This cuntflap of a comedian has never once uttered anything remotely funny.

He looks and acts like there's around 3% of downs in his genetic make up.

How did he get his own show?! Why does the audience shit themselves with awe at his unimpressive giggly witticisms on Mock the Week while I'm sat at home staring at him like he's just raped my missus?

What's wrong with people?
(Don't tell him Pike i'll probably just stay in, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 1:23, 1 reply)

The Black Eyed Peas
Years back, a friend of mine who loves hip-hop gave me a stack of burned CDs. In amongst the Beastie Boys and A Tribe Called Quest that I'd asked him for was a CD called "Bridging The Gap" by a group I'd only vaguely heard of called the Black Eyed Peas. I gave it a few listens, and it was pretty good. Not quite as good as Tribe or Jurassic 5, but still, a decent album. I continued to listen to it semi-regularly when I was in a hip-hop mood.

A while later, a different friend of mine told me to check out a song called "Let's Get Retarded", which turned out to also be by the Black Eyed Peas. Hmm. A bit less interesting than the album I had, but still, a fun little party tune. I guessed they'd got some guest vocalist in to sing the chorus, though. I heard a version on the radio which had, in somewhat of a sellout move, been re-titled "Let's Get It Started", presumably because uptight PC types had whinged. They also did some thing with Justin Timberlake that I could really take or leave. I didn't bother even downloading that album, let alone buying it.

Later still, I had the misfortune to hear "My Humps". It turned out that who I had thought was a guest vocalist was actually a full-time member of the band, and now they had farted out this pile of dreck with her singing about her "lady lumps", which at first made me wonder if the song was trying to raise breast cancer awareness. Where previously I had recommended Black Eyed Peas to people, based on the album I had, I now started to keep my mouth shut in case people thought I liked their current stuff, as I had no desire to be hunted down and killed by a righteous populace.

Fast forward now to 2009. I don't listen to the radio much, because 99% of the music they play on there is crap, but I was in a car with friends when the most insipid song I have ever heard in my life started to ooze from the speakers. Autotuned vocals over an uninspired quasi-techno beat proclaimed that the singer "had a feeling" that tonight was "going to be a good night", and in fact, "a good, good night". Over the next few minutes I was reduced to a quivering lump of hate by the sheer depths of common denominator which this... thing plumbed. The entirety of the lyrics, which were clearly carefully designed to be chanted along to by boozed up lobotomy patients, were based on going out, spending money and drinking. Now don't get me wrong, I love spending money on alcohol, but this made me wonder if the song was specifically commissioned by some liquor sellers association to get the anthropoid masses to fork over their cash even faster than usual. When that wretched harpy Fergie shrieked "DRANK" halfway through the song I was filled with such rage that I wanted to wrench out the stereo and hurl it from the window. And don't even get me started on "Boom Boom Pow". "POW" AND "STYLE" DO NOT RHYME, YOU SYPHILITIC HAG.

So, fuck you, Black Eyed Peas, and especially fuck Fergie. Before she joined, you actually used to make good music, but as soon as "Let's Get Retarded" achieved a modicum of success you sold out faster than a Mexican policeman. And that's what hurts the most. I can accept crappy bands making crappy music - that's what they do. But going from this to this in a quest for chart success? Inexcusable.
(oball needs Satan more than he needs me, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 1:08, 9 replies)

Celebrity chefs
Have a slightly edited pearoast

Had I been born at the right time, I too could have been a celebrity chef, in the mould of Jamie 'floppy mouth' Oliver or Ainsley 'shiny head' Harriott.

We are 'blessed' in the UK with an incredible amount of foody-TV, where self righteous knob-ends with GCSEs in woodwork try and preach to the masses about how to cook, how to eat, and what consistency your poo should be. These bastards piss me off somewhat, but particularly with their terminology.

Case in point: pan frying. This is a particularly meaningless phrase. For fucks sake, what else are you going to use to fry food? "Hmm, I fancy a steak tonight, I could grill it, but the grill is knackered. I know! I'll use my plastic sieve. Since I like my steaks rare, there's little chance of the plastic melting onto the gas ring before the steak is done to perfection".

