If I wasn't scared of losing my account,
I'd post this on Amazon's listmania

My Favourite Paedo Comedies

1. L.I.E.
You'll never hear Hurdy Gurdy Man by Donovan in the same way again - unless you've seen Zodiac when your opinion of the song will already be twisted.

2. Happiness
Rohypnol kids party LOLs.

3. Harold and Maude
It might actually not be paedophilia - but there is at least a 60 year age gap. Crikey.

4. Confessions of a trick baby
Brilliantly mental performance by Vincent Gallo as a tranny paedo witch in a twisted version of Hansel and Gretal.

5. Moonwalker
( monkeon schmonkeon, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 12:25, 1 reply)

hmmm
Ghost World- nobodies seen it, highly recommended.

ive only been lurking here a year or 2 and yeah, this is my 2nd post and yeah the QOTWs are poor now.
(dresden, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 12:08, 1 reply)

Never heard of them!
There are loads of films out there that I really rate but never got proper distribution or recognition, and going from most of the movies listed in the previous posts they are films that you would probably enjoy too. Here are three of them that push all the right sci fi/comedy/horror buttons.

El Dia De La Bestia. (The Day Of The Beast), A comedy horror about a basque catholic priest who by cabalistic study of the bible discovers that the anti-christ is going to be born on Christmas day in Madrid. Helped by an obese heavy-metal freak and by a slimy TV 'psychic', he tries to invoke the devil to find out the place of birth and kill the baby. This film is hilarious and leaves you wondering 'did it really happen, or was he just mad?'. A stone cold classic and one for the holiday season.

Fido. Like zombie films? You'll fucking love this. In a world gone zombie only one corporation has the answer; ZOMCON! Which has succeeded in domesticating the zombie. Cue zombie dog walkers, car washers, town greeters and ahem, lady friends for the lonely. Just make sure their collars don't break! Its also got Billy Connolly in it, but you won't recognise him. I watched this with a bunch of friends and one of them laughed so hard he had to go and puke. Why it never got distribution is a mystery to me.

The Quiet Earth. 1985 Kiwi Sci-Fi, which will either put you off or turn you on depending upon your taste for such things. Synopsis is a man wakes up and finds everyone else on the planet has dissappeared, and its all his fault, and he's bald, and he goes mad and he gets his cock out. And then he does what you or I would do in a such a situation which is put on a sexy dress and rampage about town in a huge six wheeled tonka truck while carrying a shotgun. If you like the way they emptied London for 28 days later, This film does the same with Auckland in NZ. And it has a brilliant final scene as well, futuropocalypse-tastic.

Apologies for length but he's a short bald man and not shy about it either!
(JonathanMeades whiffling the chode.., Fri 18 Jul 2008, 12:07, 10 replies)

GPB
Grosse Point Blank - great idea, well executed, awesome casting, and Faith No More, the Pixes, Guns n Roses, Grandmaster Flash, Echo and the Bunneymen and loads more on the soundtrack. What more could you ask for? Apart from some tits, maybe...
(Nimrod's Son Boredom provokes some interesting habits..., Fri 18 Jul 2008, 12:02, 1 reply)

A Tanu
aka "The Witness"

Saw this recently, comedy about the ridiculousness and ineptitude of the communist government in hungary, truly hilarious in that genius sublte way.

Best part is the scene with the "hungarian orange" too long to explain but very funny

anyone else seen this?
(Duke Fucknuts ate toast and fanny batter on, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 11:49, Reply)

The best of my collection
28 Days Later
The Matrix (the first one)
How High
Walkabout
Pulp Fiction (anything by Tarantino)
The Big Lebowski
The Naked Gun
Dr Strangelove

...Do I even need to explain any of these?

And...

Budbringeren (Norweigan film about a nosey postman)

(Which is incredibly dark but very funny).

Although none of the Star Wars films are in there, because they're all fucking shite.
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 11:41, Reply)

The Consequences Of Love
This is an Italian film a friend gave to me saying it had a good soundtrack. It does (Mogwai, Boards of Canada) but it also has an amazing story. There's a Mafia connection but that isn't the crux of the story. I can't go into it too much without giving anything away I'd just suggest you pick up a copy and see it for yourself.
(cannonfodder fodder for cannons on, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 11:37, Reply)

Forbidden Planet
Excellent story, brilliant effects, cool robots, and an intelligent treatment of the material.

The invisible monster scared the crap out of me as a kid, and all the more so because it was not revealed too much.

