Fernando Alonso
I just hate him so much.

Not all that keen on McLaren either.

In fact I don't know why I watch F1
(Opanoid Look sweats dripping off them, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 12:44, Reply)

It's irrational...
..but I hate Lionel Blair.

You could probably lump in anyone who ever appeared on "Give Us A Clue" too.
(mcnelson, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 12:39, Reply)

I'm surprised no one has mentioned
Myleene Klass.

Famous for taking a shower in a skimpy bikini.

On everything.

That annoying grin that says "I'm a cunt that got lucky".
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 12:31, 16 replies)

A Solution
I think it's safe to say, about 24 hours and 9 pages of vitriol later, that we don't, in general, like vacuous and annoying celebrities. Why not? Well, because most of them are cunts.

Conversely, Daily Mail readers love to gawp at celebrity drivel, but they don't like immigrants and asylum seekers. Why not? Well, mainly because they're foreign, and anything not of this sceptred isle is considered shifty and potentially dangerous. But they always say we have no space for them, and that the country is full.

Let's appease both camps: for every asylum seeker we take in, we deport one attention seeker.

With Haiti in ruins and Iraq still a warzone, Tara Palmer-Tomkinson's days are surely numbered...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 12:28, 3 replies)

Stephen Fry
I don't really hate Stephen Fry. In fact i think he's pretty good at the old acting lark and he entertained me greatly in Blackadder, what i fucking hate is the praise lavished on the cunt. I'm sick and fucking tired of everyone telling me that this guy is a national treasure, what the fuck for? The man answered a few questions on university challenge, wrote what was on occasion, a mildly amusing sketch show and a few books that if some people had there way would be up for the fucking nobel and hosts a pretentious quiz show. Plus he tweets about inane matter that you take the piss out of your 12 year old cousin for posting online. NO ONE GIVES A FUCK..well they fucking shouldn't. One of my housemates told me that Stephen Fry has "The greatest brain in Britain" If the greatest brain in Britain belongs to a fucking pseudo Oscar Wilde who does nothing all day but tweet what he's having for dinner then we as a nation are beyond fooked. Fucking Stephen Fry and his fucking ars-licking fans
(joeystall, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 12:14, 11 replies)

Uncomedic comedians
Since my last couple of posts went down like a lead balloon, I thought I'd try and redeem myself with this subject!

The whole point about comedians is that they are supposed to be funny. It seems to me that the only thing that seems to end up polluting the airwaves are idiots that try and stand out... and do. But for all the wrong reasons.

Let me explain:

Alan Carr - Pure evil. I don't care how funny a gay orgy is. I do not want to hear about it on national television. It's nothing to do with the fact that he's as camp as a row of tents, he's just not funny!

Alan Davies - Not as contemptible as Alan Carr, but he never has been funny, and never will be. How he ever got onto QI I will never know, but at least he's shown himself up to be the dimwitted imbecile that I thought he was beforehand.

As already been mentioned. Ben Elton - Used to think he was quite good, but now I've learned the error of my ways. Can you be a left wing comedian and then go on to perfom at the Royal Variety Performance?... Completely sold out a long time ago. The other thing that really annoys me with him is his books. They build and build and build, and deflate quicker than a burst balloon - complete rubbish.

However, the big prize... The award for the least funny uncomedic comedian must go to Ricky Gervais. Maybe I'm being a bit thick, but I just do not get what he's all about. I hated the office, and don't think he's done anything of note... he's completely cringeworthy.
(libraryboy Cheer up, you could be french!, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 12:13, 1 reply)

Let's Get A Little Philosophical For A Minute....

I was told, a long time ago (by a solicitor of all people which made me immediately suspect the advice) that you should always give at least two years before deciding if you hate someone or not. Wife, lover, employer, best friend - anyone who had betrayed you, fucked you over - give it two years. If you still feel as strongly then maybe you really do hate them.

Wise advice - that I didn't take and made my divorce and moving on much more expensive and much more confrontational that it needed to be.

Time heals all wounds (and conversely, time wounds all heels)

So it's been 25 years and I still hate Thatcher so I feel vindicated about that. But my ex? Months go by where I don't even think about her, and, when I do, it's just "well that was a fucking mistake and a half..."