Gaaaaaaaaah!!! You're frying something! In a pan! It's the the logical instrument of choice to use for the purpose!!! The same goes for oven-baking...

Following this illogical turn of phrase, should we then say, "Ainsley, this pan-fried sea-bass looks lovely. Wozza has done me proud, considering I spent less than a fiver in Asda on the ingredients, most of which he procured from the all-purpose BBC studio kitchen. Would you mind awfully if I mouth-ate some now? After which I would like to retire to the green room so I can stomach-digest it. Then, upon arriving home, I will take great delight in arse-shitting the remnants some 4 hours later. And, I'll also cock-piss the wine I quaffed whilst you tried your best to interfere with the cooking process"?

Personally, I would take Percy pepper ginder and ram it up his arse, base first, then grind the pepper so far up his colon that it would make his eyes water.

And, unrelated, but... that tit who does the voice overs for Big Brother in the UK - Marcus fucking Bentley. My ex line-manager is a friend of his sister, and I have it on good authority that he doesn't actually talk in that horrible faux-Geordie accent at all (no Geordie talks like that anyway). No, Marcus isn't even a Geordie.

He's from Stockton-on-Tees. Which is in the same region, granted, but they sound nothing like Geordies, in the same way that Glasweigans sound nothing like people from Edinburgh.

I'm off to lung-smoke a cigarette now, whilst eye-looking at the stars.

Edit: yes, you can deep fry stuff, I know. But steaks? Good quality fish? That's what I'm getting at
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 1:06, 10 replies)

Just a quickie
"Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will.
I sure could use a vacation from this
Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of freaks"

Only famous people I hate/pity are the ones who are famous for being famous and for having fuck-all talent. Examples include every Paris Hilton-wannabe, include Hilton herself, so that's Tila Tequila, Nicole Richie, Kim Kardashian, etc. By definition, I also hate/pity those who want to be famous just to be famous. If you have talent, use it to become famous. If you don't have a talent, then work on something to get a talent, don't just expect fame to drop into your lap just because you want it. And if you do want to be famous for doing fuck-all, then I pity you.

(Lyrics are from Tool's Ænima)
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 1:01, 2 replies)

Legless And SpankyHanky

Self-obsessed attention-whores the both of them. Legless claims his stories are true "albeit exaggerated or embellished to make them readable or funnier" (what he means is he makes the fuckers up) and SpankHanky doesn't even bother to defend his tales. The lying cunts.

They're not even famous but I still hate them. I could put them on ignore but it's much more important that I follow them around b3ta and bleat about them. It's because of people like them that my angst-ridden outpourings of teenage pain are ignored and never make the popular page (which we all know is fiddled by the b3ta-clique).

How fucking dare they try to make people laugh when you should be paying attention to me! me! me!. I'm deep, I'm intelligent but still people don't like me and continue to vote for these shallow,sexist, racist,disablist and any other -ist you can think of.

They're twats of the highest order. Excuse me - I have to go back to my curtain-twitching now. I might miss something that outrages me.....


Cheers

Thought I'd do it before someone else did.....
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 0:31, 33 replies)

Sarah Beeny
She made me believe that if my friends whored me out onto a dating website then it'd be socially acceptable and I'd meet the man of my dreams.

It still isn't (I still hide the webpage if anyone catches me shopping) and I still haven't.

Bitch.

Stick to your daytime property shows.
(Cheets, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 0:30, 2 replies)

Surviving the psychotropic death camps
In a moment of weakness I acquiesced and agreed to spend ten days trudging round the soulless, dismal psychotropic death camps they have spaced out round a certain bastard hot southern city situated part way up the only American state that resembles a flaccid, diseased scabby cock when viewed from the orbiting space station.