And cool robots.
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 11:35, Reply)

Not Blazing Saddles
OK, so I posted about my Dad earlier, but here's my top list:

This Is Spinal Tap (simply the greatest film ever made)

The Deer Hunter

The Shawshank Redemption

Almost Famous

Etre Et Avoir

Au Revoir Les Enfants

Betty Blue - Director's Cut (it makes much more sense than the original cut)

High Noon

Heathers

It's A Wonderful Life

The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Guys And Dolls

Reservoir Dogs

The Usual Suspects


I assume that someone is totting up the results so that we get a b3ta Top Films List?
(Steve The Monkey, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 11:33, 2 replies)

In no particular order....
Goodfellas
Casino
Heat (bit of a theme going on here)
National Lampoon's Animal House
Blazin' Saddles
Fletch
Stripes
Snatch
Kelly's Heroes
Pulp Fiction
Rollerball
Total Recall
Manhunter
Saving Private Ryan

More to follow, probably.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 18 Jul 2008, 11:33, Reply)

The SOM
I'm serious - the Sound of Music is a great film. I was in Amsterdam for a stag weekend a few years ago, and was renting an apartment with four other blokes. It came time to think about going out for the Saturday late afternoon drinking/smoking shift, when lo and behold! The SOM on dutch telly!
"I'll catch up with you guys, I haven't seen this for a couple of years..."
Cue massive pisstaking, from 4 guys looking over my shoulder and seeing what I was about to settle down to.
"Fuck off, the lot of you" I replied, politely.
An hour later, I turned around to find 3 of the 4 still standing, watching over my shoulder.
Even better, when we later caught up with no. 4, who had joined the rest of the pack, he admitted that he had left after 45 mins because we were coming up to a bit that "always makes me cry".
I rest my case.
( blyerkit e k trilby, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 11:32, Reply)

It still has cultural impact.
Death Race 2000. A few weeks ago, out of the blue “ Dad you can get 200 points for that Granny.” Bless and only 12 years old. Me “Do you know where that comes from?” She had never heard of the film !
(nee22 NL ExPat, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 11:22, Reply)

My mother’s favourite movie is Superman.
There is one reason for this, and one reason only. Because it always gives her the chance to embarrass me with the following story.

I was a little wee Scarpe, a little four year old thing, when they took me to the cinema to see it. Apparently I sat wiggling with excitement in my seat, unable to contain myself. This continued right up until Lex Luthor has Superman, weakened by Kryptonite, drowning in his swimming pool. At which point, poor distraught little me, tears streaming down my chubby little cheeks, ran, screaming to the front of the cinema and yelled at the screen, ‘Come On Superman, You Can Do It!!!!!’ to gales of laughter from the rest of the audience.

To which I responded by having a tantrum and repeating in my snotty high pitched sob ‘stop laughing, stop laughing, stop laughing’.

Sadly, my embarrassment doesn’t end there, as the story has a post script.

Eight years later, I have friends round for my birthday party and we have Superman on video (or it may have been on the TV, I forget), which prompts my Mum to tell all my friends the above story.

Which results in 12 year old me stomping my feet and crying again while saying ‘stop talking, stop talking, I hate you, I hate you’.

I’m now 34 and my Mum still tells that story to anyone she meets for the first time.

Cow.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 11:19, 4 replies)

meh
Thought I would mention the film Willow.

This film has dwarves , monsters, magic acorns that turn people to stone and of course a talking goat so its well worth mentioning.

This is the second time that QOTW has got me walking round the office saying "Madmartigan" in a goat voice.
(mon bison powered by magnets, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 11:18, Reply)

Best film not yet mentioned
This QOTW's been going for less than a day, but all the films I can remember really liking have already been discussed, even the Spanish ones, so the only original addition I can think of is Goodbye Lenin!
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 11:17, 1 reply)

The one from my private collection
With the sexy/murderous bit in it.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 11:16, Reply)

Sliding doors
Is not my favourite film.
However, if I just miss a tube, I can't help but think "what if".
Every fucking time.

Thanks for that Gwyneth Paltrow. Thanks a fucking bunch.
( wanderlust, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 11:06, 4 replies)

Davros' Grandad post reminded me...
Way back in the mists of time (ok, about 1983) my dad rented us a VCR from the local telly shop. This was cutting-edge stuff back then, despite the remote being connected to the VCR by a wire (great for garroting the dog with).

I spent my youth renting videos from the local store and still think that the old Top-loader Ferguson VCR with the push-down buttons is about the best picture quality you'll get on a VHS (evidently they had broadcast-quality heads, as opposed to the consumer grade crap we get now), but I digress. Back in those days, a whole crowd of kids would fill the lounge at our house to watch a video - it was an event, which sounds really quaint and old-fashioned as I type it.

The huge hit with us was The Goonies - the inventions, the truffle shuffle, the coolness of a young Corey Feldman as Mouth...and the ever quotable Sloth. Brilliant!