And the only excuse I can give for writing this drivel is that I've just started on a second bottle of Shiraz...

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 12:13, 4 replies)

I am easily angered by "celebrities".. Here's a few that top my list.
The main thing that I hate about these z-listed celebrities it the fact they have had there 15 minutes of fame, and now they want more. And are willing to make complete shite which we [the UK] seem to lap up! Examples? Ok. Here goes my rant.

Peter Andre & Jordan. They were in the Jungle and had to do some grim shit all for "entertainment". They then came back all "loved up" and had the tackiest disgusting wedding I have ever seen. Since then they have had [I think] 2 kids to keep in the media spotlight in what was obviously a sham marriage destined for doom. It that isn't the epitome of selfish, I don't know what is. And since their "separation" they've just sold all their stories for a shit load of cash, and every cunt seems to be talking about it like it's serious news!
Let's break this down a bit more in simplistic terms:

Jordan truly is a rubbish person. I see no purpose in her life. She is nothing more than a stupid chav tart famous for having disgustingly enhanced tits and fucking a failed popstar. You are now rough as a bears arse and offer nothing to society but breeding children you don't even appear to like.
Peter Andre is a talentless moron who doesn't seem to realise he lacks talent. He is purely famous for being famous. He did one song about 13 years ago and has somehow earned a living off of it by fucking a disgusting slag and making a TV show about his life and selling his stories to the highest bidder. His entire life seems fake.

"You know Amanda Holden?" "Who?" "You know.. That tart who got famous by cheating on her ex husband Les Dennis with Neil Morrisey" "Oh yeah! That daft bitch?".. That sums it up. And now she has the right to sit on a panel, and JUDGE PEOPLE and what they do. What is wrong with the world? And the same goes for that smug cunt Piers Morgan. A shamed editor of The Mirror decides whether you are worthy or not on entertaining. Simon Cowell, I'm indifferent. I have no strong opinion. I think he is a moron, but he just doesn't seem to annoy me as much as he seems legit in his business.

Tara Palmer-Tomkinson. What is she famous for? Going on the Frank Skinner off her tits seems to have done her favours! I've seen her on several panel quizzes [albeit nothing good, like 8 Out Of 10 Cats] and she is such an attention whore who spouts something trying to be funny cutting other people off. What IS she famous for? Just another loud mouth chav with no talent who gets pissed and photographed with no knickers on.

Ulrika Jonsson. A total slag with no talent who lives off of the smell of her own farts. Part of the esteemed 4x4 club. 4 children to 4 different men. When I used to watch the earlier series of Shooting Stars, she actually seemed quite genuine and up for a laugh.. But now she just seems so arrogant and never laughs any more apart from her own jokes. She contributes to nothing apart from being a bitch who spouts her opinions which count for nothing.

I just don't understand this notion of being celebrity obsessed. It is perpetuated by the whole of the general public by idolising people who either dress quirky or are stick thin. I don't give a fuck of Brad Pitt has split from Angelina Jolie. I just don't give a shit if some minor celebrity was seen shopping in Leicester Square. I cancelled my Sunday Paper because every week the front page had "CELEBRITY NEWS!" on the front with the top corner dedicated to "Haiti death toll fears".. Fucking priorities people! We are prioritising a celebrity "scandal" over ~200,000 lives. Fuck your celebrities and fuck that side of life. I'll focus on people who have an ounce of talent and offer something back to the media world. Names? Stephen, the god, Fry, Bill, the musical genius, Baily and Patrick, the genius, Stewart. Hell I'll lump in John Hurt and Ian McKellen with Patrick.