You see, the ring leader of this place, the Chief Bringer of Merriment and Joy, the Grand Priest of Everything Fun and Gay (the old scary use of the word, not the new fun use of the word), reigns supreme there like a tripped out fucking rodent GOD. And mere mortals shuddered at his MIGHTY big eared furry presence and immediately attempted to stuff hundred dollar bills into the oversized pockets of his frankly dodgy red trousers to cut out the middleman – the cunt's going to get all your money anyway. Might as well give him the lot up front and fuck off to the nearest Hooters to spend what little change you had left on a nice cold beer while ogling the braless girls in their sprayed on t-shirts as they demonstrate the art of jiggling unnecessarily as they fill up the saucers of beer nuts and ask if you’re from Australia.

Mickey Fucking Cock Sucking Corporate Whoring Mouse....

Ok, more a symbol of an evil empire than a celeb, as such – but I bet you show a kid from the Sahara a photo of Susan Boyle and another of the freakishly large, demonically grinning plague carrier and I’d be willing to put money on which one the kid recognizes.

It’s not the kids twatting about like Ritalin junkies. That I can handle – they’re so bombed out of their skulls on refined sugar I imagine they’d be having nightmarish flashbacks and sessions in therapy for years to come. No. It’s the adults. The FOLLOWERS OF THE MOUSE. The weird grownups kitted out head to toe in Disney merchandise. The couples in their late forties who pose for photos with the real live version of the cunt with the weird possessed eyes and the sort of voice you usually only associate with a botched gender realignment operation performed on a coal miner from the Valleys named Trev who’s currently undergoing some serious hormone replacement therapy and pulling tricks in the car park on the side to support a troubling amphetamine addiction.

It was like going to a fucking cathedral with a load of Catholics, some kind of religious experience (except you got to complete your Mickey and the Magic Kingdom snow globe collection, a snip at a zillion dollars – no refunds given).

Mickey Mouse. Cunt... Worst holiday I’ve ever been on, EVER !!!

OK, it might have had something to do with the fact I’d shelled out a couple of grand I could barely afford for the trip and my girlfriend of the time thoughtlessly and incredibly selfishly started her period the first night we landed and I didn’t get any sweet poonani action for the entire length of our stay...

Ever tried finding wank material in a Disney World resort hotel?

Frankly, its unpleasant finding yourself tugging one off in the bathroom to a glossy postcard featuring Ariel having a little bit of a dance round a clump of seaweed, showing a little bit of supple white tit while that talking lobster winks at you knowlingly, poking out from behind one of her (sexy) little ankles...
( SpankyHanky, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 0:16, 6 replies)

James "Stay Pufft" Corden & Matthew "Our Gain is Burger Kings loss" Horne
Gavin and Stacey is almost as unfunny as Michael McIntyre.
As if this isn't enough, the noughties versin of Little and Large pollute our TV's by appearing on Awards Shows (some of which they inexplicably won!) and Panel Shows. Either one of them makes me fucking hate the concept of equal opportunity employment...
(Fausted Sticking his faust where the sun don't shine, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 0:10, 1 reply)

Rupert Murdoch.
Is he famous enough?

It's like he goes out of his way to make me not like him. Same with his equally cunty sprog.
( Green Spanner and his magical lack of activity, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 0:03, Reply)

any singer that wobbles their jaw left and right when they hold a note.
such as celine dion. whitney houston. seriously. it makes no difference to the sound they make, it just makes them look like bazoob.

shania twain just for the assault on my ears.

a special part of my life is devoted to the pure hate i have of R Kelly. seriously, the level of hate i have for that man ive had for as long as i can remember. Me and a friend used to have a game of 'who would you rather be' and whenever R Kelly was the option of the two, it wasnt R Kelly. Id seriously rather be Rose West than be R Kelly. Even mentioning him has made me fume.
(djboo, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 23:56, 1 reply)

Tony Blair
Not because of his politics. Merely because when I was nine he shook everybody’s hand around me but mine and walked off into number 10,I had a tantrum, I was given an ice cream by my mum to shut me up. But I never forgot .
( Gawain the oven safe flan tin willy bum fart poo, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 23:51, 3 replies)

The list
For years now I have been compiling a list of people I would happily push in front of a train if ever the opportunity arises. Hightlights include Jeremy Vine and Jeremy Kyle (is there something about the name that guarantees you'll grow up to be a dick?) but I deserve no praise dear reader. The Big Dawg is the reason I started the list and I had the chance at Victoria station once but bottled it. I shall remain unknown and insignificant instead of being 'that crazy bloke who killed Tim Westwood'.
( A Rory Borealis here under duress, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 23:40, 1 reply)

Oh man, where do I start...
Most of Radio 2's lineup.