I still have to watch it every time it's on and I hope to find a pirate cave in ever old house or craggy beach I visit...*sigh*
(Chad, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 11:05, Reply)

All work and no play ...
It has to be The Shining. The sequence with the kid on his trike going down the corridor and the bit where he works out he should retrace his footsteps in the snow just send shivers down my spine every time.

Oh, and I would be damned for eternity if I didn't say RHPS just because I'm sad enough to know all of the script, all the audience participation lines and have been known to dance to the Time Warp at parties.

(Ticket to Hull in the post)
(Dionysian Aut viam inveniam aut faciam, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 11:04, 2 replies)

Sexy Beast
No not me!

It has to be the best british gangster film ever!

Ben Kinglsey is one of the scariest psychopaths ever to grace the screen, he is just awesome.

Loads of quotable quotes:

"I gotta change my shirt, it's sticking to me. I'm sweating like a cunt"

"She tried to stick her finger up my bum"

"No. No no no no no no no no no! No! No no no no no no no no no no no no no! No!"

And the one I used to use a lot at my last place of work: "Gentlemen! You're all cunts."

Oh and Lovejoy either takes it up the arse or give it to some other bloke up their arse!
(Lip Up Fatty Fatty Reggae still loves BBQ food on, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 11:01, 1 reply)

Films...
Leon* - who would ever think that cinemagoers could feel pity and sympathy for the truest innocent in this film: a hitman (played with tender beauty by Jean Reno?

Dogma - as a religion-free zone (oui, c'est moi) the idea of Alanis Morrisette being God shocks me. Alan Rickman as the Metatron, with the nasal voice, playing him as essentially bored, with the *great* Kevin Smith as Silent Bob (apart from the awful rip off line from Indiana Jones) and George Carlin as a cardinal - fantastic

The Usual Suspects - ah, but who is Kayser Soze? And Kevin Spacey is simply wonderful in this film with his playing to such a small audience with a character who may in turns be a savant and a savage.

Trainspotting - the only film I've ever seen in which Dale Winton uses the line "CD4 cells" which, for that alone, makes it memorable. Soundtrack is fabulous and the characters Renton surrounds himself with (especially Begbie) are astonishingly overportrayed.

Brassed Off* - a tale of beauty amongst the grime of a closing colliery. Couple this with the rather delectable Tara Fitzgerald (yum) and the acting of Pete Postlethwaite and you've a film with a message that would "bring a tear to a glass eye"

Apocalypse Now - the horror, the horror. Everything from the lead roles played to perfection to the bit parts including a young Mr H. Ford, through to the Ride of the Valkyries scene (which still makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end)

When Harry Met Sally (yes, yes) - makes me laugh. And I'm a bloke. Yes, I know. Fruit pelters at the ready...

Good Morning Vietnam - if ever there was a film that was designed to harness the talents of one Mr R Williams it must have been it. Unlike many other films that he's been in, it actually looks like he was enjoying making this - actor or not.

Life of Brian - he's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy! Again, a total quote-fest.

American Beauty - another Kevin Spacey tale and one written and directed with such beauty and tenderness.

Lost in Translation - perhaps as a consequence of my perving over Scarlett Johansen and the films first shot being of Ms J's underpants(!) but other than this the feeling of being lost in a city and a culture where your own behaviours are foreign.

Wilbur Wants To Kill Himself - arthousey, admittedly, but beautifully portrayed account of mental illness and being "jolted therefrom" by real life.

* two films both guaranteed to have me in tears at the end. For reference, I'm a 30-odd year old bloke.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 11:00, 2 replies)

Dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum ARRRRRGHHHH!
I don’t have any one film that I would call a particular ‘favourite’. It very much depends on the mood I’m in. But it has struck me that watching a film today is quite different to the experience of 25 years ago.

You see, these days a film is out at the cinema for a few weeks, then before you know it it’s on DVD, and then shortly after that, Sky Movies. I don’t have Sky Movies. In fact, I don’t have Sky full stop. Much as it would be nice to have the football and movie channels and access to non-stop grot, I refuse to line the pockets of Rupert Murdoch.

Anyway, back to the point. Yes, 25 years ago (longer, even), the pattern was this. Film comes out at the cinema. Film may come back round again if it was exceptionally popular, but otherwise expect a 3 – 5 years wait before it surfaces on TV. If you were lucky enough to have a video, woo! Hire it from a rental shop (buying was not an issue – a standard VHS copy of a top movie back in 1982 would have necessitated a second mortgage). Otherwise, you’d have to wait until the BBC or ITV got their mits on it (and ITV always seemed to get the blockbusters at the time).

The effect was that when a big movie turned up on TV, it was like a major event. TV premiere! Wow! All your friends would be talking about it, and there was one in particular that got my school friends excited. To this day it remains one of my favourite films.