/rant
(Jon_LTD Treat the world like a head!, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 12:03, 4 replies)

The second goal that cheat scored
Why would I like it I hate it as that also put us out of Mexico 86 the cheat.
(wobbler, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 12:02, Reply)

Billionaire tyrant Rupert Murdoch
Shifty fuck!
(hadr0n Craic whore, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 12:01, Reply)

To the tune of "My Favourite Things"...
Christopher Moyles - why do people love him?
Graham Norton - why can't we get rid of him?
Jeremy Clarkson, the pube-headed twunt
These are a few celebrity cunts

Matt Horne and James Corden, those unfunny wankers
Jordan - more money-grabbing than our fucking bankers
Ant, Dec and Cheryl - the smug Geordie runts
These are a few celebrity cunts

Simon Cowell - that high-waisted piece of toss
Alan Carr, Jedward and Jonathan Ross
Davina - more screechy than James fucking Blunt
These are a few celebrity cunts

When people tell me
That you only
Get what you really earn
I simply remember celebrity cunts
And think: "when will you learn?"
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 12:01, 7 replies)

Diego Maradona

If I ever meet the above gentleman at a public event I shall instantly punch him squarely in the face shouting "THAT'S the hand of god you dirty cheating greasy dwarf bastard"

I shall then be taken to prison where I will be treated as a king by my grateful fellow inmates, like Noel Coward in "The Great Escape"
(The Pesky Trout, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 11:56, 6 replies)

Fat cunt from the equally unfunny show Gavin and Stacy
What a prize cunt for comparing himself to Eric Morcambe. Fat useless unfunny waste of oxygen, whose head is so far up his own gigantic rectum that he fails to see how he 'fails' at comedy.

Do us a favour fat cunt and slit your wrists, or go play kerby on the M6.
(TheRiddler Hmmmmm... I concur., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Hate is a bit strong...
and my skin doesn't crawl when I hear mention of them, but Peaches Geldof?? What the fuck is going on with that vacuous tart?
(urgle-splurgle molesting small goats since, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 11:44, 3 replies)

Lalit Modi
People not up on their cricket will probably neither know nor care who he is, but the man is a megolamaniacal, short-sighted, avaricious imbecile intent on pushing his IPL circus at the expense of everything else just because is suits his bank balance and panders to his humongous ego. Test cricket is one of the things I love most, A good test can enthrall, stimulate, excite and leave time to read the paper and have a chat while the part timers are on for the few overs before the new ball.

Modi appreciates none of these things and would happily see the greatest game on earth perish ignominously so his baseball-lite twenty twenty league nonsense can proliferate infectiously. Cricket should not be about corporations and big money and muscly men smacking hapless bowlers around the park. It is by nature a quirky game, long and full of strangeness and outside the maintsream.


Fuck you, Lalit Modi
(WarneMarsh My priority for frivolity begets quality jollity, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 11:37, 4 replies)

Winnie the Pooh.
I absolutely detest the whole Winnie the Pooh phenomenon. I fail to understand why anyone over the age of 5 would find it cutsey or worthy of cultural reference. It's a mediocre, twee children's book that has been made even more sickly and annoying by Disney marketing. Adults in Winnie the Pooh sweatshirts or Tigger t-shirts? Indicative of special needs, surely.

People who quote Winnie the Pooh strike me as being similar to people who dote on cats: emotionally stunted.

Flushing's too good for him.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 11:35, 19 replies)

sort of famous I guess...
Browsing other posts happened to see something about kitten stomping, which jogged something in my memory something that has happily been buried for many years.

I once saw a video on the internet that made me feel very odd. I'm classic Generation Y, hard to shock, can take 2 girls 1 cup in my (slightly queasy) stride. But this video made me want to be sick. Then kill those responsible. Not jokey, not faux-macho bullshit, I genuinely believe that should I ever meet those involved I would have an uncontrollable desire to squeeze the life from them.

It was a video of an attractive oriental girl in a cocktail dress and high heels, playing with a puppy (think it was a puppy, might have been a kitten).

And then standing on it. In her heels. Slowly torturing it in horrific ways. On the legs, ears, even in the eyes. I certainly didn't watch the whole thing, but the vid went on for a while. I can only hope that it expired quickly, but I doubt it.

I know that there are horrific attrocities commited all over the world, so to single out this one isn't to belittle others, but this one really got to me. I'm shaking typing this. I'm generally fairly passive, but as I say I honestly don't think that I could control myself if confronted with these monsters.

I understand that there was a lot of controversy at the time, so that is the tenuous famous link. The hate side is so strong that it makes up for the weak famous bit. But apologies anyway for going a bit off-topic. .