Chris Evans does nothing but talk about himself. Sure he's made a ton of money in his time, god knows how, but don't shove it down our throats by talking about your Ferrari collection please.

Jeremy Vine and his Daily Mail FM show in which he and his production team pick only those with the most flagrant and fabulously poorly-conceived opinions. Whoever picks the callers, be warned, if I ever meet you I will punch you square in the face.

Steve Wright. It's "Skeleton", not "Skellington". You ask interviewees and experts the most stupid questions known to man that at first I thought you were appealing merely to the base level of listener, but now I am not so sure. You couldn't possibly be such a simpleton, could you? And you can shove your "chocolates and champagne" schmaltz up your arse.

Then in terms of the rest of the world, there's Peter Mandelson. Resigns from cabinet and constituency in disgrace, takes lucrative post on european gravy train in unelected post, tires of all that meaty goodness and is propelled back into public life as a government advisor in then only way possible which is through a life fucking peerage and the preposterous title of "Baron Mandelson of Foy in the County of Herefordshire and of Hartlepool in the County of Durham." Only the cream rises to the top eh? Pass me a spade so I can scrape this scum off the pond.

Patsy Kensit. Liam Gallagher was happy to sign me an autograph. But Patsy Kensit? Her response: "Fuck Off". Jumped-up band-member-marrying bint.

Max Mosely. Son of a Fascist scumbag, and a man with an extraordinary sense of self-importance and equally extraordinary lack of understanding of the the intricacies of Formula One. A series of baffling and incongruous World Motorsports Council judgments towards the end of his tenure as head of the FIA merely raked the coals of my resentment. Which brings me to Bernie Ecclestone. Dubious Labour Party donor with a fabulous lack of understanding over what F1 fans care about. Giving the championship to the man with the most wins? Shortcuts? Different mandatory tyre compounds? Oh do fuck off Bernie. It should be about who is the fastest, not who is the most strategically-minded. That's precisely what makes MotoGP so wonderful to watch.

I could go on... Tom Cruise. Alan Carr and Graham Norton for much the same predictable reasons. etc, etc etc.
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Thu 4 Feb 2010, 23:28, 3 replies)

Rupaul.
He flounced into fame somehow in a miasma of dreadful makeup, tacky clothes and an in-your-face persona that made Downtown Julie Brown and Tyra Banks look positively demure by comparison. For reasons that utterly escape me, he seemed to be popular with just about every woman out there- "He's so fun!" "He's just so outrageous!" "Oh, I love him- he makes me laugh so much!"

For fuck's sake, he was obnoxious, a caricature of a really horrid stereotype, had no discernible talent other than being an attention whore, and he was EVERYWHERE.

Thank god he finally faded into obscurity. The power button on the TV was getting worn out from being abruptly shut off.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 4 Feb 2010, 23:24, 2 replies)

There are very few famous people I hate
I don't watch much TV and radio so I'm not bombarded by fuckwittery on a regular basis. This means I don't have to waste time seething at the inanity of 'presenters' and 'celebrities' as I mostly manage to avoid them.

This frees me up to hate non-famous people instead :)
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 23:24, 2 replies)

Tim Westwood.
What is the point of this person?
His music is shit, his dad is a bishop.
Way to big up your crew by having a dad that touches kids.
His UK version of pimp my ride makes me want to fuck myself with a chainsaw, the way he talks makes me want to swallow screws just so I know that I'd never sound like that.