Jaws.

I remember sitting down with my family as it came on. Apprehensive, but fascinated, on tenterhooks. The music sent a shiver through my body. The guttural screams of Chrissie Watkins as she became the shark’s first victim etched into my memory. Then, normal stuff with the Brody’s, followed very quickly by the second attack. Heartbeat just starting to settle – still no actual sighting of the shark. Just getting into the rhythm of the movie, getting into it, thinking ‘this is gonna be OK’… AND THEN THAT FUCKING HEAD FELL OUT OF THE HOLE IN THE BOAT!!!!

I nearly shit myself. I certainly jumped. That was it, from being calm and settled, I was back to wondering what the hell was going to happen next. The ‘proper’ reveal of the shark was the next jump out your seat moment, but after that the action started to take over and I was drawn in. The Indianapolis speech is still a great scene – thank God they let Robert Duvall rewrite it, I can’t imagine it being done any other way. The final few scenes – come on, come ON! Brilliant stuff.

OK, I know it’s a mechanical rubber shark, but considering the time it was made, and the technology available, it’s pretty damned good. Can you really imagine it being done with CGI? Me neither (and just look at Deep Blue Sea for the evidence). I watched it again last night – still as brilliant as ever.

The thing is, everyone was talking about the next day – “Did you see that bit where the head fell out the boat? God, I shit meself at that”. And the day after. Some lucky buggers had a VCR, had taped it, and had watched it again.

That doesn’t happen these days. And I think that sometimes the country’s a poorer place for it.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 18 Jul 2008, 10:56, 6 replies)

Am i
the only one who thinks this QOTW is a bit crap
(Freddles, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 10:53, 8 replies)

Performance (Nic Roeg, 1969)
I LOVE this film so, so much.

It's many different things - a gangster film, a late 60s counterculture fim and a commentary on the nature of identity. And it's FUCKING WEIRD.

Also in my favourites list are:

Time Bandits (dwarves, history, Pythons - what's not to like?)
Django (a magic spaghetti western)
El Topo (this has to be seen to be believed: it is the weirdest film you are likely to see, words cannot describe it, Mexican I think)
the Cheech & Chong Films (sorry: super-low-brow but I love them so much)
The Terror of Tiny Town (whoa - a midget western???)
For Your Height Only (yes, I'm a dwarf/midget nut, this one's a beaut: Indonesian midget Bond spoof)
One Armed Boxer II (one of the finest martial arts films ever)
National Lampoon's European Vacation

God I could crap on all day....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 10:53, Reply)

May have been more relevant to last weeks QOTW
But it does involve films!

Back in the heady days of Year 11 (16-17) we were slyer than a funnel of foxes and more scheming than Dick Dastardly.

As it was the last day we were going to be watching films in the lessons rather pretend to learn about the geography of western Floberdoberstien.

We (my friend and me) had a while back seen Pi which we really enjoyed so subsequently managed to aquire a copy of Requiem for a Dream. We then hatched a plan to watch it in class on the last day.

Scanning in the cover he changed the 18 rating to a -12 and changed the English reviews to French ones. He then copied the film to a blank DVD, then scanned in the disc and edited the rating on there and printed everything out, and made up his new -12 rating "French" version of RfaD.

The lesson rolled round and the teacher asked if anyone had a film they would like to watch, we put forward RfaD, the teacher noticing the French reviews asked if it was subtitled or dubbed but we said there was the English soundtrack and we can turn off the subtitles.

Our teacher did enquire several times about the rating as the subject matter is mostly hard drugs, sex, starvation and violence but the whole class did seem to be enjoying it and I think he secretly was too as he let us watch it all, by the time the last scene rolled round with Marion in the "club" there were a few gasps and the teacher looked slightly uncomfortable however we had already seen the rest and the credits were soon rolling.

The end of the film did leave the class stunned, most of the films we had all seen until that moment had happy endings, the main characters always overcame their problems and lived happily ever after. Except in this film. This film really did open out eyes as to the cold harsh reality that sometimes people just screw themselves over so much there is no hope, that addiction, obsession, paranoia and delusional ideas can rip people apart and piss on the remains.

So my first viewing of a "faked" copy of RfaD was a bit of an eye opener. And also kick started my mates forgery business....
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 10:53, Reply)

Pulls on fire resistant suit!
So now I'll open myself up for a flaming.

I cannot stand Withnail & I.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 10:52, 10 replies)

Also....
Little known english film - Dancin' Thru the Dark - deleted title now but you can still get bootleg copies on ebay. Have seen it a million times but STILL get worried that she'll miss Peter McKeegan in the end!
(Senora Veranos cannot and will not so ner..., Fri 18 Jul 2008, 10:52, 1 reply)