Oh, and don't go looking for it. Really.
( kappynitty doubled your entendre on, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 11:30, 4 replies)

Posho London Hipsters
You know the sort that Charlie Brookers 'Nathan Barley' was based on
Oh..sorry its 'famous people I hate' rather than 'Public school shit haired poshcunts who swan around central london in stupid glasses- I hate' isnt it?

ok so..The Kooks, the Maccabees, The White lies -they'll do
( bigmeuprudeboy is using powerpoint or paint...have MERCY, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 11:28, Reply)

Has anybody mentioned Simon Amstell yet?
Sheep-haired cuntbag. Thinks he's funny. Winds me the fuck up.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 11:18, 4 replies)

I hate them all.
Fiona Phillips and Lorraine Kelly
Rambling half-wits of GMTV fame. The biggest pair of female fools that I have ever had the misfortune of watching on the TV.
I'll start off with that Scottish hag, Lorraine Kelly. Now, last year, I used to be able to tolerate her, but after becoming increasingly bemused at her inane comments, I felt I had to get it off my chest. She truly is a bandwagon-jumping frumpy old slutbag. If you can take the time to watch her in the mornings, you'll see that she agrees with whatever 'celebrity' she is interviewing all the time and that everyone and everything is either 'nice', 'lovely' or 'smashing'. No it isn't Lorraine, it's absolutely fucking shite. That dress that you think is 'nice' is fucking hideous, and even if I did like it, it would look crap on you anyway.

This leads me onto one of my extreme hates in life, the walking, talking, foot-in-mouth bint that is Fiona Phillips. I honestly do not know how this woman got a presenting job, I'm just thankful she is no longer on my TV screen. The amount of mistakes she makes is laughable, and I swear to God I could do a better job. Even if I was disabled.
A personal favourite Phillips moment of mine was when GMTV had a live link to an obese man’s house, and the chap in question had started to lose a lot of weight. She was asking him questions when his cat jumped up onto his bed, "Blimey, he's huge as well", she said. Well done Fiona, you absolute hideous cunt.

Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen
I don't care if you think you're interior design is fantastic, I think its fucking crap. I'd rather throw cat vomit at my walls and leave it to solidify than have you ponce around in you flowery shirts and gay velvet jackets, touching your bouncy locks every 5 minutes. I hate you with a passion you posh, moronic bastard. Oh, and your missus is ugly. She looks like a lesbian cunt.


Adrian Chiles
Right Adrian, listen to me you tubby little fecker. Everyone knows that you support West Brom and everyone is now bored of it. Please stop mentioning them on MOTD2, The One Show, The Apprentice – You’re Fired, and any other program that you have somehow managed to wangle your squashed-up, pug-like face onto. Can you also please refrain from making any of your ‘wise-cracks’? You are not funny and you have a nauseating accent. Your voice sounds like a drunk man with a mouth full of cotton wool.It’s fat, untalented cunts like you give TV presenting a bad name, you fat untalented cunt.


John Barrowman
The new darling of Saturday TV in many people’s eyes – a perma-tanned, nauseating homo in mine. John Barrowman needs to make up his mind if he’s American or Scottish, and not just change his nationality when the mood suits him. John Barrowman can’t sing, is a very dodgy actor, has a horrible, paedo-like smile and looks like Tom Cruise probably would do if he hadn’t got a growth defect. I couldn't stand your tacky Saturday night show, John, you drama-schooled, jazz-handed, cock-sucking cunt. (NB, I'm not homophobic)

Amanda Holden
I don’t wish harm on many people, but I’m afraid Amanda Holden is on the list; she would probably enjoy it. How she got to be on the judging panel of any show I’ll never know, because Amanda Holden has no talent, the only talent that she did possess she lost (RIP Les Dennis). She must have sucked off Simon Cowell to get her job. This woman is the definition of flirt; a cock-teasing, crotch-rubbing slut that acts like she oozes sex appeal. Amanda; you don’t. Please stop with the hair flicking etc, it's bloody annoying.

Lenny Henry
You weren’t funny in the early 90s and you’re about as funny as bowel cancer now. Please, please pack it all in Lenny – go and feed Dawn French a few pies, concentrate on your Holiday Inn adverts, do ANYTHING other than comedy.