Fuck I hate that oxygen stealing prick.
(Maccy Divided by 0 on, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 23:18, 1 reply)

cocks
Ainsley Harriot. Hate the twat. Wrecked the afternoon TV godsend of Ready Steady Cook and is a prick. Makes Jamie Oliver look like a competant chef.
Ed Balls. Schools minister for the UK. Ever taught? No. Understand what its like in a classrom? No. So how the fuck do you know whats best for schools and teachers. Knob jockey.
George Lucas. Was my idle. Then made Episodes 1,2,3 and fucked about and made Indiana Jones 4 a big pile of shite. Tit muncher.
Robbie Savage and Gary Neville. hate to bring football into this but if they were on fire and I needed a piss, i'd find the nearest toilet.
Ricky Gervais. Tosser. Thats all.
The people form eggheads. Especially the old bint in th emiddle, the one who was on 15-1 every other week. Brick + her face = win.
(gjb006, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 23:11, 5 replies)

Michael McIntyre... Dear BBC...
Stop shoving him down my throat. I do not find him funny. I have yet to laugh at anything he says, in fact I'd rather watch the loose women discuss their greying growlers than his particular brand of stand up "comedy".
(Fausted Sticking his faust where the sun don't shine, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 22:54, Reply)

MIKA AAAAARGH
Shave them pubes of your fucking head and please stay away from recording studios. Oh and please feel free to stop wearing a seatbelt.
(Fausted Sticking his faust where the sun don't shine, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 22:50, 4 replies)

Pete Bastard Doherty
What the fuck has that talentless little cockhamster got to do to get locked up?
I just hope the skinny freak doesn't die any time soon, as I'm pretty sure he'll be treated the same as most other 'dead before their time' musicians and end up mentioned in the same breath as Cobain...
(Fausted Sticking his faust where the sun don't shine, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 22:40, 4 replies)

Apologies if bindun....
Buts lets take a moment to think about Piers Morgan.

I suppose as a counterweight to all thats beautiful and wonderful in the universe, there must be a monumental fuckchops of a leaky old cunt somewhere, and I would like to suggest that Piers Morgan is exactly that.

Point 1: Lets not beat about the bush, the man looks like a chubby rapist.

Point 2: His rise to fame must be based on the flimsiest of principles, in effect, he got fired from editing the mirror, then popped up again a few years later, drunk on the smell of his own farts, as apparently twice as famous as jesus. utter, utter cunt.

Point 3: He freely chose to write for the mail. Bad enough in itself, but then he chose to fill his column with gallons of effulent about various slebs coming to him for advice, or signatures. colossal, heaving, winnet-bedragged anus.

Point 4: just look at his fat fucking face. He made a big deal about Clarkson smacking him in the mouth, I'm surprised he's not fielding a dozen face-shattering haymakers a day, just for having that face.

Up next, Liz Jones, the insufferable cow-bag.
(tyrefire2001 Is it a fast ship?, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 22:20, 1 reply)

George O'Squier
Look back over the past hundred or so years and it's not hard to find particular individuals who have perpetrated acts of varying degrees of shittiness upon humanity.

Several names stand out; Stalin. He was a nasty, nasty little man who killed more of his own people than Hitler did. Then we have people who's actions caused cruelty and hardhip who can be described as either chronically misguided or simply just plain old evil - people like Pol Pot, Pinochet, Kim Il Sung and his demented son, Mugabe, Thatcher, Goering, Himmler, Cowell and Jacqui Smith.

There is however one individual who's legacy continues to inflict pain and suffering on millions of people to this very day, simply because one man callously put human decency aside in the pursuit of profit of the most sordid and miserable kind.

George O'Squier's unholy brainchild was unleashed upon the world in the nineteen thirties and like a good many unholy abominations was championed by no less an organisation than the US Government, who have since gone on to sanction the atomic bomb, torture and regime change. This state sponsored act of evil ensured that O'Squier's demonic product rent despair on pretty much everyone who it's come into contact with. Dwight D Eisenhower himself was one of it's most rabid proponents.

Thankfully, O'Squier died a none too comfortable death succumbing to pneumonia in 1934 having never lived to witness the extent of the misery he wrought upon the good people of the world.

O'Squier's awful legacy?

Muzak.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 4 Feb 2010, 21:57, 2 replies)

gordon clingon face ramsey.
(nettestar meeow, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 21:45, Reply)