Madonna
Madonna
The unflushable stool of celebrity; when is she going to pack it all in? I’ve grown ever so bored of reading about her private life – the marriage break-ups, the adopting of African children, the completely blinkered love of Kaballah – Madonna, you are a veiny-armed, pigeon-faced, prima-donna cunt. If you like African children so much, marry an African and have your own. If you feel the need to lavish your vast amounts of money on someone, how about some disabled children, or is too much of a hassle for you? One last thing, you ceased being attractive about 10 years ago, pre-sagging, so stop wearing revealing outfits. You make me sick.

Justin Lee Collins
Justin Lee Collins is a fat, smarmy, greasy-haired prick. The way he manhandles any female guest on his shows is repulsive, if he tried to grab and kiss me in that manner, he’d receive a swift boot to his Bristolian bollocks for his troubles. Justin seems to be in the Chris Moyles mould of believing in his own self-promoted hype, yet the British public seem to lap him up like a cat eating its own afterbirth.

Miquita Oliver
Never has there been a more sarcastic and unfunny presenter as Miquita ‘Thunder Thighs’ Oliver. With all the charisma and charm of a beetle, she interviews celebrity guests on T4 (and before it ceased to be, Pop World) in ‘quirky’ but very unfunny manner. I often cringe at her immature questions and pre-pubescent giggling. Miquita; if you’ve got a world-famous star in front of you, don’t take the piss out of them you jealous cunt – ask them some interesting, though-provoking questions about their work – you might learn something, and we, the viewer, might actually enjoy one of your programs
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 11:15, 6 replies)

Ant and Dec
Im sure Im not the first but fuck me if I wouldn't love to cunt them in the fuck. One of thems three inches from being a midget, the other geezers about 95% Downs Syndrome and neither of the geordie fucks are anywhere near funny.

And yet somehow, everyone loves them?!?!?! ITV's Saturday Evening darlings. And before someone says they're nice lads, I've met them twice and they're arrogant, self indulged little wankers.
(McJuurgensHaircut is authorised and regulated by your mum., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 11:10, 3 replies)

It would be quicker
to list the celebrities that I do like:
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Any politican in Northern Ireland at the minute.
This includes Brown and Cowan. Spineless disagreeable hateful hate-filled moronic slimey low down cunts, every one of them. They're dragging this wee country to its knees and the sooner I manage to get into Hillsborough Castle with assorted small arms the better.
(angussteaksahoy, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Thanks guys
I woke up this morning with "Cry for this love" going round and round and round my head.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg gggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh................................................

*Sobs and rocks on the spot*
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 10:44, Reply)

The fat girl on babestation
Every time I come home from a night out and I feel like killing a million she's always there thrashing about like an injured seal.

It's never as good and I feel that much dirtier in the morning
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 10:43, 5 replies)

I love
everyone. Especially Zooey Deschanel. She makes my heart stop.

Smiles. Relaxes. Off for a poo.

Just need to turn these frowns upside down.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 10:41, 1 reply)

it aint original, i'm sure it's been said before on this thing
but simon cowell makes me ashamed to be a human being. He's the only person i would wish painful bowel cancer on. he's a vampire, feeding off other's hopes and talent while pushing the lowest common denominator even lower by promoting utter fecal excrement music as something for the little 'uns to aspire to. I'm sure he's making a hefty paypacket off his 'charity' single to Hati. the shit.
( monstrinho do biscoito teeeshurts = www.nogunarmy.com, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 10:41, Reply)

I don't exactly hate this man...
but whenever I see his face, or hear his (very distinctive) voice, I get the urge to put my teeth out and stab them into my eyes, just to provide a distraction from him.

Why does he irritate me so much? Is it his habit of interrupting other people, regardless of whether or not he has something interesting to say? Is it his poorly-enunciated, nasal voice? Is it his collection of truly hideous shirts, the likes of which should never have survived the 1970s?

No. It's the way that, whatever he says and however he says it, he is clearly convinced that it's the funniest, most profound utterance ever, and sits there looking smug and laughing at his own jokes.

He is, of course, Paul Merton.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 10:36, 2 replies)

Time to sum up this QOTW, and it's only Friday...

( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 5 Feb 2010, 10:35, Reply)